Contradictions EVERYWHERE

I really don't want to appear that I am arguing - just trying to be honest with myself. It is not about what I keep in the house - if I have single serve ice creams, I will eat 5 of them. If I want a pizza (which most people say on this site is totally okay), I will eat the whole thing (not just one or two pieces). If I go through McD's, I will get two Big Macs or whatever I want. It is not a matter of restricting what is in the house because I will eat until I am satisfied....

The idea of moderation is not something I can do without going to the extreme (total denial of anything that tastes good).

Ok, so eat more calories of lean protein, whole grains, and lots of fruits and veggies. Stock your house with healthy food and take a break from take-out and any other trigger foods for now.

I have been trying to do that, but in reality, I would have to throw out so much stuff and don't have the money to do kitchen makeover all at once - I am worried that I won't last another week. I spent twice as much money yesterday at the grocery than I usually do and got some decent things, but this eating healthier is costing me a fortune. I am sitting here staring at two bags of barbecue potato chips and I don't think they are going to survive the night.

Seriously, I can't double my grocery budget to sustain the changes that everyone has advised me to do. 1 bag of Doritos = $3.19 and two tomatoes and a box of strawberries = $5.43.

Are you buying food that is in season? Is there a farmers market in your area where you could source produce for much less cost than the supermarket?

Another option would be to find someone that has done Weight Watchers (WW) or similar and ask to borrow their material. Or find a few friends and split the cost of one membership between 2,3,4... I've done this with a friend of mine, one person signs up and the other(s) alter the material to suit themselves.

Whilist I couldn't even imagine being in your position, I know how hard weight loss can be. Good luck with your journey, if you ever need support/advice, add me as a friend :-)

I read through several pages of the success stories, but only found 3 people who lost more than 200 pounds which is where I need to be (and two of those had surgery) . I don't want to imply that other people can't have their successes because they have all lost more than I have at this point. It is different when you have to lose more than what your goal weight should be. I got closer to 1000 calories today and am still hungry - all the advice was to increase the calories and to eat what I want, but my problem is that if I eat something that I want (a cheeseburger) I can't stop at that - one of two things happen. I will feel like I screwed up and will eat everything in sight because I fell off the wagon OR I will not stop with one. I would rather eat a bowl of iceberg lettuce than risk eating something that I like because I can't stop once I get going. There is no "one piece of pizza" with me; there is no "11 potato chips"; there is no 1/2 cup of ice cream because those amounts don't exist for me.

I'm one of those that lost more than 200 and still have another 50 to go. From what you describe, it is a food addiction. I know I have one. There are reasonable ways to deal with an addiction. Eating a bowl of iceberg and staying at 800 calories isn't one of them.

I hear your anger and your frustration. I like volumes of food. You may benefit from a partner and you can find one here. There are strategies to lose weight reasonably on a budget. But you have to come to a point where you're ready to stop feeling sorry for the place you are in and starting working toward a healthy goal. It won't happen overnight. It shouldn't happen at 3.7 pounds a week.

If you find yourself caving to all of the excuses you can find (and believe me, there are hundreds of excuses that seem legitimate), you WON'T succeed.

MFP is a good place to be if you're ready to be serious. It's also a good place to be if you're just THINKING about being serious.

But in the end... at 1 AM in the morning... when faced with a cheeseburger... or an aisle in the grocery store where you can buy a bag of doritos or a bag of brown rice and a frozen bag of veggies... it comes down to YOU.

So the real question becomes... what are you willing to do and what aren't you?

The goals you've outlined are tremendous. But you can do them if you break it into manageable bits. Find someone that can help you and will help you be accountable. Lots of folks here have similar struggles. But if you allow yourself to continue being swept away by the negatives and limitations... well, things will continue as they are or get worse.

I hope I don't sound harsh or preachy. But as I write, I find myself becoming irritable and frustrated... I hear your words, echos of things I have said to myself... and it's a miserable mindset that is no-win. At least it was for me. Until I realized I DO have the power to change a LOT... nothing changed and my misery continued. I *was* the person that went to McDonald's and ordered the 20 piece nuggets, 2 cokes, 2 fries, AND a Big Mac value meal. I'm not exaggerating. And I could eat it ALL, in one sitting. If I really thought about it, I STILL COULD. But I have to fight and fight to resist it. Sometimes it really sucks and I feel sorry for myself and everything "I'm missing out on." Sometimes I realize that's slowly killing myself and am thankful I can find a distraction to keep me from it. Either way, those are the decisions I have to make every minute of every hour of every day. This lifestyle is a recommittment to making healthier decisions every damn second. People may say it gets easier, but I'm sorry... that isn't my reality. Sometimes I have easier days, but it's never easy.

It might be helpful to take a few minutes and just reflect on where you'd like to be in a year. What do you want to achieve? Is it reasonable? What is your plan to get there? What might get in your way? What can you do to mitigate those things? Then... actively and without remorse, GO AFTER what you want.

My best to you.

First things first. Dont try to change everything at one time.

Your doctor, who is probably not overweight, nor has ever been, put some severe restrictions upon you that are going to be near impossible to follow all at once.

Ok, so you've got "bad" food in the house. You have to learn at some point how to control your obsession with food. You know if you open a bag of chips and start to eat them you will eat the whole thing. So before you start eating, split that bag into 2 or 3 ziploc bags full of chips. When you want some chips, have one bag. If you feel drawn to have more, remove yourself from the situation. Leave the kitchen. Go find something to do.
You have to override that voice in your head telling you to eat more. You HAVE to learn how to do it.

Secondly, are you exercising at all? Start small and slow. Start with a walk around the block, or even a walk to the corner and back. If the furthest you've walked has been from the house to the car, then walk from to the end of the driveway and back. You aren't expected to run a marathon, just start moving your body.

I cannot stress enough that you cant change everything at the same time. Change one or two things. Dont even worry about the food if you aren't ready to. Start walking and drinking more water. Or if you are already doing that then try repackaging some of those "bad" foods to smaller portions, even if you only divide that bag of chips into 2 bags, if you can stick with only eating 1/2 of that big bag of chips it is a step in the right direction.

Initially, there will be expenses above and beyond normal expenses, but if you want this bad enough, and you make small changes so that you aren't overwhelmed with trying to change everything at once, you'll get through this.

Call your doctor, tell him or her that you need help. Tell your family straight out, they wanted you to get healthier and lose weight but you need THEIR help. Ask someone else to repackage those chips for you if you dont think you can. Tell them that in order to be successful, they need to help you with this because you can't do it alone. Ask them to help you ration food.

This is all I got. I hope it helps.

Hi. I feel your frustration, because I lived it. You've heard a lot from people, and you seem to have excuses for everything. Thats ok, I was like that too. I'm only 5 days into this thing, so I'm not really one to talk, but I can share what I've learned and what's working so far.

Finding healthy alternatives to food you like to eat is a good place to start. Even just dropping from full fat cheese to low fat cheese, reduced fat dressings, lite mayo or dressings. I was SO against this because I thought it would taste really bad, but when I tried them, some of them arent half bad. You want a cheeseburger? Make one with ground Turkey instead. Turkey has way less calories and with some spices tastes so good!

skinnytaste.com is amazing. shes got all kinds of simple recipes that use all kind of healthy ingredients.

Portion control is very hard. but if you substitute even just a couple ingeredients it leaves room for a bigger portion if you're having a hard time with moderation.

Many people have said that it takes baby steps, and that is true. You seem partially willing as you said you have upped your intake to 1000 calories. Perhaps yous should go a little higher. Or, eat as you normally do and Log your food as others have suggested. Find someone you trust who can look your food diary over and make suggestions about what you could use to replace certain ingerdients and still get the fufillment and deliciousness. Perhaps someone on this site would be best, as you don't truly "know" them and therefore it may be easier to be honest and feel as if you arent being judged, THIS IS POSSIBLE. I have complete faith in you.

Please, feel free to message or friend me if you need some non judgemental support.

Your setting yourself up for failure as it is now...first of all your not eating enough and secondly you don't have to micro analyze everything you eat, your going to drive yourself nuts...Figure out what works for you...make small changes over time it may take time but their will be a bigger pay off in the end..

I'm sure some would disagree with me but this is what is working for me, I'm making small changes over time..No the weight is not falling off at record speed I lost 15 lbs within 75 days of logging but gained back 3 with all the holidays...I"M NOT GIVING UP. I eat what I want including fast food...I've given up diet soda except for on occasion (used to drink it all day every day) and replaced it with water...I track my calories, MFP gives me 1500 a day to lose one lb a week...I do my best to stay within this range sometimes I go over...I still log and try to do better the next day...when I drive through McD's, Wendys or any of the other fast food places I check the calories before I order rather than ordering a supersize big mac I may get a chicken sandwich or happy meal...If I really want the Big Mac I skip the fries...making a fast food choice also sometimes means I have to make a decision if I'm willing to go over on calories for the day or if I need to cut something else out..Sometimes I'm just really craving it and don't care if I go over...I satisfy the need and move on....Exercise has been an issue for me as well, I started out walking but kept finding excuses to not fit it in....Thought I'd give the 30 day shred a shot and thought I would die after 8 minutes...I just started doing walk away the lbs 1 mile walk and so far so good, its 15 minutes of my life and its not uncomfortable in anyway. I recently read one success story where the person said they started just walking to the end of their drive way every day then down the street etc..that person lost a ton of weight and now runs marathons.

I don't want this to be another failed diet attempt I want this to be a lifestyle change, in order for this to be a lifestyle change it has to fit into my lifestyle...maybe someday I'll be drinking protein shakes and working out at the gym or running a marathon but for now this is what is working for me...I've been at it for a little under 90 days and I've lost 12 lbs if I had given up because I had a bad day I can guarantee you I'd be at least 12lbs heavier today.

You're right, there are contradictions everywhere. Especially the internet, and do you know where most of the contradiction comes from? Conflicting goals between fitness and bodybuilding professionals and HEALTH professionals, both methods advocated are different to one another but when people google how to lose weight, the best foods etc, the sources are a mix of both. A bodybuilder dieting is VERY different to the average joe dieting. The bottom line, you're not going onto stage for a bodybuilding show, you don't want to follow a diet that will lead you to become 2% body fat, why? Because it's not maintainable, for even the people themselves AND it's isn't the type of diet that provides all of the food groups needed for a fully-functioning body. Bottom line, researching this too much and comparing this research with other research you have found is just lining you up for confusion and ultimately giving up and going to what's easy, you're previous unhealthy diet. The answer is, follow a 'GOOD' diet, find out how many calories you need and follow the food pyramid, the recommended daily guidelines and you'll lose weight and be healthy. Don't fuss over what food is better than the other.

Hi. I feel your frustration, because I lived it. You've heard a lot from people, and you seem to have excuses for everything. Thats ok, I was like that too. I'm only 5 days into this thing, so I'm not really one to talk, but I can share what I've learned and what's working so far.

Finding healthy alternatives to food you like to eat is a good place to start. Even just dropping from full fat cheese to low fat cheese, reduced fat dressings, lite mayo or dressings. I was SO against this because I thought it would taste really bad, but when I tried them, some of them arent half bad. You want a cheeseburger? Make one with ground Turkey instead. Turkey has way less calories and with some spices tastes so good!

skinnytaste.com is amazing. shes got all kinds of simple recipes that use all kind of healthy ingredients.

Portion control is very hard. but if you substitute even just a couple ingeredients it leaves room for a bigger portion if you're having a hard time with moderation.

Many people have said that it takes baby steps, and that is true. You seem partially willing as you said you have upped your intake to 1000 calories. Perhaps yous should go a little higher. Or, eat as you normally do and Log your food as others have suggested. Find someone you trust who can look your food diary over and make suggestions about what you could use to replace certain ingerdients and still get the fufillment and deliciousness. Perhaps someone on this site would be best, as you don't truly "know" them and therefore it may be easier to be honest and feel as if you arent being judged, THIS IS POSSIBLE. I have complete faith in you.

Please, feel free to message or friend me if you need some non judgemental support.

I appreciate your post - I have had a couple of successful days in my eyes and to go back to how I was eating right now, I would be worried that I wouldn't come back. Last week, I ate an entire 14" pizza myself - I didn't do that everyday but I did a couple of times per week. When I have tried to make "healthier" versions of things, I end up wanting for the real thing and don't stop eating until I get it - which usually means that I eat all the left overs from the day before and am still wanting the original food. I didn't keep track of my food before I found this site, but I had a craving for pizza the day before I had it - until then, I ate the rest of the roast from Christmas, two bowls of chip dip, a bag of chips, the cheese sauce from the veggies, etc...

I know that everyone says it will get easier, but I have a lifetime of trials that proved otherwise. I say this because I don't have a problem with trying low fat options or reduced calorie things, but at this point, it is not the same as the real thing and that it where I fail every time. I have no expectations if I eat a bowl of lettuce and tomatoes because it tastes horrible and I know it will taste horrible - I tend not to be tempted when I deprive myself - if I have a bite of something that tastes good, I am scared to death that I can't stop. Does this make any sense?

I know how it is...when I have available, like when the crew at work, brings donuts...If I have one, I will take another and then another...If I buy chips I will try to eat the whole bag, same especially with a 2 lb bag of Tzizzlers...but I found that after I added high protein shakes for breakfast for instance, I was able to curb my cravings...at first, when the donuts would come in, I would fight with myself to go into the kitchen, but now I just ignore my co-wrorkers when they say "Barb, go ger a donut, it won't hurt you!!!" I started my journey 2 years ago, at 219 lbs 4'11", and yes all kinds of health issues including heart issues...but I have done it slowly, and consistantly, only having one backslide of 1 pound over the holidays...and I eat out several times a week, and eat pretty much what I want...the logging on here has helped me realize the difference my perception was in,portions....now if I feel I want Twizzlers, I buy a smaller pkg and go home before I eat it....I go to "In and Out Burger" when I feel like a burger because they cut their own fries and use healthy fats.(of course I can't do that unless I drive about 75 miles)..when I want bananas I usually will have two a day because of the potassium, I buy what I can on sale, especially avacados, (I have found them at 88 cents ea in the last month)... they have a healthy fat, and others say to limit them but sometimes I will have 2 a day....if you have commodities available they will give you stuff for free, and usually lots of vegetables...as for salads, don't bother unless you buy DARK GREENS, reg iceburg lettuce has no nutrition...and you need nutrients....I personally eat NUTRIENT RICH as much as possible, because this year I have had gluten issues that complicate things...I stay pretty close to 1200 cals per day, but sometimes go over....

don't get scared by what your DR has said about losing it all in one year...it is healthier to go at it a little slower...and easier on your heart...but do start as soon as possible....and please eat more than you are.....or at least more NUTRIENT DENSE I was having malabsorption issues because of the gluten and was having an awful time as well, when I started increasing my NUTRIENTS, not necessarily calories, and adding suppliments (multi vits), I felt much better.....and wasn't as cranky, or foggy brained....try what everyone else is saying with about 1400 cals a day, and see how you go....if you lose, stay at that, if not try 100 cals up... and by all means eat more.....but NUTRIENT DENSE...soups are good for that...so is liver if you like that......

.add me if you would like, and please don't give up.

edit: OH and while it is best to exercise, I haven't done this as yet.....it can be done this way, but you will have better and quicker results if you do....

Normally, I would do my best to avoid the recommendation or promotion of any for-profit product, service, or program but in this case, I think I might know of something which might answer your questions, or at the very least, peak your interest.

"Eat For Your Type" is a book which outlines a philosophy and discusses the scientific background supporting the differences between individuals divided by blood type. It basically states that while your weight, heritage, metabolism, regular habits, etc. all play significant roles in the foods you find palatable and the foods which provide the most nutritional value, your blood type is the ultimate deciding factor.

For instance, I am B-. I am also severely anemic. My blood type states that chicken acts as a poison to my system, but veal and leafy greens are extremely beneficial for me because they promote my health, and contribute to my iron deficit. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is A- and benefits from very different food types. When persons with my blood type try the Atkins diet, they almost always fail or wind up very ill. However, type O people tend to succeed on low carb programs.

TL;DR version: your blood type may be the reason bananas (or any other foods) are or aren't detrimental to your health.

my problem is that if I eat something that I want (a cheeseburger) I can't stop at that - one of two things happen. I will feel like I screwed up and will eat everything in sight because I fell off the wagon OR I will not stop with one. I would rather eat a bowl of iceberg lettuce than risk eating something that I like because I can't stop once I get going. There is no "one piece of pizza" with me; there is no "11 potato chips"; there is no 1/2 cup of ice cream because those amounts don't exist for me.

Something you need to learn then, and you can do it bit by bit, is how to set aside those cravings for a few minutes. One thing that might help with this is taking advantage of the fact that we like to follow rules. I did that when I quit smoking. Everyone loves to have a smoke the instant they finish a meal. I started out with "I can't smoke for 30 minutes after a meal" and it was easy because although I 'wanted' it, I still knew it was just around the corner, so it was easy to just forget about it for that time. Then the craving would return at 30 minutes, so I pushed the time up to an hour until it was easy to simply with a thought say "not now" and the craving would just disappear for an hour. I kept ramping it up and by the time I decided to stop it was easy to set aside those inevitable cravings.

What you might try is to make little rules for yourself such as you can only eat what's on your plate, and then set up your meal on your plate before sitting down to eat it. And eat more slowly. I will also eat a whole bag of chips (or 10 oz, 1800 calories, of cashews without blinking) if I just open up the bag and start munching. If I know how much I will be able to have before hand, I will "make it last" and savor it that much more and even if I decide to get a second helping, I will still only be eating two instead of ten.

Finding a hobby or something else to actively occupy your mind will definitely help too... if you don't then you will just sit and obsess on those cravings, and then give in to them.

As for McDonalds, use the drive thru, order what you know is reasonable for you (not what you will be later craving) and then leave and get far far away before you start eating it. This will make it much more likely that you won't decide to just go order more to deal with your cravings. Again, making it a "rule" can help too.

The other thing to learn is to dump the "all or nothing" mentality. If you don't meet your calorie goal for the day, you aren't going to help anything by punishing or loathing yourself. You need to decide whether to try to make up the difference the next day, or just write off today as a bad day and make a fresh start tomorrow. Don't beat yourself up over the past, learn from it and live in a forward direction.

Normally, I would do my best to avoid the recommendation or promotion of any for-profit product, service, or program but in this case, I think I might know of something which might answer your questions, or at the very least, peak your interest.

"Eat For Your Type" is a book which outlines a philosophy and discusses the scientific background supporting the differences between individuals divided by blood type. It basically states that while your weight, heritage, metabolism, regular habits, etc. all play significant roles in the foods you find palatable and the foods which provide the most nutritional value, your blood type is the ultimate deciding factor.

For instance, I am B-. I am also severely anemic. My blood type states that chicken acts as a poison to my system, but veal and leafy greens are extremely beneficial for me because they promote my health, and contribute to my iron deficit. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is A- and benefits from very different food types. When persons with my blood type try the Atkins diet, they almost always fail or wind up very ill. However, type O people tend to succeed on low carb programs.

TL;DR version: your blood type may be the reason bananas (or any other foods) are or aren't detrimental to your health.

Hasn't this been thoroughly debunked already?

Next on Dr Oz: eat for your zodiac sign.

I really don't want to appear that I am arguing - just trying to be honest with myself. It is not about what I keep in the house - if I have single serve ice creams, I will eat 5 of them. If I want a pizza (which most people say on this site is totally okay), I will eat the whole thing (not just one or two pieces). If I go through McD's, I will get two Big Macs or whatever I want. It is not a matter of restricting what is in the house because I will eat until I am satisfied....

The idea of moderation is not something I can do without going to the extreme (total denial of anything that tastes good).

Ok, so eat more calories of lean protein, whole grains, and lots of fruits and veggies. Stock your house with healthy food and take a break from take-out and any other trigger foods for now.

I have been trying to do that, but in reality, I would have to throw out so much stuff and don't have the money to do kitchen makeover all at once - I am worried that I won't last another week. I spent twice as much money yesterday at the grocery than I usually do and got some decent things, but this eating healthier is costing me a fortune. I am sitting here staring at two bags of barbecue potato chips and I don't think they are going to survive the night.

Seriously, I can't double my grocery budget to sustain the changes that everyone has advised me to do. 1 bag of Doritos = $3.19 and two tomatoes and a box of strawberries = $5.43.

I was a bit of the same way, I was always thinking about how much eating healthy would cost me. Then I went through my bank account and added up all the money from the fast food that I ate and was astonished at how much it was.

I have been trying to do that, but in reality, I would have to throw out so much stuff and don't have the money to do kitchen makeover all at once - I am worried that I won't last another week. I spent twice as much money yesterday at the grocery than I usually do and got some decent things, but this eating healthier is costing me a fortune. I am sitting here staring at two bags of barbecue potato chips and I don't think they are going to survive the night.

Seriously, I can't double my grocery budget to sustain the changes that everyone has advised me to do. 1 bag of Doritos = $3.19 and two tomatoes and a box of strawberries = $5.43.

You can get on with it or you can keep making excuses, you are not a special snowflake many people here are on a budget. You did ONE grocery shop. Did you price up ALL the different healthy options per 100g/ per serving and make a comparison in your notebook or on your smartphone? I have actually done that for my stores, I rotate between three places, eat more of the cheaper or sale stuff and less of the stuff that is more expensive per portion.

Soft sweet produce like berries and tomatoes are expensive to produce: insects and fungus love them, loads goes bad in transport, it doesn't have a long date in the store so there is yet more waste. Fruit tends to be pricier than veggies, cheaper tends to be stuff in season, frozen vegetables, fresh root veggies, dried beans and lentils, canned oily fish, organ meats like liver, certain other meats in bulk (varies by country and area). You can make tasty, cheap healthy and very filling meals with a little online research because there are loads of blogs on the subject. For example a vegetable, lentil and coconut curry - vegan or close on but it's not like there is much meat in Doritos! Likely less than the cost of the Doritos for more than one generous serving.

I read through several pages of the success stories, but only found 3 people who lost more than 200 pounds which is where I need to be (and two of those had surgery) . I don't want to imply that other people can't have their successes because they have all lost more than I have at this point. It is different when you have to lose more than what your goal weight should be. I got closer to 1000 calories today and am still hungry - all the advice was to increase the calories and to eat what I want, but my problem is that if I eat something that I want (a cheeseburger) I can't stop at that - one of two things happen. I will feel like I screwed up and will eat everything in sight because I fell off the wagon OR I will not stop with one. I would rather eat a bowl of iceberg lettuce than risk eating something that I like because I can't stop once I get going. There is no "one piece of pizza" with me; there is no "11 potato chips"; there is no 1/2 cup of ice cream because those amounts don't exist for me.

I'm one of those that lost more than 200 and still have another 50 to go. From what you describe, it is a food addiction. I know I have one. There are reasonable ways to deal with an addiction. Eating a bowl of iceberg and staying at 800 calories isn't one of them.

I hear your anger and your frustration. I like volumes of food. You may benefit from a partner and you can find one here. There are strategies to lose weight reasonably on a budget. But you have to come to a point where you're ready to stop feeling sorry for the place you are in and starting working toward a healthy goal. It won't happen overnight. It shouldn't happen at 3.7 pounds a week.

If you find yourself caving to all of the excuses you can find (and believe me, there are hundreds of excuses that seem legitimate), you WON'T succeed.

MFP is a good place to be if you're ready to be serious. It's also a good place to be if you're just THINKING about being serious.

But in the end... at 1 AM in the morning... when faced with a cheeseburger... or an aisle in the grocery store where you can buy a bag of doritos or a bag of brown rice and a frozen bag of veggies... it comes down to YOU.

So the real question becomes... what are you willing to do and what aren't you?

The goals you've outlined are tremendous. But you can do them if you break it into manageable bits. Find someone that can help you and will help you be accountable. Lots of folks here have similar struggles. But if you allow yourself to continue being swept away by the negatives and limitations... well, things will continue as they are or get worse.

I hope I don't sound harsh or preachy. But as I write, I find myself becoming irritable and frustrated... I hear your words, echos of things I have said to myself... and it's a miserable mindset that is no-win. At least it was for me. Until I realized I DO have the power to change a LOT... nothing changed and my misery continued. I *was* the person that went to McDonald's and ordered the 20 piece nuggets, 2 cokes, 2 fries, AND a Big Mac value meal. I'm not exaggerating. And I could eat it ALL, in one sitting. If I really thought about it, I STILL COULD. But I have to fight and fight to resist it. Sometimes it really sucks and I feel sorry for myself and everything "I'm missing out on." Sometimes I realize that's slowly killing myself and am thankful I can find a distraction to keep me from it. Either way, those are the decisions I have to make every minute of every hour of every day. This lifestyle is a recommittment to making healthier decisions every damn second. People may say it gets easier, but I'm sorry... that isn't my reality. Sometimes I have easier days, but it's never easy.

It might be helpful to take a few minutes and just reflect on where you'd like to be in a year. What do you want to achieve? Is it reasonable? What is your plan to get there? What might get in your way? What can you do to mitigate those things? Then... actively and without remorse, GO AFTER what you want.

My best to you.

Perfectly stated!

This is such a great post. I realise I have never been in your boat, but she has. And came out the other side, wiser - and leaner.

Ask your doctor for a referral to a shrink who specialises in food disorders.

Honestly, I came here today just to check back into your thread - because I am genuinely worried about you and I don;t even know you. I can't imagine how concerned your family and friends are.

I've not read through all the drama and don't know if the OP is even still here to listen, regardless, here are my two cents..

The more you learn about fitness and nutrition, you'll see even more contradictions. It goes along with the adage "the more you learn, the more you realize how little you know".

What that said, there are some fast and hard truths that have proven true time and time again, such as a person can do more harm than good to their metabolism by eating so few calories. You need to eat enough. That number is subjective, depending on many factors.

When it comes to the 'frills' of fitness, such as, eat this, eat that way, carbs are good, carbs are bad, macros matter and micros don't, micros are everything, etc, etc.... then, I tend to only listen to people who look significantly better than me and also seem smart and logical OR they have a lifelong career of fitness/nutrition (20+ years) or a nutrition degree and have shown me the paper, lol.

I have one person on my list of friends that I listen to who has made fitness his career for years and helped many people, approaching everything always from the science and logic, never the trend.

That's great to hear and once again, we'll said