wedding related topic, help please :-)

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bridetobe22
bridetobe22 Posts: 24
in Chit-Chat
Ok so non food related topic,
Next year myself and my Fiancé are getting married,
we have our own place already and everything we need for it,
so would prefer money than a gift,
but how do you say that without sounding rude,
Has anyone got a nice way of writing this or has anyone done this before and got any tips:love::flowerforyou: :blushing: :happy: ?
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  • Vallandingham
    Vallandingham Posts: 2,177
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    Tell some of your close friends who know your situation. Let them spread the word.
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
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    Great link :)

    http://www.wedaholic.com/archives/the_etiquette_of_asking_for_cash_wedding_gifts.php
  • khskr1
    khskr1 Posts: 392
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    We got married last year. Almost the same situation. We have everything and more. We didn't ask for anything. No gifts, no money. But some people did ask so we told them individually for those who asked to give us gift cards to home depot/lowes. If you have something specific that you need the money for (house renovations, honeymoon, etc) ususally people are good with giving towards something. Good luck and congrats!!
  • bridetobe22
    bridetobe22 Posts: 24
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    Thanks everyone :-) xx
  • gurgi22
    gurgi22 Posts: 182 Member
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    I have heard this is called a greenback wedding but unless they know the term they may not understand what you are requesting.
  • VictorianJade
    VictorianJade Posts: 705 Member
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    Simply mention in your invitation that financial contributions towards your future together, rather than items, would be appreciated.

    My husband and I registered ONLY for our honeymoon. Set up a registry with BCAA, and included a card from BCAA with their contact info and our travel agent's name, with our invitation.
  • HeatherMN
    HeatherMN Posts: 3,821 Member
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    I've heard of people asking guests to make contributions toward the wedding itself, such as having a collection to pay for the band, when the couple already has everything they need.

    I don't think it's rude, as not needing a registry is pretty common with people waiting longer to get married and second and third marriages being common.
  • VictorianJade
    VictorianJade Posts: 705 Member
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    How about writing, at the bottom of your invite:

    "in lieu of gifts, please contribute towards our 'Happily Ever After' Fund"
  • KathBaxter
    KathBaxter Posts: 3
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    My partner & I are getting married in July and found the same situation!
    We made some lovely poem cards & popped them in with our invites. You can find a whole list of poems online & just personalise them.
    Good luck xx
  • dmags
    dmags Posts: 303
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    I am sure that there are many people here that do not find it rude to put it on the invitation or call it a "greenback" wedding, but I would bet that some/many of your guests (especially the older ones) will think it is rude. I got an invitation to a wedding a couple of years ago, and printed on it was something to the effect of we have everything that we need, so money is appreciated. I am sure it was written nicer than that, but you get the gist. People did nothing but talk about it. Before the wedding... at the wedding and after the wedding. People did not have a lot of nice things to say about it.

    Believe me, I get it. I wish my husband would get me flowers more than once a year, because I have enough friggin vases to start a greenhouse! I did not register for ONE! I think the suggestion to tell a few close friends and have them spread the word is brilliant. It gets the word out, and it gets you off the hook.
  • VictorianJade
    VictorianJade Posts: 705 Member
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    I am sure that there are many people here that do not find it rude to put it on the invitation or call it a "greenback" wedding, but I would bet that some/many of your guests (especially the older ones) will think it is rude. I got an invitation to a wedding a couple of years ago, and printed on it was something to the effect of we have everything that we need, so money is appreciated. I am sure it was written nicer than that, but you get the gist. People did nothing but talk about it. Before the wedding... at the wedding and after the wedding. People did not have a lot of nice things to say about it.

    Believe me, I get it. I wish my husband would get me flowers more than once a year, because I have enough friggin vases to start a greenhouse! I did not register for ONE! I think the suggestion to tell a few close friends and have them spread the word is brilliant. It gets the word out, and it gets you off the hook.

    I dunno- seems to me that this is their future that they're talking about, and being direct about it isn't a bad thing. Tact is good, but for those who feel offended, that is THEIR problem.

    If they want money, rather than STUFF, then they should let people know that. STUFF is only going to clutter, or get tossed, or donated elsewhere, whereas money will help them to have their own happily ever after.
  • karenjoy
    karenjoy Posts: 1,840 Member
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    We got married 6 months ago, and it was my second time and we already have a home etc like you, for my Husband it was his first time and people who came wanted to give us gifts, we had 80 to the whole day as the Church is very old and tiny and for the Wedding breakfast, and then a further 150 to the evening reception. We had a wedding website, which had information about the Wedding, the Church, the Reception venue and also information about how to get to the Island and where to stay etc, we also had a gift page, which included a message about how all we wanted was to share our most happy of days with people but that if they wanted then there were different things they could choose, which ranged from helping towards the honeymoon (this was the way most people went, we even had a hot air balloon trip from our Best man and someone else has given money towards us having champagne in the room when we arrive etc) some people gave us currency (we are going to Egypt) some people gave us vouchers (we asked for Ikea, Marks and Spencer and B&Q) We also got one or two traditional gifts from older family members, (my Uncle made us a hand carved clock) We used the Marks and Spencer vouches to buy REALLY nice and expensive bath towels, the B&Q vouchers are going to buy some wallpaper for our bedroom which we want to decorate, the Ikea ones we have yet to use, but will get something that we really like and that goes with our newly decorated bedroom. We found that everyone liked and understood the idea, and guests ranged in age from 12 - 85 :happy:

    I hope that your day is as happy, blessed and filled with love as ours was. :flowerforyou:
  • bridetobe22
    bridetobe22 Posts: 24
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    Thanks victorianjade :-)
  • bridetobe22
    bridetobe22 Posts: 24
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    Awh thank you karen :-) xxx
  • Ambell22
    Ambell22 Posts: 3
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    My husband and I got married June of last year. We wanted a really nice honeymoon and preferred money as well. We found an awesome website http://ytb.honeymoonwishes.com/
    It lets you create a "dream" vacation and people can put money towards different things. The good thing about this site is that it is not a gift card, the site gives you the cash and you can use it on whatever you want. We had a lot of guests who used this, AND the still felt like they were able to give us a tangable gift instead of just money
  • karenjoy
    karenjoy Posts: 1,840 Member
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    Oh and isn't it better to be honest with people rather than have a house full of things you don't want, or can't use? We were given a set of horrible table mats by a friend of mine who refused point blank to give us vouchers or contribute to the honeymoon as she wanted to give us 'something that we would be able to keep' what she has given us is something that I have to keep in a cupboard and get out when she comes...I feel really bad about it, and hope that I would never do the same thing to anyone else. In the UK it is very common indeed to ask for 'Honey-Money' and vouchers, they even do special Wedding themed gift cards in most major retailers etc. My parents had loads of things that they didn't like as Wedding gifts, they felt obliged to keep them and for years my Mum would say about 'that horrible jug from Auntie Queenie or that ugly tea set your Uncle Bill and Auntie Connie gave us'

    Why would people not prefer to give you something you want or need? I would rather people just came and celebrated with us like they did, and not worry about a gift, but if they wanted to give us a gift (and they DID mostly) they gave us things we really wanted and are happy with.
  • elysant
    elysant Posts: 139
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    I was really worried about this too at my wedding. My husband (fiance at the time) had been living together for about 2 years. On top of that it was his second marriage. We had EVERYTHING that we needed for a home. What we ended up doing was putting a small "registry" card in with out invitations that said something like "We would be honored to have you attend out wedding. However, in lieu of gifts we would like to be able to go on a honeymoon. Therefore any financial contributions you would like to make toward our ability to do so would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!!"

    I think that being honest with your guests is much better than saying nothing and ending up with 10 vases or 7 toasters. :o) No one at my wedding was offended and many thought that it was great that they got to help pay for our honeymoon. We also took a bunch of pictures (we went to Cozumel and did a bunch of tours and stuff) and put together a PowerPoint presentation with description of where we went and things that we did. I got a lot of responses from people thanking me for letting them know what we did and that they we glad we had such a good time. :o)
  • dmags
    dmags Posts: 303
    Options
    I am sure that there are many people here that do not find it rude to put it on the invitation or call it a "greenback" wedding, but I would bet that some/many of your guests (especially the older ones) will think it is rude. I got an invitation to a wedding a couple of years ago, and printed on it was something to the effect of we have everything that we need, so money is appreciated. I am sure it was written nicer than that, but you get the gist. People did nothing but talk about it. Before the wedding... at the wedding and after the wedding. People did not have a lot of nice things to say about it.

    Believe me, I get it. I wish my husband would get me flowers more than once a year, because I have enough friggin vases to start a greenhouse! I did not register for ONE! I think the suggestion to tell a few close friends and have them spread the word is brilliant. It gets the word out, and it gets you off the hook.

    I dunno- seems to me that this is their future that they're talking about, and being direct about it isn't a bad thing. Tact is good, but for those who feel offended, that is THEIR problem.

    If they want money, rather than STUFF, then they should let people know that. STUFF is only going to clutter, or get tossed, or donated elsewhere, whereas money will help them to have their own happily ever after.

    I personally do not think that it is a bad thing. I was just being honest about how it was received when I had seen it done in the past. That was the question right? And if you don't care who you are offending then you are right, it is their problem, but I think that the question was asked because she does care. Why even post the question if you don't?

    I find that anyone who has been married in the past 15 years, does give money for the wedding and gifts for the shower.

    Either way.... Congratulations and I hope you have a spectacular day!
  • betzyrama
    betzyrama Posts: 26 Member
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    Why don't you register at The Money Pig and note that instead of saying "bring cash!" ha ha. :) Then they can give towards a special goal (holidays, renovations, down payment on something...)
  • Vallandingham
    Vallandingham Posts: 2,177
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    It's a celebration of your future life with your husband. Don't fret over it.
    Share it with your friends and family. The gifts and/or money are inconsequential.

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