No Motivation and No Support

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  • lcyama
    lcyama Posts: 209 Member
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    you know you can do this, because you did it before! you worked hard to lose that 30 pounds originally!

    do your best to stick to your own meal plan. i often prepare myself a different meal from the rest of the family, sometimes preparing multiple servings of soup or quinoa salad on the weekend, which i can then heat up or serve up for myself during the week. if your fiance gets mad, explain that you're counting calories and stress how important it is to you.

    i also exercise early in the morning before everyone gets up; if that doesn't work for you, you could also consider going for a walk during breaks from work.

    good luck, and remember, you can do this!
  • Bianca42
    Bianca42 Posts: 310 Member
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    DH isn't ready to eat healthy all the time and my boys are picky. I pick my battles with the meal plan. I'll plan a meat that everyone likes, but I might do a few different side dishes. Or I'll make a big batch of quinoa and heat up a little as my side dish while others are eating a less diet-friendly side dish. I'm usually eating something kinda similar with as much overlap as I can...but not changing the whole family's meals yet.
    Here's my meal plan for this week's dinners:

    Sun - ordered chinese (I picked a steamed dish with sauce on the side for me)
    Mon - hot dogs, mac&cheese and corn (veggie burger cooked in the same pan as the hot dogs and leftover squash for me)
    Tue - italian turkey sausage, noodle packet (I eat the sausage but have quinoa instead)
    Wed - ham, rice packet (I'll have ham and quinoa instead)
    Thu - spaghetti & turkey meatballs (I'll have wheat pasta)
    Fri - fish sticks & french fries (I'll have a baked piece of fish & sweet potato)

    If DH eats a bowl of ice cream in front of the TV in the evening, I'll eat bowl with some frozen fruit.

    I know it's hard when you're doing it on your own and don't have everyone else in the house joining in...but it can be done.
  • Ashley578
    Ashley578 Posts: 56
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    I suppose I got lucky, my husband is my biggest supporter because he has seen first hand how unhappy I have been with myself for so long. I think you should set a goal for you and your spouse to complete together that is maybe geared toward men so it's more encouraging to him. My husband and I plan on competing in a "warrior dash" in our area later this year and hopefully next year tough mudder!! Not sure what area you're in but maybe it's something you could look into if you're interested.

    http://www.warriordash.com/

    http://toughmudder.com/
  • getphit09
    getphit09 Posts: 24 Member
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    So, before I had my son, I had all the motivation in the world. I had lost 30 lbs and was on a roll with it. Once I got pregnant it all went to hell. I gained that 30 lbs back and have only lost 8 of them since I had my son (over a YEAR ago!). I can't seem to muster up the motivation I had before him. Granted, my living situation has changed and now we have my fiance's children living with us, too. So needless to say, I'm a bit stressed out trying to meal plan for everyone, work 8 to 6, keep a clean house, and try to keep my sanity. Exercising seems to be the last thing on my list.

    Also, I'm having a hard time getting everyone to stay on the meal plans I make. I'm not perfect either (my lack of motivation has come with a lack of will power, too... oh, that donut looks good. So does that candy bar!) but when we're home, and I've taken the time to plan out our food, it'd be nice if everyone could at least stick to it there.

    I woke up late and my boyfriend started breakfast. We had agreed on a healthy breakfast of turkey sausage (or bacon), omelets and a healthy smoothie. I come to omelets, brown sugar covered bacon, and croissants. *sigh* ...

    Well wth?! I have suggested to him MANY, MANY times that I would like to separate our grocery shopping and meal plans and my son and I would just eat separately from him and the kids. He gets extremely upset at this and it always ends in an argument with us not talking for the rest of the day.

    He wants to see me lose weight (not for him, but he knows it'd make me feel better), but he does absolutely NOTHING to help me lose it. He says he'll exercise with me, and doesn't. (I feel stupid exercising alone in front of his children because they're not the most polite children and I really don't want their rude little comments being thrown at me while I'm making an *kitten* out of myself with the exercise videos). He says he'll eat healthy, and then I come out to breakfasts like that.

    It is just a losing battle and to have no motivation on top of that is just really discouraging.

    Any advice or suggestions on any of the topics I covered would be greatly appreciated. I'm at my wits end here. I don't want to give up, but I'm at that point where I just don't know if I care anymore.

    To preface: it seems your struggle is with the fiance/boyfriend and combining 2 households with different expectations
    1) if you all live together, don't make differences between the kids - you guys are a household
    2) get up earlier to work out or take an exercise walk after dinner and leave the kids with him for an hour
    3) if he cooks, find what you can eat and if nothing, have a back up plan - but still sit and eat with them for the meal
    4) cook your meals as you planned. If they don't eat, they don't eat ... you must have will power
    5) by all means DON'T GIVE UP ... your son needs you for a lifetime
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
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    Same here. My husband could stand to lose 30-40 pounds, but he's not interested. He thinks you're supposed to get fatter when you get older. He's as sweet as can be with me but isn't on board with my efforts at all. When he cooks, he's likely to make baked macaroni and cheese or some other thing I shouldn't be eating. I quietly get something else to eat. I'm a grown up. I can fend for myself. Thankfully, he's never given me a hard time about eating something other than what he cooked.
  • Culley34
    Culley34 Posts: 224
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    Is it possible for you to workout outside? I would suggest something as simple as walking... it's basically free (no gym membership required!), you can burn some calories, have some time to yourself and clear your head.

    Something that worked for me was always treating the time I exercise as 'MY' time. No distractions from friends or family -- just the opportunity to get out for a run, clear my head, take in some scenery and relax.
  • wadayc
    wadayc Posts: 3
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    My thoughts...

    Logging food in MFP has been a great motivator for me to NOT eat an extra donut or candy bar. I keep myself regimented with adding food to the diary. Everything I eat. That way, if I want to eat a Milky Way or Snickers, or if I have to eat that piece of cake, I must reduce intake later and/or exercise more. It makes me think twice before eating something I shouldn't.

    Even if others aren't following your food plan, you (and at least your child) need to follow the plan. If your fiance does not follow it, don’t eat the food he makes. He may get mad, but after a few times, he’ll understand what you’re trying to do for yourself. If he doesn't, then let him get mad. It’s his own fault for making food you don’t want.

    Stop suggesting different grocery shopping and meal plans, and start MAKING different grocery shopping and meal plans.

    Also, I’m sorry to bring this up and comment on this, but because you've mentioned it and it seems to be directly related to your question on motivation and discouragement… Your fiance seems to be directly responsible for your lack of motivation, discouragement, and unhealthy meals. Several things: (1) You say that he openly defies and then starts to argue with you after you ask him to try to be healthy (he knows what he’s cooking), (2) his children make rude comments to you when trying to better yourself and your fiance does not discourage this behavior, and (3) he will not support something you want to do.

    You may find my advice harsh, but given you are here asking for advice: You are in a toxic relationship. If he treats you like this now, wait until you get married. You need to give him an ultimatum: help or leave.

    Helping could be as simple as staying out of your exercise and meal plans.

    Don’t give up. Ever. It’s hard work. Do it for your son. He loves you. Do it for yourself. We love you.
  • BCSMama
    BCSMama Posts: 348
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    That's tough and I do feel for you. I can see where making separate grocery lists and meal plans would not be practical, but at the same time, there has to be some compromise on his part. For our family, I prepare our dinners for the week on Sunday so it's already done and in the fridge. I cook mostly healthy foods, although if someone specifically requests something, I'll try to make a healthy version and then add a big side salad or steamed veggies and load up on those with just a small portion of the higher calorie thing. I would also recommend keeping healthy foods around that you can easily prepare for when he decides to make something you would prefer not to eat (like your breakfast example). You could have a small bit of the omelet, but grab some oatmeal or fresh fruit to go with it.

    As for the exercise, I can relate. I also work full time and have 2 kids. However, for his kids to make rude comments while you are exercising is not acceptable. I don't know how you guys parent, but they need to learn that making people feel bad like that is never okay, especially a member of their family. Waking up early to exercise is a good idea though as it'll help kickstart your day and give you energy.
  • brittrose33
    brittrose33 Posts: 58
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    I'm not anywhere near the same situation, but my boyfriend wanted to start eating healthier and working out and had no idea where to start. When I cook, I find awesome recipes ( skinnytaste.com, seriously!) and don't bother mentioning it's a low calorie, healthy meal until after we're eating. Most of the things I make you really can't tell the difference, and he hasn't complained yet. Sometimes he'll add a bit too much butter to the veggies (I'm guilty of this as well! I love butter), or sour cream to my mexican concoctions, but it's still so much better than what he normally would eat.

    Can you get outside for a walk? I'm slowly becoming what I dub a "Hurricane Runner" because I'm too poor for a gym membership and I'm sticking out a Canadian winter. Even a brisk power is better then nothing, or maybe work out when the kids are in bed with a pair of weights or a DVD. You might have to really go out of your way to work out and eat right in this situation, but isn't your health worth it?
  • RambyPandy
    RambyPandy Posts: 118 Member
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    When my husband recently asked me what he can do to help me achieve my weight loss goal, I told him:
    * Understand I won't be able to always eat meals with you
    * Don't say anything (example: should you be eating that?)

    The rest is up to me. That means making healthy choices, having healthy options available, and sticking to my routine.

    I sympathize with you, OP. I am a mom of a little one too -- and even though I have a great, supportive husband, I often do almost everything myself. (Wake up early with my son, cook, clean, work all day, pick him up from day care, then come home and cook and clean some more). I have NO energy left at the end of the day to get off my butt and exercise. And I am usually alone at night so I can't leave the house, anyways.

    I keep telling myself I am doing this for my health, my son, and my family. Stay strong, keep focused on your goals, and if your man is not being supportive, I suggest sitting him down and being frank about how he can help.

    I wish you luck! And just sent you a friend request so I can offer support.
  • stunningalmond
    stunningalmond Posts: 275 Member
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    First of all - I'm sorry for your situation - I know how difficult it can be.

    Secondly - You're doing this for YOU, right? PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN!!! For example: You wake up to an unhealthy breakfast, DON'T EAT IT! Go start your own breakfast (if you can). When he whines about it tell him that you both agreed to eat a healthy breakfast, so you're going to!

    You had a child - you KNOW you're strong. So prove it to yourself (and everyone else)!!!

    AMEN SISTER!!!!
  • journalistjen
    journalistjen Posts: 265 Member
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    Get up before everyone else to do your workout. That's what I do and it really starts my day out on the right note, feeling good about myself and less stressed. And don't try to tailor everyone's meals. If they don't eat what you make, they don't eat. If your boyfriend makes something fattening for breakfast, you don't have to eat it, even though it's difficult to have it staring you in the face. Consider it an opportunity to practice control over your choices because those fatty foods are always going to be out there anyway.

    I will try to wake up earlier. That's a good idea.

    I would love to not eat what he makes, but it turns into a fight. Maybe if I do it a few times, though, it will send a message to him.

    This is the best suggestion. If he wants to fight about it--don't fight about it--don't argue. Just be polite and tell him it's not good for you to eat that--it's not in your best interest. Find the will power.

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