I'm afraid for my sister...

Some people, especially if not looking, don't get their 'AHA' moment. Instead they need more direct pushes, for example you can have a private conversation with her at home and tell her how you feel and what it would feel like if you lost her, whether it was to bad health taking over her life or ultimately an untimely death because of her habits. Assure her that all you care about is seeing her for years down the road being happy, healthy and full of life rather than on medications or worse.

Cause if she is at the point where there is medical concern and the possiblity of illness due to her current habits she needs a eye opener, one that can show her what she is risking if she doesn't take a step in a better direction.

you should have her watch those medical shows with people who have to be cut out of there homes and tell her that you love her and that you only want whats best for her.and that it would kill you to see her end up becoming like one of those people getting cut out of there house.and tell her that she wont be doing it alone and that you will join her in her healthy meals and exercise.and tell her that small changes make a big different.let her know that she dosnt have to do anything extrem just walking everyday and better foods are good enough to help at this point.

I think it's super sweet of you & I had my aha moment right around the time my Dad sat me down & was like you've gotta get this under control while you still can. I love my Dad with all my heart & know he was coming from a place of love. Tough love is what helped me with my parents but that doesn't work on everyone. IF the doctors visit didn't scare her then I don't know what will. I'm sorry you're going through this sweetie.

you should have her watch those medical shows with people who have to be cut out of there homes and tell her that you love her and that you only want whats best for her.and that it would kill you to see her end up becoming like one of those people getting cut out of there house.and tell her that she wont be doing it alone and that you will join her in her healthy meals and exercise.and tell her that small changes make a big different.let her know that she dosnt have to do anything extrem just walking everyday and better foods are good enough to help at this point.

I would be insulted if someone had done this to me. She needs to have a heart to heart with someone who is near her size who is trying to get healthy. She won't feel as judged or embarrassed. Find someone in her life who has chosen to get healthy and is near her size to talk to her. I chose to get healthy on my own, but my husband (who is bigger than me) would gently tell me I was eating way too much.

Have you considered writing her a letter? You can express all of your concerns with her in a gentle & loving way. I think telling her what you told us (how you know you and you're dad are the extreme and how she can start off slowly) will go a long way.

Maybe you can mention that you won't bring up the issue again and that you are willing to help in any way you can when she is ready.

This way, you have done everything you can do, and are letting her come to her own decision without pushing her too hard.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

Maybe an intervention with her closest friends and family. You can't do anything really for someone who doesn't want to help themselves but maybe an intervention might help. She is killing herself with food.

What I am about to say probably won't help you at all. I was always heavy as a child, to my teens, etc. My mom saw her "aha" moment when I was in 5th grade after my littlest brother was born. She got very healthy and that woman to this day amazes me. She always tried to push me along but the more she pushed, the more I thought I was a broken product. I didn't think she loved me anymore because I was heavy. In my teens it got worse. She had become really athletic and amazing looking *hell she still looks amazing* and she would have sit down talks with me about my morbid obesity (morbid is such a hurtful word because again, it points out the abnormality) and it would push me further and further away. My whole family was athletic and here was fat me, reading books and attached to music in my headphones 24/7. I would come home from school with articles about obesity cut from magazines laying in my bed with a little note that says "just thinking about you, mom". I look back on that now and realize she was trying her best to do anything she could for me to have an "aha" moment but at the time, I wasn't ready for change. I was so upset that she couldn't just love me for who I was. Maybe your sister is feeling this from you and your family.

I didn't get my moment until I reached 330lbs. No doctor or scare tactic was going to give it to me. 8 months before I got serious I was almost put in the hospital due to my high blood pressure and was put on a double dose of medication for it. I was 21 years old. that wasn't right. Even though I knew that (and for many that would have been the push I needed) that wasn't it. The more your weight is pointed against you the more it sinks some of us into darkness. It just verified that I am hopeless and therefore deserved to die this way.

I hate to say it, you can sit there and talk her ear off about it but it turns into nagging which just pushes people away. Love her for who she is and set an amazing example. You can lead a horse to water but unfortunatly you can't force it to drink.

I agree that she needs to have her 'aha' moment and ultimately that needs to come from her, but it might help both her and you if you wrote her a letter with some of the things that you posted here. I think if you have the time to sit down and write out what you want to say you will have the best chance of phrasing things in the least offensive way. Also, it will prevent her from getting defensive and derailing the conversation (and possibly turning it into an argument).

What I am about to say probably won't help you at all. I was always heavy as a child, to my teens, etc. My mom saw her "aha" moment when I was in 5th grade after my littlest brother was born. She got very healthy and that woman to this day amazes me. She always tried to push me along but the more she pushed, the more I thought I was a broken product. I didn't think she loved me anymore because I was heavy. In my teens it got worse. She had become really athletic and amazing looking *hell she still looks amazing* and she would have sit down talks with me about my morbid obesity (morbid is such a hurtful word because again, it points out the abnormality) and it would push me further and further away. My whole family was athletic and here was fat me, reading books and attached to music in my headphones 24/7. I would come home from school with articles about obesity cut from magazines laying in my bed with a little note that says "just thinking about you, mom". I look back on that now and realize she was trying her best to do anything she could for me to have an "aha" moment but at the time, I wasn't ready for change. I was so upset that she couldn't just love me for who I was. Maybe your sister is feeling this from you and your family.

I didn't get my moment until I reached 330lbs. No doctor or scare tactic was going to give it to me. 8 months before I got serious I was almost put in the hospital due to my high blood pressure and was put on a double dose of medication for it. I was 21 years old. that wasn't right. Even though I knew that (and for many that would have been the push I needed) that wasn't it. The more your weight is pointed against you the more it sinks some of us into darkness. It just verified that I am hopeless and therefore deserved to die this way.

I hate to say it, you can sit there and talk her ear off about it but it turns into nagging which just pushes people away. Love her for who she is and set an amazing example. You can lead a horse to water but unfortunatly you can't force it to drink.

this is great advice. i've been in your shoes almost exactly as i've seen both my sister & my husband make horrible personal choices to pack on pounds and feel worse and worse about themselves. i can't preach because i'm on my own journey, but i'm not emotionally scarred anymore (key word) from people pointing out that i could drop a few pounds. i know and accept that the fat i put on my body is temporary- i put it on & i can take it off. but they both get very defensive when the subject comes up. it breaks my heart because they are the two people i love more than anyone in this world. i know that clued in by their defensive angry feelings at the mere topic, that the cause is a much deeper issue that must be addressed. none of us on the outside will be able to affect them. they have to decide to love their bodies & take care of them, just like we all take care of our homes & our cars. you can't make someone take pride in something that they're neglecting & punishing for whatever reason.

hardest thing in the world to those of us who see that from the outside. they have no idea how beautiful they are.... yet.

i think we just have to keep appealing to that beautiful lovable person that they don't see, & pray their eyes would be opened sooner than later.

When I was 456 pounds everyone could have told me how fat I was until they were blue in the face, and it wouldn't have mattered. I knew I was huge, I knew I had a problem, I was just stupid and did nothing about it.

It finally got to the point, that I decided to do something about it.

Trust me, she knows she has an issue. Until she decides its time, I really don't think there is anything you can do.

This - I couldn't have said it better myself. I was the morbidly obese sister not that long ago and no matter what her intentions my sister could have done NOTHING to help me with that especially since she is NOT. I knew and I choose to do nothing.