Personal problem - advice needed

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clairyfairy247
clairyfairy247 Posts: 425 Member
in Chit-Chat
As the people I meet on here are such supportive individuals :smile: I wonder if you could offer some advice on a problem...

My best friend (since childhood) has split up with her long term boyfriend (another childhood friend) and is now dating a guy who is very controlling and arrogant.
I did my best to be supportive but I really don't like this guy and now my friend and I don't see each other anymore.

Also, her ex is a lovely guy who was very hurt by their split and every time I've spent time with him to cheer him up or offer some comfort, she gets incredibly hostile. Now her horrible new boyfriend has started sending me nasty messages.

I realise this sounds rather immature and ordinarily I would just cut contact with my not-so best friend but I'm worried about her. She doesn't seem herself and I wonder if her new fella has influenced her in some way...

Any advice?
I'd like to add that I'm in a long-term relationship myself :smile:

Appreciate your help guys!

Replies

  • SeaRunner26
    SeaRunner26 Posts: 5,143 Member
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    That's a tough one. Sadly, I think this is one of those situations where you'll have to let your female friend learn from her own mistakes. From what you've described, I don't think she's open to your feedback and it's just wasted breathe. I suppose support her as you can and definitely don't lose contact with your male friend over her or her new boyfriend's objections.
  • girlinahat
    girlinahat Posts: 2,956 Member
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    She may have to learn for herself. But a good friend would leave the way open to rekindle the friendship when the time comes. Let her know you are always there for her, but leave her be for now. If she has a problem with you being friends with her ex, that's her issue and she will have to deal with it.
  • clairyfairy247
    clairyfairy247 Posts: 425 Member
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    Thank you, I appreciate your replies. Good advice :)
  • dad106
    dad106 Posts: 4,868 Member
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    I would just back away, and let her be.

    Tell her that you are going to continue to support her ex, and that you don't care for the new guy.

    It's up to her to decide what she wants to do.
  • Flossie1981
    Flossie1981 Posts: 160 Member
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    Be there for her if she needs you, let her know you are there but if at the moment she doesn't see there is a problem with her new partner she will just think you are trying to be nasty or are trying to split them up. She will then become defensive and shut you out more.

    She will more than likely come back to you when she realises there is a problem but for now you can't really do much, other than be there.
  • clairyfairy247
    clairyfairy247 Posts: 425 Member
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    Thank you for your responses.

    It's a tough situation - I just want to keep the peace between everyone but it really hurts that someone I have treated like family has turned their back on me.
  • orr_stacie
    orr_stacie Posts: 48 Member
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    Remove yourself completely from the situation. She has to learn from her mistakes. Apparently she's not the friend you thought she was. I would never let anyone send nasty messages to my best friend.
  • PottsvilleCurse1925
    PottsvilleCurse1925 Posts: 354 Member
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    Want me to talk to them for you?
  • bkeysw
    bkeysw Posts: 1
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    I wish there was a "Like" button on here. I like some of the good advice people are giving this young lady...spot on!
  • MelyndaWaldner
    MelyndaWaldner Posts: 442 Member
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    Unfortunately there is nothing really you can do. Your between a rock and a hard place. You aren't doing anything wrong by comforting her ex, since you were friends with him. As for her, support her but keep your distance. Ignore the new boyfriend's text, dont even bother replying to him. I hope everything works out for you.
  • clairyfairy247
    clairyfairy247 Posts: 425 Member
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    I wish there was a "Like" button on here. I like some of the good advice people are giving this young lady...spot on!

    Agreed, thank you all! I really do appreciate your kind and honest answers.

    I will still be there for her when her relationship with this guy comes to an end but for now I think I'll leave her to it.

    Thank you :)
  • Windy_
    Windy_ Posts: 1,012 Member
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    I'd like to add that I'm in a long-term relationship myself :smile:


    I really don't think there was any need to add that...I think you just wanted to gloat...
  • _DaniD_
    _DaniD_ Posts: 2,186 Member
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    Yep, definitely sounds like a personal problem.
  • the_journeyman
    the_journeyman Posts: 1,877 Member
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    Yep, definitely sounds like a personal problem.

    Aren't you supposed to say "Just break up?"

    JM
  • _DaniD_
    _DaniD_ Posts: 2,186 Member
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    Yep, definitely sounds like a personal problem.

    Aren't you supposed to say "Just break up?"

    JM

    Soo 2012.
  • perfectingpatti
    perfectingpatti Posts: 1,037 Member
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    I'd like to add that I'm in a long-term relationship myself :smile:

    I really don't think there was any need to add that...I think you just wanted to gloat...

    Don't mind Windy. She's just extremely single right now. In fact, about that ex boyfriend of your friend....Windy's age by any chance?
  • metaphoria
    metaphoria Posts: 1,432 Member
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    bahahaha patti.

    You can just point blank tell your friend that her boyfriend may be controlling her, but he does not have permission to govern YOUR actions. Tell her you would be happy to be friends again when her boyfriend hits the road or grows a personality. And hand her a pamphlet from the nearest women's shelter, because if they are together long term, she will probably need it eventually.

    Also, block the boyfriend's messages.Phone, facebook, twitter, everything. If you can't see them, they can't bother you.

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