Lamentable me: The naked guy and my inadequacy.

Admiral_Derp
Admiral_Derp Posts: 866 Member
in Chit-Chat
I was reading a recently locked forum featuring the inappropriately posted naked picture of a ripped, bald dude. A lot of good points were made about various ethical issues, but I think the thing that affected me most about it was the fact that it made me feel really inadequate.

I've spent years dreaming about rocking a bald head...but I just can't pull it off. Every time I shave it, it looks like a bag of wet clothes. Then you see those poor guys who suffer from what I've heard called "hot dog neck." While I don't suffer from that particular malady, I feel their pain. As a big, big fan of the collected works of one Bruce Willis, it's difficult to have to watch one and then talk yourself down from reaching for the razor. I guess my question is (and here is where I relate this to fitness), is there any way to train to reverse this? Forget rock-hard abs and shapely buttocks. My new goal is a smooth, symmetrical bald head. Any help?
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Replies

  • coliema
    coliema Posts: 7,646 Member
    posted naked picture of a ripped, bald dude.
    My favorite :heart:
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Learning Latin will cause your brain to swell, smoothing out the lumps.
  • cyberiarob
    cyberiarob Posts: 229 Member
    I think your only hope would be to lose body fat, because that's really the only thing between your cranium and your scalp. Just a guess though.
  • n0ob
    n0ob Posts: 2,390 Member
    I was reading a recently locked forum featuring the inappropriately posted naked picture of a ripped, bald dude. A lot of good points were made about various ethical issues, but I think the thing that affected me most about it was the fact that it made me feel really inadequate.

    I've spent years dreaming about rocking a bald head...but I just can't pull it off. Every time I shave it, it looks like a bag of wet clothes. Then you see those poor guys who suffer from what I've heard called "hot dog neck." While I don't suffer from that particular malady, I feel their pain. As a big, big fan of the collected works of one Bruce Willis, it's difficult to have to watch one and then talk yourself down from reaching for the razor. I guess my question is (and here is where I relate this to fitness), is there any way to train to reverse this? Forget rock-hard abs and shapely buttocks. My new goal is a smooth, symmetrical bald head. Any help?

    4-the_rock_clap_clap_gif.gif
  • Crankstr
    Crankstr Posts: 3,958 Member
    PICS.
  • Mischievous_Rascal
    Mischievous_Rascal Posts: 1,791 Member
    That's the saddest story I've heard all day... :P
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
    PICS.

    ^^^yep. Need evidence.
  • BurtHuttz
    BurtHuttz Posts: 3,653 Member
    I'm sorry. Plastic surgery? I mean, the skull is the skull. You might use enough dome wax to make it look like a shiney kick-*kitten* skate park though!
  • sjohnny
    sjohnny Posts: 56,142 Member
    You can't spot reduce.
  • LMT2012
    LMT2012 Posts: 697 Member
    Doubt it. It's genetics. Shave it and get a cool hat ala Joe Pantoliano. Confidence smooths out all lumps : )
  • Admiral_Derp
    Admiral_Derp Posts: 866 Member
    PICS.

    My head has so many odd-shaped divots that I'm sure if I had any bald pictures to post the thread would be locked immediately for indecency! :p
  • Jory2pointOh
    Jory2pointOh Posts: 38
    Just shave it and get some sun on it. Get used to it. People will get used to it too then it will feel normal.
  • Crankstr
    Crankstr Posts: 3,958 Member
    I'm sorry. Plastic surgery? I mean, the skull is the skull. You might use enough dome wax to make it look like a shiney kick-*kitten* skate park though!

    You are just looking for spare parts...i see you.
  • Chief_Rocka
    Chief_Rocka Posts: 4,710 Member
    Maybe you can get a bunch of mini implants.
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
    1337030513897.gif
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
    I'm really confused about the wet clothes comment. Did you shave it all off???
  • 18guyhornet
    18guyhornet Posts: 195 Member
    Confidence smooths out all lumps : )

    ^^^This.
  • capnrus789
    capnrus789 Posts: 2,736 Member
    well played
  • lacurandera1
    lacurandera1 Posts: 8,083 Member
    Poor guy. :( Lipo? LOL.
  • Admiral_Derp
    Admiral_Derp Posts: 866 Member
    NM I've figured out how to spot reduce that area...I think.

    http://youtu.be/F7pxORpeJjQ
  • Christy175
    Christy175 Posts: 60 Member
    Go to a spa and get a facial for your scalp-this is not a smart *kitten* answer Im serious. It might help smooth the skin and loosen the muscles that tense up around the scalp.

    Grooming is part of fitness and maybe the therapist that does you facial/massage can give you some tips. They are pros, Im sure you wouldn't be the first to ask them about it.

    And if you just dont feel comfortable with your noggin, they do make some sexy hats for guys. Army style caps, toboggans for casual, and fedoras for dressy. But avoid trucker hats and do-rags.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    swagger fixes everything
  • BACONJOKESRSOFUNNY
    BACONJOKESRSOFUNNY Posts: 666 Member
    Perhaps you could kick start your head shape change journey with a cleanse. Nothing but reality television -- the equivalent of a mental liquid diet.
  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
    I heard daily massages can change the shape of your head.
  • california_peach
    california_peach Posts: 1,809 Member
    You could have fat sucked out of your butt, and have it injected into your head to level things out.
  • cmcollins001
    cmcollins001 Posts: 3,472 Member
    tumblr_lkot6w6QHJ1qcrzkko1_500.gif

    Crossfit and keytones...it's your only hope.
  • dirtnap63
    dirtnap63 Posts: 1,387 Member
    260-bondo-body-filler-single_zps3a700fe2.jpg

    This otta do it.
  • Lalouse
    Lalouse Posts: 221 Member
    Go to a spa and get a facial for your scalp-this is not a smart *kitten* answer Im serious. It might help smooth the skin and loosen the muscles that tense up around the scalp.

    Grooming is part of fitness and maybe the therapist that does you facial/massage can give you some tips. They are pros, Im sure you wouldn't be the first to ask them about it.

    I agree with this, and just try to get over the self-esteem issue and just LOVE YOUR HEAD. When you start loving it, other people will too :)
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WOI1Ce5L4A
    AND
    http://youtu.be/K09rFXT_FNg

    Sorry I don't know how to make movies Magically Appear here, but one is a lady doing facial yoga exercises, the other is a guy wiggling his ears. Gotta start somewhere.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Go to a spa and get a facial for your scalp-this is not a smart *kitten* answer Im serious. It might help smooth the skin and loosen the muscles that tense up around the scalp.

    Grooming is part of fitness and maybe the therapist that does you facial/massage can give you some tips. They are pros, Im sure you wouldn't be the first to ask them about it.

    I agree with this, and just try to get over the self-esteem issue and just LOVE YOUR HEAD. When you start loving it, other people will too :)

    And I've actually had these spa scalp massages and never checked my head for bumps after (I'm a girl with lots of hair to cover that) BUT, I can tell you, you'll probably feel so good you won't even care about any rolls or lumps you might have on your head or anywhere else either. I personally came home so blissed out my hubby thought I smoked funny cigarettes while I was gone, probably because I also crashed the car on the same trip. (pun not intended)

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