Tears

I was not sure where to even post this so I hope here is the right place. A brief synopsis of me, have spent the last 20 years taking care of everyone else and thus let myself be last on the list if even on the list. Now, it is time for me. I am a complete novice when it comes to the right way to lose the fat, keep the muscle and overall get myself to a level of fitness that I have always wanted but never achieved. In fact being "kick *kitten*" fit was never even on my radar until now (I am in my 40's). Knowing myself and the fact that I didn't have the knowledge to put together a road map to reach my goals, I decided to enlist the help of a personal trainer. For those of you who know how all the chemistry, physiology and emotional mechanics of how to get in top physical shape, I applaud you so please don't down me for investing in a trainer. I have seen posts where people have been a bit snarky when responding to someone who chose to go the PT route.

So here is my questions and why the post is entitled Tears. Last week was more of an assessment week. The first day with the trainer he put me through some testing exercises. He had to gauge what I could and could not do to find a starting point for my training. I have a knee replacement so that is a hurdle I am having to overcome as well. This week began what I can only refer to as the "real deal". Monday was intense for me. I had a moment when I panicked because I felt tears welling up in me as I pushed myself to do my workout. Yesterday, I did a workout that consisted of doing a circuit of different cardio/strength times 5 . I was working against the clock to see how fast I could complete the 5 times. I was establishing a base line to work against to improve my time.

This was a tough work out for me. My trainer was there doing his job encouraging, motivating and holding me accountable but I was doing the workout solo for the most part. He would step in to instruct me on technique or step in to hold me accountable to doing it the right way and not cutting corners. So about half way through the workout, I was running my lap interval and I could feel the urge to cry just really coming to the surface. So here I am giving it my all and fighting to push through and all the sudden the added stress to hold back tears was there again but this time was more intense than the first time it happened. I never out and out cried but I could feel that intense need to let the water works fly. I had to fight this urge off and on for the last half of the workout.

I talked to my PT about it afterwards and he explained that yes, it can happen and that it is not a bad thing. He explained that it is like at that moment in the middle of the workout you are facing your fears, your past limitations, all kinds of mental/emotional stuff and it becomes a defining moment in your journey. He said it happens to newbies like me and those who are in top form like him. He said he has experienced it when he is in a competition situation and is having to push himself harder to go against a tough competitor. He told me that getting strong and fit would not only change my body but would have an impact on the mind and emotions as well. I didn't expect to have this type of thing happen and just wanted to put this out there to see if there are others who have experienced it and how you navigated it during your workouts. The tears were not coming from a place that I was in pain or hurt feelings like my PT was being too hard on me. They literally just welled up when I was pushing my body to push through and reach the goal of finishing the workout. On a positive note, I finished the entire workout with a decent time but certainly room for vast improvement and I felt so good because I didn't quit so it was all good in the end but in the middle I felt like a crumbling wall.

Any advice or just confirmation that I am not a crazy kick *kitten* woman? Thanks for taking time to read the long post.