Shallow or personal preference....?

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virichi08
virichi08 Posts: 465 Member
in Chit-Chat
What is the difference? Is it being shallow if someone doesn't want to date someone because they are X amount of weight? If that is shallow, then wouldn't it be shallow also if a person does not date someone because they are of a different race.... (When it comes to race, people say it is a preference, but when it comes to weight people are called shallow....) What am i missing?



-- Honest question
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Replies

  • DamnImASexyBitch
    DamnImASexyBitch Posts: 740 Member
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    I think shallowness takes away any option with 100% certainty. I will NEVER date someone who is _______. Preference is just that. I'd prefer to date someone who is ______ but I wouldn't exlude someone who is ______.
  • FitbeTMF
    FitbeTMF Posts: 251
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    Preference. I look at it this way

    You don't look at someone nearby who isn't physically attractive to you and think to yourself, "DANG I bet they have a GREAT personality and heart."

    Physical attraction is important and the initial draw that most people have towards one another.
  • diodelcibo
    diodelcibo Posts: 2,564 Member
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    What's wrong with either?
  • virichi08
    virichi08 Posts: 465 Member
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    I think shallowness takes away any option with 100% certainty. I will NEVER date someone who is _______. Preference is just that. I'd prefer to date someone who is ______ but I wouldn't exlude someone who is ______.

    So i said would never be with someone who weighed a certain amount. I ended up dating someone who weighed that amount but it turned out to be a bad idea. Not simply because of his weight, but because about his approach to his weight (which i never brought up by the way) . But i also found out that that body frame does not attract me to a person...so NOW i will say i will NEVER date someone who is X amount of weight...

    does that put me in the shallow pool?
  • gingerveg
    gingerveg Posts: 748 Member
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    I think shallowness takes away any option with 100% certainty. I will NEVER date someone who is _______. Preference is just that. I'd prefer to date someone who is ______ but I wouldn't exlude someone who is ______.
    Yeah this is a nice explanation^
  • virichi08
    virichi08 Posts: 465 Member
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    What's wrong with either?


    Nothing wrong with either in my opinion. Just curious about what others think
  • gingerveg
    gingerveg Posts: 748 Member
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    I think shallowness takes away any option with 100% certainty. I will NEVER date someone who is _______. Preference is just that. I'd prefer to date someone who is ______ but I wouldn't exlude someone who is ______.

    So i said would never be with someone who weighed a certain amount. I ended up dating someone who weighed that amount but it turned out to be a bad idea. Not simply because of his weight, but because about his approach to his weight (which i never brought up by the way) . But i also found out that that body frame does not attract me to a person...so NOW i will say i will NEVER date someone who is X amount of weight...

    does that put me in the shallow pool?

    I'm going to go with no because you were not always closed to the idea. But either way, it is probably best never to say never. Stay open to love you never know what form it might take.

    ETA: and I find this to be an intriguing question btw
  • morticiamom
    morticiamom Posts: 221 Member
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    You're attracted to whomever you're attracted to, can't help that.

    However, if you know someone who isn't a turn off, but isn't you're idea of a 10, and you know that the person is honest, kind, shares your goals, etc, but won't look at them because they don't look like a movie star? Shallow.

    Dating aside: if there's someone who's accomplishing amazing things, and all you can see/talk about are their looks? Shallow.
  • virichi08
    virichi08 Posts: 465 Member
    Options
    I think shallowness takes away any option with 100% certainty. I will NEVER date someone who is _______. Preference is just that. I'd prefer to date someone who is ______ but I wouldn't exlude someone who is ______.

    So i said would never be with someone who weighed a certain amount. I ended up dating someone who weighed that amount but it turned out to be a bad idea. Not simply because of his weight, but because about his approach to his weight (which i never brought up by the way) . But i also found out that that body frame does not attract me to a person...so NOW i will say i will NEVER date someone who is X amount of weight...

    does that put me in the shallow pool?

    I'm going to go with no because you were not always closed to the idea. But either way, it is probably best never to say never. Stay open to love you never know what form it might take.

    ETA: and I find this to be an intriguing question btw

    lol. Thanks. I think it is funny that shallow is always thrown around when it comes to weight. If i as a black woman say i will not date a white man, no one says anything. but if i say i will not date a man who is more than 190lbs i would get called shallow.
    I want to understand what makes the two different
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    I say personal preference, I don't see how it's shallow if you don't find someone attractive!?
  • shanmackie
    shanmackie Posts: 194 Member
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    I've never dated somebody more than slightly overweight. I have to be attracted to them at first, I think. It just hasn't happened.
  • virichi08
    virichi08 Posts: 465 Member
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    You're attracted to whomever you're attracted to, can't help that.

    However, if you know someone who isn't a turn off, but isn't you're idea of a 10, and you know that the person is honest, kind, shares your goals, etc, but won't look at them because they don't look like a movie star? Shallow.

    Dating aside: if there's someone who's accomplishing amazing things, and all you can see/talk about are their looks? Shallow.

    I am getting a better understanding. But for the first example, is this implying that if i were in this situation i should force myself to like this guy even though i am not really attracted to him? I know attraction is not EVERYTHING, but it is SOMETHING and is enough to determine if you want to kiss a man or not...it's is enough to determine if i want to have kids with this person.
  • sofielein
    sofielein Posts: 539 Member
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    If I don't like skinny guys am I shallow?
  • DamnImASexyBitch
    DamnImASexyBitch Posts: 740 Member
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    I think shallowness takes away any option with 100% certainty. I will NEVER date someone who is _______. Preference is just that. I'd prefer to date someone who is ______ but I wouldn't exlude someone who is ______.

    So i said would never be with someone who weighed a certain amount. I ended up dating someone who weighed that amount but it turned out to be a bad idea. Not simply because of his weight, but because about his approach to his weight (which i never brought up by the way) . But i also found out that that body frame does not attract me to a person...so NOW i will say i will NEVER date someone who is X amount of weight...

    does that put me in the shallow pool?

    Yes. You're discluding an entire group of people based on ONE thing with 100% certainty, and it's of the superficial nature. By definition you are indeed shallow.
  • LavenderChamomile
    LavenderChamomile Posts: 52
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    Don't worry about it. I don't think it's crazy to say you won't date someone who's overweight, but don't feel like you're gonna miss out on someone because you made that call. If you're supposed to be with someone, your preferences have a funny way of clearing out when the time comes.
  • fit4lifeUcan2
    fit4lifeUcan2 Posts: 1,458 Member
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    It's all about attraction. Some day you may meet someone who isn't the lean mean muscle machine you envisioned you would be with but your some how attracted to them. Maybe its their smile, personality, the way they walk etc.

    My husband has/had a fantastic smile. On our first date that was the first thing I noticed about him. I just love a great smile. I didn't even notice that he was over weight. I see photos now of what he looked like back then and really had no clue at that time that he was that big. I just never noticed. We hit it off right away and had fun together. Now he's a stick but I'll take that.
  • mollysonnotice
    mollysonnotice Posts: 140
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    I think shallowness takes away any option with 100% certainty. I will NEVER date someone who is _______. Preference is just that. I'd prefer to date someone who is ______ but I wouldn't exlude someone who is ______.

    So i said would never be with someone who weighed a certain amount. I ended up dating someone who weighed that amount but it turned out to be a bad idea. Not simply because of his weight, but because about his approach to his weight (which i never brought up by the way) . But i also found out that that body frame does not attract me to a person...so NOW i will say i will NEVER date someone who is X amount of weight...

    does that put me in the shallow pool?

    Yes. You're discluding an entire group of people based on ONE thing with 100% certainty, and it's of the superficial nature. By definition you are indeed shallow.

    I dont think so. Its preference in my opinion. If you aren't physically attracted to them, you aren't. You cant change that. In my opinion, if you dont like them at ALL if they are overweight, thats being shallow. I mean, I have never found myself attracted to men shorter than me. But I dont think thats shallow because I still think of them as friends, or something of the sort. Attraction is attraction. Dislike is different
  • fit4lifeUcan2
    fit4lifeUcan2 Posts: 1,458 Member
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    I just noticed that your only 23 years old. Once you've grown up a bit more you'll change your likes and dislikes and realize that its not all about appearances. The most fit fabulous looking man can be a total douche and then there are the heavy or just slightly chunky guys who would treat you like a queen. Once you've matured and realized this you'll widen your pool.
  • morticiamom
    morticiamom Posts: 221 Member
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    You're attracted to whomever you're attracted to, can't help that.

    However, if you know someone who isn't a turn off, but isn't you're idea of a 10, and you know that the person is honest, kind, shares your goals, etc, but won't look at them because they don't look like a movie star? Shallow.

    Dating aside: if there's someone who's accomplishing amazing things, and all you can see/talk about are their looks? Shallow.

    I am getting a better understanding. But for the first example, is this implying that if i were in this situation i should force myself to like this guy even though i am not really attracted to him? I know attraction is not EVERYTHING, but it is SOMETHING and is enough to determine if you want to kiss a man or not...it's is enough to determine if i want to have kids with this person.

    If you're totally not attracted, then no, you shouldn't force yourself -- that's doing neither of you any favors. It's not as if you're that person's last hope of a relationship.

    If, however, there's a person to whom you're attracted say 70% who's a great guy, and another to whom you're attracted 99% but who all your friends say is a douche (your carbonated hormones won't let you see that, but your friends are usually right) and you pick person number two? Shallow. Oh, but I'll still listen and give you tissues when you cry when he/she INEVITABLY does you wrong. Took me a couple of times to learn, myself.
  • fit4lifeUcan2
    fit4lifeUcan2 Posts: 1,458 Member
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    If I don't like skinny guys am I shallow?

    If you dislike them ONLY because they are skinny then yes you are shallow.

    If your just not attracted to them then no that's not shallow that's all about attraction. But to NOT like someone just because they are skinny? Shallow!!

    I like people no matter what their shape or size. I don't let their looks determine if i like them or not.

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