Broke a bad habit, now I'm getting worried...

lkeller95
lkeller95 Posts: 5 Member
in Motivation and Support
I joined MFP to lose weight when I'm trying to recover from anorexia nervosa. I realize now that this was the wrong thing to do. But being a part of this site with all the beautiful words of support that shine through made me want to stay and work towards living a life where I can be healthy and happy.
That being said; since Tuesday I've netted 840, 582, 800, and 307 calories until this morning when I did zumba for about 50 minutes and I began to get really dizzy (I'd also had a headache since the day before) and got scared because I was beginning to recognize it as being similar to when i was hospitalized for my eating disorder. After that, I told my mom that I'd joined MFP and showed her my diary for the last week. She now has me working toward 1200 calories a day because that was the goal that was showing on my diary when I showed it to her, but I'd forgotten that I'd calibrated it for weight loss, but I'm still worried because tonight my food calories added up to be 1,038 and I don't want to gain back the weight that I already lost. I'm 5'8 and was 126 when I weighed this morning which is still in the healthy range for my BMI.
I don't know what I should be doing, I'm just scared that because my caloric intake has increased I'm going to gain the weight back (maybe even more). Is this just my eating disorder talking, or should I be worried?

Replies

  • DP325i
    DP325i Posts: 677 Member
    A lot of it mental with the eating disorder, since the root of the problem is being dissatisfied with your physical appearance, if you get up to your required calories to be healthy, you should start to regain lost muscle, but stick with it! It's awesome to see both sides of the spectrum on this site, (big and small). If you want to, add me. nothing helps more than motivation
  • peaceloveweedandveggies
    peaceloveweedandveggies Posts: 48 Member
    im recovering as well. yesterday was my birthday and i gave myself a pass for the day. i had a cinnamon stick for breakfast, shared a big bag of chips, had some chocolate, and i had all sorts of crazy things for dinner.i still managed to lose 1lb. its okay to eat.stick to 1200 for a while,or work your way there.
  • foleyshirley
    foleyshirley Posts: 1,043 Member
    My honest opinion.... You should probably not be logging right now as it appears to be a trigger for you. You are not eating enough, and should be netting at least 1200. You did not break a bad habit, because it is still there. I am glad you talked to your mom. Continue getting help.
  • DisorderedKittiKat
    DisorderedKittiKat Posts: 4 Member
    It's just your eating disorder talking, you won't gain from eating that much.
  • Junken_Diraffe
    Junken_Diraffe Posts: 716 Member
    I think logging can be really good for you, ONLY IF you're actually trying to get up to that 1200 calories. If you start to stress or get upset as you see the number of calories consumed increase, do not log. But, if you're using this as a tool to help as you strive for 1200, it could be very helpful.
  • foleyshirley
    foleyshirley Posts: 1,043 Member
    I think logging can be really good for you, ONLY IF you're actually trying to get up to that 1200 calories. If you start to stress or get upset as you see the number of calories consumed increase, do not log. But, if you're using this as a tool to help as you strive for 1200, it could be very helpful.

    I agree that if someone is in more control and wants to net a healthy number of calories, this site could be helpful. I don't see that as the case here. I think it is hurting.
  • Davy_RockHit214
    Davy_RockHit214 Posts: 60 Member
    Perhaps you should see someone who specializes in eating disorders? I would imagine that you have a very sensitive reaction to any specific triggers therefore it actually might not be helpful to log your calories.
  • Graelwyn75
    Graelwyn75 Posts: 4,404 Member
    Your terror of gaining weight, on a calorie count that even most on here for weight loss eat above, shows you should really not be here at all, and should be continuing professional treatment. You do not even need to lose weight, although I understand the desire to be the lowest bmi possible within the healthy range. Until your focus becomes being alive and healthy, rather than being a number on the scale, this site can only be detrimental to you and will most likely trigger you, especially given there are a lot of others here with EDs who are actively pro anorexia.
  • wibutterflymagic
    wibutterflymagic Posts: 788 Member
    Your terror of gaining weight, on a calorie count that even most on here for weight loss eat above, shows you should really not be here at all, and should be continuing professional treatment. You do not even need to lose weight, although I understand the desire to be the lowest bmi possible within the healthy range. Until your focus becomes being alive and healthy, rather than being a number on the scale, this site can only be detrimental to you and will most likely trigger you, especially given there are a lot of others here with EDs who are actively pro anorexia.

    This. Since you still have it in your head that eating 1000 calories is going to make you gain weight, it appears you are still far from controlling your disorder. I would get off of mfp and find professional help and/or a support group to help you.

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