concerns rather than support from family grrr

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candicemcl
candicemcl Posts: 59
in Motivation and Support
My husband was laid off for almost 12 wks, during this time we had to tighten our budget which meant not going out as much whether it be shopping or eating. His family was always asking how we were doing, and yes things were different but we were fine they don't seem to get that. He got called back to work this past Monday and knowing that I had ordered the Nike+ sensor & JM 30 day shred as these are both things I wanted to help make my life for active and knew that we could relax our budget a bit but we did well on the tighter one so we are going to go inbetween the old and new budgets we had. So my posts go to FB (not anymore I changed it) I get a message from his sister...voicing her "concern" she thinks its great we are trying to live healthier lives but doesn't want us to overdue it...nor does she think we should spend money on frivolous things as she put it, she thought my purchase was dumb. I sent her a short message back saying we are fine financially, our bills are paid, our kids are fed and clothed and frankly I didn't think my 25 dollar purchase (video was paid with giftcard) was any of her business or anyone else in the family as she pointed out that her parents and other sister worry about us too.
I am NEVER talking finances with them...they over thought what we said about finances during his lay off, and they always do question our purchases...I guess I understand why my husband doesn't want them knowing we bought the kids a netbook, we may have paid cash but for some reason everything small or big seems to be "frivolous" to them and I am so sick of them butting in so I have told hubby no money talk at all with his family ever!
ok I just really needed to vent, I feel like we have no support from his family about changing our life either...which is dumb since the said sister who sent the message is very active, she was at the Boston Marathon for her 2nd time on Monday so what gives...we want to be healthy like them but because we are younger we may do it wrong or something *rolling my eyes*
thanks for reading...I feel better, now off to walk and get my kids from school
Candice

Replies

  • tlilly80
    tlilly80 Posts: 27
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    It is really none of their business. Like you said....you have a home and food for your children....and you're not asking them for money! I guess it seems really weird for me because no one in my family would ever over step boundaries like that! Then again....we aren't exactly "normal" either :laugh:
  • jalara
    jalara Posts: 2,622 Member
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    Don't worry - you have support here. Anytime you need it!

    No one understands what their family does. My FI and I have a lifestyle that is very different from our families, and we are comfortable with that. I think that's the natural progession of generations.

    Besides, some people are just too nosy.
  • cymills
    cymills Posts: 133 Member
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    Yes- remember "family " starts with an "F" word , and usually nothing ever good comes from those words- LOL! I
    do feel your pain ...as my extended fmaily fit that bill quite well.
    I also noted a great deal of "she thinks" and "none of her business" . You stick to your guns girl. She has th eproblem - not you. it is not important what she - or anyone else thinks- It sounds as thou you and hubby have it together.
    Vent away - this is a great avenue with better supports. Avoid the negative people - even if they are family!
  • igmom
    igmom Posts: 90
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    If you haven't asked to borrow money from them, then they should shut the F up!
  • jmarie66
    jmarie66 Posts: 17
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    Plain and simple, IGNORE them. It is NONE of their business. If you had been relying on them for financial help during the layoff that would be one thing but even still, it is really none of their business and your best bet is tell them that. They will either understand or they won't. Good luck! :wink:
  • SewRue
    SewRue Posts: 74 Member
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    Family! They are overly concerned about nothing and love to nit pick everything in our lives. It's your money. You can buy what you want. Especially if it's for a healthier living. We all have someone in our families that will rag on us for what we do with ourselves. I equate it to jealousy or deflection. They are jealous of you and what you are doing or deflecting their own problems on you. Sure it's not always the case, everyone is different. But if you (and I mean everyone) broke down these situations within our own family unit, I'd say it was the case 80% of the time.
  • candicemcl
    candicemcl Posts: 59
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    Thanks for the replies, I am so put off by this, its been years of it, pretty much our whole marriage and early on we had financial support like the downpayment for our house but we paid that back. They always need to know what's going on in our lives (but yet hardly visit, or want to take the kids for us) and they find someway to cut down what we are doing. I am so done with it. Told hubby we should move thousands of miles away and have call display LOL but I honestly couldn't do that, my mom is only 15 min. drive from my place and I am very close to her and alot of my family, never has she critiqued choices I make, she encourages me not questions me. I just chalk it up to my hubby being the "baby" of the family, and just not letting go and realizing he is 30 with 3 kids and a wife, we are fine and can do things without their approval
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
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    If you haven't asked to borrow money from them, then they should shut the F up!

    ^ I second this.
  • fitzio1015
    fitzio1015 Posts: 168
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    wow so your married with kids and your inlaws feel you can't control you own life???

    why does this sound so dang familiar....my husbands grandmother is the same with with my husband and my hobbies... don't you think you should put that money away for a rainy day?.... my responce.... why would i wait for a rainy day those are do boring to do anything fun.....I just learned to nod my head and say yes gram.....
  • aippolito1
    aippolito1 Posts: 4,894 Member
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    Ugh. I know what you mean. :\ When I first got my own place, my sister kept telling me I was spending too much money on food ($200 for 1 month) and told me to eat "ramen noodles" every meal even though I told her I was trying to eat healthy. She offered to buy me groceries and then never did.

    Why can't people just keep things to themselves? I'm sorry your family isn't being supportive of your lifestyle. Sometimes you just have to leave those people out of certain things to avoid drama - sad it has to be that way.

    *hugs* I SUPPORT YOU!!!
  • smae1980
    smae1980 Posts: 794 Member
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    Thanks for the replies, I am so put off by this, its been years of it, pretty much our whole marriage and early on we had financial support like the downpayment for our house but we paid that back. They always need to know what's going on in our lives (but yet hardly visit, or want to take the kids for us) and they find someway to cut down what we are doing. I am so done with it. Told hubby we should move thousands of miles away and have call display LOL but I honestly couldn't do that, my mom is only 15 min. drive from my place and I am very close to her and alot of my family, never has she critiqued choices I make, she encourages me not questions me. I just chalk it up to my hubby being the "baby" of the family, and just not letting go and realizing he is 30 with 3 kids and a wife, we are fine and can do things without their approval

    Sounds like my mother in law! I feel your pain( Our guys are the same age, by the way)
  • Nich0le
    Nich0le Posts: 2,906 Member
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    if they didn't give you the money then they don't have any right to tell you how to spend your money!

    Now that you have the sensor join us for MFP montly challenges at Nike, we have an April one up and I just put may up
    Look for MFP May Challenge in the challenges section, we would love to have as many MFPers as we can get!
  • candicemcl
    candicemcl Posts: 59
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    Nichole: found ya's and joined for May I love my sensor and my kids sure aren't suffering for my lil gadget they enjoyed a good walk on local trail with me other night :-)

    Arielle: when we got our first place, his mom would come and re organize our place (moving small things round from place to place...or put them in a cupboard cuz she didn't like them) and she would always offer to take our garbage to her place to put out as it was $2/bag. I know most times they mean well but they really don't think before they act alot of the time.

    Fitz: oh yes, I so want to tell his mom to cut the cord already its been 30 yrs :-P

    Hubby is all for leaving them out of our finances, so that makes me feel better but I plan on telling him to tell them not to even ask about our money anymore...and I will be more careful about what i put on FB since I can't delete them (good thing its only his one sister on there but she spreads word fast to the rest of them)

    again thank you...means alot that people understand and support the lifestyle we are trying to come into

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