Dad day depression:

diannholland1965
diannholland1965 Posts: 782 Member
edited September 18 in Motivation and Support
This does not really have anything to do with weight loss, but I need to get this out, Maybe someone that has been there can tell me what to do or how they handle this.
March 31st at 4:15 in the AM my father passed away. He had cancer that spread to the brain, and they considered it in-operable. he was doing fine at Christmas, but plunged down hill fast. We where expecting it, Though it was still very hard.
So for Dads day, even though I have been without my dad for a few months I went to the store yesterday to get fresh fruit and when there decided to pick up some Dads day cards for my man. One from me and one from each of our dogs... Silly I know but we do this for all holidays.
(Michael does not have children, so the dogs are our kids.)
Anyway, there I am standing at the HyVee in the card isle, 1st card, OK but a little misty. 2nd card not as good tears are brimming. 3rd card tears no longer stoppable. 4th card I burst into tears right in the middle of the store. Sobbing in the isle.
Not to long, one of the girls that works there asked me if she needed to call Michael...
(Nice when you are known at your local grocery store.) I said that I would be OK but I needed to get out of the card isle. She took me to the frozen food section, and I felt a little better. Other then the fact that I just bust into tears at the store that is. Do not know if it was the cold of the isle or the walk to get me there but it worked... I digress...
So, if I can not look at Dads day cards for my man without bursting into tears, What am I going to do on Dads day for him, And WHAT am I going to do with MOM on Dad's day?
I told my younger sister and we have decided that we are planting a tree for Dad on that day. Any other ideas?
--Diann...

Replies

  • diannholland1965
    diannholland1965 Posts: 782 Member
    This does not really have anything to do with weight loss, but I need to get this out, Maybe someone that has been there can tell me what to do or how they handle this.
    March 31st at 4:15 in the AM my father passed away. He had cancer that spread to the brain, and they considered it in-operable. he was doing fine at Christmas, but plunged down hill fast. We where expecting it, Though it was still very hard.
    So for Dads day, even though I have been without my dad for a few months I went to the store yesterday to get fresh fruit and when there decided to pick up some Dads day cards for my man. One from me and one from each of our dogs... Silly I know but we do this for all holidays.
    (Michael does not have children, so the dogs are our kids.)
    Anyway, there I am standing at the HyVee in the card isle, 1st card, OK but a little misty. 2nd card not as good tears are brimming. 3rd card tears no longer stoppable. 4th card I burst into tears right in the middle of the store. Sobbing in the isle.
    Not to long, one of the girls that works there asked me if she needed to call Michael...
    (Nice when you are known at your local grocery store.) I said that I would be OK but I needed to get out of the card isle. She took me to the frozen food section, and I felt a little better. Other then the fact that I just bust into tears at the store that is. Do not know if it was the cold of the isle or the walk to get me there but it worked... I digress...
    So, if I can not look at Dads day cards for my man without bursting into tears, What am I going to do on Dads day for him, And WHAT am I going to do with MOM on Dad's day?
    I told my younger sister and we have decided that we are planting a tree for Dad on that day. Any other ideas?
    --Diann...
  • Mireille
    Mireille Posts: 5,134 Member
    I don't have any suggestions but I do have lots of hugs for you.

    :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • sindyb9
    sindyb9 Posts: 1,248 Member
    Planting a tree is a fantastic idea. My father in law just passed in Nov. and it is still hard. :flowerforyou:
  • gabi_ele
    gabi_ele Posts: 460 Member
    My dad died 6 years ago, since they live in germany I didn't get a chance to say goodby and it happened kind of sudden. I went to the funeral and it was very hard on me (almost got on the wrong plain, had to get checked 4 times in the terminal b/c I was a little on the distressed side). It takes time for any wound to heal, there will come a time when it gets easier.
    When I have a decision to make or am tempted to do something stupid I can hear my dad in the back of my mind . Even so he is not with me, a part of him lives in me ( I have the same awful laugh, lots of things I learned from him and am thankful for, memories that will last untill I'm in my rocking chair) Maybe you need to dig in your memories and pick something funny out and tell it to your mom and sis... have a remember when party....and maybe you just need a good cry and sit in front of the refrigorator:wink: And don't sweat the grocery store there are worse things in life, all it made you was human....
    Hope you'll feel better soon:drinker:
  • pam0206
    pam0206 Posts: 700 Member
    How about a special day with your guy? You can plant your tree and go out on your boat? Plan a nice meal to have while you're out. I think this holiday comes so close to losing your dad, you should plan to do something for yourself. Do something that you can enjoy. Mother's/Father's Days are hard for me just thinking about grandparents. Take care of yourself.:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • diannholland1965
    diannholland1965 Posts: 782 Member
    I thank you all for your support. :flowerforyou:
    Remembering our dad is the easy part. thus the reason that this seems so hard on us.
    Dad was always there. always willing to support us no mater what we where doing.
    Always good always kind and FUNNY AS HELL!
    He always tried to plow us with Cookies however...
    No matter what the problem... It went like this...
    Awwww, your boyfriend dumped you? Would you like a cookie?
    Oh, You broke your arm, Here Have a cookie.
    In fact when he was told he had cancer, he said.
    Man, So I have the Big C huh? Well I Want a cookie!
    Dad was a funny funny man. the loss will be felt for a long time.
    The tree idea came from the fact that Dad donated his body to science. so we do not have a place to go to "Be" with him. So we decided that we would look into planting a tree in his honor.
    --Diann...
  • maverickyanda
    maverickyanda Posts: 422 Member
    Get a dad's day card for your mom.

    I wish someone would do that for me when it's dad's day.
  • auntkaren
    auntkaren Posts: 1,490 Member
    :heart: My heart feels for you. I am so sorry for your loss. My mother died of cancer a few years ago and I take special flowers every year for her head stone and even have a personal conversation to her as if she is listening. Even when there is no special occasion I sometimes go to the cemetery and set for a spell. Maybe instead of getting cards that say Fathers Day, Look at good humor cards for that someone special, The doggies would probably get a good laugh out of the cards to. It's going to take time hun, and this year your just not ready. Go to a bigger store like wal mart with bigger selections. Give yourself time and show hubby how you love him in other ways, he understands:flowerforyou: :heart: I'm sorry I didn't read your post of why your planting the tree.
  • tamrajd
    tamrajd Posts: 86
    :flowerforyou: planting a tree is a wonderful idea!! I lost two brothers in 2005, I know it's not the same as losing a parent so i truely can't feel your loss. But I know the Lord can be our comfort and he has all the love and understanding weneed. Just lean on him. I'll keep you in my prayers:flowerforyou:
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
    My heart goes out to you. This is never an easy time. I lost my mother in 2000 to Lupus (well, technically pneumonia with complications from Lupus and she was only 50) and while it does get a little easier as time goes on...it is never far from your mind.

    A tree or memorial kind of garden even might be a nice idea. My grandfather (my moms dad) gardens and he made a little area around the back patio of his house be like a memorial...there is a little pond and plants, flowers and a statue of a little girl (his little girl). I always thought that was a beautiful gesture.

    I live in a condo right now and don't have a yard but I plan to plant a tree or maybe even a big rododendrun (which my mother loved)..in honor of her.

    Anyway, just know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I definitley know what is going on in your heart and head right now. Please let me know if I can help in any way.

    Hug!
    Tami
  • Amanda4825
    Amanda4825 Posts: 113 Member
    i definatly feel for you... my father passed away a week before i graduated high school 3 years ago in may (from a simle getting tonsils out surgery):cry: and i dont deal with it to well im extra emotional and an emotional eater so you can guess why im over weight... but trust me your not the only one. give your mom lots of support plant some flowers for you dad. I like to laminate pictures and put them at his grave even tho they dont last forever i still feel good when i do that. He is probably right behind you all the time too-- your gaurdian angel. i know mine is...
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