Unsupportive Loved Ones

Options
jvbrooks
jvbrooks Posts: 82 Member
in Motivation and Support
My significant other and I have changed our eating lifestyles together and have both been losing weight. At the beginning, she was losing at a much faster rate and lost more pounds in total. However I eventually overtook her and now I'm losing at a faster rate and have lost more net pounds than she has.

Prior to this, we had no problems comparing our weights and our victories. Now, however, since she is "losing" (it's not a competition, but I'm sure this is how she sees it), she doesn't like hearing about my weight. I weigh myself every morning after my shower, and of course she is the first person I see after that -- I want to be able to brag about my success without making her feel bad. I never rub it in but she still doesn't like hearing it.

Is there something I can do? Have any of you had similar problems?

Replies

  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,129 Member
    Options
    I don't know if you're male, but it is common for men to lose more rapidly. You two really can't compare your "success".

    If it bothers her, she's going ot have to learn to deal with it. You can keep your numbers to yourself if you don't like her reaction.
  • weird_me2
    weird_me2 Posts: 716 Member
    Options
    Is there something I can do? Have any of you had similar problems?

    Yeah, stop sharing with her your "victories". Even when you are working with a loved one towards a shared weight loss goal, each person is an individual and in the end it can get really tedious talking about weight, weight loss, diet, health, etc. every day.
  • 1223345
    1223345 Posts: 1,386 Member
    Options
    The trouble is, if you are male, you are going to lose weight much faster. Men seem to be able to drop ten pounds like a hot potato while women seem to have that hot potato glued to in their hand! It is frustrating for us women because we have to work twice as hard to get only half the results of a man. We can thank hormones for this. I know men roll their eyes at that but it's true. I recomend not sharing as much. Maybe offer support first. Ask her how her weight loss is going, or something like that. If you are met with rudeness then don't go that way again. Another thing, women are strange creatures. Like you say, it is not a contest, but when someone who is really feeling good about finally getting rid of some saddle bags, feels like they are being out done even when it isnt a contest, it can create resentment. I think you should have a talk about it with her.
  • soberstudent
    soberstudent Posts: 7
    Options
    Dont compare.
    Me and my dad are on a diet together but we dont compare.
  • scarlet_afire
    scarlet_afire Posts: 19
    Options
    Keep your number to yourself, bub, and tell her how amazing she is doing. Do your humble brags here and we'll support you, but it's probably best for your relationship that she not feel like a failure (because trust me, when the numbers don't budge, no amount of NSVs are going to keep some folks from feeling like failures).
  • BarackMeLikeAHurricane
    BarackMeLikeAHurricane Posts: 3,400 Member
    Options
    Everyone else has already covered the basics, but instead of telling her about how much weight you've lost, etc. make sure you tell her how good she looks and how proud you are of her progress.
  • BCSMama
    BCSMama Posts: 348
    Options
    Everyone else has already covered the basics, but instead of telling her about how much weight you've lost, etc. make sure you tell her how good she looks and how proud you are of her progress.

    ^^^ This
  • julesxo
    julesxo Posts: 422 Member
    Options
    Maybe try encouraging her?
  • Turtlesallthewaydown
    Turtlesallthewaydown Posts: 64 Member
    Options
    Try going by percentages? If someone weighs 200 and someone else weights 130 and they both lose 10% of their weight the 200 lb person would lose 20lb and the 130 lb person would only lose 13lbs. Different number of pounds of weight lost, but they have lost an equal percentage of weight. So by pounds alone the person losing fewer lbs would feel like they were not keeping up but by percentage the two are losing equally.
  • Dree3
    Dree3 Posts: 54 Member
    Options
    You definitely should let her know that men (assuming you're male) drop way faster than women. It's normal. My guy loses waaay faster than I do. He's almost at his goal, and I'm still about 50lbs away from mine. And you know what? I'm proud of him. He looks and feels great, and I make sure to tell him that often, even on days when I haven't seen any progress on the scale. We've been supportive of each other all along the way, through thick and thin (and a few stalls).

    You shouldn't have to feel like you can't share your happiness with her. She should be happy for you. As I said, men are blessed with the ability to lose faster than women, it's just the way things are. I wouldn't necessarily brag, per se, but you should still be able to express your happiness about your success, and she should support you. If she seems upset, maybe talk it over with her. Explain the stuff about men losing faster, and so on. In a nice way, of course!

    If she can't understand that and still won't support you, well ... I'm sorry, that's pretty crappy of her.
  • FutureSkinnyMama03
    FutureSkinnyMama03 Posts: 250 Member
    Options
    If you ARE going to compare, don't compare the actual pounds lost but the percentage of body weight lost. Much more fair. ;)

    But, I'm not sure I'd share at all unless she asks. Then, feel free to share. Just always try to encourage each other instead of feeling like you need to brag. Women can especially be more vulnerable when it comes to their weight & how their weightloss plan is going so tread carefully.

Categories