NO MORE EXCUSES

Hi everyone! I'm 52 years-old, married for the past 19 years to an over-the-road truck driver. While he is driving/working around the country I have moved back to my hometown to help care for my 86 year-old mother, who no longer can do the things it takes to keep house. I am her chauffer, cook, maid, gardener, a "jill-of-all-trades", you might say.
I have been an emotional eater since I was a child. Every little upset...woo woo, there I'd go and stick my head into the fridge to see what it could offer up to me, or to the pantry and grab a big bag of chips/soda....sneak it upstairs to my bedroom, eat every last morsel, get really full...and then cry.
Food has always played a major role in my family. Breads, puddings, cakes, cookies, fried...you name it, we ate it.
Holidays...oh my! Lots of food during that time too! And yes, I enjoyed every-single-bit-I-could-get-on-my-plate...and then some. I ALWAYS went back for seconds! We were raised in a time where we were told "think about the starving babies in Africa", if (Heaven forbid)we dared leave any food on our plates.
Through the years I picked up on "little tricks of the trade" in regards to losing weight. I ate(and still do)with a salad fork, a smaller plate and the past couple of years have gotten better at not eating a lot of fried foods, or fast-food (every day). But I have the occasional fast-food burger and fries, then beat myself up afterwards because I end up with an upset stomach that will last for days! Totally NOT worth the aggravation, nor the toll it is taking on my insides. But torture myself, I do. And now is the time for NO MORE EXCUSES.
I could sit here and spout off a million reasons/excuses, if you will, of why I eat the way I do-because there's something always tied to it that makes me eat that way. But that's not going to help me feel better about myself(because it never has). It's always been a "quick fix" for me. Like an addict who craves alcohol or drugs, who needs that "fix" to get them through the day/night/moment...whatever the case may be. I am a food addict.
Oh, and I'm a liar as well. I can be with friends or family and we'll go out to eat. While everyone else is piling their plates high, I'm the fat one who's barely got anything on her plate and eating slowly to fill myself up(and everyone is bragging about how "dedicated" I am watching what I eat). I end up feeling guilty, because even though I smile at them and play along with it, with answers like, "yes, it is hard to do, and it takes practice", because I know I am lying to them and to myself. And to prove how much of a liar I am, once I get home, I go straight to the fridge or pantry to see what I can sneak upstairs and munch on through the night while I waste time online chatting with friends or playing games or even web-surfing.
My younger sister's friend told me about myfitnesspal on Facebook about a week ago. Today, I decided was the time to join. I'm definitely on this NO MORE EXCUSES kick now, but it is going to be a life-changing/challenging-rest-of-my-life-kick. Not some "fly-by-night-spend-hundreds-of-dollars-for-a-program-that-doesn't-work-kick", but something that I will have to keep focused on in order to see the results I need to see, to feel better about myself, not only in a healthier way, but emotionally as well. I've spent far too long hating the person I see in the mirror. NO MORE EXCUSES!