Need some good advise for my mom

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syns101
syns101 Posts: 18
in Motivation and Support
Hi, i recently started using my fitness pal and have already had good results! However i have tried to get my mom into this site because shes been talking about going onto the Dr. Bernstein diet. where you lose 5 pounds a week. Is that healthy? I don't think it would be for her shes 5'1 and 220 pounds. The last two days she hasn't been calculating, just assuming things are good for her then puts it in at night and says "oh my god i'm way over". I would just like some advise on how to help her more and have her not do a drastic diet.

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  • sunnyside1213
    sunnyside1213 Posts: 1,205 Member
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    I don't know any way to get someone on here to use the tools. My cousin joined and never checks in. Tell her diets don't work. This is not a diet. It is a lifestyle change. Forever.
  • jennmodugno
    jennmodugno Posts: 363 Member
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    First and foremost, if she's looking into a diet - if ANYONE is looking into a diet of any sort - she should go talk to a doctor. Her doctor will be able to tell her what a healthy weight loss for her is, more than any website or diet. There may be medical issues we don't know about, or maybe even that she doesn't know about! Go with her to the doctor, and maybe casually mention this site and what you've been doing, and I'd be surprised if the doctor doesn't agree that this is a good way to go about it. I can guarantee you she/he's going to tell her to avoid fad diets, at the very least.
  • DanaDark
    DanaDark Posts: 2,187 Member
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    Get her on MFP. Get her addicted to the social aspect of it. It REALLY helps.

    From there, let her simply log what she eats normally, not thinking about weight loss.

    Do that for a week. Then she can see what she is actually eating. After that, she can try to slowly reduce calories till she reaches the goal calories per day.
  • eandrsmom
    eandrsmom Posts: 119
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    I have found pre-logging to be invaluable. Totally eliminates the end of the day shock. And five pounds a week would really concern me after the first week or so. I am similarly built and started off a bit lighter, and have been working with a nutritionist and get measured weekly. I can only lose about two and a half pounds of fat each week. Additional loss beyond that is always water, and sometimes muscle. :(
  • RobinC37
    RobinC37 Posts: 242 Member
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    Do you live with/near here? Ask her to go for a walk and talk about your concerns with her. I can only comment from a daughter's perspective, but my mom has been trying to lose a little weight (she used to be 130 at 5'10, after me she's stayed at 160 for the past 25 years). She's out of work every day at 4:15 and goes to the gym right after. If I go to the gym at 3:45 I can jog for half an hour and then use her workout walk as my cooldown/time to touch base/catch up. Invite her to go to lunch with you, and suggest she split a healthy entree with you. Don't make it her battle alone, involve yourself! Don't tell her what to do, show her, and do it with her. Even though I'm losing and my mom is maintaining and getting fitter, it is something we can connect on and something she respects me a lot on since this is not my first rodeo. Is she on here yet? If not, try to get her here and connected with some ladies her age. They can help with age-related aspects of weight loss that I would have no idea about. Good luck with everything!
  • optima81
    optima81 Posts: 1
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    She has to want it for herself. Possibly put out a consequence that she really doesn't want if she doesn't take care of herself. My husband threatened another dog and I am too old for 2 at a time anymore. It is helping me stay focused on that goal for now.
  • fusion777
    fusion777 Posts: 197
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    Definitely have your mom join MFP and start logging her food and water, it was an eye-opener for me to see things add up!

    If she really wants to lose 5lbs a week (!!!!!), she should see a nutritionist and get on a medically supervised diet. 5lbs a week is even a stretch with medical help.

    Losing more than 2lbs a week requires bloodwork and medical observation with the havoc it does to your liver, etc.

    Yay you for trying to help your mom, what a good daughter. I'd encourage her to call her doctor for a recommendation to the medically supervised diet, most family doctors/PCPs aren't familiar enough with nutrition programs.

    Good luck and post back if you have more questions and to let us know how your mom is doing!
  • marsellient
    marsellient Posts: 591 Member
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    Your Mom has not yet figured out that there's no quick fix. Most of us started there, too. If you can talk to her, do push the social aspect of MFP, and find some research to support what you are saying about lifestyle change, if she'd be willing to listen. She has to be ready! Otherwise, all you can do is lead by example.

    Maybe some of the success stories here would be helpful, too. There are lots featuring women over 40. Good luck!
  • syns101
    syns101 Posts: 18
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    Get her on MFP. Get her addicted to the social aspect of it. It REALLY helps.

    From there, let her simply log what she eats normally, not thinking about weight loss.

    Do that for a week. Then she can see what she is actually eating. After that, she can try to slowly reduce calories till she reaches the goal calories per day.


    That is a great idea! thank you :)
  • SARgirl
    SARgirl Posts: 572 Member
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    When she's ready to commit she will until then you just keep doing what you are doing and maybe your success will be a motivating factor for her. You'll drive yourself up a wall trying to get her to commit if she's not ready (personal experience talking there!)
  • kimmcconkey
    kimmcconkey Posts: 45 Member
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    I had a friend who was on the Bernstein diet and had fabulous results BUT she eventually developed heart arrhythmias (v-tach to be precise...which is bad) and had to go on a heart monitor for two weeks. She stopped the diet and the arrhythmia a went away.
  • syns101
    syns101 Posts: 18
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    Thank you everyone, i have some really good advise and ideas to help her out. :) I am very appreciative.
  • sleibo87
    sleibo87 Posts: 403 Member
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    Trust me i feel your pain. My mom sees all my results from this website yet she wont log her calories to save her life. She thinks Dr.OZ is the best thing G-d created and it drives me nuts! Oh let me take this raspberry Keratin thing or sprinkle this stuff on my food and I will magically lose weight. Its ridiculous and drives me insane. I want her to get healthy but I also know that she is 60 and OCD and if she doesn't want to do something I can't make her. I stopped trying to give her advice cause it seems like a waste of breath. Once I told her all I knew and she still insisted on going to a seminar at her doctors where they gave advice and I asked her after having to PAY to go to this seminar if it was anything I hadn't already told her....she said no.! So sometimes people are just like that and will listen to everyone else. I just let her be and when she is ready I will be there to help.
  • pjrbs
    pjrbs Posts: 179 Member
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    Keep up with your efforts. Your success will be her best motivation.

    PS
    Two of my co workers were on this diet. One stopped after 40 or so pounds because she could no longer afford it .Another lost over 100 pounds and stopped when she ended up in the hospital. Both gained the weight back.
  • mmtiernan
    mmtiernan Posts: 702 Member
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    Get her on MFP. Get her addicted to the social aspect of it. It REALLY helps.

    From there, let her simply log what she eats normally, not thinking about weight loss.

    Do that for a week. Then she can see what she is actually eating. After that, she can try to slowly reduce calories till she reaches the goal calories per day.

    ^^This! Since she logs at night, she can also try logging ahead - when she sits down at night, she can pre-log for the next day and plan what she is going to eat, then print it out and stick it on the frig. That way, she'll know exactly what to eat for each meal!

    You might also get one of Tosca Reno's books to give her a jump start on eating better. Tosca is 52 and didn't turn her own eating around until her 40's. Her advice is sound and her "Just the Rules" is a pretty short, simple read. For more detailed plans and some recipes, try Tosca's "The Eat Clean Diet - Recharged".

    Good luck! :happy:
  • bellesouth18
    bellesouth18 Posts: 1,070 Member
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    I'm 5' and 208.7 right now. I'm probably your mom's age or older. First, is she able to use a computer? If not, show her how to use it, but use MFP for your example. Second, 5 lbs. a week is too much. She'll probably get discouraged and quit; that's if she doesn't pass out first from the rapid changes to her body. Third, give her time. When she sees the changes in you, maybe she'll come around. Fourth, ask her to go walking with you sometimes, saying that you'd do better if you had some company. Just remember she's older and probably can't walk as fast as you'd like. But that's not the point, right? Just get her moving. Let her see how that makes her feel. Fifth, she has to want to do it in order to be successful. Like others have said, it's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change--a change that will need to be followed the rest of her life.

    I'm in a reverse situation. I'm making changes and losing, but my daughter isn't interested in joining me. Time will tell. She's under a lot of stress right now, so I'm hoping when that eases off, she'll come around. Is your mother under a lot of stress now?
  • SarahSteele89
    SarahSteele89 Posts: 45
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    My mum is the same, she constantly is complaining bout gaining weight and wanting to lose it, so I set her up on here... she half-assed attempted to use it and then slowly stopped coming on and keeps forking out the money for all these fad diets that i always tell her wont work/ isnt healthy and wont keep the weight off but shes sure shes going to prove me wrong! Shes currently on some diet plan thing that shes meant to lose 5kg a week! thats rediculous! and the plan says "not based on kj diets so you wont be starving yourself" I put all her daily food into mfp and she is consuming only 800cal per day!! and she still wont listen.

    I hope she realises shes damaging herself before she really does any harm! In the meantime im desperately trying to get her to listen to me without her getting upset with me... again.

    Her life - her rules. I guess Im the daughter so what do I know.
  • koshkasmum
    koshkasmum Posts: 276 Member
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    First, remember that your mother is a grown up and needs to make her own decisions. Kids need to remember parents have been making life decisions longer than their kids have been alive and may not take "I know better than you" advice well. That said, your best tool to change your mom's mind on this is probably your own good example - so make sure she is really aware of what you are doing and how well its working for you..

    Most diets that involve rapid weight loss have issues for health. You should still urge her to see her own doctor before she tries the commercial plans (and Dr. Bernstein IS a commercial plan) to ensure that the drop in weight is worth the risks. In any case it needs to be monitored by her own doctor.
  • Susan_Star
    Susan_Star Posts: 15 Member
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    Sadly I have the same problem with my mom. She is 83 years old with a zillion health problems including pre-diabetic!

    Plus, she is a sugar addict with OCD. Her doctor is very worried about her and so am I. Every two months she has to go back to the doctors office to get her blood sugar tested with very bad results and a dire warning from the doctor.

    On her way home she buys huge amounts of sugar things to deal with the stress of the doctors report.

    I have tried everything, taken her to weight watchers meetings, bought her at least 40 diet/health books, (including Tosca Reno), nothing works.

    She is on a dozen medications for her high cholesteral, and heart problems. She is gaining at least 10 extra pounds per year, and she is now so fat, she has hip problems and can barely walk. She is depressed and very negative and crys all the time.

    I have tried to get her onto this MFP site, but no luck.

    Any suggestions, I am worried sick about her, my mom is my best friend!
    Thanks

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