Boyfriend Says I'm Too Into Weight Loss

GetHotIn2014
GetHotIn2014 Posts: 201 Member
in Motivation and Support
I feel kinda down today.

Yesterday I created a Facebook page called Saginaw Fat Slayers, with the intention of starting a group for people in the area where I used to live and still work. I was very excited about it. I wanted to post cool facts and tips and stuff about weight loss. I wanted to have everyone collaborate on where and when to have meetings, which probably would only be bi-weekly for an hour or two so it's not too big of a time commitment. I've been so inspired by the friends and support on this site that I thought it would be cool to have a real live support group of local people who could help each other get where we're trying to go.

But when I got home, my boyfriend started talking about how I don't spend enough time with him, that I'm obsessed with losing weight and obsessed with this site, and that starting a local group would be too much. I do work full time, but all I do is work and come home. I'm not involved in ANYTHING else right now. I work Saturday-Wednesday 9:30-6 and my days off I'm always with him. I know he feels like maybe we don't spend a lot of actual quality time together, but it's tough to do fun things together when money seems to always be so tight. I will admit, I do spend a lot of time on this site, but I just love it. I love the inspiration and motivation and information. I'm making HUGE changes in my life and it's extremely important and exciting for me. I guess he just feels left out...A few times he's even made comments about how he thinks I'm gonna burn myself out or wanna give up because I'm too focussed on it. He's tried to convince me to eat snacks I know I don't need or shouldn't eat and got defensive when I turned them down. He seems to think what I'm doing isn't normal. He complains about how I log absolutely everything I eat. He just doesn't seem to get it and it makes me really sad. I know he wants me to lose weight and that he is proud of me for the changes I've made, and I'm SURE he won't be complaining when I'm looking a lot hotter because of it. I know he's been kinda moody lately because of other things going on, too. I just get so frustrated when he says that I don't give him enough of my attention or that this site takes up too much of my time. I guess I just feel like when I'm doing something so big, it does take a lot of focus and I have a huge craving to learn all I can and get all the tips and support I can get. It makes me really happy and excited to know I'm doing this, I can do this.

Anyone have similar experience or advice?

Replies

  • fara180
    fara180 Posts: 1,260 Member
    I get where you are both coming from. On one hand, you have to realize that you aren't just changing YOUR life, you are changing your life as a COUPLE. Because you two are attached, things you do will affect things he does and vice versa. Why dont you see if he wants to work out with you? It can be really fun to have a partner and he wont feel so left out. If he's already fit, make him feel better by calling him your "trainer." If not, tell him that you really want to take this journey with him!

    As far as being on this site too much, I'm obsessed. I log on way too much, when I should be working out! So try to use this site as a reward...like logging on AFTER a nice workout.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    Meh. My BF occasionally complains of the same thing. It's frustrating but anymore, I just don't bother with it. I spend a lot of time on the internet to begin with - I think he's just tired of hearing me constantly talking about weight loss and MFP. I'm making a concerted effort to find other things to talk about with him.

    Hopefully that will ease some of his frustrations.
  • GetHotIn2014
    GetHotIn2014 Posts: 201 Member
    I know it would probably be good to make him feel more involved in my weight loss journey, somehow. That's kinda what he mentioned last night. He's not in quite as bad of shape as I am, but he has some work to do, too, to be truly in shape. He's been eating less, and even though he still snacks on junk food and drinks pop, his weight is starting to come off too. Last night we were talking to our roommates about where the nearest place to work out is. Apparently there's a free public gym facility somewhere pretty close by, which sounds great. I know he wants to jump on the band wagon. Maybe that's part of why he's been kind of upset, because he feels like he's not doing enough of what he should be to get in shape and feels defensive about that. I'm sure it'll be okay. I'm gonna try to be more conscious about how much time I spend on here and involving him in everything at a higher level.
  • UKMarjie
    UKMarjie Posts: 257 Member
    I know it would probably be good to make him feel more involved in my weight loss journey, somehow. That's kinda what he mentioned last night. He's not in quite as bad of shape as I am, but he has some work to do, too, to be truly in shape. He's been eating less, and even though he still snacks on junk food and drinks pop, his weight is starting to come off too. Last night we were talking to our roommates about where the nearest place to work out is. Apparently there's a free public gym facility somewhere pretty close by, which sounds great. I know he wants to jump on the band wagon. Maybe that's part of why he's been kind of upset, because he feels like he's not doing enough of what he should be to get in shape and feels defensive about that. I'm sure it'll be okay. I'm gonna try to be more conscious about how much time I spend on here and involving him in everything at a higher level.

    Sometimes the response is not appropriate but the reason is, as PPs have said, a lot to do with how your changes make them feel. He is feeling challenged about his lifestyle choices when he looks at your progress. Get him on board and remember that guys tend to lose faster than women so don't get your nose out of joint...makes you sick but still need to be supportive! ;)
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,024 Member
    A different lifestyle opposite of what you used to do will affect not only how you eat and exercise, but the time you used to use. He's having to adjust to the lifestyle too.
    Speaking from a male perspective, he's probably feeling "uneeded" in the relationship at this point. Sex usually solves this issue.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • Yanicka1
    Yanicka1 Posts: 4,564 Member

    Speaking from a male perspective, he's probably feeling "uneeded" in the relationship at this point. Sex usually solves this issue.

    This, get home, dont say anything and undo his pants. Problem solved
  • marthathebear
    marthathebear Posts: 498
    My husband does not use this site as he has never been overweight and has always been active. I go to a ladies gym (Curves) but anything else fitness related we do together. We look forward to our long walks together as couple time to talk about everything. May be that's all he needs. As long as he is not totally negative about your efforts and lifestyle change, find a way for the two of you to do things together. He will reap the benefits of a healthier you, more energy, confidence and exercise elevates your mood! He'll come around.
  • azalea617
    azalea617 Posts: 109 Member
    Since he seems like he wants to be involved more, maybe see if he wants an account on here too? Then maybe he would see why you love it so much...it's super fun! And it makes everything so much easier. I'm on here way more than I care to admit, but it helps me feel organized and in control of what I'm doing because I can see all of my information easily.

    If he is still kind of difficult about it, explain to him why you're doing it and how this site helps you. I think it is a much better thing to be passionate about getting healthy and involving him somehow than just hanging out and not really accomplishing much other than quality time. Relationships change as you are together longer, but your health is YOU!
  • LeggyAmericanGirl
    LeggyAmericanGirl Posts: 285 Member
    A mate should support you and not be jealous. I would not tolerate that behavior from a friend let alone a life partner prolly why im divorced LOL.

    If you need to find outside friendships to talk bout the things you like then maybe you should re-evaluate why you want to be with this person. He sounds like a jealous immature child to me.
  • GetHotIn2014
    GetHotIn2014 Posts: 201 Member

    Speaking from a male perspective, he's probably feeling "uneeded" in the relationship at this point. Sex usually solves this issue.

    This, get home, dont say anything and undo his pants. Problem solved

    lol Oh, trust me, I try.
  • vjohn04
    vjohn04 Posts: 2,276 Member

    Speaking from a male perspective, he's probably feeling "uneeded" in the relationship at this point. Sex usually solves this issue.

    This, get home, dont say anything and undo his pants. Problem solved


    yep. problem solved!
  • sarahrbraun
    sarahrbraun Posts: 2,261 Member
    I know it would probably be good to make him feel more involved in my weight loss journey, somehow. That's kinda what he mentioned last night. He's not in quite as bad of shape as I am, but he has some work to do, too, to be truly in shape. He's been eating less, and even though he still snacks on junk food and drinks pop, his weight is starting to come off too. Last night we were talking to our roommates about where the nearest place to work out is. Apparently there's a free public gym facility somewhere pretty close by, which sounds great. I know he wants to jump on the band wagon. Maybe that's part of why he's been kind of upset, because he feels like he's not doing enough of what he should be to get in shape and feels defensive about that. I'm sure it'll be okay. I'm gonna try to be more conscious about how much time I spend on here and involving him in everything at a higher level.

    If there is a free gym facility near by, find it TOGETHER...the gym can be something to do together. Plus, he won't be insecure about who could be looking at you at the gym if he is there too :D

    Maybe get him on MFP too, and get him involved in the planning and cooking of healthier foods. Because he is a guy, and they like snacking, he can eat his snacks if he wants to...but he needs to NOT encourage you to eat the same way he does.
  • Lucassvg
    Lucassvg Posts: 190 Member
    My partner say exactly the same thing. The difference is that at my time in life, I do what I want for myself and not anyone else. I used to be married to a bully and have learned my lesson the hard way.

    My partner is a very fit man and does understand why I am trying to lose weight and live a healthier lifestyle.

    The best thing for you to do, is to log when he is not around, don't talk too often about weight loss and give him a bit more attention. Men need lots of attention and want to be the most important person in your life, if that is not the case, they sulk.
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,078 Member
    My husband used to complain in the begining, but not anymore...I just ignored him, told him I wasn't obsessed but DEDICATED lol!!

    He's very supportive, works out with me sometimes and we have family push ups challenges!!

    Sometimes changes worry people, when he sees the benefits in you, such as new found confidence, motivation and am improved body he will appreciate what you're doing.
  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
    A good mate/partner/friend brings out the best in you.
  • doin_it
    doin_it Posts: 414 Member
    A good mate/partner/friend brings out the best in you.


    *this*
  • ereach4731
    ereach4731 Posts: 41 Member
    First of all, KUDOS TO YOU for beginning this journey and being committed to it!!!! It is not an easy task to turn down a tasty snack (for me it's ice cream).

    About starting the group.....

    I think that is an awesome idea! My friend and I started one on Facebook and it has been a huge factor and helping me get back on track and stay motivated. (We have it set to private and invite only so we can control who comes into it since the information we share is extremely personal.) The downside is that we are spread throughout the country b/c it's a friend of a friend of a friend who belongs. I think how cool it would be to get together with people and not have to follow a strict agenda such as with weight watchers or even an over eaters anonymous group. If you feel this what you need to do to keep motivated or because you want to share your story to motivated other, you should do it!

    About the boy ....

    Does he need to lose weight? Is this something you can do together? Is there anyway to involve him in the process? Do you think he is insecure/jealous? Like if you lose the weight and you're looking all HOTT, maybe you won't want him anymore. Or maybe he is jealous of the attention your receive? It might be good to have a conversation with him and let him know that you love him, you're not going anywhere, but that you need to do this. Share with him your goals. (For me, I want to be healthy, live longer, shop in better stores, and develop healthy habits to pass along to children someday.)

    Another thought I have about this....For me, I am the fat person in the family and one of very few among my friends. I need this site for motivation and support b/c I am not getting it anywhere else in my life. And I need it. Do you think if he were more supportive you would need to be on here so often? Instead of going to Dairy Cream for ice cream, my boyfriend might suggest the frozen yogurt place instead. When we go grocery shopping, we are team in choosing healthier snacks. Instead of buying chips, we might get nuts.

    I would definitely have the conversation with him that you love him and are not going anywhere and that you would like him to join you on this journey.
  • RevNimue
    RevNimue Posts: 66 Member
    My husband is very supportive of my weight loss and realizes that I'm doing this to be healthier. We sit in the same room when I'm online and we talk about our day etc... and he even asked me to make double of the salads that I make for myself and I even ask himwhat kind of dressing he would like and he'll give recommendations for the salad which we both can enjoy. When I'm online if I find something humorous like a comment or a posting I'll read it out to him so he can enjoy a good chuckle too. For working out I make sure that he's behind me so he can get "a good view" ;) and it also motivates me to make sure that my form is spot on.

    This is what I personally do to ensure he's involved in my weight loss progress. Not sure if it will help you, but it sounds to me like he's feeling a bit left out. If anything just sit down and have a nice long talk about your lifestyle change and how you would like to include him in them. Once he hears about these changes and how he can help, he will hopefully be your biggest cheering section.

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