My weight loss goal annoying my roommate
Serendipityunt
Posts: 120 Member
Hey everyone,
Apparently my roommate is getting annoyed because I'm trying to take care of myself. At first I thought she was trying to get me to quit, by telling me I should just take the day off when I start to get ready to go to the gym, or telling me to eat more pizza when I've finished the two slices I'm allowed myself to eat. It got annoying when I wouldn't go to the bar to drink heavily and eat the bacon-loaded tater tots with her, even though she told me I need to give myself these things (which I know, but I really didn't feel like beer or tots that day, as I had been saving up for some pancakes over the weekend). She also discourages using real dumbbells in the gym, because she says the machines are better, and when I disagree she looks at me like I'm an idiot. But yesterday after a movie, she wanted to go and drink with our friends, and I told her I'm come along but wasn't drinking alcohol, and she was annoyed by that. She was further annoyed that I didn't want to pick the bar to go to, even after I said someone else who drinking should pick, because diet coke was the same everywhere. Then she asked if I wanted to get a large breakfast in the morning, and I said I was only having cereal at home because I wanted to get a run in in the morning. She seemed to have gotten upset with my answer and just walked away from me and didn't speak to me the rest of the night. I was finally fed up and realized that it's not that she's trying to sabotage me, but she was just annoyed that my new habits didn't match with hers anymore, and she was taking a real offense to it. She knows it's important for me to be healthy, we've had that talk, but now it's just annoying her. I'm not sure what I can do, and I would really rather just ignore her for a while now. If my new habits are annoying her life, then I'll just step out of her life for a while.
Apparently my roommate is getting annoyed because I'm trying to take care of myself. At first I thought she was trying to get me to quit, by telling me I should just take the day off when I start to get ready to go to the gym, or telling me to eat more pizza when I've finished the two slices I'm allowed myself to eat. It got annoying when I wouldn't go to the bar to drink heavily and eat the bacon-loaded tater tots with her, even though she told me I need to give myself these things (which I know, but I really didn't feel like beer or tots that day, as I had been saving up for some pancakes over the weekend). She also discourages using real dumbbells in the gym, because she says the machines are better, and when I disagree she looks at me like I'm an idiot. But yesterday after a movie, she wanted to go and drink with our friends, and I told her I'm come along but wasn't drinking alcohol, and she was annoyed by that. She was further annoyed that I didn't want to pick the bar to go to, even after I said someone else who drinking should pick, because diet coke was the same everywhere. Then she asked if I wanted to get a large breakfast in the morning, and I said I was only having cereal at home because I wanted to get a run in in the morning. She seemed to have gotten upset with my answer and just walked away from me and didn't speak to me the rest of the night. I was finally fed up and realized that it's not that she's trying to sabotage me, but she was just annoyed that my new habits didn't match with hers anymore, and she was taking a real offense to it. She knows it's important for me to be healthy, we've had that talk, but now it's just annoying her. I'm not sure what I can do, and I would really rather just ignore her for a while now. If my new habits are annoying her life, then I'll just step out of her life for a while.
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Replies
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My therapist once told me (during my abusive marriage) that people that aren't ready to change get annoyed by those who are. She of course was referring to my ex, but I think it still applies. I think your roommate sees you doing these wonderful things for yourself (and they are WONDERFUL things) and either feels she herself is not taking good care of herself with overeating and drinking or she simply is not a "go to" person in your life. By "go to" person I mean someone who you can trust to support you and cheer you on. But that is why you have us, right?! Just keep on going....it sounds like even with some fair temptation you are holding to your goals - great job!0
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My roomie too. I'm just ignoring it. She's spending more time with her friends. Later tonight, I'm sure she'll drive to the theatre while I walk. I'm just not letting it get to me, because I move out on 9 February!0
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Thanks for the advice, and kind words. I'm very happy that I found a place (this site) for the support I can't get at home. I like her, I do, and she was my friend before we started living together, but right now, she's not a priority, because I'm putting my health first. Thanks again!0
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I'm guessing that she knows that maybe she should be making to some of these choices herself but she isn't ready to. It is very possible that she is jealous of you and your strength to be healthy.
Also, I know that when I was in college I wanted to just have fun and be crazy and it sucks to have friends who don't want to be a part of it. Even though your health is obviously more fun than eating pizza and drinking on a friday night she probably just doesn't enjoy the activities without you being involved and that takes some of the fun out of them. I'm not trying to stand up for her but that could be her mindset and maybe if you can explain in a nice way how much it means to you she'll let up. (but then again her comments about weights seem pretty rude...)
either way, don't let her get your down. You will be the one looking awesome because of your healthy choices! :]0 -
A quote I read somewhere seems applicable..."What other people think of you is none of your business!" Ha!!! Love it! Just keep on doing what you are doing!!! Great job!!!
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it sounds like you two need to learn boundaries and maybe i'm getting the wrong impression from what's been posted but the relationship sounds weird to me.
roommate doesn't mean siamese twin/attached at the hip/sharing of digestion system.
for instance, why can't you each do your own thing at the gym?
am i missing something?0 -
I started eating better when I had a housemate.
It drove her insane.
I wasn't interested in sitting down to watch movies with bags and boxes of crap surrounding us and all the other really unhealthy things she wanted to do.
She felt like I wasn't interested in her friendship anymore and it made her see how terrible the habits we'd formed were but she didn't know how to change. It was long after that we started fighting heaps and she moved out.
It is probably your room mate could see you rejecting the behaviours as rejecting her. Try and see if there is something you two can enjoy that isn't food or alcohol related.0 -
I started eating better when I had a housemate.
It drove her insane.
I wasn't interested in sitting down to watch movies with bags and boxes of crap surrounding us and all the other really unhealthy things she wanted to do.
She felt like I wasn't interested in her friendship anymore and it made her see how terrible the habits we'd formed were but she didn't know how to change. It was long after that we started fighting heaps and she moved out.
It is probably your room mate could see you rejecting the behaviours as rejecting her. Try and see if there is something you two can enjoy that isn't food or alcohol related.
This is a good idea! Too bad at the moment, I'm just a little too upset with her. Perhaps when I get over it, I can start finding things she and I can do that don't involve drinking or eating.0 -
I'm probably off here but...
You've told your roommate about your goals. I don't think it is necessary to bring it up each and every time you make a decision.
If offered more pizza, say no thanks, rather than something to do with weight loss. Pick the bar, and drink the diet cola. It's not necessary to explain every decision in relation to weight loss.0 -
My flat mates think I'm weird for working out 3 times a week. They are both alot younger than me and are naturally gifted in the physical sense ... both over 6ft and full of muscle! Doh!
It does get a bit tedious sometimes with the constant ribbing .. being called Arnie etc.
But, I am doing it for me, not them. So I just laugh it off and stick to my goals. What they think really does not matter in my life at all!0 -
Sometimes I think when I workout in the house my roommate gets annoyed but doesn't say anything. I am also debating buying a nutribullet because it will be extremely loud in thhe mornings. I have learned to ignore others comments. I just "no, thanks. or I'm fine with just this." Then they catch on their behavior or opinion isn't going to change my lifestyle. My family has accepted it. When I visit my dad and use his workout room, he doesn't make fun of me anymore while he eats dessert.0
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Maybe she feels like she is losing a friend? Or confused that you are putting health before party time and epic meal time. I have gone through this before with roommates and friends. If she isn't in the same head space as you right now (healthy full throttle) then she might not understand your commitment. If they have also never been overweight I find they normally don't understand at all, but that's my experience. She also sounds like potentially she was running the show before and now you've started to better yourself and branch off, which could upset her. I'm just rambling now aren't I? Back to my morning coffee. Good luck 0
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Your roommate needs a spoonful of cement I think
But if you want a way to sort things out maybe suggest some fun active stuff to do together? See if she wants to go camping/take a surfing lesson/go to a (healthy) cooking class/ take dancing lessons etc with you. This way she can feel like you're getting time together and doing something active will make her feel better about herself and might abate the jealousy a bit0 -
I'm probably off here but...
You've told your roommate about your goals. I don't think it is necessary to bring it up each and every time you make a decision.
If offered more pizza, say no thanks, rather than something to do with weight loss. Pick the bar, and drink the diet cola. It's not necessary to explain every decision in relation to weight loss.
I doubt she's throwing it in her roommates face. I understand what you are trying to say but it just seems like the roommate is getting annoyed regardless of what she does. I don't explain my eating habits to people. I do them and if they question what I'm doing I will tell them then. It really isn't anyone's business.
I've never had super health concious friends when I was eating bad, but I think that it would make me want to eat better. Your roommate sounds very bitter about something. Like others have said she probably sees how bad her habits are and not liking it at all. I like the suggestion above about trying to find things that you both can enjoy together now.
Good luck!0 -
I don't have any advice but I do want to say I admire your determination in the face of all the roadblocks your roommate is throwing in your path. Keep on, keepin' on. You're doing great!0
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I've seen people do that when someone quits smoking, too - always tempting them, blowing smoke in their direction, etc. With "friends" like that, who needs enemies?0
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It is probably your room mate could see you rejecting the behaviours as rejecting her. Try and see if there is something you two can enjoy that isn't food or alcohol related.
Personally, I'm thinking this is close to how she is feeling ... you are changing your ways but she is feeling she is losing you at the same time. She may not actually feel like she needs to change and doesn't understand why you feel the need to change (even if it's to better yourself physically as she may think you two are just fine as you are) so now feels you are drifting away from her.
You are obviously important to her but she may not know how to vocalize how she's feeling without sounding infantile or possessive or *****y ... maybe try sitting down with her and letting her know that she is still important to you and that your changing your habits in no ways means that you are going to change your friendships as well. From there, hopefully, the two of you can come to an understanding and get back on a happy medium where you are both getting what you need out of the friendship again. :flowerforyou:0 -
She probably feels that by choosing a healthier lifestyle and rejecting hers that you are rejecting her or judging her. I think it's a perfectly natural reaction for her to have but I don't think that you have to alter your lifestyle in any way. Perhaps you can just reassure her that you still value her friendship without sharing tots and beer. You just have to change the way you relate. What you are eating or drinking has nothing to do with the friendship. It sounds like you are still going out and being there for her. It's time to grow up and go after what you want.
I'm glad you are staying the course. So many people would cave to the pressure to make other people happy.0 -
Thanks for the advice, and kind words. I'm very happy that I found a place (this site) for the support I can't get at home. I like her, I do, and she was my friend before we started living together, but right now, she's not a priority, because I'm putting my health first. Thanks again!
It's typically best not to move in with a friend, simply because that can ruin a lot of friendships. After spending the night with one of my friends a few years ago, I knew that I'd never be able to live with her because she likes to fall asleep with the tv running, and needs a light on, whereas I need complete darkness and silence. You start to notice the little things that people do which bother you. It sounds like her habits are incompatible with yours. You could try to get her to do more active things with you, as suggested above, but you're first going to have to sit down and talk to her about your need for support and about how you feel when she does things like those you mentioned. Ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away.0 -
Thanks for the advice, and kind words. I'm very happy that I found a place (this site) for the support I can't get at home. I like her, I do, and she was my friend before we started living together, but right now, she's not a priority, because I'm putting my health first. Thanks again!
And I think that's exactly what's bothering her. You've made some changes that don't include her or need her approval. Because she is unwilling to do the same or support you is no reason to stop what you're doing. Just let her continue with her guilt trip and you continue with your trip to a better you.0 -
I see two things here:
1. Has she always been considered 'the pretty one' (this is not an insult to you at all from me!) and is threatened that you may take that away from her if you get thinner?
2. She misses hanging out with you and doing the things that you both considered fun 'before your lifestyle change' and she just doesn't know how to communicate that to you so she's being nasty and trying to bring her old friend back?
Good luck to you.0 -
She's your room mate, not your spouse. She can get over herself, or be excluded from your day-to-day life. I had roommates that I didn't have to spend time with other than sharing the same roof - it wasn't a problem.0
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She is in a different place as you. You are trying to improve yourself. She is afraid the new you won't like the old her. Going out with friends doesn't have to involve either eating or drinking too much. After a while maybe she will see its just you but healthier and she could possibly jump on the bandwagon with you. Don't let anyone friend or boyfriend stop you.0
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This is absolutely her problem, not yours. Do what you have to do, if she can't let go of these issues then maybe you can distance yourself a little... who knows you may find her asking you what your secret is at some point!
Good for you sticking to your guns.0 -
this reminds me of when a girl would get a new boyfriend and the best friend feels pushed to the side and in this case your boyfriend is your new outlook on a better-healthier lifestyle. It will take some time for her to see the why in your habits, hopefully she can see it for what it is - it is not about her and maybe that is why she is acting like she is. I am not saying its right but anyhoots - good for you in making a change for a better you. I sometimes have to reel myself back when i do go out, I slip and say - I don't want to drink b/c it is a waste of calories etc., so next time instead of me saying that, I may go for a low-carb/cal beer, or a glass of wine. good luck!0
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Hi,
I am not sure if my comment arrives to you late, hope not! In my opinion, your roommate is not happy with your accomplishments and that tells me she is not a real friend. My partner and best friend loves the fact that I am trying to be healthy and has actually joined the effort. That is what you need in a roommate, someone who resppects what you are doing and even if she/he does not care to be healthy, will not try to savotage your efforts. I would set her streight or think about moving on my own if I can affor it!
Good luck and feel GREAT about your acoomplishments...Never let Anyone ruin your happiness.
Nins110650 -
right now, she's not a priority, because I'm putting my health first.
This may be what has her so upset. Health is important, but so are relationships. Can you find other ways to show her you still care about spending time with her?0
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