Getting your better 1/2 on board

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ejmerckley
ejmerckley Posts: 10 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Anyone have advice for getting your ever so stubborn husbands on board with you?? My DH also needs to lose some lbs and I just can't get him to change with me! Since 2007 he has put on over 60lbs (after a tragedy in the family) and I'm starting to worry about him but he just wont listen. Any of you have this problem and/or know how to get them to jump on board with losing some weight?

Replies

  • kat2475
    kat2475 Posts: 159 Member
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    My husband is overweight and has had 2 heart attacks. I've tried for so long to get him on board with me but he eventually gives up and then so do I. This time I'm leading by example and hoping that he follows. Don't know if it will work or not but at least my girls will have one healthy parent when all is said and done.
  • kvg1210
    kvg1210 Posts: 35
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    All you can do is encourage him - may be seeing your weight change will put a spark in him. Unfortunately, you have to do it for yourself. Over the years I have had people go on and on at me to lose weight but I wasn't ready - due to a serious illness I lost a lot of weight without even trying - despite being seriously ill I had so much energy and get up and go and loved the fact that I could share my sisters clothes. However, as I have got better my weight piled back on again. Now I want that feeling of energy back, I want to be able to feel healthy again plus want to borrow sisters clothes again lol - hope it works out :flowerforyou:
  • Kaali1985
    Kaali1985 Posts: 41 Member
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    I stop buying the crap or make sure I only buy enough treats for kids. I meal plan religiously so he has no choice on meals as I only buy the food for those meals.

    Tbh this time he is totally on board, partly cos I said he got very heavy and wasn't fancying him as much (feel guilty but it was true)

    Part of his compliance is choice the other part is lack of stuff in the house. Hehe
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
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    Sounds like you're the "better" half.

    OP you said, "I just can't get him to change with me" and then proceed to ask for ways to help him to change.

    But you were right the first time. You can't get him to change.

    Just let him be him; hopefully he will start to realize it is possible. But only he can change himself.
  • Honeybea86
    Honeybea86 Posts: 107
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    I'm the one who cooks All the meals so he is stuck eating my healthy meals
  • cma17
    cma17 Posts: 56 Member
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    I cook and make him a packed lunch so he has little choice but I am sure to remember he needs to eat a little more than me. I tried to get him to log but that was going too far, now I get him to run and climb with me and he just eats what I do.:blushing: I don't even tell him he is watching his weight ..but i'm sure he has worked it out :laugh:
  • BettyBema
    BettyBema Posts: 5
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    You have to blaze the trail first. Some people need something visual to believe the benefits of making the change you propose. By you becoming healthy and thin, hopefully he will want to experience that new lifestyle too (especially when he sees you buying nice fitting clothes and getting attention from other people.)
  • Graceious1
    Graceious1 Posts: 716 Member
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    I encouraging mine by saying that he would save a fortune on travel if he got a bike, because he kept complaining about fares going up. He got a bike. He then complained that he was out of shape and unfit so I just started to buy different types of food and cooking it, losing weight and toning up. He saw this then started going to the gym. Now he is body building and thinking differently about food. I think you might need to just make subtle changes because if you go on at them, like I did, they become defiant and stubborn. Just do you and the rest will follow.

    All the best.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    Start going on dates with guys in better shape than him. He'll get the idea
  • Biggoal50
    Biggoal50 Posts: 33 Member
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    I tried for years to get my husband to join me. When that didn't work, I tried to get him to support me. When that didn't work, I tried to get him to leave me alone. When that didn't work, I pretty much gave up. Last year, he was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes and high cholesterol. The Dr. sat him down and said, "You're going to die." Now he's on board. It makes a huge difference! So I guess my advice is take him to the Dr. It doesn't always work, but it did in my case.
  • Artemis00diana
    Artemis00diana Posts: 90
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    I hear ya!

    Since I dont have a better half (yet) I would love to get my family to join in as well. They are all plus size, and we have tried anything between competition to going to the gym together, but they always stops and goes back to being unhelthy and gaining even more weight. It was the same for me untill last year - and now they almost see me as a threath rather than an inspiration like I hoped.

    Any advice or people who have managed to get the family on board are more than welcome to share!!

    (p.s I dont live at home anymore)
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    OP you said, "I just can't get him to change with me" and then proceed to ask for ways to help him to change.

    But you were right the first time. You can't get him to change.

    Just let him be him; hopefully he will start to realize it is possible. But only he can change himself.

    QFT
  • ejmerckley
    ejmerckley Posts: 10 Member
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    Start going on dates with guys in better shape than him. He'll get the idea

    Ya, I don't think cheating on my HUSBAND will do the job. I find that offensive. I'm still very much attracted to my husband so there is no point to find anything better because for me my husband is the best.

    But thank you to the rest of you for sincere reply's
    I make the dinners and pack his lunches but he finds ways to alter them. Also where he works he has a "Lunch counter" that he likes to get extras at or he goes out on his lunch hour. I guess the leading by example is going to have to be the best way for now.
  • AnvilHead
    AnvilHead Posts: 18,344 Member
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    Not going to happen until he's ready to do it. The old saying applies: "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink". Chances are that the harder you push, the harder he'll resist.
  • dave4d
    dave4d Posts: 1,155 Member
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    Not going to happen until he's ready to do it. The old saying applies: "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink". Chances are that the harder you push, the harder he'll resist.

    This. ^^^

    Losing weight, and getting fit is a lot like quitting smoking, drinking, or drugs. Nobody can be forced to do it. The desire has to come from within. All you can do is refuse to enable him, and give encouragement.
  • RonnieLodge
    RonnieLodge Posts: 665 Member
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    Anyone have advice for getting your ever so stubborn husbands on board with you?? My DH also needs to lose some lbs and I just can't get him to change with me! Since 2007 he has put on over 60lbs (after a tragedy in the family) and I'm starting to worry about him but he just wont listen. Any of you have this problem and/or know how to get them to jump on board with losing some weight?

    Lead by example.

    Seriously. My partner would regularly inhale family packs of candy and put on a lot of weight in a short period of time that he was touchy about.
    I had tried suggesting we both fix our eating and although he said he would, it was lip service, which caused a few arguments.

    I didn't want to be a critical partner. I told him how I was concerned about his health and now that has been said and heard, I don't need to say it again. Then I decided to stay the course and do it myself.

    I explained to him that I would appreciate not having temptation in the house and he supports me in that. I tell him how good I am feeling and when I make meals for the both of us, I make healthy choices.

    Just as recently as this weekend he pointed out that he is not enjoying sugar so much so he is cutting it out, and he has done.

    So yes, I agree that the harder you push, the harder he will resist. The only way to do it that won't mean you feel like a nag or he feels controlled is you leading by example.
  • 3foldchord
    3foldchord Posts: 2,918 Member
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    Start going on dates with guys in better shape than him. He'll get the idea

    This is my plan.

    (And for those sensitive folks put there, it was a JOKE! I would never really date other men. I like my own man plenty!!)
  • prdavies1949
    prdavies1949 Posts: 326 Member
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    Both myself and my wife were very very overweight, and she was trying to get me to lose weight with little success. Until I was ready in my mind to set out on this new lifestyle. I have now lost 50 lbs. if you want to to get your husband to join you, you have to give him a reason to do so. You are the only one who can work out what that is. In my case it was quite simple, she booked us on a cruise, I had to lose weight to buy a dinner suit which would fit for the formal nights on board. Good luck with the future for both of you.
  • purpleipod
    purpleipod Posts: 1,147 Member
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    Unless he wants to lose weight you're just wasting your time. It's his responsibility, not yours, and nothing will change until he's ready to change it.
  • issyfit
    issyfit Posts: 1,077 Member
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    I think setting a good example and cooking healthy for him is about all you can do. My DH asked me to start logging for him after I had lost about 30lbs. Now he has lost 90 lbs (part diet, part loss of appetite due to chemo), over twice as much as I have lost.

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