i'm just tired AND MAD.....

snowshoermom
snowshoermom Posts: 63 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am not in the greatest mood today. I am married to the love of my life and we have 3 kids together all boys ranging from 10 to 3 months old.... BUT i am so tired of being a housemaid and cook.. it seems thats all I am good for these days.

My husband does help out but I ALWAYS have to ask him and he usually grumbles about it...... He also is wondering why i am trying to get healthy. He is a bigger guy himself so I dont get it why he wouldn't understand why I want to be healthy for our kids and myself.

This morning he took our oldest son fishing and left. I was cleaning up our 3 month old that had spit up and heard my 3 year old yelling from his bedroom that he had pooped everywhere. I had to clean that up.... He is potty trained only wearing a diaper at nighttime in case. So i was trying to deal with both kids and then I look over and my husband had left my son's dirty peed diaper from last night and his pj's right in the middle of the FLOOR.... i started crying because I WAS SO MAD. this morning i had to clean up his mess in the kitchen because last night at midnight he decided to make himself some perogies and i politely asked him if he would clean it up and he said yeah yeah...........
he called me this morning from fishing after my poopy and spitty mess and I slammed the phone down in his ear...
I am so mad that I dont even want to talk to him.. and when i do talk to him he says i just nag.............. i am just tired of having no respect shown for me... i feel like eating right now even though i am not hungry but i am going to try to keep myself busy.....

Replies

  • sandradev1
    sandradev1 Posts: 786 Member
    What you are describing is just very 'normal'. It's probably your reaction to it all today that's making it seem worse. You are obviously very busy with house and the children and of course the husband to look after. Whatever else you do in your day, somehow, no matter how difficult, you have to take time out for yourself.

    It can be as simple as 15 mins soak in a hot bath, or a walk around the block. It's so easy to burn ourselves out and then our perspective of all the things around us also goes awry.

    Make a coffee, take a seat and just breath. He left the diper in the middle of the room and that is annoying, but if you challenge him on it later, it will only go from bad to worse. You cannot change that he did it, wait until you are not mad at him and 'have a chat' about him taking more time to think of the little things that he can do around the house to make your life a bit better. Also get him to take over responsibility for a short time now and then and get your 'YOU' time in.
  • SeahorseDolphin
    SeahorseDolphin Posts: 131
    If he is truly the love of your life, I would look into couples therapy. Sounds like you're not being heard and that's often a good way for BOTH sides to address issues.

    Also, the reason he may shoot down your talk about getting healthy is because he knows he should do the same. Seeing how strong you are may be frustrating if he can't find the same willpower. He may be taking this frustration out on you even though it's not you he's angry at. Just a thought.
  • sweetbn
    sweetbn Posts: 318
    Let it out girl, we're here to listen!

    (but eating will not help... just think of how great you will feel when you lose weight, and you look so great - this is what you are doing FOR YOU and not for anyone else ;)

    keep up the good work!! Tomorrow will be a better day (well, it cant be worse, right?) xo
  • GypsysBloodRose26
    GypsysBloodRose26 Posts: 341 Member
    I agree with the others. I would like to add that if he doesn't take the kids for you to have your "me" time, you should just hand him the baby and walk out the front door. You need the time. It will help with the stress of dealing with not having a lot of help.
  • Dreamerlove
    Dreamerlove Posts: 441 Member
    Try to do something for yourself, like time alone that you've always wanted. Try and sit him down to talk and let him know he needs to be more supportive. Its not fair for you to keep these feelings alone. You're married so he has a responsibility to get strong on your weak days and vis-versa. Be strong and find an outlet. not food either! :)
  • laurensmomma09
    laurensmomma09 Posts: 46 Member
    HUGS
    my other half can be a d*nk sometimes too.
    sounds like you have alot on your plate today... get your self a hot tea and sit and relax while those babies are napping.
    tomorrows a better day
  • Dreamerlove
    Dreamerlove Posts: 441 Member
    I agree with the others. I would like to add that if he doesn't take the kids for you to have your "me" time, you should just hand him the baby and walk out the front door. You need the time. It will help with the stress of dealing with not having a lot of help.

    You're not being a bad mom to your son if you did this because to help your family you must take care of you first.
  • norbskid
    norbskid Posts: 2
    You have my sincerest sympathy. This is such a blast from my past. You're in the most stressful time of being a parent, and their ages sound like you also have 2 pre-schoolers and, let's face it, you aren't 21 anymore. I raised 3 myself and I remember those years as total exhaustion, all the time. It doesn't help your marriage to always blame each other, but it's tempting. I agree that it sounds like he's threatened about your change in eating healthy. And it sounds like there's flu at your house, too. Triple whammy. Do you have a support system, like a friend or relative that can give you a day off now and then? If not, then do something special - hire a babysitter and have lunch with a friend. Also, look into counseling before this gets serious. He's a good guy; you're a good person and you are just overwhelmed. Hugs to you.Good luck.
  • GypsysBloodRose26
    GypsysBloodRose26 Posts: 341 Member
    I agree with the others. I would like to add that if he doesn't take the kids for you to have your "me" time, you should just hand him the baby and walk out the front door. You need the time. It will help with the stress of dealing with not having a lot of help.

    You're not being a bad mom to your son if you did this because to help your family you must take care of you first.

    Exactly. It will help in the long run. And if nothing changes after doing that for a while, couple's therapy would be a good choice.
  • ottawagirl613
    ottawagirl613 Posts: 112 Member
    I wish I had some kind of advice for you but having no kids of my own (yet) my usual "make yourself a tea, sit yourself down, and take a few deep breaths to recharge and refocus " will probably just make you laugh. With that being said I do empathize, it sounds like a lot to take on in one morning I do hope that your afternoon goes more smoothly! I also congratulate you for taking the initiative to focus on your health despite what you already have on your plate. Your kids and husband will thank you for it one day!

    I guess just try to remember that you are more then a maid and a cook! You are the wife of a man that loves you and that you love (not every woman can say that), you are the mother of three beautiful boys (again not every woman is so fortunate), and you are a woman who has taken the initiative to care about her body and her health (bravo)! You are a woman who is tackling many different challenges on many different levels and succeeding despite it all. 8lbs is fantastic and you should be proud of yourself! Everyone has good days and bad days and while today sounds like it has been especially hard on the nerves, know that if you can still find little blessings at the end of a bad day you're still in a good place.

    I hope you find a few minutes for yourself and your husband does the dishes for you tonight! You've more then earned it!

    Best of luck!
  • snowshoermom
    snowshoermom Posts: 63 Member
    ugh thank you everyone for listening to my frustrations.... i am still mad and i know it seems over something pointless as a dirty diaper and a messy kitchen.. but its just been adding up and adding up.... i just feel like i am always cleaning and scrubbing . trust me my house is not spotless but i don't want it to be dirty either.... he tried calling again and i didnt answer...

    I just wish he could see me as ME.. not the mother of his kids.. not someone that pays the bills and cleans and cooks and drives our 10 year to hockey.... the woman that he first met all those years ago that he fell in love with.. that he desired.. he couldnt get enough of now..
    now i just feel like a frumpy fat wife..... its hard to get alone time... we dont have alot of options for babysitters its either family or no one because our littlest guy is only 3 months old and is breast feeding every 2 hours...

    maybe tomorrow will be a better day...
  • mumGlo
    mumGlo Posts: 1
    It is very difficult to give advice. The first thing that jumps out at me is that your youngest is just three month old. A difficult time for anyone, and you have two other children. It is tempting to want to shout at your husband, tell him that he needs to pull his weight in the marriage. Maybe he just doesn't realise what he is not doing. Maybe you need to sit down and talk to him, to bottle it up will let it fester. Although you will be the best judge of that.

    Getting me time will be difficult if you do not have anyone to help. Is there any chance of a crèche, for an hour or so.

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