How To Help Your Spouse Get In Shape

kwseneca
kwseneca Posts: 79
in Motivation and Support
I'm Kay. I have been with the same man for 3 years. We are high school sweethearts. We also love to eat. We gained a lot of weight together. Probably over 30 lbs each. We also live together, go to college, and work to support ourselves. Our schedule is busy, and meals are usually quick ones.

I am really motivated to get healthy and look good in a bikini this summer, but my boyfriend...not so much. He is really dragging his feet about eating better. He is a compulsive eater, and he always has been since he was a child. He ignores how much he really is consuming. The other day, he thought he ate healthy. He logged his calories and actually ate 700 calories OVER his limit. Any tips to really get him motivated or to help him out? I know many people say "oh worry about yourself", but when he eats, I want to eat! Also, he has pre-hypertension. We are young, and I really want him to live a long, happy life. Any suggestions?

He loves tortillas, burgers, and meat. He is a short guy, but really muscley and stocky. What is the best way to really push him to eat better and LESS? I need lots of foods that curb cravings. Any ideas would be awesome. Thank you everyone for reading! :)

Replies

  • SocialPath
    SocialPath Posts: 6
    If he's interested in weight training and building muscle, sweet potatoes can help with that, are full of nutrients and TOTALLY kill my cravings for sugar AND carbs. One small sweet potato (plain or with a TINY bit of butter) and I can say no to any cookie, cake, or ice cream! ;) Good luck! I look forward to seeing what others post, since I'm about to move in with my boyfriend of 4 years and he's also not into eating healthy.
  • Songbird1104
    Songbird1104 Posts: 210 Member
    Hi Kay. I have a similar issue with my husband. He is stocky but used to lift, so there's lots of muscle under his spare tire. He is a paramedic, so many of his meals are not what he brought to work (our leftovers), but are whatever he can grab on the run. He loves salty junk food. He knows exactly what his bad habits are (and mine, too!) but has no motivation right now to really put in the effort and change.

    Our solution is discovering activities that we enjoy doing together, like martial arts! Also, I am reading The Primal Blueprint by Mark Sisson at hubby's behest, and after I'm done that I'll be altering my grocery shopping, and we'll be eating different all around. So that's what I encourage you to do. Find things that you can do together (even just going for a walk), and work from there.

    Good luck!
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    I hate to say this, it won't be what you want to hear.

    But leave him be. When he's ready, he'll be motivated. Until then you are just going to become an insulting nag, and nobody likes that.

    Just think of how you'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot and he was always pressuring you in such a way. Always encourage and invite him along, but please tread lightly.
  • JESSJESJ
    JESSJESJ Posts: 121 Member
    I'd say start cooking more & packing lunches for both of you guys. It will seem overwhelming at first, but will probably save you guys money too!

    - Either pick one day a week to cook food for the week / to freeze. Over the course of a few weeks you'll have lots of options in your freezer. Just make sure you label things, or dont and turn it into a game of "what's for lunch" Look for recipes that you both will enjoy. Cook a chicken on sunday, you can then use the meat for lunches, salads, fajitas, etc. you can make some oatmeal for breakfast during the week, it reheats well.

    - SInce its winter, soups can be filling, and healthy and won't feel weird eating them - I have a weird mental thing of eating hot soups in the middle of the summer. I can't do it. Tortilla soup - could be in place of mexican, you get the flavors w/o the fat etc.

    - Look for ways to lighten things up - i.e. mixing beef with turkey in burgers and meatloaf.
    - Learn to use spices for flavor instead of fats
  • kwseneca
    kwseneca Posts: 79
    I hate to say this, it won't be what you want to hear.

    But leave him be. When he's ready, he'll be motivated. Until then you are just going to become an insulting nag, and nobody likes that.

    Just think of how you'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot and he was always pressuring you in such a way. Always encourage and invite him along, but please tread lightly.

    That is so true. I do try not to nag, but we have a REALLY close relationship. Like nothing is a secret...There is not treading with us. We tell it how it is. I do try not to nag though because that would be so annoying! You are so right about that lol.
  • Erikalynne18
    Erikalynne18 Posts: 558 Member
    Me and my bf have both gained weight together since we've started dating so I can relate. He's not to the point where it affects his health or anything though, so I don't want to push him to lose it if he is not ready.

    However... I might secretly be helping him by not helping him lol, if that makes sense. I think part of the issue was that we went out to dinner often. Since I don't want to go out as often (or when I do, I choose subway usually), we have been eating at home more and thus, eating healthier than we were before just in comparison. As well, I am the one who cooks so if I opt to make stir fry instead of making 2 giant pizza and a giant garlic finger for supper, or I make my lasanga with light cheese and extra veggies instead of full fat cheese and extra meat... well slowly fixing the issue :) Also, I tend to be the person who does groceries so I always have healthy snack available, meaning he's less likely to go buy junk food :)

    If he decides he wants to loose weight then I'll be there for him for support of course, just like he has been here for me. But for now changing a few meals to healthier options and having healthy snacks around, well it's better than nothing :) Also, maybe see if he wants to go for walks with you? or suggests a date night with some movement? Any little bit helps. When he's ready, I'm sure he will ask for your support :)
  • kwseneca
    kwseneca Posts: 79
    I have already started mixing turkey with lean ground beef. This helps because he is really in love with meat and more meat!

    He has a lot of muscle under his fat. He used to be an obsessive weight lifter when we were in high school, and I really want him to get back to that, but he works A LOT and goes to school full time. It is so hard to find time.

    He also has this mental thing where if we are just "going on a walk" it doesn't count. He is one of those ALL OR NOTHING kind of people. He basically has to run a marathon or he does nothing. lol Great tips everyone. Thank you!
  • ChazMikoyan
    ChazMikoyan Posts: 47
    I agree with SongBird that finding mutual things to do together will help motivate. My wife and I did that with martial arts and were pretty wrapped up in both exercising and eating healthy until her health took a turn for the worse (unrelated to the exercise and better eating). In my case I generally start eating healthier when I start being more active.

    While I commend you working on yourself, and I understand your desire to have your S/O healthy as well, it still needs to be his decision to get healthy.
  • kwseneca
    kwseneca Posts: 79
    Me and my bf have both gained weight together since we've started dating so I can relate. He's not to the point where it affects his health or anything though, so I don't want to push him to lose it if he is not ready.

    However... I might secretly be helping him by not helping him lol, if that makes sense. I think part of the issue was that we went out to dinner often. Since I don't want to go out as often (or when I do, I choose subway usually), we have been eating at home more and thus, eating healthier than we were before just in comparison. As well, I am the one who cooks so if I opt to make stir fry instead of making 2 giant pizza and a giant garlic finger for supper, or I make my lasanga with light cheese and extra veggies instead of full fat cheese and extra meat... well slowly fixing the issue :) Also, I tend to be the person who does groceries so I always have healthy snack available, meaning he's less likely to go buy junk food :)

    If he decides he wants to loose weight then I'll be there for him for support of course, just like he has been here for me. But for now changing a few meals to healthier options and having healthy snacks around, well it's better than nothing :) Also, maybe see if he wants to go for walks with you? or suggests a date night with some movement? Any little bit helps. When he's ready, I'm sure he will ask for your support :)

    This is so true! I should do groccery shopping on my own from now on. He usually throws a baby fit when I get low fat cottage cheese and a lot of veggies HAHA
  • beachlover317
    beachlover317 Posts: 2,848 Member
    I hate to say this, it won't be what you want to hear.

    But leave him be. When he's ready, he'll be motivated. Until then you are just going to become an insulting nag, and nobody likes that.

    Just think of how you'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot and he was always pressuring you in such a way. Always encourage and invite him along, but please tread lightly.
    Dang - stole my answer. Could not have said it better myself. Go ahead and test this theory. You can not change another person. If you don't let him eat what he wants - he will become a closet eater and then you've created another kind of monster!
  • CyberEd312
    CyberEd312 Posts: 3,536 Member
    I hate to say this, it won't be what you want to hear.

    But leave him be. When he's ready, he'll be motivated. Until then you are just going to become an insulting nag, and nobody likes that.

    Just think of how you'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot and he was always pressuring you in such a way. Always encourage and invite him along, but please tread lightly.
    Dang - stole my answer. Could not have said it better myself. Go ahead and test this theory. You can not change another person. If you don't let him eat what he wants - he will become a closet eater and then you've created another kind of monster!

    So true, my family tried interventions for the better half of a decade and until I was ready to make that journey there was absolutely nothing anyone could do to convince me I needed to change. The very best thing you can do is "Lead by Example" Best of Luck
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    I hate to say this, it won't be what you want to hear.

    But leave him be. When he's ready, he'll be motivated. Until then you are just going to become an insulting nag, and nobody likes that.

    Just think of how you'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot and he was always pressuring you in such a way. Always encourage and invite him along, but please tread lightly.

    That is so true. I do try not to nag, but we have a REALLY close relationship. Like nothing is a secret...There is not treading with us. We tell it how it is. I do try not to nag though because that would be so annoying! You are so right about that lol.
    My fiance could eat healthier, and he could work out more. Sometimes the amount of food he can eat shocks me.
    And when he is ready to change, I've got the knowledge to help him.
    Until that time, I've changed my diet a little bit to allow myself what he likes without getting myself in calorie trouble.

    I hope he comes around for you soon.
  • kwseneca
    kwseneca Posts: 79
    Thanks everyone. Great responses! Different opinions are always great! :)
  • RonnieLodge
    RonnieLodge Posts: 665 Member
    I'm Kay. I have been with the same man for 3 years. We are high school sweethearts. We also love to eat. We gained a lot of weight together. Probably over 30 lbs each. We also live together, go to college, and work to support ourselves. Our schedule is busy, and meals are usually quick ones.

    I am really motivated to get healthy and look good in a bikini this summer, but my boyfriend...not so much. He is really dragging his feet about eating better. Any suggestions?

    What is the best way to really push him to eat better and LESS?

    Having been in a similar situation, the best way to 'push him into eating better & less' is LEADING BY EXAMPLE.

    Save yourself a lot of weird mutual resentment, control issues and arguments with someone you love.

    Do your own thing, stop using him overeating as an excuse for you to as well and only tell him the good stuff about your process.

    Prepare yourself to be very patient. He will see you enjoying it and getting results.

    It might not happen in weeks or months, but eventually, he will join in and it will be HIS decision.

    The more you push, the more he'll push back.

    And when he does turn around and say he wants to join in (although it probably won't be as obvious as that, it'll be little things - you'll know when you see them) be positive and approving.

    This way you won't feel like mean mommie and he won't feel pressured and you'll both get to be healthier.

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