a serious cry for help

I thought I could start this weight loss journey the healthy way but I was wrong, after crash dieting for almost 2 years straight my body is just tired. My metabolism is screwed and I don't know how to recover. Guys I've tried to recover and do it the right way for the longest but I fail everytime. I look at pictures of when I was 117 and i break down but I know i did it the wrong way. The problem that i have is that i have trouble with picking a calorie goal. Some say eat this much, other say eat that many, calorie counter give me this number and im lost. I'm 5'2, i weight 130 mt goal is to weight 120 and i work out at least 3 time a week. Can someone please help me out with this like seriously, i don't need the rude negative comment, i realize the damage I've done and now im looking for the right path to go down. I just want to look slim and slender but everytime i workout it seems as of i get "bulky", i know girls can't get bulky but my legs start looking bigger and i just look wider, idk. But please help me, im seriously lost.
my mind is ruined, I just want help

Our stats are nearly identical and I eat 1600 a day if I do no activity and up to 1900 when I am running - I have been sick so my typical 4 runs a week has been on the back burner for two weeks. If you are eating 1200 calories a day, you are probably not eating enough. Also, since you have just a little to go, you will lose slowly. I lose about a half pound a week. Check out the calculators at fat2fitradio.com - Military body fat percentage, BMR

Also, be patient. It can take up to 6 weeks to get your body back to functioning properly.

The only way you can look bulky is if you gain fat, or you have muscle inflammation from exercise. Ideally, you want to do resistance training (to preserve your lean body mass, as muscle is tight and lean) and then some cardio for heart health. But it takes time and you just need to lower your body fat.

yeap. check out helloitsdan's post

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/717565-in-place-of-a-road-map

he tells you *exactly* how to calculate your proper calorie intake.

I thought I could start this weight loss journey the healthy way but I was wrong, after crash dieting for almost 2 years straight my body is just tired. My metabolism is screwed and I don't know how to recover. Guys I've tried to recover and do it the right way for the longest but I fail everytime. I look at pictures of when I was 117 and i break down but I know i did it the wrong way. The problem that i have is that i have trouble with picking a calorie goal. Some say eat this much, other say eat that many, calorie counter give me this number and im lost. I'm 5'2, i weight 130 mt goal is to weight 120 and i work out at least 3 time a week. Can someone please help me out with this like seriously, i don't need the rude negative comment, i realize the damage I've done and now im looking for the right path to go down. I just want to look slim and slender but everytime i workout it seems as of i get "bulky", i know girls can't get bulky but my legs start looking bigger and i just look wider, idk. But please help me, im seriously lost.
my mind is ruined, I just want help

You can try reverse dieting to change up your metabolism. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sr0atp9Vo_w)

The fact that you think your legs look bigger could just be water retention due to working them, or you be crazy?!?!?. You can work your legs with little muscle gains if your not lifting heavy. So you wont put on muscle if your say squatting the bar only instead of squatting 1 plate. If you want to tone up read up on interval training.

I'm not really sure how you've screwed up your metabolism but you need to find a calorie goal that works for you ... I can't tell you 1500 do that it's obviously not working for you. What I do is I don't try and hit a certain amount per day. What I do is try and stay in the same range per day so anywhere from 1200-1600 if I'm to low one day ... big deal. If I'm to high another day then tomorrow I will just eat a little bit less.

Regarding the gym and no gains IDK what your doing at the gym so can't really comment. Try going 4 days a week instead of 3 days. If your just hitting the eliptical for 30 mins doing the same resistance and burning the same calories and are not changing a single thing ... time for a change put that thing on level 15 and aim to burn an extra 100 calories....

There is just some general advice hope something helps you. The video is from a fitness channel regarding reverse dieting check it out to get a quick how to on it.

I came onto this website knowing absolutely nothing of health and fitness. I still know next to nothing. But I put all my info in and I have been working strictly off what mfp said as far as daily calories go. I try to meet them daily, some people try to meet them weekly. I have done very little exercise so far because I just haven't found the energy. I joined in July and I have lost 22 pounds. I think I would have lost more if the holidays had not been a part of the equation. Just do what MFP suggests and most importantly DON'T GIVE UP!!! You can do this. If you do a lot of reading on the forums take it with a grain of salt. I have discovered that a lot of people "know a lot about everything".

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/654536-in-place-of-a-road-map-2-0-revised-7-2-12

I have heard the above link being referred to as one of the most accurate and informative methods of calculating your calorie goal. It's working for me.

That said, everything you have read or calculators you have used are all 'estimates' & 'views'. Choose the one that you feel most comfortable with and stick with it for at least 6 weeks to give your body the time to adjust.

I agree that you are probably viewing yourself negatively and perhaps you ought to take photos, take measurements as well as weigh yourself for re-assurance.

I thought I could start this weight loss journey the healthy way but I was wrong, after crash dieting for almost 2 years straight my body is just tired. My metabolism is screwed and I don't know how to recover. Guys I've tried to recover and do it the right way for the longest but I fail everytime. I look at pictures of when I was 117 and i break down but I know i did it the wrong way. The problem that i have is that i have trouble with picking a calorie goal. Some say eat this much, other say eat that many, calorie counter give me this number and im lost. I'm 5'2, i weight 130 mt goal is to weight 120 and i work out at least 3 time a week. Can someone please help me out with this like seriously, i don't need the rude negative comment, i realize the damage I've done and now im looking for the right path to go down. I just want to look slim and slender but everytime i workout it seems as of i get "bulky", i know girls can't get bulky but my legs start looking bigger and i just look wider, idk. But please help me, im seriously lost.
my mind is ruined, I just want help

I am 5 1 and 130. My goal is 115. I hear you. It is hard but you CAN do it. Just persevere. Like everyone else said, we/you dont have a lot to lose and slow and steady wins the race. *hugs*

I thought like two weeks ago you upped you calories? I thought you were doing the eat-more-to lose-weight? Please give it some more time.

Thank guys, I still looking for a calorie goal, do you think this calorie counter is accurate http://www.freedieting.com/tools/calorie_calculator.htm

All calorie estimates are just going to be estimates. Pick one and start there. They ought to be really close to each other anyway.

Back in Dec. 31st, you got a lot of good advice and I think maybe you should check out Helloitsdan's TDEE link that a couple of posters have posted.

Also, instead of doing your GW of 117..why not aim for a goal of body fat %? Maybe do a good mix of cardio and weight training and get the body you are happy with regardless of the scale.

Speaking of the scale - don't rely on it. Rely on measurements.

I hope that you give yourself 2-3 weeks after adjusting your TDEE to where it should be. And please, pick the correct activity level. Don't pick sedentary just because you think it will make you lose faster.

I know you are worried about getting bulky, but honestly, building muscle has done wonders for my metabolism and my appearance. It sucks at first to work out, but after a few weeks, you will feel a lot better overall. Your energy will get better, and your self esteem might even improve a bit because you will find that you will be capable of doing things physically that you previously couldn't do.

Furthermore, I suggest talking to a therapist. If you've done things that you know aren't healthy, you should get those issues resolved so you don't cause yourself any further problems.

I would stick with what MFP says to do on calroies and try to exercise as much as possible. Set your goal to 1 lb a week and be patient. hugs!

MFP gives my 1200, I've read that that's too low

What goals did you pick? You probably picked 2lbs/week and you are trying to lose just 10lbs. Please review the links to get your TDEE as others have suggested and follow that if you don't want to follow MFP. If you choose to follow MFP - pick 0.5lbs/week to lose and eat back your exercise calories. MFP expects you to eat your exercise calories back.

Otherwise -

Check out the link by MFPer Heliotsdan - It'll give you a detailed walkthrough (with pictures even) on finding your TDEE and calculating what you should be eating.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/654536-in-place-of-a-road-map-2-0-revised-7-2-12


Also, if you are worried about the calorie intake, I also suggest you read this thread that has numerous people who met their goals and are maintaining. Some for years and they also provide their calorie intake and how often they work out.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/816542-let-s-hear-it-for-maintainenance

For more information about fitness and nutrition, I highly suggest checking out and joining this group: (Read all the stickies. It's great information to know.)
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/10118-eat-train-progress


For those eating below their BMR (which I think 1200 is below your BMR to be honest), not going to preach at you, but here's something you might want to look at:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/81391-starvation-mode-myths-and-science
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/859495-if-only-i-had-known?page=1#posts-12919931


Yes, this is can all be overwhelming and complicated , but you are more than welcome to ask questions on the post.
One of the things that I have found that has been one of the best methods for me to get fit is to understand fitness. To understand where all these figures, etc come from.

The good thing is once you get the hang of it - it is something you'll be aware of constantly and you'll get a better understanding about your eating habits.

So I HIGHLY suggest making the effort to take every chance to educate yourself. Even if you don't end up going with any of these methods, calculations, etc - at least you understand what they are, where others are coming from, and maybe they will still be able to help you figure out what is best for you.