Puzzled about a friends comment
cbullock115
Posts: 110
Okay, so I am not so sure how to take a comment that my "best friend" and exercise buddy said to me today. Just to give you a little background info...I have been a yo-yo dieter for years, at the age of 15 I started starving myself and got down to 95lbs at best and I was 5'5" NOT GOOD. After my parents found out they forced me to eat while watching me so of course I would go to the bathroom and throw it up (TMI, I know, sorry) so from that point on it has always been a struggle with me and weight. I gained a ton of weight between my pregnancies and never lost for fear of turning back into the person I was before (starving myself) Well, I think I have finally gotten my "MoJo" I am motivated to workout, I have finally figured out that I can't diet, I can eat what I want, within reason, and just watch the portion sizes. I am LOVING it!!! I have also started exercising. My friend and I always walk at least 3 miles 4-5 times a week and in between I have started doing the Jilian Michaels 30 day shred. I told her Sunday that I wanted to start trying to run and she agreed to go with me. So she called earlier just as I finished up my workout and I told her that I couldn't wait to go run/walk tonight and that I felt great from th workout. She proceeded to to tell me that I am beginning to go overboard with this losing weight thing. I was very offended and wasn't sure what to even say back to her. Do y'all think I am going over board at all??? I know that in the past I have gone overboard and wasn't aware of it so help me out if you think that I am.
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I don't think you are going overboard at all. It sounds like you are motivated and want to be the healthiest, best you possible.
It also sounds like your friend is not so motivated, or she may not truly want you to lose the weight in the first place. It sounds like you are discovering your own personal zest for life, so I say go for it! Be true to you, not someone else who may or may not have your best interest at heart!0 -
Your not going overboard with this. She's just not a motivated as you are. It was rude of her to say that, but maybe she just didn't have the nerve to tell you she didn't feel like running with you. Don't let her stop you. :flowerforyou:0
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I don't think you are going overboard if you are being sensible with how your body feels, are eating a healthy amount of calories and are able to take a break from exercise at least 1 day a week. I personally love to exercise now and totally can relate to how you feel motivated to do it and excited about it.
Honestly my first thought after reading what you wrote wasn't that you are going overboard, but that it sounds like your friend doesn't want to feel bad about herself because she doesn't share your enthusiasm or desire to exercise as much.
Sometimes, even best friends, will say things to you to make them feel better about them- and really it's not your problem or fault at all. Try to be sensitive to her, but also, keep on with the good you are trying to do for yourself.
Great job recognizing the problems with eating you have had in the past, and realizing those were unhealthy ways of eating that you never want to fall into again. So awesome that you want to be healthy and begin a healthy lifestyle of eating and exercise- great role model for your kids too!
Hang in there, and have fun with your fitness! Just don't overdo and hurt yourself. Better to pace yourself and be able to keep going than to get hurt and have to stop for awhile! :flowerforyou:0 -
Keep up the good work, I don't think trying a new work out constitutes "going overboard"! My husband the other day told me I wasn't going to meet my goal so I should just be happy where I am... so I know how you feel. I honstly think he just was upset I wouldn't go pig out on junk with him. Does she have any alterior (sp?) motive perhaps?0
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I agree! Don't let her stop you from running! You are not going overboard! I think its great that you are getting motivated and excited about this journey you are on. Keep your plan for running tonight and let all of us know how it goes!0
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I'm sure she said it out of concern for you. Perhaps she sees your new exercise routine as a form of "purging"?
Perhaps you just want to explain to her that you're really enthusiastic about working out at this point.
Be careful with doing the Shred & jogging though. That's a lot of high impact exercise & you could pretty easily end up with knee injuries or shin splints if you're not careful. I warn because I was overly enthusiastic at first & ended up with very very painful knees. I got a little overly enthusiastic again a couple months ago and ended up with shin splints. :laugh: It's easy for me to get excited & overdo it on the exercise front.
I'm not going to say it's never your friend's place to judge & comment on your exercising (or other aspects of your life). I think it's great she's looking out for you. But the bottom line is that it's not your friend's place to judge whether or not you're overdoing it as long as what you're doing isn't detrimental to your health. Most folks can objectively judge what they're doing and require no intervention from others. If you feel good and you're listening to your body about when to rest, you're probably not really overdoing it. I'd let her know that you genuinely appreciate her concern (if you do) but you feel like what you're doing is healthy at this point. 0 -
From what you shared above which is really all we have to go by is that she is merely being a concerned friend that cares about you. Lucky you for having someone in your life that's caring enough to be concerned. Perhaps sitting down with her and sharing how you feel about her comment now that you've had some time to think it over might help the two of you be on the same page.:flowerforyou:Okay, so I am not so sure how to take a comment that my "best friend" and exercise buddy said to me today. Just to give you a little background info...I have been a yo-yo dieter for years, at the age of 15 I started starving myself and got down to 95lbs at best and I was 5'5" NOT GOOD. After my parents found out they forced me to eat while watching me so of course I would go to the bathroom and throw it up (TMI, I know, sorry) so from that point on it has always been a struggle with me and weight. I gained a ton of weight between my pregnancies and never lost for fear of turning back into the person I was before (starving myself) Well, I think I have finally gotten my "MoJo" I am motivated to workout, I have finally figured out that I can't diet, I can eat what I want, within reason, and just watch the portion sizes. I am LOVING it!!! I have also started exercising. My friend and I always walk at least 3 miles 4-5 times a week and in between I have started doing the Jilian Michaels 30 day shred. I told her Sunday that I wanted to start trying to run and she agreed to go with me. So she called earlier just as I finished up my workout and I told her that I couldn't wait to go run/walk tonight and that I felt great from th workout. She proceeded to to tell me that I am beginning to go overboard with this losing weight thing. I was very offended and wasn't sure what to even say back to her. Do y'all think I am going over board at all??? I know that in the past I have gone overboard and wasn't aware of it so help me out if you think that I am.0 -
You aren't going over board. You are just more motivated and she is probably a bit jealous that you may be more successful than her since you are working out harder. Or truly concerned. Just talk to her an dKeep up with your routine! You're doing great!0
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You sound like someone who goes from one extreme to another.:devil: The reason I say this, I'm like that.:drinker: But don't be too concerned. Take it with a grain of salt. You'll do well. It sounds like you have a great plan in place.:flowerforyou: YOur freind will bounce back when she sees the results. :happy:
Remember, if she has known you a long time then she would be a good judge of you. Just don't take offense. She means well.
Good luck!:bigsmile:0 -
I think that if your friend knows your history, she is probably just concerned. She also might not find fitness to be as much of a priority as you do. Everyone has different things that are important to them and that they are willing to put their time into.
For instance, a friend of mine thinks that my working out and counting calories means that I have an eating disorder. However, I recently found out this friend is also doing B-12 shots and Phentermine. So I'm the one who is being healthy, she's the one who is "cheating" ... pretty sure if one of us is disordered, it's not me.0 -
Keep up the good work, I don't think trying a new work out constitutes "going overboard"! My husband the other day told me I wasn't going to meet my goal so I should just be happy where I am... so I know how you feel. I honstly think he just was upset I wouldn't go pig out on junk with him. Does she have any alterior (sp?) motive perhaps?
Wow, that wasn't very nice of him either. I guess it makes some people feel better to have someone by their side as they are making the wrong choices. It makes them feel like it's not such a bad choice after all.0 -
Be careful with doing the Shred & jogging though. That's a lot of high impact exercise & you could pretty easily end up with knee injuries or shin splints if you're not careful. I warn because I was overly enthusiastic at first & ended up with very very painful knees. I got a little overly enthusiastic again a couple months ago and ended up with shin splints. :laugh: It's easy for me to get excited & overdo it on the exercise front.
I am being VERY careful about doing the two together. I am doing the Couch 25K program and it will take me around 8 weeks to actually run for the entire 30 minutes so I am taking it very slowly. I would just love to be a runner because of its benefits. It tends to be easy for me to go overboard because I get so excited but I am in such fear of getting injured that I stay cautious.
Thanks! :bigsmile:0 -
We have a saying in triathlon: Obsessed is a word that the lazy use to describe the dedicated.
(In this case, substitute "going overboard" for "obsessed".
)
There is also a George Carlin skit that applies about driving the car. He says: Anyone going slower than me is a moron and anyone going faster than me is a MANIAC!
I think you know if you are getting carried away. It's not really about what you do or the hours but whether it's negatively impacting your health or your life. I can't image doing some walking/running and some strength training over the course of the week is having a negative impact on your life at all.
Are you neglecting your family and friends in favor of workouts? Are you getting rail thin but you look in the mirror and think "if only I could lose X more pounds?" That's what makes it getting carried away/being obsessed, not the hours put in or the workouts you chose to do.0 -
I agree, I think she's just not as motivated as you are. And that's fine. Let her know it's okay if she doesn't want to go with you this time and she's welcome to join you whenever she wants. I would warn against talking about your new journey too much though, so you don't open the door for her comments.0
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Keep up the good work, I don't think trying a new work out constitutes "going overboard"! My husband the other day told me I wasn't going to meet my goal so I should just be happy where I am... so I know how you feel. I honstly think he just was upset I wouldn't go pig out on junk with him. Does she have any alterior (sp?) motive perhaps?
Wow, that wasn't very nice of him either. I guess it makes some people feel better to have someone by their side as they are making the wrong choices. It makes them feel like it's not such a bad choice after all.
I think that's exactly it... it only works for others if you are on the "same" page. You have to look inside for motivation and support b/c in the end YOU are really the only one who can give it to yourself! Keep pressing forward... :drinker:0 -
Overboard, please..... I don't think you are going overboard at all. You have certainly found your motivation to get up and get fit!!!! Be and stay a healthy you.
Is there something that maybe could motivate your best friend? Sign up for a run/walk race together perhaps.... I recently ran a 5K heart run this past Saturday and I haven't ran since track in jr. high which was 34 years ago and I did it in 35 min. Yes, I am very proud of myself but I can understand your situation. I also have a BFF that I am visiting in 4 weeks in Atlanta and I happen to mentioned to her that there was a 5K race being held 22 minutes away from her house that I was considering running. Her response was, "I can't believe you want to run a race on your vacation" will you be done by 10 am if it starts at 8 am.... She did not say, you go girl......that sounds great and I will see you at the finish line.. (which deep in my heart is what I thought she would say) I don't know how to take the comment made so I feel you sistah...
I say go for it, run and when you are able to pick a race. A small one 5K = approx 3.1 miles and you know what? You don't have to run the whole 5K you can walk it and run it by all means, find a race and sign up. Do be true to yourself, not someone else (not even your best friend) as one of your friends posted she may or may not have your best interest at heart!
Good luck and keep us posted!!!! Most of all, do talk to your BFF and find out what's really bothering her...0 -
You're not going overboard, you're just being motivated that's all. Nothing wrong with that. I've just started walk/jogging, in my third week now and i'm really enjoying it!0
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It's hard to say without hearing your friend's view. Maybe she sees something in your behavior that reminds her of how you were before (when you were so under weight). I would imagine if she's a good friend, that could frighten her because she's concerned for your well being.
There are plenty of possible reasons. You should ask her instead of other people. None of us could possibly know what she is feeling.0 -
You're not going overboard, you're just being motivated that's all. Nothing wrong with that. I've just started walk/jogging, in my third week now and i'm really enjoying it!0
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We have a saying in triathlon: Obsessed is a word that the lazy use to describe the dedicated.
That is an awesome quote!0 -
It is not having a negative impact on my family at all. I always put my family before me, ALWAYS! I am a SAHM of 3 kids, one of which I homeschool. I go to school at night 2 days a week to become a surgical tech, and I always make sure my family has their meals and a clean house so I stay very busy. If my daughter wants me to play instead of workout, I do. That is just how I am. However, I make sure that I walk/run after they go to bed so they don't have to miss me.We have a saying in triathlon: Obsessed is a word that the lazy use to describe the dedicated.
(In this case, substitute "going overboard" for "obsessed".)
There is also a George Carlin skit that applies about driving the car. He says: Anyone going slower than me is a moron and anyone going faster than me is a MANIAC!
I think you know if you are getting carried away. It's not really about what you do or the hours but whether it's negatively impacting your health or your life. I can't image doing some walking/running and some strength training over the course of the week is having a negative impact on your life at all.
Are you neglecting your family and friends in favor of workouts? Are you getting rail thin but you look in the mirror and think "if only I could lose X more pounds?" That's what makes it getting carried away/being obsessed, not the hours put in or the workouts you chose to do.0 -
We have a saying in triathlon: Obsessed is a word that the lazy use to describe the dedicated.
That is an awesome quote!
I agree!! I may have to use that one!!!0 -
It's hard to say without hearing your friend's view. Maybe she sees something in your behavior that reminds her of how you were before (when you were so under weight). I would imagine if she's a good friend, that could frighten her because she's concerned for your well being.
There are plenty of possible reasons. You should ask her instead of other people. None of us could possibly know what she is feeling.
Sometimes it's nice to hear other peoples views so I don't get upset about nothing. I am doing nothing like I used to do. Good lord, I am at 200 lbs now, and I want to get it off. I honestly don't think it has anything to do with being concerned, I think it's because she isn't as motivated but she doesn't really want to be left behind either. She wants to lose weight but it's not as important to her as it is to me.0 -
I am very motivated to exercise right now... i have 10 lbs left to go and have never been more motivated.... the way I see it is that I better take advantage of my motivation now and get into the habit of working out since I will have to continue to maintain !!0
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I just wanted to say, I went through a very similar situation when I was younger and it is hard to get out of the mindset but I've finally did it too. SO when I told my friends and family I was going to start healthy eating in their heads I said ' I am going to revisit my eating disorder'. They were concerned, and still are. Its a long battle because you lost that trust with them before, you know? So I understand where she is coming from with the comment. I think it was concern more than anything.0
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I was a little obsessive when I started and talked about exercising and diet all the time. My husband told me not to go overboard. He knows I do have an obsessive personality and was just worried. I did reassure him that I wouldn't exercise myself into injury and that I didn't plan to get too skinny. I did have to stop myself at a certain point. I kept readjusting my weight goals and just last week went on maintenance because I realized my body fat was pretty low and I need the energy for running a 5 k in a few weeks. I would say your friend just loves you and wants to make sure you don't get back to that place. You might just reassure her that you're going about it in a healthy way and that you won't let yourself sink into the old bad habits.0
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