This blog described me to a T..........

http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2011/9/13/phases-of-recovery-from-restricted-eating.html


Family and friends have shifted from congratulating you on your weight loss and/or your healthier choices to making either careful or even blunt comments that you look too thin, sick, or generally don’t seem to eat enough.
You are cold when others are not. You’ve started wearing sweaters when others are in short-sleeves. Sometimes you feel light-headed, dizzy. Other times you feel foggy-headed – like you are listening to others through cotton wool.
You are tired and find your mind wanders. You struggle to focus in class or at work. You cannot remember things that others remember easily.
You are prone to crying spells and/or explosive bouts of anger (more so than what might be usual). You alternate between wanting to be alone, snapping at family and then finding you are clingy and needy, seeking reassurance from loved ones.
Not only do you find it hard to concentrate, but also you find you are absolutely consumed with thoughts of food. When you will eat. What you will eat. What you won’t eat.
Facing social circumstances that involve food creates panic: family celebrations, lunches with friends at school, holiday times…in the days leading up to such events you feel extremely anxious and spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to avoid it altogether.
The number of rules you assign to when and how will eat keeps getting longer. You have become ritualistic to the point where any deviance causes massive anxiety (the wrong plate, the fork in the wrong place…).
You have longer and longer lists of forbidden foods that you will not touch.
If you indulge in any food that you consider unacceptable, you are wracked with shame, self-hatred, loathing and usually ‘punish’ yourself for the transgression (exercising to exhaustion, skipping yet another meal)
As a woman, your regular menstrual cycle is irregular or has disappeared completely. Whether you are a woman or man you notice your skin appears dull and dry. Your hair and nails are brittle and perhaps your hair loss seems more pronounced than usual (clumps in the bathtub drains or on your brush).
You find yourself promising yourself and others more and more that “tomorrow” will be different. But it isn’t.
You lie to loved ones about what you ate that day, or about how much you actually exercised and make excuses for why you cannot eat now. If they are friends, you often fabricate food allergies, intolerances or other reasons why you cannot have the particular item being offered.



I may need professional help to really deal with this. I don't want to be this way anymore and I'm trying to do it by myself but I cannot....

I didn't want to admit to it, but I may need to see my doctor and show him this list and basically tell him what I've been doing and what my body is doing or feeling, looks like, ect.

I tried to before, but never really got into detail to him about how bad it was and how bad it's still getting. I know my emotions will take hold of me and I'll cry in front of him...but if that's what has to be done....then I guess it has to happen.

I want my healthy, strong body back. Not only do I want it to look how it use to, but I want to have my mental health back and I want to feel good again.

If I can't say all the details through words, then I'll write it all down if I must.