My name is Nikki and Im a foodaholic!

nikkis01
nikkis01 Posts: 45 Member
in Motivation and Support
A cry for help!!

I am really struggling at the moment and I would like to know if any of you guys have the same problem. I never thought I was an emotional eater but it turns out I most definately am!!! Im a palliative care social worker and ive only been in this post about 6 months. I spend my day working with people who are dying or who have life limiting illnesses. They offload their problems and issues on to me and I do the best I can to improve the days they have left and make sure they are supported.

By the time I get home I feel emotionally drained. Today when I came home I was STARVING, I didnt feel hungry, it was more like a need!! I stopped myself mid bite of chocolate (after rading the cupboard) and felt like Id totally lost control - I felt like I was on autopilot. My hubby noticed something was up and asked what was wrong and I said I was shocked at how I was eating and didnt even notice. He said I come home most days and while Im ranting about my day Im normally eating something.

I was totally unaware I did this and it really shocking. The eating makes me feel better - for a few moments at least. I think this goes a lot deeper than just my current job - it feels like a lightbulb moment, but things look a lot more scary with the light on :( I cant take the stress out of my life so i need to tackle this head on (honestly, a scary thought) so Ive already booked an appointment with the doctor. I feel like an alcoholic admitting I have a problem and I dont know where to turn :(

Other obvious steps are to remove all the junk food from the house, done! I know some people find exercise helpful with stress management, but my instinct is to head for food - I need to look at changing my behaviour rather than looking at the choices I make.

Ive sat deep in thought tonight reflecting on my behaviour and what Ive realised about myself. I feel like ive let myself down and really vunerable putting myself out there like this.

Any help or advice, or just support would be really helpful right now :)

Replies

  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
    A lot of us here are struggling with the same thing. One person turns to alcohol, another to food, another to pills. Same problem, different manifestations.

    You might try OA. I did but didn't like it.

    I'm trying to engage my brain more often and figure out what is wrong. Do I need to confront someone directly (my son gives me a lot of stress)? Do I need a nap? Someone to talk to? A long walk?

    Our creator gave us free will; we don't have to stay stuck in negative behavior.

    I wish you luck; be strong.
  • Shas2228
    Shas2228 Posts: 187
    You are on the right path.

    I ate even when I wasn't hungry.

    Even if I only ate a couple times a day, the meals were gigantic and ridiculous. I stepped on the scale back in September at my Mom's house and gasped at what I saw. I had gained over 20 pounds in just a few months, on top of being obese already. I stood there fighting back tears. I was... Disgusted. Humiliated. Ashamed.

    But then I looked at myself in the mirror, and saw someone staring back at me, that needed my help. Someone with a good heart and in desperate need. Me. I needed my own help.

    I realized I needed to better myself. I needed to get over the "addiction" of food. I needed to take my health seriously (I have health problems.) I needed to bring the skinny girl out that was stuck deep inside my soul. I NEEDED to change my ways so I could live a long and healthy life and watch my children grow up. I needed to better myself so my husband did not have to suffer living without me, at a young age. I needed to make a change.

    I was tired of the body pain. Of the sleepless nights. Of the anxiety and feeling embarrassed to simply go to the store. Because I felt so bad. I was exhausted of looking at smaller women and wondering what that felt like.

    I needed to do something about it. So I turned my devastation into motivation.

    It was not easy the first couple weeks. I was starving. I wanted to cry.. but I hung in there. I waited 2 weeks to weigh myself. I questioned if it was working. If I was doing it right... but I stuck to it.

    I had lost 8 pounds the first 2 weeks. I was delighted. A week later my best friend introduced me to this website and taught me how to use it.

    Slowly ..... no, fastly but surely, the weight came flying off. I started power walking. I was conscience of every bite I took. Sure, I had my moments where I craved something... But I simply said no. (I didn't exercise for awhile there, and have just recently started back up)

    I started this voyage on September 12th, 2012. It is now January 22nd 2013 and I can proudly say I've lost 63 pounds. I'm not done. I have about 80 more to go. I won't quit, this is what I am all about. I found a new addiction... Eating Healthy. Exercising. Taking care of ME.. That is my addiction. And I love it. I think and breathe losing weight. I am finally happy. My body aches have almost diminished. I sleep better at night. I can eat smaller meals and be satisfied. I look forward to exercising. I'm not ashamed to go to the store. I finally feel better about myself.

    It's NOT easy... but it gets easier. Mind over matter babe! I believe in you.
  • Synapze
    Synapze Posts: 499
    Hi nikkis. I was in the same boat. Left the junk food in the cupboard for my little one's treats (that was my excuse), but 2 weeks later looked down at him and realised it was now him i was teaching bad habits to.

    Junk food in bin, covered in Windex lol.

    Walked around the block. Took me all of say, 3-4 mins. Felt good. Logged it.

    Was thirsty but i didn't like water, so i munched down a huge piece of Watermelon.

    Logged my walk. Liked what i saw.

    Repeated..

    Repeated....

    Now i never crave sweets, only fruit. Never in my life would i have thought i could rewire myself in that way.

    My walks are now up to 7km.

    On top of this, my mate is a recovering alcoholic. I support his needs and he supports mine.

    Finding support is defiantly the kicker when fighting an addiction.

    This just me though. Everyone does it differently.

    Oh, when life or work gets me down now, i don't 'sit' and ponder. I walk the dog. :)
  • nikkis01
    nikkis01 Posts: 45 Member
    Thank you so much for taking the time and passing on your kind words. Cant put into words how much it means to me! I think ive taken the first step in identifying the behaviour - now Im aware I hope I can do something about it Im sure it wont be easy and Im sure I will fall down now and again, but just because I fall down doesnt mean I have to stay down. You guys really are an inspiration! Thank you so much for being there!
  • Shas2228
    Shas2228 Posts: 187
    Thank you so much for taking the time and passing on your kind words. Cant put into words how much it means to me! I think ive taken the first step in identifying the behaviour - now Im aware I hope I can do something about it Im sure it wont be easy and Im sure I will fall down now and again, but just because I fall down doesnt mean I have to stay down. You guys really are an inspiration! Thank you so much for being there!

    Anytime sweetie. I understand your pain! <3

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