My confession... Emotions and Eating. Help!

KellyOnlySmaller
KellyOnlySmaller Posts: 42 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've lost weight before. Twice. The first time was back in 2000. I joined Weight Watchers and lost 72.5lbs. I got to my goal weight and even padded it a little by losing 10 extra pounds. I was the healthiest I have ever been. Well, my body was healthy, but in my mind, I was very unhealthy... I didn't think I deserved the compliments. I started leading WW meetings and was very successful. I would lecture to a group of 75-100 people and then stop at a pharmacy on my way home and eat a whole bag of chocolates. I was completely out of control. I managed to have enough good days to offset the bad, so I kept my weight off until 2004, when I found out I was pregnant with my twins.

After the babies were born, I gained my weight back. I yo-yo'd for the next year until I got pregnant with my third baby. I always ate healthy during my pregnancies... no binges, etc... so I know it is all in my mind.

After Logan, my youngest, was born, I continued to try different programs/diets, but I never got to the root of my issues with food.

Two years ago, in February 2011, my now-husband proposed to me and I joined MFP. I had good and bad days, bingeing one day and getting back on track the next. I lost 40lbs but it was extremely emotional for me... I battled myself the whole way. After the wedding I gained my weight back, and my weight ballooned to the highest it has ever been.

I'm back. I'm sick of it... I am tired of being the only thing holding me back. I'm at a good place in my life now. I am in college, have a good job, have awesome kids and a wonderful husband... I have everything going for me... except my health. I've come to the realization that I can't give any of those things I listed above my all until I become the person I know I can be... until I am healthy.

The problem is, I don't know why I feel unworthy. I don't understand it, but I want it to click... I want this to be for life this time. I know how good I feel when I'm in the groove (like I am now)... I have had no bingeing for a very long time, but I don't know why, which makes me terrified that it's going to come back.

Any help is greatly appreciated. I know I'm all over the place here, but hopefull you get the gist :)

Kelly

Replies

  • mactaffy84
    mactaffy84 Posts: 398 Member
    I think I get what you're saying. Sometimes it is hard to feel you are worth it - because doing this requires that you put yourself FIRST sometimes. But you know what? You ARE worth it. And more than simply because you are a mom and you're a wife and a student. You're worth it because of who you are. Try and remember that during those times when it gets rough. If you don't make time for you sometimes, that reinforces the whole "I'm not good enough" feelings. Been there, done that. You know you can do it because you've done it before. You are worth putting yourself first (probably for a change) and make your life all that you want, and deserve, it to be.
  • EatClean_WashUrNuts
    EatClean_WashUrNuts Posts: 1,590 Member
    The greatest part of your success comes from overcoming the mental challenges. You see what your challenge is...now you have to choose to get through it by taking action, keeping the realization of your choices at the forefront. The only person you need to set value in, is yourself.
  • miriamwithcats
    miriamwithcats Posts: 1,120 Member
    MFP will help. Get lots of supportive friends. Try not to get stressed, tired, lonely or bored. Those are when I eat.

    I also figured out that my binge foods are all dairy- and I was a neglected baby/child. Duh, I was trying to get "mother's milk" to fill the empty hole from being neglected. That wasn't going to help at all. So, I am trying really hard to not buy ice cream, and it actually has been pretty easy. Feta cheese I still buy...
  • FJcntdwn2sknyluv
    FJcntdwn2sknyluv Posts: 651 Member
    Go find a counselor as and talk to someone...
    . I've lost 110lbs and am an emotional eater as well. It's taken me 5 almost 6 years to lose this weight. And I'm in a spot where I need extra help to learn new coping skills. Even the people on biggest loser see a counselor. We aren't fat and use food to numb us for no reason. Now that I just finally got insurance I'm hoping that I'll be able to find a nice counselor and get out what I'm feeling and get some new skills, that DON"T involve food.
    You can do this and be successful just need new coping skills.. cause food is not an option if you want to be healthy...:)

    I know as I'm in the same boat...
  • gemzpony1
    gemzpony1 Posts: 9
    hi kelly i jus joined here a few mins ago and i can relate to the up down of losing weight u can add me if u like
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
    Me too. Some days are better than others. It has taken me 4 years to lose 22 pounds. I have a lot of bad habits to change, and I am not going to give up.

    Don't give up on yourself!
  • osmom3kids
    osmom3kids Posts: 25
    WOW, I feel like you have written my story in your confession. I struggle in many of the same ways and up until a few weeks ago, I felt I was never going to gain control. I know this sounds out there, but in addition to counting cals here on MFP and working out, I started therapy and hypnosis to get to the root of my emotional and binge eating. It is helping me to address the deep rooted feelings and issues that have been holding me back as well as helping me heal. My struggles are still daily, but I now have more tools helping me with them and I feel more confident in my weight loss journey. Did you ever consider speaking to a professional?
  • MissJanet55
    MissJanet55 Posts: 457 Member
    I think that's a very smart question. I'm not sure I can help you, but I will make an observation.

    I don't think this is something that can happen right away just because you decide you are "worth it". You have to practice, and remind yourself constantly that you're worth it. I think it's very gradual and takes a lot of patience. Learning that we are okay and forgiving ourselves our mistakes should be natural to us, but it's not. We don't even give ourselves the same forgiveness we give others.

    That, and I think redefining how we're gentle with ourselves is important. Imo, treating ourselves well doesn't mean sitting down in front of the tv with a pint of Ben & Jerry's and a spoon; it's not about indulgence. It means applying a little discipline, eating well, exercising well, sleeping well. Because all those things make us feel genuinely good.

    Please feel free to add me if you like. I hope you do well.
  • RoseAmongThorns91
    RoseAmongThorns91 Posts: 215 Member
    I am in the same boat as you are. I just figured out last night that when my depression kicks in (some days are worse than others) is when I want to eat everything I shouldn't (kitkats, chex mix, etc). It's a daily struggle but having friends/family who are willing to help you and encourage you is always the best thing.
  • susanb305
    susanb305 Posts: 15 Member
    I can totally relate to the mental issues you are facing. I have the exact problem. Why do many women feel unworthy of being beautiful on the outside to match their inside? I like what your words.."I'm tired of being the only thing in my way" express. Good Luck on the journey
  • jennyjee18
    jennyjee18 Posts: 17
    May I suggest Marianne Williamson's book "A Course in Weight Loss". It helps you uncover the reasons for emotional eating etc. It helped me a whole lot and I had a lot of "aha moments" but I still have more work to do so a year later, I am just beginning to read/complete it all again.

    All the best! :flowerforyou:
  • rrowdiness
    rrowdiness Posts: 119 Member
    I have three simple questions. There are no right or wrong answers, just outcomes / results / impacts.

    » Which is more important, eating healthily, or eating whatever the hell you want
    » Which is more important, doing exercise or doing nothing (relaxing / sitting on the couch / watching TV)
    » Which is more important, wellbeing as a whole, or restrictions / requirements of a healthy lifestyle

    Each person has their own point at which one becomes more important than the other. Shifting that mental tipping point and things will change. My change came when a doctor told me I was moving into extreme risk in cardiovascular disease, diabetes etc.

    So for me:
    - eating healthily is generally more important than freedom to eat whatever I want. So I don't eat much bread, don't drink much sugary soda, and very rarely eat fast foods. I do eat junk food but in limited amounts.

    - exercise is always more important than doing nothing. If I have the choice between the two, I'll exercise, because it makes me feel good.

    - wellbeing is always more important than the restrictions of living healthy. I hate the memory of feeling like crap because I was overweight, out of shape, and resorting to sugar rushes to boost my mood.

    I couldn't have transplanted the above attitudes into my pre-MFP self because it did not compute. It was more important that I had the freedom to eat whatever I wanted, had plenty of time for Playstation, and didn't have to weigh up whether or not I could have a beer in the evenings. I couldn't overlay the requirements for being healthy / staying in shape with my mindset.

    And I acknowledge this may change with time. I might get sick of exercise, and want to eat a chocolate gateau for breakfast, and have toast every day for the rest of my life. If this should happen, though, I have to 'own' the outcome - that I'm not going to be in the same shape as I'm in at the moment, that I'm putting myself at risk of health problems, and that I'm accountable for my actions.

    I suspect you're the same. You're wanting to overlay MFP's expectations for a healthy life onto what you already hold important, and it rubs against some of the habits that are currently important to you. You need a good, compelling reason for change - one that influences the choices you make - which is why MFP has write goals and inspirations when you first join. So...what are they? And are they compelling enough?
  • wendybird5
    wendybird5 Posts: 577 Member
    I used to feel that way as well. Finally went to a therapist and was able to confront and deal with some issues that were at the root of all my bad feelings. I also have friends struggling with weight loss because food is their way to deal with their past issues of abuse, abandonment, childhood trauma and more.

    Finding out the root of those negative thoughts is the first step and an important one. Then it's working to identify what triggers those feelings so that you can develop coping mechanisms. If you don't take care of what is eating you, you will always struggle with what you're eating.
  • mrserika721
    mrserika721 Posts: 12
    I second that! The first thing to do is be willing to see this weight issue differently. Even if you don't know what it is that is keeping you in your weight issues, be willing to see them. To truly see them, in order to heal them, and eventually be free of them.

    "Your relationship to food is but a reflection of your relationship to yourself, as is everything in your life. There’s no reason to think that you’ll be capable of loyalty to a diet until you address your basic disloyalty toward yourself. Until your fundamental relationship with yourself is healed, then your relationship to food is doomed to be neurotic."

    Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/An-Excerpt-From-A-Course-in-Weight-Loss-by-Marianne-Williamson
    Marianne Williamson's book, A Couse In Weight Loss will help you keep the weight off for good, and also teach you to happy with your body no matter what size or shape it is!

    May I suggest Marianne Williamson's book "A Course in Weight Loss". It helps you uncover the reasons for emotional eating etc. It helped me a whole lot and I had a lot of "aha moments" but I still have more work to do so a year later, I am just beginning to read/complete it all again.

    All the best! :flowerforyou:

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