To make effort and be nice or to not make effort and be me?

diodelcibo
diodelcibo Posts: 2,564 Member
in Chit-Chat
Basically I have been trying this be nicer/ less patronising to people approach for about a year but earlier today I snapped and went a bit crazy at some people and I cannot do it anymore. So my dilemma is I don't want to be an a-hole to people but it requires a large amount of mental effort from me and drives me up the wall.

So should I just say screw being nice or keep going?

Also any tips on how to resist the urge to whack people's heads together are also greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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Replies

  • Crankstr
    Crankstr Posts: 3,958 Member
    there,there,


    tell cranky all about it.
  • MidwestAngel
    MidwestAngel Posts: 1,897 Member
    hugs_zpse51170c7.gif
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    Depends for me. Stranger? I bite my tongue and silently spew insults in my head. Loved one? Get snappy, try not to yell. Internet? Honestly, it depends on how hangry I am and how my day generally has gone.
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
    Get off the "roids"....Joke no need to hit me anyone. kthnx:flowerforyou:
  • FullOfWin
    FullOfWin Posts: 1,414 Member
    You might do better in life if you can fake it til you make it. But, if you've already been at it a year, makin it might be kinda hard.
  • socko6774
    socko6774 Posts: 200
    what exactly sets you off? or ar e you just being petty? if its something stupid and trivial , just blow it off, if you cant seem to blow off simple, everyday mundane things, take a trip to the psychiatrist.
  • etoiles_argentees
    etoiles_argentees Posts: 2,827 Member
    Depends for me. Stranger? I bite my tongue and silently spew insults in my head. Loved one? Get snappy, try not to yell. Internet? Honestly, it depends on how hangry I am and how my day generally has gone.

    Pretty much this. I'm me, whether I'm mad, sad or happy..I can't hold back.
  • diodelcibo
    diodelcibo Posts: 2,564 Member
    what exactly sets you off? or ar e you just being petty? if its something stupid and trivial , just blow it off, if you cant seem to blow off simple, everyday mundane things, take a trip to the psychiatrist.

    Usually small things piling up. But sometimes just one thing like yesterday some people throwing snow balls and one hit my arm and I dropped my sandwhich and went crazy and this guy.
  • Maidofmer
    Maidofmer Posts: 908 Member
    I had the same goal. but 12 hours into it, after hearing how some lady wanted to wash her dog in the dishwasher, I told her i'd rather face an army of chainsaw wielding zombies riding six foot flying spiders, than talk to her.

    just be yourself. they can take your advice or not.

    394782_10151268365773375_1613177585_n_zps1b61695a.jpg
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" -Plato

    I can't tell you what/how to be but I can share my own practice. I try to be kind. However, When I see somebody who's being an A-hole for no reason, then thats when I focus my energy and anger on them. Basically, save your anger for people who deserve it but otherwise, be kind and even when something silly or naive comes up, try to give them a benefit of the doubt. After all, we all started as amateurs first right?
  • gnrshelton
    gnrshelton Posts: 358 Member
    Just say what you want to say but say it with a smile. It sounds better that way! If not that I don't know what to tell you. :)
  • anifani4
    anifani4 Posts: 457 Member
    Find a therapist and figure out why you are a basically angry person.
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
    what exactly sets you off? or ar e you just being petty? if its something stupid and trivial , just blow it off, if you cant seem to blow off simple, everyday mundane things, take a trip to the psychiatrist.

    Usually small things piling up. But sometimes just one thing like yesterday some people throwing snow balls and one hit my arm and I dropped my sandwhich and went crazy and this guy.

    A knocked over sandwich is not worth getting crazy about for so many reasons.....
    You might try therapy.
  • socko6774
    socko6774 Posts: 200
    what exactly sets you off? or ar e you just being petty? if its something stupid and trivial , just blow it off, if you cant seem to blow off simple, everyday mundane things, take a trip to the psychiatrist.

    Usually small things piling up. But sometimes just one thing like yesterday some people throwing snow balls and one hit my arm and I dropped my sandwhich and went crazy and this guy.

    lol, dude, that would have set me off too, if they did it on purpose, and i didnt know them!! i wouldnt waste a perfectly good sandwich though!!!
  • diodelcibo
    diodelcibo Posts: 2,564 Member
    Just say what you want to say but say it with a smile. It sounds better that way! If not that I don't know what to tell you. :)

    I'll try that tomorrow, I'll see how people react.
  • alicevick3
    alicevick3 Posts: 21
    expand your vocabulary to the point where even though you are calling them an idiot, they think you are complementing them
  • PatrickSwayzesGhost
    PatrickSwayzesGhost Posts: 300 Member
    umad.gif
  • fusion777
    fusion777 Posts: 197
    I pretty much had to just ignore certain people in my life, doing what is right for me. I don't listen to everyone in my family and their *kitten*-aches anymore. It's tiring and never changes, some people are just miserable.

    To be honest, it's easier to be nicer to strangers than some people in my family!

    I think you should do what you need to do. No reason to be downright rude, just make yourself the priority. :)
  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,173 Member
    hugs_zpse51170c7.gif

    You beat me to it
  • 2muchsauce
    2muchsauce Posts: 1,078
    Basically I have been trying this be nicer/ less patronising to people approach for about a year but earlier today I snapped and went a bit crazy at some people and I cannot do it anymore. So my dilemma is I don't want to be an a-hole to people but it requires a large amount of mental effort from me and drives me up the wall.

    So should I just say screw being nice or keep going?

    Also any tips on how to resist the urge to whack people's heads together are also greatly appreciated. Thanks.

    So, you don't want to be an a-hole, but you can't stop being an a-hole.........................sounds like you're just an a-hole. It is what it is.
  • diodelcibo
    diodelcibo Posts: 2,564 Member
    expand your vocabulary to the point where even though you are calling them an idiot, they think you are complementing them

    Putting this on my to do list.
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
    A year???

    Wow.

    Seriously, man, you gave it a gallant effort, but...well, you've done your best. Time to hang it up and just go back to being yourself. Oh, sure, you'll probably be banned from the forums in less than a month, but that's a small price to pay not to have to be fake about who you are any longer.

    Best of luck...and Godspeed.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    I wish i could help you with this, but i just don't understand where you're coming from. I'm just naturally nice and respectful and never have the urge to be rude or patronizing to people, even stupid people with writing questions. I don't know what it's like to feel like I'm about to snap.

    Mr Congeniality, that's me.
  • chubbygirl253
    chubbygirl253 Posts: 1,309 Member
    Sometimes people need to be told they're morons. You could be doing a public service.
  • nobadkitty
    nobadkitty Posts: 95
    Just live by the golden rule. It's simple enough. I do that even when people are ****s because I know I can live with myself not spreading negative energy around. If you MUST confront someone and call them out, make sure it'll effect them to change. Otherwise it's a futile effort and time wasted...ain't worth it.
  • verdancyhime
    verdancyhime Posts: 237 Member
    I'm kind of a pushover, because the only people I interact with on a regular basis other than my bf are people at work.

    I hate about half of the people I work with, but I hate myself more for never being able to tell them about the things they do that make me hate them. I'm too afraid of losing my job.

    Recently I had a coworker go on and on about tea party politics to my face and just kind of let him talk for 20 min. I wish I'd told him more of how I really feel on that issue.
  • barkin43
    barkin43 Posts: 508 Member
    I wish i could help you with this, but i just don't understand where you're coming from. I'm just naturally nice and respectful and never have the urge to be rude or patronizing to people, even stupid people with writing questions. I don't know what it's like to feel like I'm about to snap.

    Mr Congeniality, that's me.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: ::devil:
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
    Be yourself.
    People may not like you but those that do, you know, are true friends. :bigsmile:
  • iulia_maddie
    iulia_maddie Posts: 2,780 Member
    Try dealing with the little things, nicely, one at a time before they pile up.
    If someone made me drop my sandwich i'd be mad too, and i'm really nice, calm most of the time.
    How bad are you when you are not consciously trying to be nice? Can't be that bad..
  • alicevick3
    alicevick3 Posts: 21
    :smile:

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