need new friends

judithsimons · May 2010

Hi
My offline friends have seemed to have deserted me. now that I am making a conscious effort to count calories and exercise, they can't make time for me and my changes to my lifestyle. I did not think I was such a "debbie downer" about it, but I thought the changes I am making are positive. So I am kinda lonely, but my husband is very supportive. He gives me the encouragement I need to keep going. I guess I could give them time to adjust, but when they want to go for icecream its easier for me to decline to go than to go and watch them eat it (as an example). Any ideas on what to do?

jenwillbthin · May 2010

I'm sorry that you are having troubles with your friends. I think that I would go out and use that opportunity as a place to say how you are feeling. I know its hard to discuss some of these feeling with friends but you might have to if you want to keep them. Who knows you might encourage them to make some changes too. If you do go you could order a kid size cone or get sorbet or fro yo.
I hope that your friends understand how you want to make your life better and in turn you will live long and be a better friend in the end.
Wishing you good health.

vicidoesstuff · May 2010

I'm so sorry to hear that. I do hope your friends will understand your positive attitude to health, in time, but in the meantime you have the whole community here to back you up and support you. From someone who doesn't really have a wide circle of friends who understand my weighty woes, I can really empathise with you.

As you keep going, you'll find healthy alternatives to things like ice cream and anything else you might be declining at the minute, so I encourage you to go along with your friends and focus things not so much on the food but on the good times you can have with them. There's more to life than food, after all.

LINN471 · May 2010

We are in the same boat stay motiviated you can do it!

racin65 · May 2010

Hi, Welcome to MFP. I too don't have a lot of support away from here, even at home I'm told I'm spending too much time working out. But I know what my goals are and it does help to have friends on here. So welcome aboard. We all know what we are working towards and its fun to see other people working towards goals as well.

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KaeChelle · May 2010

It's great you are trying to change your life and wonderful that your husband is supporting you! Hopefully with time your friends will see and accept the changes you are making. There is lots of great support here, I know it's not the same as in person, but it really is encouraging!

judithsimons · May 2010

thanks!

Kath15 · May 2010

I'm very sorry to hear that. Maybe in time your friends will understand that you are doing this for yourself, to be healthier and happier. I don't know what kind of shape your friends are in, but is it possible that they don't want to confront their own issues? Adopting this new lifestyle of counting calories, eating healthier foods, etc. does not have to be depressing and shouldn't be. If you show your friends that it is a positive thing and you feel better because of it....maybe they will eventually catch on. As far as going out for ice cream...a lot of places have lower sugar and/or calorie options. Perhaps you can have a small portion of one of these options so you can at least partake in this social situation. But, if you do not have the willpower and will truly regret eating, you are definitely better off not going. Don't let other people make you feel bad because you are trying to improve yourself and your quality of life. Try to focus on any support that you are getting now. It's great that you have your husband on board...because for some people, that is half the battle. There are a lot of very supportive people on this site who understand where you are coming from. So, go ahead and make friends here in the meantime. Good luck as you forge ahead!

sparkles321 · May 2010

I think the subject you chose may be the answer...but before you go jumping to completely new friends.....

When you are with your friends, what do YOU talk about? If health, calories, exercise, etc is the only topic you seem to know right now, your friends may just be tired of hearing it. Whether your whining about the choice of yet another fast food dinner or if you're just talking about a neat health article you found doesn't matter, they may be tired of hearing it. If this is the case, you could try bringing your own snacks along so that when they choose to stop off for ice cream, you have your own snack to enjoy instead of grumbling at the suggestion. If you can't think of any topics to talk about other than health, then don't start the conversations. Keep focused on what they're talking about and engage yourself in those discussions.

Second, have they abandoned you or are you abandoning them? I ask this because your last comment states that it's easier to decline joining them for ice cream than to go and watch them eat it. This implies that they are still inviting you out and that you are the one not hanging out with them anymore. If this is the case, you should be asking yourself why you're not so keen to hang out with them anymore. Is it them or the temptation of what their lifestyle (your old lifestyle) brings? Are they making mean comments about your choices or do you just not want to be around the ice cream altogether because you don't have the willpower to leave it behind the counter? If it's not them, maybe try inviting them to healthier spots or activities with you. For example, my city park has tennis courts and you can rent equipment from the on-site pro club on the weekends. Maybe head for the public swimming pool. Hungry? Head home for a group BBQ picnic.

zombiebite · May 2010

I'm going to take a different stance here and say that for a healthy lifestyle long term you need to make sure you don't alienate yourself from everyone else. I know that currently it's pretty hard but let's say that in 6 months/ a year down the line once you've lost the weight you'll be thinner yes but what fun will you have with it if you don't have your friends around? You have chosen loosing weight over your friends and so really you need to think about how you can cope with these situtations.

As mentioned above, you could have a sorbet or low fat frozen yoghurt. Minimilks have nothing much in them and also if you wat a low cal iced fruit lolly your body will burn off most of the calories heating it up.

Your friends aren't going to work with you if you alienate yourself from what they like doing but they might like it if you invite them to something that is supportive of what's good for you right now? Maybe invite them round for a meal serving your new low cal healthy foods and show them what it's about or invite them for a long walk or go swimming with them?

Don't give up because if you already have the friends then don't let yourself feel this way and make new fun activities for all of you to enjoy.

Zx

KatieM7 · May 2010

I know the feeling. My husbnd is great and supports me in all aspects of life but my friends have a harder time seeing life the same way I do. I am sorry to hear that you are having that trial in your life. If you ever want to talk send me a message.

nakiasyree · May 2010

That can be very hard, I KNOW. Keep your chin up and know we are here for you and your sucess. We won't tempt you, because we understand.

deedee8812 · May 2010

I'm sorry to hear you are going through that. You have to keep doing what you're doing because it's working and it's good for you. I've invited some of my friends to the site, but so far no takers. Still, its okay, because I'm saving my life for myself, my family and those friends who will love me fat or love me thin. Hang in there!

need new friends

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