What to say when someone comments on your weight.

efreeman210
efreeman210 Posts: 6
in Motivation and Support
Hi! Does anyone have any good responses when people comment on your weight? I never know what to say, because I usually get a bit offended. I see myself in the mirror every day, I know what I look like and I'm trying to fix it! How do I tell people politely to lay off and not point out the obvious, because it hurts?

Replies

  • cleomouri
    cleomouri Posts: 51 Member
    My mum and grandmum are the biggest ones on me about my weight. I spent years of just smiling and nodding to their comments and doing my best to not let them bug me.

    At some random point I'd had enough and when they mentioned my weight to me one day I explained, as calmly as I could, that yes, I realized I was over weight. I was planning on/had asked my Dr for help. Was changing my diet and listed all the things I'd eliminated from it like fast food and sodas, etc. That I appreciated their concern for me but that their comments weren't anything I didn't already know by looking in the mirror every morning. I was working on trying to change my lifestyle to get healthier and shed the extra poundage. Their well meaning comments were only destroying what little self-esteem I had left and were actually doing more harm than good.

    Of my friends, some are on the heavier side themselves or have the tact not to say anything unless the current topic of discussion is healthier cooking/lifestyle.

    If it's someone I don't know or don't know very well I say something like "Thanks for your concern about my health. It's something I've been working on and I've actually lost X pounds so far." This normally gets them to hush up. It's like they don't think we know we have a problem and are doing us a favor by pointing it out. By telling them I'm not only aware, but am actively doing something about it; it's like I've taken all the wind out of their sails and now they don't know what to do/say.
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
    My parents and siblings were the big contenders about badgering me about my weight. I just started saying, "Thanks for your concern" or "I appreciate your concern" and walk away. Anything else gives them ammunition - if you say, "I appreciate your concern, and I'm working on it" they want to know how.

    If they pushed further, I'd tell them, "It's not up to you. Back off." They'd just push and push.... I would finally look at my mother and say, "Who's this up to to do?" She'd say, "You." "Who has to do the work?" "You..." "So who is it NOT up to?" "Me." "Right - so back off...." Even still, they wouldn't give it up. I live 2 hours from my family - so they felt like they had a captive audience and even had to threaten to leave on two different occasions to get them to get off my case. Of course, on both occasions (separate weekends), they accused me of being childish - I accused them of bullying. Big hairy mess. BUT it got them off my back.

    I'm not sure there's anything you can do with some people to quit bothering you about it. People who are size one civilians who have never had much (if any) weight to lose just don't get it, and they never will.

    Wish I could offer more help.
  • maryjay52
    maryjay52 Posts: 557 Member
    wow you lost 111 lbs ???? you have become my new hero!!! dont pay no nevermind to them. you are doing good for yourself. if my family or friends ever badgered me about my weight id bark back at them with words i cant say on here.. its your life and your choices ..but geeez with 111lbs weight loss .. id like to praise you !
  • Chief_Rocka
    Chief_Rocka Posts: 4,710 Member
    Kick them in the taco
  • links_slayer
    links_slayer Posts: 1,151 Member
    have you ever considered telling them how their words make you feel?
  • sunsnstatheart
    sunsnstatheart Posts: 2,544 Member
    "*** off"
  • Erienneb
    Erienneb Posts: 592 Member
    Family is harder, but with strangers I would just get snarky. Now I don't even respond.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    Be polite, but direct. "Hey, it hurts my feelings when you make comments about my weight. It's a situation I'm aware of and I'm trying to fix it." Then maybe give them some specific ideas of how they can be supportive of you. If they really care about you, you may have to make the same speech a few times, but they should eventually get the picture.
  • n0ob
    n0ob Posts: 2,390 Member
    for most of my life when people were mean about it, I'd kindly remind them that I could still catch them and whoop their ***.

    The few people in my life that did this to me this was absolutely true about.
  • Mrsnelson2004
    Mrsnelson2004 Posts: 4
    it depends on what they say and how they say it, also take into consideration their age, sometimes older people don't have a filter. You can always say thank you for your concern, but it's my body, and I'm doing something about it. Or What I do about my body is not your concern. My body should not be your concern. My body is not your concern. What are you doing about yours?

    As a kid would say in a ranking out contest: I may be fat, but you're ugly on the inside and at least I can diet. I always keep that line in the back of my mind, but I never say it, if the opportunity presented itself, you never know, but I've never came across someone I didn't know that said something nasty, at least they never said it to my face.
  • ewhsweets
    ewhsweets Posts: 167 Member
    Say something OUTLANDISH!!!! And completely OFF THE WALL!!!!

    I had a woman comment on my face about a week after I had an allergic reaction to food...Right in the middle of a department store she felt compelled to comment on my skin - "wow, you have marks all over your face!" (which was recovering) - a grown woman with her teenaged daughter said this.

    ....I said "why thank you, I have cancer and am dying"...should have seen her face and 'heard' the apologies.

    Speaking up makes people realize that it's SOOOO incredibly rude and tactless they are being...say something to embarrass them and 'hopefully' they'll realize how terrible they're being.
  • emoyap
    emoyap Posts: 12
    You are amazing. I think all those commenting must be go smacked and speechless!!
  • chubbygirl253
    chubbygirl253 Posts: 1,309 Member
    My twin sister used to make rude comments to which I would usually tell her to go eff herself, or some variation of that. She has a few pounds to lose but is by no means obese. I've lost over 60 pounds but I still have over 100 to go. Yet somehow the balance has shifted. I'm still the fat twin, but my sister doesnt say anything anymore. She knows I'm getting smaller, she knows athletically I'm already probably in better shape. (I'm a runner and I dont think she could run 6 miles even if someone was chasing her.) Shes eating her words now. Just showing her I can do it has shut her right up. I suspect she'll go on a diet to lose her unwanted spare pounds as soon as I lose enough that she's is in danger of becoming the fatter twin.

    If it was someone who didnt know me I'd definitely tell them to eff off but I probably would add that I've already lost ____ lbs without any help from them.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    Not many people commented on my weight when I was bigger...mostly my mom, and that's about it. I used to just say, "yeah...I'm well aware of that."

    Since I've been losing (before MFP and 11 Lbs since MFP) I pretty much get the, "damn...you look like a completely different person." or "wow...what exactly are you doing to shed the weight...you look great." Things like that...didn't really start happening until I lost my first 10 Lbs or so, but now I get that a lot from friends and family, particularly ones that don't see me day to day. It's very encouraging, and you'll get there.
  • MinimalistShoeAddict
    MinimalistShoeAddict Posts: 1,946 Member
    Hi! Does anyone have any good responses when people comment on your weight? I never know what to say, because I usually get a bit offended. I see myself in the mirror every day, I know what I look like and I'm trying to fix it! How do I tell people politely to lay off and not point out the obvious, because it hurts?

    Most of the time when someone comments on my weight (very rare) it is an overweight person telling me I am too thin (which I am not based on BMI, body fat % or any other recognized scientific metric).

    What I actually say:
    "Thank you for your concern, but I am actually very healthy and happy with my appearance"

    What the little devil on my shoulder wants me to say:
    "Thank you for your concern. What is your body fat percentage?"

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