Need Motivation - Someone to Relate

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KCookN
KCookN Posts: 13 Member
in Introduce Yourself
I'm new to MFP, but already think its a great tool. I really would love to have people who are going through similar circumstances, or for moral support on both our ends. To tell you about myself, I'm 24, I have a 3 year old girl, 12 year old step daughter, and am engaged to a hardcore fitness finatic military man. I've always been envious of him at the gym, how fit he is, how motivated, and how hard he can push himself. I know I'm strong, but I also know I'm not nearly as close to being fit as I'd like to think. We have recently started to do weight training together in our garage, its great quality time, but I want to push myself to keep up with him..atleast female wise lol. I was suppose to be on the Navy 4 years ago, but when I got to bootcamp they discovered I was pregnant. My dream has always been to be in the Navy, but my priorities changed after the birth of my daughter.

Now to go into food. Tough subject, especially since some points in this I have not admitted to ANYONE, best to put it all out on the table and be judged, maybe someone can relate and we can get through this together. I have always been a big child, the heaviest I ever got was 220 and I'm 5'9. I decided to lose the weight, but the only thing I could stick to as sad as it sounds is..starving myself. I would eat 300 calories or less a day and the weight dropped fast. No one knew, no one asked, they just said how great I looked, how proud they were of me. From a child my father constantly belittled me for being fat, comparing me to my fit skinny brother constantly. So to hear he was happy I was losing weight not knowing how was a bitter sweet victory. I did this for 3 months and the lowest I got to was 168. At that point I joined the Navy and when I was sent home for being pregnant I began to eat...and could not stop. I gained the right amount during the pregnancy, and my daughter came out healthy. After that I began to binge and purge to lose the baby weight. Being so hungry and tired all the time I couldn't starve myself as I did before, this became my new "fix". I have been binging and purging since I was 21 and let's just say it got me no where! I know what I was doing was wrong but the need to do it became overwhelming. I now am eating properly 75% of the time, I still get that point at night where I eat everything I wanted throughout the day then puke it up. I still get my 1200 calories a day, its just the self control sometimes falls short. I don't want to do it anymore! I want to lose weight the safe, healthy, hard way. I'm dedicated! No one in my family or friends know my struggle, too embarressesmd or ashamed I guess. I'm going to lose the weight and be proud to say I did it! It is hard, especially doing it alone.

Thank you for reading. I hope someone out there can relate, even slightly. Please don't judge me, as I won't judge you.
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Replies

  • queenstatus
    queenstatus Posts: 267 Member
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    I can relate although I never experienced that. Losing weight is hard but you can do it. I am here for you. U do not have to do it that way because one, its very unhealthy and two it won't last. Take the time to lose it the right way and then u will be proud of urself. This is a journey and a lifelong commitment. I gave faith in you. It took a lot of coverage to reveal something like this and I commend you for it. If toy feel like binging just go for a walk or drink lots of water do something else. Call someone anything you can friend me if u like again I am here for u. We are all in this together
  • taps42
    taps42 Posts: 13 Member
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    Using this tool is a healthy way to lose weight and keep it off. Feel free to add me as a friend so we can all keep each motivated and on the right track to lose the weight we want to xx
  • KCookN
    KCookN Posts: 13 Member
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    That's one part of my journey I can not do. We moved a month ago from Delaware to Oregon for his job. I don't know anyone here, and am currently not working so meeting people is hard. When I feel the urge to binge its late at night about 12am when everyone is asleep. We have a treadmill but the urge to eat everything is stronger. I'm great throughout the day, I work out, eat good, and feel great! When the clock winds down and I can not sleep (I have somewhat insomnia) the belly ruins my motivation in my head. Not all the time, but majority. I know its super unhealthy, and franctly lazy. I hate it but its a battle I'm going to win one of these days. Thank you both for your support and kind words I really appreciate it! I'll add you both :) hopefully we win this weight battle healthy, strong, and proud.
  • chnkysoup
    chnkysoup Posts: 79 Member
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    Ohh I can relate. I am 30 years old, have two children who are 9 and 11, I am 5'6 and 211 lbs. Growing up I was always naturally fit. Got complimented all the time. But I was also very athletic looking, sort of stocky. So I really didn't see myself the way others did. I made a pact in 6th grade with a friend to see how long we could go without eating. I made it 3 days in a row and caved of course. But from that point on I never knew any other way to lose weight. I mostly didn't eat but sometimes I would binge and purge. Then at 18 I found out I was pregnant and I felt so relieved that I could eat and not feel guilty about it. So i ended up gaining about 76 pounds from 120 to 196! Yikes! With my second pregnancy I started out a bit heavier (about 150) and only gained 43 lbs. Anyway I just kept putting weight on, it's like I never got out of pregnancy eating mode. So I still struggle with finding a balance between the all or nothing mentality. I either eat a crap load or next to nothing and it doesn't help weight loss! So unfortunately I don't have any advice because I am still trying to figure it out myself. I don't binge and purge anymore...I just binge, lol. I am seriously too lazy to go throw it up, haha! So I don't do anything like that anymore. It is mostly going from one extreme to another. Eating 800 calories one day and walking in the morning and at night to eating 4000 calories the next day and sitting on the couch like a slob. Ugh...But I just keep trying to do the right thing. I have been trying to get it right for a long time and I struggle every day with it. I don't really have a weight goal. I would like to be about a size 10/12 (I usually weigh about 155-160 at that size) because I think curvy is a good look for me. I am currently a sz 16.

    Well I know there isn't really any advice in here AND it is super long but at least you know that you are not alone. Once you get started with that unhealthy way of dieting it is hard to get on the right track. Maybe try to think of it this way, stick to something that you know you can maintain for the rest of your life. Good luck!
  • KCookN
    KCookN Posts: 13 Member
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    Seems we both started it different times and ended up in the same boat, the all or nothing faze. Either I'm going to tale a bite out of the cake or not eat it turns to eat the whole cake and feel like poo after haha. I have had my share of not purging after a binge when I don't care anymore, then the next day I do the extreme out of guilt. Thank you for sharing your story, it was nice to read. Maybe we can get through it together, I know its a constant mind battle. Yet we still try, must say something about us right? Pregnancy is a bummer, you eat like a pig then are expected to stop haha, not so easy. I remember eating the huge bags of m&ms at 8 months pregnant. Now I feel guilty if I eat 5 of them. Evil chocolate.
  • chnkysoup
    chnkysoup Posts: 79 Member
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    I thought of a couple other things : In my opinion (of course everyone is different) 1200 calories just isn't enough! Especially if you are also working out. No wonder you feel like bingeing at night. I eat 1400 calories per day and I usually do not work out. When I am able to actually stick with this i usually lose weight at a rate of 2-3 pounds per week. This is with no exercise. Here is a bit of advice, increase your calories because you are starving eating only 1200 (in my opinion) and try to go to bed earlier. Easier said than done, right? :smile:

    It sounds like you do great during the day. I would assume that by the time midnight rolls around it's probably been like 5 hours since you last ate on top of the fact that you're only eating 1200 a day. Anyone would be hungry in this situation. I think the staying up late thing is what is causing most of your problem. You need to see a dr about that or try some home remedies or something. What time do you wake in the morning?
  • KCookN
    KCookN Posts: 13 Member
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    Typically I go to bed at 1am with the help of sleep pills. My body has gotten use to then so it takes a lot longer for me to fall asleep now. Typically I get up with my daughter at 9 and eat my first meal at 11. I don't get hungry when I wake up for some reason. We usually eat dinner about 7pm. I thought about increasing my calories, but im afraid when I do binge and purge I don't lose all the calories I consumed so I'm sure i go over 1200. Probably just my mind lol. I'm going to try your suggestion of eating 1400 and see if I still have urges. It was actually a great tip, thank you. I'll try it for the rest of the week and let you know! What is a good filling food for you?
  • lewcompton
    lewcompton Posts: 881 Member
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    Anyone is welcome to add me... I've dropped 124 in under seven months and I am a real advocate of eating cleaner... I still have the occasional McDonald's ice cream cone for my sanity, but my food is always logged and I strive to stay under my calorie goal pre-workout and then workout to drop my net calories below 1000 per day and often into the negative range.
  • KCookN
    KCookN Posts: 13 Member
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    Anyone is welcome to add me... I've dropped 124 in under seven months and I am a real advocate of eating cleaner... I still have the occasional McDonald's ice cream cone for my sanity, but my food is always logged and I strive to stay under my calorie goal pre-workout and then workout to drop my net calories below 1000 per day and often into the negative range.
    Wow great job! What do your workouts consist of?
  • sdbland
    sdbland Posts: 2
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    KCookN,

    As I read your posts we are like one in the same. I am in Texas 17hours away from any friends/family.. ANYONE haha. I am super busy with school and teaching and my boyfriend is in basic so all communication with him is... well, you know how it is :( I'm here for you if you want to friend me, or anyone for that matter. I am blogging about my beachbody challenge I am starting along with my busy life and other struggles. I hope to inspire others to take fitness and health first and most importantly take care of ourselves :)
  • chnkysoup
    chnkysoup Posts: 79 Member
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    Typically I go to bed at 1am with the help of sleep pills. My body has gotten use to then so it takes a lot longer for me to fall asleep now. Typically I get up with my daughter at 9 and eat my first meal at 11. I don't get hungry when I wake up for some reason. We usually eat dinner about 7pm. I thought about increasing my calories, but im afraid when I do binge and purge I don't lose all the calories I consumed so I'm sure i go over 1200. Probably just my mind lol. I'm going to try your suggestion of eating 1400 and see if I still have urges. It was actually a great tip, thank you. I'll try it for the rest of the week and let you know! What is a good filling food for you?

    I get pretty full off of like an egg sandwhich I just use 1 slice of bread, 1 or two eggs with some miracle whip and mustard, maybe some pickles and that is really filling. I like to eat and munch all the time so I personally like to find very very low calorie fruits and raw veg to snack on. But I love raw veg, it's almost my favorite thing to eat. If I am like starving while I am cooking dinner or something I will eat the crap out of like pickles, raw cauliflower with a bit of ranch, pineapple. My boyfriend and I made a decision to buy only healthy foods that way when we want a snack we have no choice but to eat healthy. Since I like that full satisfied feeling after every meal I usually eat a meat and a boat load of veg. That tricks me into thinking I have gotten to sort of pig out. lol. That's what seems to work the best for me.
  • chnkysoup
    chnkysoup Posts: 79 Member
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    ^^I use boiled eggs, FYi^^
  • JustAGirL29
    JustAGirL29 Posts: 19
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    Feel free to add me, great story, i know how you feel. Maybe we could encourage one another :)
  • Stacimfit
    Stacimfit Posts: 278 Member
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    Hello. I know how it feels to hide a struggle. I fight mine daily because I'm embarrassed of what they think but once we reach our goals we will look and feel amazing and be proud to shout it. That's what I'm working towards as well. Feel free to as me if you feel you'd like to share this experience. I've already cut down half of my portions and is it every hard but I need to do it!
  • Stacimfit
    Stacimfit Posts: 278 Member
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    I can already tell this is a great tool, like where has it been all my life!!? Finally! Lol
  • HealthyGinny
    HealthyGinny Posts: 821 Member
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    I'm new to MFP, but already think its a great tool. I really would love to have people who are going through similar circumstances, or for moral support on both our ends. To tell you about myself, I'm 24, I have a 3 year old girl, 12 year old step daughter, and am engaged to a hardcore fitness finatic military man. I've always been envious of him at the gym, how fit he is, how motivated, and how hard he can push himself. I know I'm strong, but I also know I'm not nearly as close to being fit as I'd like to think. We have recently started to do weight training together in our garage, its great quality time, but I want to push myself to keep up with him..atleast female wise lol. I was suppose to be on the Navy 4 years ago, but when I got to bootcamp they discovered I was pregnant. My dream has always been to be in the Navy, but my priorities changed after the birth of my daughter.

    Now to go into food. Tough subject, especially since some points in this I have not admitted to ANYONE, best to put it all out on the table and be judged, maybe someone can relate and we can get through this together. I have always been a big child, the heaviest I ever got was 220 and I'm 5'9. I decided to lose the weight, but the only thing I could stick to as sad as it sounds is..starving myself. I would eat 300 calories or less a day and the weight dropped fast. No one knew, no one asked, they just said how great I looked, how proud they were of me. From a child my father constantly belittled me for being fat, comparing me to my fit skinny brother constantly. So to hear he was happy I was losing weight not knowing how was a bitter sweet victory. I did this for 3 months and the lowest I got to was 168. At that point I joined the Navy and when I was sent home for being pregnant I began to eat...and could not stop. I gained the right amount during the pregnancy, and my daughter came out healthy. After that I began to binge and purge to lose the baby weight. Being so hungry and tired all the time I couldn't starve myself as I did before, this became my new "fix". I have been binging and purging since I was 21 and let's just say it got me no where! I know what I was doing was wrong but the need to do it became overwhelming. I now am eating properly 75% of the time, I still get that point at night where I eat everything I wanted throughout the day then puke it up. I still get my 1200 calories a day, its just the self control sometimes falls short. I don't want to do it anymore! I want to lose weight the safe, healthy, hard way. I'm dedicated! No one in my family or friends know my struggle, too embarressesmd or ashamed I guess. I'm going to lose the weight and be proud to say I did it! It is hard, especially doing it alone.

    Thank you for reading. I hope someone out there can relate, even slightly. Please don't judge me, as I won't judge you.

    Hi!

    I can relate to most of what you've written. I'm female and 24 too. I've had issues with food and EDs my whole life. I was a big insecure kid with billion of really skinny friends and I developed BED (I think the saying "eating one's feelings" totally applied). When I was 21, I got to my lowest weight because I was eating an apple + 1 glass of cold tomato soup each day and that's it. Then, one day when I was basically starving, I started eating, telling myself it's only for today, only for one day, and ended up binging every single day for 3 months or so. Put on a LOT of weight before getting into EDNOS (bulimia + other nasty habits).

    I've decided to say stop and start getting healthy first and then, lose the extra weight the healthy way this time around. I've been counting cal and exercising since Jan 2012, and I've had ups and downs but I'm getting better each day. I still have bad days sometimes, some days I binge, some days I binge and purge and some days, I just don't want to eat but I always try to get back on my feet quickly. It helps that I found great supportive friends on here who don't judge me. I also have my diary closed so that no insensitive remarks can set me back. Seriously, I'm very grateful that I have found mfp and the people I have on my friends' list.

    Anyway, my presentation was a bit long but I wanted to tell you that I get it and that if I can do it, you totally can! Feel free to add me and we can support each other. Good luck and bravo for taking the time (and courage) to share your story here.

    xx,
    Ginny
  • HealthyGinny
    HealthyGinny Posts: 821 Member
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    I thought of a couple other things : In my opinion (of course everyone is different) 1200 calories just isn't enough! Especially if you are also working out. No wonder you feel like bingeing at night. I eat 1400 calories per day and I usually do not work out. When I am able to actually stick with this i usually lose weight at a rate of 2-3 pounds per week. This is with no exercise. Here is a bit of advice, increase your calories because you are starving eating only 1200 (in my opinion) and try to go to bed earlier. Easier said than done, right? :smile:

    It sounds like you do great during the day. I would assume that by the time midnight rolls around it's probably been like 5 hours since you last ate on top of the fact that you're only eating 1200 a day. Anyone would be hungry in this situation. I think the staying up late thing is what is causing most of your problem. You need to see a dr about that or try some home remedies or something. What time do you wake in the morning?

    Agreed. I started out at 1200 cal too and I was binging quite a lot. Now, I'm at 1390 when I don't exercise and I eat back at least half of the cal I burn when I exercise. i'm losing at a steady pace and I don't binge quite as much :)
  • kiwiwizard
    kiwiwizard Posts: 59 Member
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    I think you are very courageous & brave to lay it all out there & ask for help, that says alot about where you are in your weight loss journey!!! So many of us have had maladaptive behaviors related to our body image & weight. My thing was smoking. Whenever I felt hungry I would have a cigarette and then I wouldn't feel hungry anymore so wouldn't eat. I finally quit (the 1st time) when I grew tired of coughing up a lung every morning. I put on 60 lbs. With so much extra weight I had back problems & was at the chiropractor alot. I started smoking again & the weight just fell off. The last time I quite (15 yrs ago now) I put on 70 lbs. My husband was a wonderful blessing & support as I quit, he kept saying 'there's just more of you to love.' I'm still not at my goal weight but I feel fit & healthy. I admire your determination as you make changes in your life. Don't be too hard on yourself if you don't meet your daily food ideal from time to time just remember each day is a new start to try again. Take good care of yourself!
  • glassxxballerina
    glassxxballerina Posts: 48
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    I can relate to you. I'm 24, 5'9, 160 on a good day. I struggled with EDNOS (basically anorexia + overexercising) when I was 15-18, and dropped down to 118 pounds. Since then, I've dealt with binge eating (which I've mostly overcome) and had my weight ups and downs, but right now I'm focusing on eating healthy, triathlon training and finding a more comfortable weight. I'm also a ballet instructor for ages 2-18 so I'd like to set a good example for my students.

    Feel free to add me!
  • KCookN
    KCookN Posts: 13 Member
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    I'm glad to see that so many people have overcome a lot and now we are all focused on the samw thing, being healthy. I wasn't sure whether or not to eat back the calories you burn, but after reading a lot of posts I decided to start eating them back. I manually increased my calories to 1400, figured that would help with the binge/purge craves. I did purge last night, but I use to do it 4xs a day so that's a win for me. Not perfect but who is? All the advice is so motivating and really helping, wish I would of used MFP sooner! I too smoke, but unfortunately it never curves my appetite lol. Once I get everything else under control I will quit. I noticed I've cut back a lot, but my fiance has not which makes that hard too. One thing ice noticed now that I'm eating over 1200 calories I'm more calm. I've never been an angry person, but always anxious.

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