Boyfriend Away 4 Nights A Week

jericenkins
jericenkins Posts: 60
in Motivation and Support
Not necessarily fitness-related, but I just found out that as of tomorrow my partner will be working away for 3 or 4 days/nights a week.

This has come at a pretty dire time for me because as well as focusing on changing my attitude to fitness, I have also been working through a lot of issues from my childhood/present with a psychiatrist and that's left me feeling incredibly insecure and vulnerable. Feeling quite at a loss right now as to how stable things are, and could do with motivation and support with regards to this too.

It's extra difficult as I just moved to London and have very few friends here to fall back on as a support network.

To start things off on a good foot, I decided to make a 'positives' list of him working away:

1) 3 nights a week to do what I want, and hang out with who I want to
2) 3 nights a week to work out for as long as I want
3) He'll be able to see my body changing more easily because he won't be seeing it each day
4) We'll still have the weekends to do things and planning those will be fun
5) Easier to manage my diet when only cooking for me
6) Plus he wont be going to gym with the incredibly attractive co-worker every night anymore! Bonus!

Do any other MFPers have partners that work away from home a lot? How do you fill your evenings, and what coping mechanisms do you use?

Sorry to whine, just feeling rather meh!

Replies

  • kissmisskate
    kissmisskate Posts: 92 Member
    My husband is away a minimum of 3 nights/week, and sometimes up to 6! It can be very lonesome, but it sounds like you've got a plan to make the best of it. I lived alone for many years before we got married, so I take those nights as my me time - eat really healthy, work out, take long baths with a good book, do hair masks, watch girly movies, crochet, etc. It will give you the opportunity to do some tidying that would otherwise cut into your "us" time.. and you can make sure he knows you missed him by having a good meal and cold beer ready when he comes through the door! Do I sound like a 50's housewife much? Honestly though, this will be hard on him too and letting him know you appreciate the sacrifice he's making will boost his mood.
    I also live in an area where I have no friends or support network, so I suggest (if your apartment/budget allows it) getting a pet. Some days I'd lose my mind if not for my cat and pups. Hope that helps, and that everything works out! Feel free to add me for online support. :P
  • vanessayoungss
    vanessayoungss Posts: 35
    My boyfriend works away three nights a week and is due to go to america for two weeks soon. It is hard , it may cause arguments but it does get easier. We live together so it's hard to sleep etc and horrible eating on my own but it will get easier. Just remember be will hate working away as much as you will hate him being away! X
  • janeite1990
    janeite1990 Posts: 671 Member
    Sorry, but I'm just jealous. I have three kids and work lots of hours. I'd love to have that much time to myself without anyone else around. I know that is not how you feel about it, but consider that there will be times in your life when you don't have time for yourself. Enjoy it while you can! Exercise, eat what keeps your healthy (without considering what someone else prefers), read, clean house, whatever you want. I love my husband, but it is nice to have him out of my hair, too.
  • Rum_Runner
    Rum_Runner Posts: 617 Member
    My husband is away 3-4 nights per week. We've been living this way for 3.5yrs. Its hard - I'm not going to sugar coat it...but you have to make it work.

    Lots of chats, phone calls, pictures, etc to help keep things on a good point. When he comes home we try to sneak in a date day/night at least 1x per month if not more.

    Good luck!!
  • Chief_Rocka
    Chief_Rocka Posts: 4,710 Member
    7) side piece
  • nonstopper
    nonstopper Posts: 1,108 Member
    need help killing time anyone haha! jk jk!
  • vanessayoungss
    vanessayoungss Posts: 35
    Also plan ahead on food. Ill do something in the slow cooker to last me a few days when he's away so less effort during the evening x
  • amdahwd
    amdahwd Posts: 237 Member
    My boyfriend is gone much more than he is at home with his job. I miss him terribly, but I also enjoy not having to cook for 2, not having to worry about what somebody else does or does not like to eat, I do not worry about spending too much time at the gym. I look forward to the days he is here and aboslutely cannot wait for him to find a job where he is home more, but I have a feeling that will become a huge adjustment too.

    You have the right attitude with your lists - you can find the positive in anything!
  • dovetail22uk
    dovetail22uk Posts: 339 Member
    Sounds like you got the best of both worlds - you should be happy!

    What on earth did you do when you were single? You don't need a man constantly at your side/ on you (ahem) to be happy you know!
  • greypilgrimess
    greypilgrimess Posts: 353 Member
    My fiance and I have been living apart for a year and a half now, he's in the US and I'm in the UK, we're waiting for visas etc. (We did live together before that, we didn't start off long distance).

    I've found the best way to deal with this is to keep myself busy, and focusing on my working out and fitness is one of those things since my very time-consuming job dropped down to 2 days a week. Without my work distracting me I started feeling down very fast, and I still do often, but by working on positives and giving myself something good to focus on and work towards it makes it more bearable. We skype every day, and talk on facebook (which he can do from work) and at other times we text each other.

    I recommend you find ways to fill your time on your alone days, maybe try out a couple clubs or fitness groups and you could meet some new people there :-) It's very easy to let yourself fall into a bit of a pit if you don't find things to distract you.

    Also, keep focusing on those positives... you can do what you want on those nights he's not there, you can eat things you want to eat, watch movies he might not enjoy, etc. Also, you can plan extra fun things and surprises for when he's around to make those times even more special ^^
  • jericenkins
    jericenkins Posts: 60
    Bloody hell, you guys are an absolute inspiration!

    Thank you so much for your comments and bits of advice.

    Interestingly, the comment about what I did when I was single - I'm one of those horrendous people who hasn't been out of a relationship since I was about 16. Maybe this 'me time' will do me a lot more good than I thought...
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    tumblr_mhc09pAQhx1r9mq07o1_500.jpg
  • Katey911
    Katey911 Posts: 80 Member
    My fiance is also gone for work 3 nights a week. Here's what I do:

    -- Make whatever I want to eat. He needs meat with every meal, I don't. I can make a veggie lasagna and not worry that he's missing out. Or I can eat lettuce from the bag if that's what I feel like (as I maybe *ahem* did today!).

    -- Have marathon phone conversations with my gfs

    -- Work out every night. I take the nights he's home as my "off" nights, and I don't feel guilty about that at all, since I've already worked out hard (and often!) while he's away.

    -- Catch up on all my trashy TV shows he can't stand (Kardashians, for one!)

    -- Pinterest. Bejeweled. Travelling down the Facebook rabbit hole.

    -- Read all my girly magazines

    -- Don't do the dishes. I typically let the mess grow throughout the week since it doesn't bother me, then do a massive clean-up the day he's to come home. Hey, he'll never know!

    -- Spend hours poking through Target, or a bookstore, or anyplace else. I like the freedom of being able to meander at my own speed.
  • melissarina
    melissarina Posts: 113 Member
    My husband had to go away for two weeks recently to see his family.

    I'm not a huge fan of coming home to an empty house, so I spent most nights out walking my dog, or at the gym, or doing 30 day shred - I pretty much didn't spend any time on the couch. I planned my meals, took lunch to work (which I normally never do, it's a hard habit for me to develop) and ate pretty well. I found it was the right amount of time to develop new habits. I caught up with friends on the weekend, but I don't see my friends a huge amount, so was really trying to get used to spending time alone.

    I'm not sure if you have a pet? I found it makes a huge difference - you still have someone to talk to.

    Plus, I was on MFP every night, seeing what everyone else was up to!
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    Sounds like you have a pretty good plan in place so far! I would have a hard time being alone too...I was single for years but had roommates that were close friends so I've never lived alone for long. Filling your time is definitely a great way to get through.

    The only other suggestion I could think of is maybe see if there are any inexpensive classes you could take? Not sure how that works in London but see if there is an equivilent to Adult Ed courses or even evening courses at the local college. This might give you an opportunity to make new friends as well. Or maybe look into walking or running groups?
  • Pinkemi
    Pinkemi Posts: 937 Member
    oh my... how true is this to my current situation! I was living with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years before deciding to buy my own place and move out. (Due to other comitments he is unable to come with me right now.) While I am excited about having my own place..I am TERRIFED about the nights I have to spend sleeping on my own. (Hard when you are used to someone being there.)

    Your hints and tips will help me. Not sure I have anything to add to the OP...sorry. Somehow I think my phone is going to become my best friend on the nights he isn't at mine! lol
  • JessicaBR13
    JessicaBR13 Posts: 294 Member
    tumblr_mhc09pAQhx1r9mq07o1_500.jpg

    Love this!!
  • Bekahmardis
    Bekahmardis Posts: 602 Member
    Sorry, no sympathy: my boyfriend is in the Army; they take him away from me regularly! I have hobbies. LOTS and LOTS of hobbies!!!
  • celadontea
    celadontea Posts: 335 Member
    I hope my next relationship works out this way. I love "ME" time because I'm an introvert. Make the best of it. Have a girl's night out. Enjoy cultivating yourself and that your conversations and togetherness will feel all the more special.
  • paygep
    paygep Posts: 401 Member
    When mine works away from home 3 nights a week, I use it as an excuse to eat all the foods that he doesn't like... huge piles of onions and peppers, tofu, and brussels sprouts :laugh:
  • soleimana
    soleimana Posts: 6
    I haven't seen my Army husband in 8 months and it's gonna be another 4 until I do. I'm not going to whine about how much worse it is, though -- I remember the first evening I was on my own, and it sucked majorly.

    Things to look forward to:
    - Space in the bed. No random sweating individuals.
    - You can watch whatever you want on Netflix. You can even serial-watch something and pretend you haven't seen it and watch it again with him.
    - You can get up early and do exercises without waking someone up!
    - You can cook things that have very strong smells and flavours.
    - You can eat weird combinations of things without being judged.
    - .....You can do anything you want without being judged, basically.

    :D
  • cynforgiven
    cynforgiven Posts: 46 Member
    i love all the great advice everyone has had. My situation is sort of similar. I work a rotating 4 on, 2 off schedule working night shift (11p-7a) with a 45 min commute and hubby works regular business hours M-F with occaisional overtime on the weekends (usually volunteered for in order to let me sleep if I'm working). Even though we live in the same house we may go 4 or 5 days without really seeing/spending face time with each other due to work/sleep schedules.

    To the OP - it does get lonely, but it IS doable. It's kinda nice that I can do my workouts without worrying if I'm bothering him, I can go for a walk early in the morning before traffic gets too heavy before getting some sleep, etc. I'm looking forward to being able to try cooking new stuff without having to accomodate his likes and dislikes. Having just moved i still need to unpack and find homes for the pots and pans and dishes before i can actually go grocery shopping, but I'm still working on staying with my eating plan and logging my food. (I did make sure to get the elliptical in place so I can now work off the fast food we've been living on while moving :happy: ) Luckily, too, I found the "moving household items" option to log in the cardio workouts so that's been helpful too :laugh:

    Hope it all works out for you. Feel free to friend request me if you need some extra support :glasses:


    EDIT: Just realized you started the thread last January (the 2013 didn't register when I read it, i guess).
    How are things going for you? What worked and didn't? Would love to get an update from you if possible :blushing:

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