THIS IS MY STORY!!!!!!

*~*This Is My Story*~*

(Singing the oldie but goodie church hymn Blessed Assurance)

….This is my story; this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long….

So this is the story of my life I’m Just a simple Jesus Girl who has struggled with my weight my entire life, literally! But I’m in the process of learning that I/we were made for more, “More than this failure … more than this cycle … more than being ruled by our taste buds, body image, rationalizations, and guilt. We were made for victory. Sometimes we just have to find our way to that truth.” –Made To Crave By Lisa TerKeurst.

......And finding that truth is one of the, NO! It’s the hardest thing that I have ever had to do in my life.

Growing up I was always the “BIG” girl…. the “BIG” sister…. the “BIG” cousin…. The “BIG” friend…. and so on. Looking back on my baby pictures it makes me smile and hurt at the same time. I know it’s the wrong way to think but I’m working on it. When I see that “normal” little girl looking so happy and careless, but knowing her future and everything she will go though, I wanna scream *No Matter What Happens In Your Life, Do Not Make Food Your Friend. But as she ages in the pictures the choices she made are very evident.

I was never bullied in school, I saw myself as everyone’s friend, although I do think my size was very intimidating and my personality was very big so that may have had something to do with it (lol). I called myself a 'tomboy', although I loved playing sports in school, I desperately wanted to be known as the athletic sporty girl (because I’ve never wanted to be skinny and still don’t, just wanted to be that girl walking in the mall with workout clothes on and you can tell she feels good and looks good) but because of my weight, oversized clothes and zero confidence I proclaimed that I was a tomboy. Because really, how could I be the athletic girly girl that I wanted so badly to be, when I was almost 3x the size of all my peers, and most of my friends were guys ughhhh. As I got older I got larger;

at 6 years old I weighed 68.5 lbs (vs. the normal 46.2lbs),

at 7 years old I weighed 91 lbs (vs. 50.6 lbs),

at 8 years old I weighed 97.5 lbs (vs. 57.2 lbs)

at 9 years old I weighed 121 lbs (vs. 68.8 lbs)

at 10 years old I weighed 128 lbs (vs.70.4 lbs)

at 15 years old I weighed 244 lbs (vs. 115 lbs)

at 16 years old I weighed 262 lbs (vs. 120 lbs)

By this point I had tried everything that my young mind could think of, the trending “diets”, the newest “diet” pill and dreaded exercise videos found in our family movie collection lol (that I would workout to after eating only white bread and butter because somehow that was healthy to my young mind) lol. Not to mention the prescription diet pills prescribed to me by my doctor (Meridian, Zenical, ect). Clearly none of these methods worked, but around age 16 started to learn and understand some things about a healthy lifestyle, like the simple math of weight loss, calories in vs. calories out. I started moving more, doing some aerobics classes at church, did more walking and got a membership to the local YMCA with one of my supportive friends. And what do you know….. I started seeing some great results.

I went to my first family Christmas dinner feeling ok about myself and my confidence grew because of the success that I could see with my own eyes, BUT the symptoms of this life long struggle kept sneaking back up on me. The lack of circulation in my legs, the rawness and throbbing pain from my thighs constantly rubbing together and the extreme fatigue that plagued, set me back five steps when I had successfully made two steps. So there I was going round and round that same old mountain, again. One day I woke up, it was like every other day in the life of a habitual “dieter”. Get out of bed, before doing anything, use the washroom to empty your bladder (because every 0.1 lbs counts – for real), and stepped on the scale… as I said my daily scale prayer, I glanced down and seen 303 lbs (the numbers even looked 5x bigger then any other day). My heart stopped, I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath, a instant blanket of depression sweptd over me, and even though I knew it didn’t happen over night all the same dark, fear filled phrases/questions that I already knew the answers to, flooded my mind. How did I get here? What is wrong with me? Am I ever gonna be happy? I can't take this anymore, I quit…..

After a few weeks of inner rage and quiet turmoil, I finally made up my mind and admitted I need serious help. So I did some research on gastric bypass surgery that a co-worker (who had a lifetime struggle, just like me) told me about a few years back. At the time when she was telling me what she was about to do it, all I could think was, surgery? Really? We could do it if we put our mind to it, come on girl-that’s just taking the easy way out (I mean I had just lost 20lbs at the time too, this was doable).

We'll, fast-forward to a few years later. I had gained back the 20 lbs and another 45 lbs and wish I would have realized that I could have used that help and now all I have to show for my “hard work” was a few more wasted years and a extra 65 lbs. after a bit of research I made an appointment with my doctor and got the ball rolling. I wrote a letter and sent it (Nov 10th 2008) with my Prior Approval Application to my insurance company, I poured out my heart, praying that my out of town surgery be approved and covered. Here I am 23 years old, 293 lbs (at the time of my letter), although my test showed that I did not (yet) inherit any of the diseases that run in my family, but the numbers were quickly rising, I had a BMI of 48.9 (a healthy BMI is 18-25 and anything over 40 BMI is considered morbidly obese) and a life time battle along with the weight was killing me, literally. On Dec 11th 2008 I went to the mail box and *SMILE*, here was my acceptance letter, 35,747 U.S. approved, I was sooo happy I didn't even know how to handle it but at the same time fear gripped me, and the questions started rolling in… What if something goes wrong? What if you do this and still fail? What I’m I gonna be able to eat? (I know so wrong smh) You’ve never had surgery before, what if you die? Lord please, please, please don’t let me lose it to fast so I don’t have hanging skin (praying on my knees with my face barrier in the carpet), So because of fear and old habits that die hard, I decided not to tell many people “just in cause I failed”-foreboding.



Things started moving so fast, there wasn’t much I had to do. I went to one or two classes and one day of testing, and then was given a booklet of instructions to read. Excited but nervous for the all possibilities that my future could hold good or bad; I hid my quest from most of my friends and family to combat their negativity and got swallowed by my own. On Jan 29th 2009 I had my surgery, I was so surprised at how well it went, and how fast I recovered, so much so that decided that I could skip step *WRONG* lol. Nevertheless the surgery was successful at giving me a jump start (which I am so thankful for, and know that it definitely helped change my life), but because I didn’t follow intructions (and feared failure and praying against it I’m know didn’t help lol) I struggled after my first 30 lbs. In a normal situation 30 lbs is great, but no one get a major surgery to loose 30 lbs when you push 300 lbs. Fast-forward 4 years now present day, I have learned sooo much about myself, health and that this journey was meant for me to learn more then just how important it is to plan, workout and eat healthy. It was to show me that this journey was more spiritual then physical, I fell in love with working out but if I hadn’t changed my mind I would have gained the now over 100 lbs that I have worked soooooooo hard for, all back. I have learned what Gods says about healthy living and how the scriptures are lined with the importance a balanced life, temple maintance, discipline, self-control and the fact that we were made for, VICTORY and not defeat. I WAS MADE FOR MORE!!!!

“Be strong. Take courage. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them a second thought because GOD, your God, is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6 MSG)

Now the story goes on , I have lost over 100 lbs from my highest weight and have decided to start this page not because I know so much, or feel like I’m going to teach someone something. *Disclaimer* I only know what worked and works for me and now more than ever, I know that everyone is different and although there are some main principles to healthy living, YOU have to find what works for you and fits into your life. I am constantly searching for new ways to fit my healthy lifestyle into my daily life, and because our home/work life is always changing, we have to find ways to adjust and make it work. My hope is that someone (even if it’s one person) will see something they might want to use, try or even get their mind to start thinking outside of the box. This page will also be a place of support, empowerment, encouragement and daily fitness and spiritual inspiration. I will be chronicling my struggle, success and victories. I will post things that have helped me that I've seen, heard, read or even thought of. My 'Myfitnesspal' account (one of my favourite tools – mel_fruitseeker_mae) will also post updates of my status', current weight losses, and my food diary when logged (working on that lol). I hope that this will help me to be more accountable and with the support of those on this same journey and the Lord on my side, I will finish out this journey STRONG!!!!

My new life…. Life is good! I feel good! And more importantly I can say my journey has been and is good!!!! I can now count it all joy. Everything that I’ve went through, I’ve done and countinue to do has been and is sooooooo worth it –I’ve learned that I’m wroth it. I work in the health care field, and we dedicate our lives caring for others and making sure that they have the best quality of life possible. I LOVE MY JOB and would not want to do anything else but I now know better and have found the balance of caring for other while not neglecting myself. We all have a to do list, and I have not only put myself on the list, but I have put myself AT THE TOP of the list –because I’M WORTH IT!!! I don’t avoid the mirrors in my home or at the mall. I actually intentionally look at them when I pass by, lol. I lovvveee working out, sounds crazy I know. Once I got my body on a constant workout regimen. I actually start to feel horrible if I miss more than two days without any physical activity. I love doing classes at the gym. When I first joined my gym (although it was all women’s gym because I definitely wasn’t making a fool out of myself in front of any men at this point lol) I felt so discouraged and out of place being the big girl in class (story of my life), and of course the walls were lined with mirrors –HA jokes on me, I had to look at myself!THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND PRAYERS.

I am a health care worker who has joyfully devoted the last 7 year caring for others and their health I have struggled with weight my whole life and I've watched a lot of my family members do so as well.... so “Dieting” (losing and gaining it all back and more lol) just became a part of my life. Four years ago I made a decision to make drastic lifestyle changes and to take my health seriously. It’s has been a long, hard, slow but successful journey and now I've found that I have got a little too comfortable, so finding this website was just what I needed........ Now after being on MFP for over two years and loosing 42lbs during this time, I have found myself yet again in that same cycle of defeat slowly gaining the weight back ***BUTTTTTT*** I KNOW BETTER NOW I DON'T HAVE TO LET THIS HAPPEN.... TIME TO RE-EVALUATE MY PLAN/COMMITMENT AND JUMP RIGHT BACK ON MY JOURNEY BECAUSE ***I WAS MADE FOR MORE THEN THIS CYCLE OF DEFEAT - I WAS MADE FOR VICTORY BABY**

………I’M READY FOR THE NEXT FIGHT

Miss Mel (Fruit-Seeker) Mae

Posted Note On January 29 2013

~ Current Weight 191.5 lbs

~ Goal Weight 150.0 lbs

~ Highest Weight 303.5 in 2008

~ Lowest Weight 172.5 on 1/27/12