I've never asked for help before but I need it now
AprilEternity
Posts: 53 Member
*sigh* Even if no one reads this I feel like I need to vent. I have never been a 'skinny minnie' but I am 5'8 so I always felt like I had an extra little bit of wiggle room. My 'staple' weight has always been around 160-170, I had dreams of being around 140 but 160-170 was livable. Every. Single. Time. I get pregnant I gain a huge amount of weight. This last time it was around 100lbs... It was always harder and harder to lose the weight and I don't even know what my motivation was at the time... I had gotten back down to 190. I'm usually pretty good about maintaining a certain weight. Then all of a sudden I started gaining... I wasn't doing anything differently and the pounds kept piling on. I was having regular periods so I didn't even assume I was pregnant... I even took a few preggo tests that were negative... Well the weight kept coming on and it turns out I was pregnant... I had a miscarriage that I can only chalk up to all the stress, I don't drink or do drugs or anything... But I've felt so guilty and depressed. My marriage has been very rocky to say the least but I won't go into that... I have two girls, a 5 year old and another that is turning 2 in march... and let's just say she has been in the terrible 2s for a while already... I love her more than the world but she is one major hellion, lol. Almost every morning I have to do a sweep of the house to make sure she didn't get up in the middle of the house and destroy anything or color on the walls. Anyway... I just feel like I am on 'E'... I am out of gas... I had to cut ties with all of my friends a couple of years ago because they were just not good for me and my lifestyle... I don't have support from anyone and I just feel buried... I need some inspiration... Where do you get your motivation from? What are good options for me that are cheap... or free, lol. Anyway I've got to make everyone lunch, I hope everyone is having a good week and heading in the direction they want to! 
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Replies
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I am sorry to hear about your troubles. It is tough to have such little children, but you will get through this. Keep thinking about them and making the right decisions when you are eating. They should be your inspiration. Do you have a friend/loved one that can help you out when you are at your lowest? Even a short breather so you can get to the grocery store, take a walk or get some sleep, would help you tremendously. Hang in there! You can do this!!!0
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I have a lot of empathy for you, It's hard to be alone with small children for hour after hour, day after day, especially when you aren't getting much support from the dad. I've been there. I used to consider myself their activity director and spent a lot of time playing with the children rather than trying to do my own thing. I was a lot less bothered by them that way.
It kind of amazes me that women gain so much weight with pregnancy. By about halfway through, I always felt stuffed to the gills and had a hard time eating enough. Maybe other people have more space between the uterus and stomach; I just don't know.
Be strong! Childhood only lasts a little while; enjoy it with them.0 -
You bett, you can do this! Protein and fruits and vegetables! Love those kids and keep on truckin'!:flowerforyou:0
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Thank you for your kind words, it really does make me feel better to know that other people understand, I really appreciate it. I've started 'working out' again a couple days ago, but since I don't really have time for myself I make it 'dance time' with the kids. I will just put on pandora, lets the tunes go and we all crazy dance around the house, LOL. I am pretty tired after 30 minutes though so at least it is some form of exercise! Thank you again for the kind words and I wish you guys luck on your journeys!0
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Crazy dancing works! I used to do that with my kids, now 17 and 14. It used to wear all three of us out. Many, many smiles, giggles and laughs!0
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30 Minutes a day with the kids is an excellent start. Get them involved. If you can manager to tire the littlies out with the exercise all the better. My friends parents when they were that age used to take them to the local nature park and do the walking trail. The kids love finding things and by the time they got home they were very happy to go to bed on time to say the least. Because they used to run up ahead to look at things then come back so they actually do twice the walking. If you can get them on bikes riding is also excellent with kids. Even if its just around the block for now. Swimming is good but less free, but if you want to give them swimming lessons anyway you could sneak in a swim while they have their lessons.Thank you for your kind words, it really does make me feel better to know that other people understand, I really appreciate it. I've started 'working out' again a couple days ago, but since I don't really have time for myself I make it 'dance time' with the kids. I will just put on pandora, lets the tunes go and we all crazy dance around the house, LOL. I am pretty tired after 30 minutes though so at least it is some form of exercise! Thank you again for the kind words and I wish you guys luck on your journeys!
Something like soccer in the local park is good with the kids too (and almost free). And it's good for everyone because if you can get them into active habits too they'll always like it.
Is there any mothers groups in your area? I know when i was little my mother joined the local "mothers walking group". And they also had a mums club for the kids at things like playgroup/daycare where they'd all get together. If the 5 year old is at school maybe see if the school knows of anything?
And keep up hope, the terrible 2's do eventually end.0 -
I feel the frustration. Weight seems to be a number that will be hard to conquer. Break it up in smaller goals--5 or 10 pounds so you can see some success. Parenting is tough. I am older and spend my entire career working with children/young adults. The two year old will grow and get better. You might want to try giving her choices--this___ or that _____. You may have to say "no" and mean it. This is really hard some times, but you are the parent not the "friend."
Since you need some support, check out "meetup.com" for groups in your area. I was feeling lonesome in early Dec. because most of my friend were not available to do things when I was. I found a group of ladies who like to get together and do things and not be alone. Don't know if you can afford Mother's Day out for a breather. We won't address spouses. We will stay on a positive note.
Dance time sounds wonderful. If 30 minutes tires you, then do 2--15 minutes sessions (morning and afternoon). Have nap/quiet time for the girls. That saved me. I used to say that anyone under the age of 18 had to lay down after lunch, no exceptions. They can read, play with toys on beds, whatever, but they had to go to their beds. I found that they would usually take a nap and I had some time to myself. It may take a few days or a week to get them on the schedule. When you have time, walk in place. You can do this! We are here for you.0 -
Thank you for your kind words, it really does make me feel better to know that other people understand, I really appreciate it. I've started 'working out' again a couple days ago, but since I don't really have time for myself I make it 'dance time' with the kids. I will just put on pandora, lets the tunes go and we all crazy dance around the house, LOL. I am pretty tired after 30 minutes though so at least it is some form of exercise! Thank you again for the kind words and I wish you guys luck on your journeys!
Very cool! What a great way to get some exercise in! Just think of things your kids are learning for you! Keep it up! You can do this!!! 0 -
I am def going to try some of the things suggested, I have really bad social anxiety so it's hard for me to reach out to people, especially when it is face to face. But I know this is another thing I need to overcome because I don't want my children to grow up as 'recluses' lol. I am going to really try and toss in more exercise even if it's just 5 minutes here and there or jumping jacks or whatever I can manage. I just did a quickie 15 minute dance with the kids and by this websites calorie burner says, i've already burned off over half my breakfast! Thank you again for your comments, please add me to friends if any of you don't mind, even if you don't like chatting that's okay with me, it's just nice to have people in my feed and see what other people are up to. 0
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It is SO hard to be where you are right now. I am a stay at home mom with a 5 yr, 3.5 yr, 2 yr, and 9mth old, and my husband works long hours in real estate, so I totally get how you're feeling.
1) You need to get your marriage back on track. Make that your NUMBER ONE goal!! You need your husband's support, love, commitment etc. to keep going down this road. I know it gets hard when the kiddos demand SO much attention, but find simple quick ways to keep them occupied and spend some great time with your husband, make a little snack and have a snack time with him at the kitchen table while the kids watch a movie in the other room. Get bikes this summer and put the kids in a bike trailer and go for bike rides. Co-op with some neighbours to do back and forth babysitting so you can go for a walk in the park, or a local shopping mall without the kids. I can't stress how important this first step is in getting things turned around for you.
2) Have a look at your nutrition - MFP allows you to keep track of your iron intake - and prego/breastfeeding mommies are chronically low on iron and it takes a while to build back up your stores after a pregancy. Also if you're in a winter climate, get some Vit D and start taking that...cabin fever is a real thing!!
3) I know this sounds counter intuative, but spend MORE time with your kids, seriously. The periods I go through when I'm tired so I brush the kids off to read or "do my own thing" cause I'm so tired, they act up more, and we just don't have as good a relationship so they test my nerves more etc. The best thing to do is keep the house basically tidy and leave the deep cleaning alone so you can get on the floor and do a puzzle or play dollys -whatever with your girls.
4) Having kids sure does change who we want to spend time with for friends, but you have to replace those friends with other people who are either in the exact same position as you (moms from your daughter's school who also have preschoolers?) OR older women who are fun and energetic still but don't have the common burden of little kids, and who will delight in your kids and be a great resource of experience and strength for you. You have to "make friends on purpose though!! I found in my late 20's is when I realized that life isn't high school anymore and a new friend is NOT just at the next desk - at this stage in your life, you have to be purposeful to make friends. Get someone's number and ACTUALLY call them up for a park date, go places other moms are with the intention of striking up a conversation!! You need day time interuption from being at home wiht the kids all day every day! You will be a more interesting, less stress person/mom/wife if you do!
5) Finally remember to get dressed EVERY DAY - even put make up on and do your hair (not to be a 50's housewife) but slouching around in jammies and a pony tail every day does something to your motivation, gumption etc... .face the day!!
I'm praying for you!!0 -
I am def going to try some of the things suggested, I have really bad social anxiety so it's hard for me to reach out to people, especially when it is face to face. But I know this is another thing I need to overcome because I don't want my children to grow up as 'recluses' lol. I am going to really try and toss in more exercise even if it's just 5 minutes here and there or jumping jacks or whatever I can manage. I just did a quickie 15 minute dance with the kids and by this websites calorie burner says, i've already burned off over half my breakfast!
This is fantastic! Every little bit of movement helps. I am a mother of 2 and I understand how it can be, but believe me you will turn around one day and have teens in your house before you know it! Don't forget to look on YouTube as well. I use Leslie Sansone walking DVDs when I cannot get outside for a walk. Someone told me there are a ton of her videos on YouTube! You can do this because you are WORTH IT!!!!! I sent you a request.0 -
I totally understand where you are coming from. After loosing two pregnancies and my husband being bedritten for three years I finally went off the deep end with depression and for years i battled not to loose it completely. I lost control of my health also and I was 300 pounds (and I am 5'4"). My doctor scared me by giving me high dosage of blood pressure pills and he said if I didnt change, he would have to give me diabities medicine also.
I wanted to make a change but I didnt have the strength or knew how to do it. The first thing i did was start walking. I walked as much as I could - evne though my first week i could only walk for 10 minutes. Then I increased it. I was too embarrassed to go to the gym so I bought a DVD at target and started working out at home. Then I started to change my eating habits. Went down to 1500 cals a day. Tried to not use much oil and cut out fast food. The pounds started coming off.
Right now im doing a 500 cal a day and I do kickboixng and martial arts 6 days a week and I am in love with it. There are times like right now where I want to reach out and grab that snickers bar that is sitting on my desk... but... I think of the rewards of NOT eating it and it helps. Hang in there, things will work out. I am here if u want to talk. Contact me any time 0 -
You should really give yourself credit for opening up the way you did, I'm very proud of you even though we don't know each other LOL! Asking for support isn't always the easiet thing, but so far, on this site alone, I've felt so supported by strangers (who would have thought) and now you can too! I can't relate to being a mom, but I can relate to getting a little older and it becoming more and more difficult to lose the weight like we once did. Add me and let's motivate each other to get on the right track! Usually, in community centers or park districts, exercise classes will be offered on the cheap, if not free. Also, groupon and livingsocial always have some pretty good deals for exercise/nutrition classes. It's a good way to find out what kind of exercises you like and can stick to. I wish you the best of luck! I'm so happy for you for taking this step!!!! We can do this!!!!0
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It is SO hard to be where you are right now. I am a stay at home mom with a 5 yr, 3.5 yr, 2 yr, and 9mth old, and my husband works long hours in real estate, so I totally get how you're feeling.
1) You need to get your marriage back on track. Make that your NUMBER ONE goal!! You need your husband's support, love, commitment etc. to keep going down this road. I know it gets hard when the kiddos demand SO much attention, but find simple quick ways to keep them occupied and spend some great time with your husband, make a little snack and have a snack time with him at the kitchen table while the kids watch a movie in the other room. Get bikes this summer and put the kids in a bike trailer and go for bike rides. Co-op with some neighbours to do back and forth babysitting so you can go for a walk in the park, or a local shopping mall without the kids. I can't stress how important this first step is in getting things turned around for you.
2) Have a look at your nutrition - MFP allows you to keep track of your iron intake - and prego/breastfeeding mommies are chronically low on iron and it takes a while to build back up your stores after a pregancy. Also if you're in a winter climate, get some Vit D and start taking that...cabin fever is a real thing!!
3) I know this sounds counter intuative, but spend MORE time with your kids, seriously. The periods I go through when I'm tired so I brush the kids off to read or "do my own thing" cause I'm so tired, they act up more, and we just don't have as good a relationship so they test my nerves more etc. The best thing to do is keep the house basically tidy and leave the deep cleaning alone so you can get on the floor and do a puzzle or play dollys -whatever with your girls.
4) Having kids sure does change who we want to spend time with for friends, but you have to replace those friends with other people who are either in the exact same position as you (moms from your daughter's school who also have preschoolers?) OR older women who are fun and energetic still but don't have the common burden of little kids, and who will delight in your kids and be a great resource of experience and strength for you. You have to "make friends on purpose though!! I found in my late 20's is when I realized that life isn't high school anymore and a new friend is NOT just at the next desk - at this stage in your life, you have to be purposeful to make friends. Get someone's number and ACTUALLY call them up for a park date, go places other moms are with the intention of striking up a conversation!! You need day time interuption from being at home wiht the kids all day every day! You will be a more interesting, less stress person/mom/wife if you do!
5) Finally remember to get dressed EVERY DAY - even put make up on and do your hair (not to be a 50's housewife) but slouching around in jammies and a pony tail every day does something to your motivation, gumption etc... .face the day!!
I'm praying for you!!
This is amazing advice.
I would add that once you're out of school, making new friends feels a lot like dating. I just relocated to a different part of the country, and am working on developing a social circle.
For discipline with your kids - try 123 Magic. If you're burned out, it will help. It is super easy to implement; I feel a lot more in control (and less likely to yell or get mad at my kid) when I do it.0 -
I would agree with what everyone else above said. If you are gaining weight and haven't changed your diet, then check with your doctor - you might have some underlying problem (thyroid problems can cause a very slow metabolism, and other signs of hypothyroidism are depression and very low energy). I was diagnosed last year, and my doctor put me on a daily medication (which I hate taking daily meds, so I was NOT happy about this), and it has made a HUGE difference. I was literally falling asleep in my lunch every day, and after a year of being on them, I'm a different person.
I would also check meetup.com to see if there are any mom's workout groups in your area. I have done Stroller Strides for years now...it was a savior that I found it when my oldest daughter (who is now 6) was only 5 months old and I was living in a new city across country from my friends and families. It's great to find other people to workout with who are of a similar mindset, and if you can't pay for something like Stroller Strides (or Baby Boot Camp), there might be something free in your area. I'm not affiliated with Stroller Strides, but I've made some awesome friends doing it, and they've kept me motivated when I couldn't find the motivation within myself.
Above all else, hang in there. I'm sure you are doing the best job you can. Talk with your husband about your struggles - he just might not see what you are going through. I hope things get better for you!0 -
My children are now 24, 12 and 6. I've been there and do get your frustration and what helped me was to try and find the humor in the things they do. My 12 yr old cut his hair at 6 and looked rediculous and then my older son told him he missed a spot on the side so he did some more trimming. This was on picture day. I was able to take it in stride and everytime I look back on those pictures (yes I bought them) I laugh my *kitten* off. If they make a mess, I have them clean it. Yesterday my daughter (6) **** her pants, again! Well she had to take everything off, throw her undies out, run her own bath and scrub herself then get re-dressed. Theres not much to laugh about with that but I was able to take it in stride. If they wet the bed then they had to bring down their bedding and throw it in the wash. Again, try to find humor in things, if you look you'll find that kids are really funny.0
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It is SO hard to be where you are right now. I am a stay at home mom with a 5 yr, 3.5 yr, 2 yr, and 9mth old, and my husband works long hours in real estate, so I totally get how you're feeling.
1) You need to get your marriage back on track. Make that your NUMBER ONE goal!! You need your husband's support, love, commitment etc. to keep going down this road. I know it gets hard when the kiddos demand SO much attention, but find simple quick ways to keep them occupied and spend some great time with your husband, make a little snack and have a snack time with him at the kitchen table while the kids watch a movie in the other room. Get bikes this summer and put the kids in a bike trailer and go for bike rides. Co-op with some neighbours to do back and forth babysitting so you can go for a walk in the park, or a local shopping mall without the kids. I can't stress how important this first step is in getting things turned around for you.
2) Have a look at your nutrition - MFP allows you to keep track of your iron intake - and prego/breastfeeding mommies are chronically low on iron and it takes a while to build back up your stores after a pregancy. Also if you're in a winter climate, get some Vit D and start taking that...cabin fever is a real thing!!
3) I know this sounds counter intuative, but spend MORE time with your kids, seriously. The periods I go through when I'm tired so I brush the kids off to read or "do my own thing" cause I'm so tired, they act up more, and we just don't have as good a relationship so they test my nerves more etc. The best thing to do is keep the house basically tidy and leave the deep cleaning alone so you can get on the floor and do a puzzle or play dollys -whatever with your girls.
4) Having kids sure does change who we want to spend time with for friends, but you have to replace those friends with other people who are either in the exact same position as you (moms from your daughter's school who also have preschoolers?) OR older women who are fun and energetic still but don't have the common burden of little kids, and who will delight in your kids and be a great resource of experience and strength for you. You have to "make friends on purpose though!! I found in my late 20's is when I realized that life isn't high school anymore and a new friend is NOT just at the next desk - at this stage in your life, you have to be purposeful to make friends. Get someone's number and ACTUALLY call them up for a park date, go places other moms are with the intention of striking up a conversation!! You need day time interuption from being at home wiht the kids all day every day! You will be a more interesting, less stress person/mom/wife if you do!
5) Finally remember to get dressed EVERY DAY - even put make up on and do your hair (not to be a 50's housewife) but slouching around in jammies and a pony tail every day does something to your motivation, gumption etc... .face the day!!
I'm praying for you!!
well said!! great advice!! happy to help where i can, i am a solo mum of 4 and also a preschool worker so know how you fee. will send a friend request. Chin-up chick all these wonderful people have your back.l0 -
Thank you for your kind words, it really does make me feel better to know that other people understand, I really appreciate it. I've started 'working out' again a couple days ago, but since I don't really have time for myself I make it 'dance time' with the kids. I will just put on pandora, lets the tunes go and we all crazy dance around the house, LOL. I am pretty tired after 30 minutes though so at least it is some form of exercise! Thank you again for the kind words and I wish you guys luck on your journeys!
actually dance is a great way to burn excess calories and move your arms a lot when you do dance. good luck0 -
If you ever need anybody to talk to, you can message me! Feel free to vent and pour out whatever frustrations you have, I promise I'm a good listener.
I'll send a friend request your way!
Sorry to hear about your troubles. The community on MPR are really supportive so I hope you find it to your benefit.0
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