I'm bored... Tell me a joke :D
pumpkingoblin
Posts: 21
in Chit-Chat
Share your favourite jokes 
My favourite from when I was small was:
Two pieces of string walk into a bar and the bartender looks at them suspiciously. He says "Sorry, boys, we don't serve your kind here." So the pieces of string walk out again.
They're sitting in the gutter outside and feeling really thirsty when one piece of string says "Hey! I've got an idea to get me into the bar."
So he starts twisting and turning, wriggling this way and that, pulling out a few threads here and there. His mate's looking at him and thinks he's gone completely nuts.
Then the piece of string walks back into the bar. The bartender looks at him a little suspiciously again and says "Here, you're not a bit of string, are you?"
The piece of string replies "No, I'm a frayed knot."
J xx
My favourite from when I was small was:
Two pieces of string walk into a bar and the bartender looks at them suspiciously. He says "Sorry, boys, we don't serve your kind here." So the pieces of string walk out again.
They're sitting in the gutter outside and feeling really thirsty when one piece of string says "Hey! I've got an idea to get me into the bar."
So he starts twisting and turning, wriggling this way and that, pulling out a few threads here and there. His mate's looking at him and thinks he's gone completely nuts.
Then the piece of string walks back into the bar. The bartender looks at him a little suspiciously again and says "Here, you're not a bit of string, are you?"
The piece of string replies "No, I'm a frayed knot."
J xx
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Replies
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My favorite sandwich is ham and pineapple... cause that's just How-I-Roll!0
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how does moses make his tea? Hebrew it!
what do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee fish (say it out loud, its cute)0 -
a horse walks into the bar and the bartender says to him, "hey, why the long face? "0
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Hee hee!
What do you call a guy with no shins?
Tony0 -
Knock, knock.0
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Who's there?0
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That was over 20 minutes ago! I forgot now Hehehehe 0
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Since one man just found his penis, because he lost weight, and my mind was there. How bout this joke?
Whats cheaper?
Beer Nuts?
OR
Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1.99
AND
Deer Nuts are.............................. Under a Buck!:laugh:0 -
That was over 20 minutes ago! I forgot now Hehehehe
That was the first one I actually laughed at.0 -
Your face0
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:bigsmile:That was over 20 minutes ago! I forgot now Hehehehe
That was the first one I actually laughed at.0 -
A man goes in to his local butchers ask the butcher whey so busy the butcher says I had to sack dave ,why says the man. Well I came in this morning and he had his **** stuck in the meat grinder ,ohh says the man well how's the meat grinder doing ,gone says the butcher I had to sack her too0
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I had success on 1200 calorie diet0
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Two fellows walking down the road see a dog licking it's private parts.
1st Fellow: I wish that I could do that.
2nd Fellow: You should at least invite him to dinner first.0 -
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Dianna have in common?
....Their last big hit was the wall.0 -
I went to the zoo the other day and the only animal they had was 1 little dog. It was a shih tzu.0
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What to Pink Floyd and Princess Dianna have in common?
....Their last big hit was the wall.
OMG......0 -
why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team?
She was always running away from the ball.0 -
What to Pink Floyd and Princess Dianna have in common?
....Their last big hit was the wall.
OMG......
Touchdown!0 -
What is red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint!
HAHAHAHAHAAAAHHAHAHAAAA! Sorry...I'm not a good joke teller. :-(0 -
what do you call a fly with no wings?
a walk.
what's brown and sticky?
a stick
why did Karl Marx drink camomile tea?
because proper tea is theft0 -
(Aww, editing because the person above me posted the stick joke at the same time I did, hah! Here's another one.)
You know how sometimes you'll see geese flying overhead, and they're in a V formation, with one side of the V longer than the other side? Do you know why that is?
.
.
.
.
.
.
There are more geese on that side.
:laugh:0 -
An egg and a chicken are laying in bed together.
The egg turns to the chicken and goes, "well, I guess we've answered that question."0 -
Johnny’s teacher asked him how the weekend went.
He told her, “Horribly, a car hit my dog in the *kitten*
She corrected him replying, “rectum.”
Johnny said, “Wrecked him? Damn near killed him!!”0 -
We all took a group photo last Christmas...it should be done printing around Easter...0
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How do you move sleeping cattle?
-- With a bull dozer! :laugh:0 -
Get comfortable, it's a long joke. I love it because it is the only one I know with two punchlines . . .
A priest is sweeping the steps in front of the church before mass when guy with no arms walks up to him. "Father, I was born without arms and it has been my lifelong ambition to ring the church bell." The priest says, "I have no idea how you would do that, but it is time for mass so you are welcome to try." Up in the bell tower they go. The armless guy is looking around for ideas but there does not appear any easy way for him to ring the bell. The father says, "It is time. Either you find a way or I will have to ring it for mass." Out of ideas, the guy gets a running start and goes face first into the bell. A little stunned, he staggers back and gives it another run. On the third shot, he is quite dazed, misses the bell and goes out the window. A crowd gathers below and see's the priest in the bell tower. "Father, do you know who this man is?" "I have never seen him before, but his face rings a bell."
But wait, there's more . . .
The next week the priest is out in front of the church when he sees the armless guy again. "I thought you were in the hospital!" "No, that is my twin brother. I thought I would try to cheer him up by finishing what he started and ringing the bell." Priest says, "I don't know about that. Last time did not go very well." Armless guy: "I know, but it would really mean a lot to my brother." Priest says, "Fine. It is about time for mass. Let's go." Same thing happens except this time when he goes out the window, he breaks his neck and dies. A cop is walking by and sees the ordeal. He checks the armless guy out, looks up to the bell tower and says, "Padre, this guy is a dead ringer for the guy here last week."0 -
Get comfortable, it's a long joke. I love it because it is the only one I know with two punchlines . . .
A priest is sweeping the steps in front of the church before mass when guy with no arms walks up to him. "Father, I was born without arms and it has been my lifelong ambition to ring the church bell." The priest says, "I have no idea how you would do that, but it is time for mass so you are welcome to try." Up in the bell tower they go. The armless guy is looking around for ideas but there does not appear any easy way for him to ring the bell. The father says, "It is time. Either you find a way or I will have to ring it for mass." Out of ideas, the guy gets a running start and goes face first into the bell. A little stunned, he staggers back and gives it another run. On the third shot, he is quite dazed, misses the bell and goes out the window. A crowd gathers below and see's the priest in the bell tower. "Father, do you know who this man is?" "I have never seen him before, but his face rings a bell."
But wait, there's more . . .
The next week the priest is out in front of the church when he sees the armless guy again. "I thought you were in the hospital!" "No, that is my twin brother. I thought I would try to cheer him up by finishing what he started and ringing the bell." Priest says, "I don't know about that. Last time did not go very well." Armless guy: "I know, but it would really mean a lot to my brother." Priest says, "Fine. It is about time for mass. Let's go." Same thing happens except this time when he goes out the window, he breaks his neck and dies. A cop is walking by and sees the ordeal. He checks the armless guy out, looks up to the bell tower and says, "Padre, this guy is a dead ringer for the guy here last week."
Ha! I actually giggled a little at that one :happy:0 -
Get comfortable, it's a long joke. I love it because it is the only one I know with two punchlines . . .
A priest is sweeping the steps in front of the church before mass when guy with no arms walks up to him. "Father, I was born without arms and it has been my lifelong ambition to ring the church bell." The priest says, "I have no idea how you would do that, but it is time for mass so you are welcome to try." Up in the bell tower they go. The armless guy is looking around for ideas but there does not appear any easy way for him to ring the bell. The father says, "It is time. Either you find a way or I will have to ring it for mass." Out of ideas, the guy gets a running start and goes face first into the bell. A little stunned, he staggers back and gives it another run. On the third shot, he is quite dazed, misses the bell and goes out the window. A crowd gathers below and see's the priest in the bell tower. "Father, do you know who this man is?" "I have never seen him before, but his face rings a bell."
But wait, there's more . . .
The next week the priest is out in front of the church when he sees the armless guy again. "I thought you were in the hospital!" "No, that is my twin brother. I thought I would try to cheer him up by finishing what he started and ringing the bell." Priest says, "I don't know about that. Last time did not go very well." Armless guy: "I know, but it would really mean a lot to my brother." Priest says, "Fine. It is about time for mass. Let's go." Same thing happens except this time when he goes out the window, he breaks his neck and dies. A cop is walking by and sees the ordeal. He checks the armless guy out, looks up to the bell tower and says, "Padre, this guy is a dead ringer for the guy here last week."
This reminds me...a lady places a personal ad asking for a man who "won't beat me, won't run out on me, and is very well endowed". One day the doorbell rings and she opens it to find a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs. "I am here in reply to your ad in the personals" he tells her. "Are you sure?" she asks. "Yes he says, you wanted someone who won't beat you, see I have no arms....and who won't run out on you, see I have no legs". "Oh I see" she blushes considers this for a moment hems and haws and then asks "ummmm, what about the 3rd requirement". "Well how do you think I rang the doorbell?" She lets him in.0 -
How do you catch a unique rabbit?? Unique up on him
hehehe makes me laugh every time. 0
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