Active life = lonely life?

Wow can I relate! I have 4 dogs. I never have to beg them to go exercise with me. I'm sad to say they're my best friends.

When I started trying to lose weight I went to the gym a few days a week, but other than that I led the same lazy lifestyle. In the past few months I've been focusing on being active beyond my gym sessions. Unfortunately this is leading to a lot of lonely days. Hanging out with my friends usually means watching TV, watching a movie, sitting around drinking coffee and talking, etc. One of my friends has been really great about it and we've taken our weekly coffee chats out of the cafe and onto the trails for a long walk.
I know I can't expect people to change their lifestyles just because I'm changing mine, but I feel forced between being active and alone or lazy with friends. I thought I could meet some people at the gym, but my schedule causes me to go to the gym at different times each day so I rarely run into the same people. I also try suggesting activities when I call my friends, like saying “hey do you want to go for a bike ride” instead of the usual “want to hang out?” but they always say they're too tired or don't feel well.

I feel like I'm spending 90% of my free time with my dogs because they're the only ones willing to get off their butts. Is anyone else having this problem? How do you deal with it?

I play team sports, so that has helped me both find active friends (I am going to run a marathon relay with some friends I met playing dek hockey, for example). And of course, during games, I'm being active with others around as well. Maybe you could look into a team sport of some kind.

Also, what's the harm in getting your workout in and THEN meeting up with a friend, even if you are not doing something terribly active(or vice versa)?

The same thing happened to me. My good friends constantly wanted to go out to eat, drink beers, and sit around most of the time. After I started losing weight a few of my friends started joining me... but honestly, some just don't. And I'm not very good friends with those people anymore.

I still see them on occasion... but it's certainly less frequent.

I assure you, however, it is most certainly not a lonely life. You'll still see those less-active friends, just not as often. Some of your other buddies will likely become more active and play a bigger role in your life AND you're going to meet a lot of new people that will share your same passion for an active and healthy lifestyle.

I find if I ask my friends to come spot me at the gym or go running most of them won't want to do that. If I say "hey let's grab some coffee and go walk around the lake" they're more likely to agree. Suggest lightly active activities if you want more people to agree. Who knows, you might even be able to convince them to to do more active things in the future.

Check out Meetup.com and look for some local groups that do active things. Might be a good place to meet some new active friends. Keep trying with the friends you already have too.

I haven't really had this problem becaue I most of my exercise time is separate from my friend time. That said, going out to eat with friends became a bit of a challenge, as I usually wanted a place with some healthier options, though I could usually find something on most menus. The real problem was that I was eating a fraction of what my friends ate, which was kinda awkward. Eventually though, most of my friends joined gyms, started eating healthy, and joined MFP. Hang in there. Your friends may come around as they see you looking fit and feeling great! If not, you'll eventually meet more like minded people.

What general region are you located in? Maybe people can suggest some groups to join that are local to you...

back on my feet does morning runs in a bunch of different cities: http://www.backonmyfeet.org/run-with-us

or try a class at your gym... or a meetup group like someone else suggested. Its hard, but you'll slowly meet new people. If you're single, I think match.com does meetup events for singles too.

I tend to see my friends on the weekend only. I work full-time and by the time I get home, walk the dogs, eat supper, do my workout, and say hi to my husband, there's not any time left for anything else. That's just how it is. They all have similar schedules and their own family life so I'm not sure they'd be available outside of weekends anyhow.

Your friend probably will need some reassurances that you are not abandoning her. You may also need to watch out for her trying to sabotage you.

Just be open. Let her know you miss her, but you need to get healthy by doing these things. Invite her along. Ask if there is something active she has always wanted to try.

If you want to get in hanging out and a workout, try to get the workout in first, that way you are not literally leaving her to go workout instead.

Change is hard and in this case, you made the choice to make the changes, but they are affecting her, as well. Acknowledge that.

I think the hardest part is that the person who I can rarely convince to leave the house is my best friend of over 10 years. We're use to seeing each other several days a week for several hours at a time. When I decline seeing her because the only thing she wants to do is sit on the couch, I think she feels like I'm blowing her off. I just have this new energy since becoming healthier and I can't even sit still for that long!

I totally get this. Make sure she knows that if she joins you for a walk that you will adjust to her pace and stamina, and then be patient with her. You can always get in a longer, more challenging workout later. It might be just what she needs. I had a friend at work who never wanted to walk with me because she was afraid I'd go too fast and was self-conscious about not being able to keep up. It was a challenge to maintain the relationship because my primary lunch time activity at work is walking.

Most of my friends are very active, so I don't have much of a problem with that aspect. However, my boyfriend is a lump on the couch, surrounded by beer and burgers, glued to a television. While I respect his lifestyle choice, sometimes it is a source of friction when I want to be more active. I'm an energetic person, and I hate sitting in front of a TV all day. I normally just pop a work out DVD in my laptop or pick up my weights and workout while he watches TV. He doesn't have a problem with it, we can still hang out and talk (we live together), and I get to release some of that pent up energy I have. It's been working pretty well so far, and once he even got up and did the last 5 minute of my work out with me. :laugh:

I think that going for a walk in the park with a coffee is a great idea, especially if you're not in a freezing Canadian winter like I am. Or make some low calorie snacks like a fruit or veggie tray, or pretty much anything off skinnytaste.com, and drink a black coffee and munch on healthy treats. Make the food together, even more fun. Go shopping, at least you'll be walking around. There seem to be plenty of resources online to meet people with similar interests, or take a class like dance, martial arts, walking group etc. to meet some new friends. Maybe suggest taking a class together, something low key like yoga so it's not overwhelming for them.

Don't ditch your current workout buddies (dogs). They are probably more genuine and caring anyway

Like someone else said, workout time is "me" time, going out for dinner or *gasp* to a bar and having a few drinks with friends is "friend" time. There is a way to separate them and make them work together. Yes, busy days/lives, but when it comes down to it, if your friends aren't supportive of your goals (ie- losing weight, becoming more active, what-have-you), then how good of friends are they really? And, really, if you go out to eat or go for a Starbucks run or something, there's nobody forcing you to order one thing or another. I don't think a good friend would judge if you passed on what was your previous usual of a latte and going with a plain coffee.

That being said, there are definitely friends that will be active with you. And if you're looking into getting friends to start going to work out with you, maybe invite them along to a yoga class or something? It's something to ease them into what you usually do, or heck, maybe say to a girlfriend or two "There's a x [social activity class of some sort] going on, I think you'd enjoy it too, how about we go together?"

I'm experiencing that same situation right now, actually! I feel you 100%. In highschool, I played softball...but never lost weight due to horrible dieting. So when I came to college three years ago, I set out to make that CHANGE and begin dieting.

My freshman year was hectic. I lost so many friends, mostly because I didn't "have time for them." I spent a lot of time studying and working my butt off in the gym. They told me I was "being distant" and I couldn't understand why they weren't happy that I was trying to lead a healthier lifestyle.

Now, two years later... needless to say, none of them are friends with me. And I'm PERFECTLY fine with that. I have new friends, friends that respect my grind! Who are encouraged & inspired by my weight loss.. and they RESPECT me.

Inspire your friends, the gym can be fun! Walking doesn't take much effort, and if they're tired explain that there are other options. YOGA! It's relaxing and it makes that fat cry at the same time! lol

For me, GYM TIME is ME TIME. I enjoy going by myself. And when i'm done, I feel pumped! And that's when I hang out with friends. And while they're chowing down on chips and cracking jokes about my SALAD - i smile to myself... because I'm HAPPY with my choices. Don't let your health goals weigh down on you.

I was actually thinking about this the other day. I have a really good friend that I go to the gym with but other than that, I work full time and go to school.

I've decided though, that yes, I do make time for other friends....but on the same token...I LOVE focusing on myself. Something I haven't done in a really long time.