Depressed and unsure of myself...help?
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Tiffanybkk
Posts: 12
My relationship of 7 months just ended. He cheated on me, and told me he was unhappy in the relationship because I couldn't keep up with him physically. Basically he broke up with me because I am overweight. So I have decided that I want to lose weight. Not for him but for myself. I want to have the confidence to stand on my own, and get over him. I could use some support. I'm not sure where to start. Every time I eat I feel sick and guilty. I have eaten less than 500 calories in the last 3 days. And when I do eat, I immediately throw up. What should I do?
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Replies
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He cheated on you? Let me tell you something my dad told me a while back...
You are a SMART and BEAUTIFUL girl. You are independent. You are a go getter. You put your mind to something and you know how to get the job done. You don't need a man to make you who you are. And if you're ever with a man who doesn't treat you right, who doesn't appreciate you for all that you are, who violates you, who controls you, who thinks he's better than you...YOU WALK AWAY. No matter what happens, remember you are a SMART and BEAUTIFUL girl. You deserve better. I know that. And you know that. Now, go conquer the world!
Okay, my dad didn't say that last part...
When I was in high school, I really liked this boy and he played mind games with me a lot. I was stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I should have listened to my dad. Why are dads so smart?? Anyway, I was complaining about how I looked one day and he goes, "You're pleasantly plump!" In other words, you're nicely fat. Oh, thanks. Because that's what every girl wants to hear. Anyway, he was a real jerk. And after about eight months of this crap, I decided that my dad was right and it was time I WALKED AWAY. One of the best days of my life! Talk about freedom!
So...he cheated on you? And broke up with you? No, no dear. I think what you're saying is, he thought you couldn't keep up with him physically and you decided that it was about time you started doing something for yourself. And you WALKED AWAY! You are your own person. Nobody defines you. Don't allow the opinions of others to affect how you view yourself. Um...what? Pleasantly plump? Oh, you mean you're a jerk and I should start using my brain now? Yeah, we're 24 now. I'm finishing up my Master's degree and he's working at McDonald's...no joke. My dad was right.
Sorry, I rambled on a bit... For weight loss... I'm really just sticking with my calorie count. I plug my numbers into the system and tell it that I want to lose a pound a week. Then I work really hard to not go over my calories. Treat your calories like cash! Once your out, you can't afford that extra cookie! I don't really work out.....................I'm lazy. But I'm working on it.
Good luck, dear! Wishing you the absolute best and sending really good vibes your way!!!0 -
Get the diet back up to a healthy range - follow the suggestions from the site/app.
Break ups are normal and happen for a lot of reasons. It is hard not to take it personally, but sometimes people are simply not meant to be together.
You are likely dealing with a lot of stress - Google diaphragmatic breathing exercises - they will help you relax.
Good luck.0 -
Although I know how hard it is to eat when you are feeling this kind of stress, you need to eat. First of all, your body is using more of your muscle than fat for energy and second of all, you might loose weight quickly but, the weight is going to come right back as soon as you start eating again. Think of your metabolism as a fire. You need to keep feeding it (good foods) in order for it to burn. Once you start to eat more, your body is going to want to hold on to those calories in case it gets deprived again.
I really know the pain from breakups. I also know the feeling of wanting to look good to make them see what they are missing out on. Definitely do this for yourself. Exercise and eating right will make your day so much easier.
Try drinking protein shakes if you aren't able to keep solids down.0 -
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Emotional pain is harder to deal with than physical pain. I think that there are times when it's ok to let yourself feel sad for a while and allow yourself to feel the feelings. But you can't let yourself do that too long or you'll create a habit of being sad. I'd suggest you start journaling your feelings. You need an outlet for them. Put it all on paper with the knowledge that no one else will read it. You can even burn the paper after you journal. Do it daily or even several times a day. It will help. Another thing I'd suggest is that you start to challenge your thinking. When you start thinking "He broke up with me because I wasn't good enough" (or whatever you're thinking), ask yourself if that's really true. No, of course it isn't. You just weren't a good match. You are good enough and someday someone who is a good match for you will come along. But until then you can work on improving yourself physically and emotionally. Find something that you can eat and try to get out for a walk. It will lift your spirits.
(((hugs)))0 -
I'm sorry you had to go through that. If someone doesn't love you for you then he is not worth your time!!! I was bulimic for 6 years, and it is not worth it!! It takes over your life. I'm here if you need someone to talk to!! Just workout and lose weight the health way, do things you enjoy and try to find peace of mind. I know it's hard.0
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Thank you everyone, I really appreciate it! It happened last Sunday, and today I have to admit, I'm doing pretty well. Haven't cried once! haha.
I'm slowly starting to eat again, but I am still having a little trouble with that aspect of it. 0 -
Clearly, he's left you with some emotional damage that you need to take care of. Delete him from every social networking site, your phone, whatever you need to do.
I hope you're really starting weight loss, or a health change for yourself, and not to prove him wrong. You're young. Just remember, you were fine before him, and you'll be fine after him.
You should take inventory of all your positive attributes, all the things you love about yourself, or even ask someone close to you what they love about you. Write it down, and keep it somewhere you can refer back to it when you're feeling down. Make a list of goals you want to achieve - run for 10 minutes, drop a dress size, drink more water, cook at home, etc. Try not to make it just about weight, but about what really makes YOU happy. Maybe look into some kind of a sport, group activity where you are - yoga, running group, roller derby to keep your mind off men, and feel a sense of kinship with a new group of people.0 -
well I see this as a great opportunity for a fresh start. You need to find the strength to start eating, watch a couple good chick filcks where the girl looses the guy for the same reason and she pickes herself up and dusts herself off and runs into him later that year and he is amazed at how awsome she looks, then she says" this could have been all yours, but not now....haha!" and she walks away. Just imagine how awsome that would be for you!!!! Just keep up with the daily logging and striving to be a better you and everything will come togther......He wasnt the ONE....the ONE is still out there waiting for you to arrive looking amazing and feeling awsome.0
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He cheated on you? Let me tell you something my dad told me a while back...
You are a SMART and BEAUTIFUL girl. You are independent. You are a go getter. You put your mind to something and you know how to get the job done. You don't need a man to make you who you are. And if you're ever with a man who doesn't treat you right, who doesn't appreciate you for all that you are, who violates you, who controls you, who thinks he's better than you...YOU WALK AWAY. No matter what happens, remember you are a SMART and BEAUTIFUL girl. You deserve better. I know that. And you know that. Now, go conquer the world!
Okay, my dad didn't say that last part...
When I was in high school, I really liked this boy and he played mind games with me a lot. I was stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I should have listened to my dad. Why are dads so smart?? Anyway, I was complaining about how I looked one day and he goes, "You're pleasantly plump!" In other words, you're nicely fat. Oh, thanks. Because that's what every girl wants to hear. Anyway, he was a real jerk. And after about eight months of this crap, I decided that my dad was right and it was time I WALKED AWAY. One of the best days of my life! Talk about freedom!
So...he cheated on you? And broke up with you? No, no dear. I think what you're saying is, he thought you couldn't keep up with him physically and you decided that it was about time you started doing something for yourself. And you WALKED AWAY! You are your own person. Nobody defines you. Don't allow the opinions of others to affect how you view yourself. Um...what? Pleasantly plump? Oh, you mean you're a jerk and I should start using my brain now? Yeah, we're 24 now. I'm finishing up my Master's degree and he's working at McDonald's...no joke. My dad was right.
Sorry, I rambled on a bit... For weight loss... I'm really just sticking with my calorie count. I plug my numbers into the system and tell it that I want to lose a pound a week. Then I work really hard to not go over my calories. Treat your calories like cash! Once your out, you can't afford that extra cookie! I don't really work out.....................I'm lazy. But I'm working on it.
Good luck, dear! Wishing you the absolute best and sending really good vibes your way!!!
BLESS THIS POST0 -
I am so sorry you are going through this. Breaking up is terrible on the heart and your ex seems like a really horrible person. You deserve so much better! I know how you feel with getting sick and not wanting to eat, I have been there. My best piece of advice aside from what the other ladies have suggested is to try to distract yourself from thinking about it and dwelling. This might sound silly to you but literally I broke up with a boyfriend once and read the entire twilight series in less than two weeks. Concentrating on something else really helped. I know its cliche but time does heal all wounds. Its okay to be upset, but if you give yourself some time to heal and move into some positive distractions, you will start to feel better. Surround yourself with friends and family who are supportive. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you feel better 0
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That's a typical dirtbag for ya, if the boy/man did not have the ability to accept you for who you are then he isn't worth a moment of sadness.
Glad you want to do this for yourself and that's what will keep you going on your 'journey'.
Also to cheer you up you should watch a couple dane cook romantic comedies, they will make you smile even if you don't want to. I lived off them when I broke up with my guy last year and it helped me through. I watched the same 3 daily for almost 3 months, My Best Friends Girl, Good Luck Chuck and Employee of the Month. He's Just Not That Into You is a quirky and cute one that is better than the title seems. Also some music I listened too that I really liked during that time was Christina Perri and Lana Del Rey, fantastic ladies.
Feel better doll!0 -
Break ups are hard at any age, size, place in your life.
Breaking up with someone for a shallow reason such as weight is pathetic and a cop out.. Someone who truly loved you would want to HELP you, SUPPORT you, offer to work with you to be active or lose weight or find activities you both enjoy....but all that doesnt even matter if HE cheated on YOU. Thats cowardly and gross. You most definitely do NOT need someone who treats another human like that in your life.
Try to stay busy and keep your mind off what coulda shoulda woulda been(thats what drags me down) Call your friends, go out, be active its good for your mind and your body.
Absolutely need to get more calories in you, under eating will only make you feel weak- literally- and prolong the healing, mentally and physically.
If you need someone to talk to, be support on here or in life, etc Im happy to be your friend! On MPF or otherwise.
cheers,
jessica0 -
Tiff -- Just a view from the other species. He did you a favor, he gave you your life back, and now you can go out and make yourself what you want you to be, not what he wanted. Go for a walk, get out, enjoy the view around you. And when all's said and done, you will come out ahead. You don't know it right now, he did do you a favor. And some day in the future, he will be one jealous loser when he sees how you turned out. Best to you.0
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Thank you everyone, I really appreciate it! It happened last Sunday, and today I have to admit, I'm doing pretty well. Haven't cried once! haha. I'm slowly starting to eat again, but I am still having a little trouble with that aspect of it.
Great news! Do this for yourself, you can do it! :flowerforyou:0 -
I'm glad to hear you're doing well! Keep it up! 0
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He cheated on you? Let me tell you something my dad told me a while back...
You are a SMART and BEAUTIFUL girl. You are independent. You are a go getter. You put your mind to something and you know how to get the job done. You don't need a man to make you who you are. And if you're ever with a man who doesn't treat you right, who doesn't appreciate you for all that you are, who violates you, who controls you, who thinks he's better than you...YOU WALK AWAY. No matter what happens, remember you are a SMART and BEAUTIFUL girl. You deserve better. I know that. And you know that. Now, go conquer the world!
Okay, my dad didn't say that last part...
When I was in high school, I really liked this boy and he played mind games with me a lot. I was stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I should have listened to my dad. Why are dads so smart?? Anyway, I was complaining about how I looked one day and he goes, "You're pleasantly plump!" In other words, you're nicely fat. Oh, thanks. Because that's what every girl wants to hear. Anyway, he was a real jerk. And after about eight months of this crap, I decided that my dad was right and it was time I WALKED AWAY. One of the best days of my life! Talk about freedom!
So...he cheated on you? And broke up with you? No, no dear. I think what you're saying is, he thought you couldn't keep up with him physically and you decided that it was about time you started doing something for yourself. And you WALKED AWAY! You are your own person. Nobody defines you. Don't allow the opinions of others to affect how you view yourself. Um...what? Pleasantly plump? Oh, you mean you're a jerk and I should start using my brain now? Yeah, we're 24 now. I'm finishing up my Master's degree and he's working at McDonald's...no joke. My dad was right.
Sorry, I rambled on a bit... For weight loss... I'm really just sticking with my calorie count. I plug my numbers into the system and tell it that I want to lose a pound a week. Then I work really hard to not go over my calories. Treat your calories like cash! Once your out, you can't afford that extra cookie! I don't really work out.....................I'm lazy. But I'm working on it.
Good luck, dear! Wishing you the absolute best and sending really good vibes your way!!!
BLESS THIS POST
Thanks! I've been blessed with a really great dad! I'm forever in his debt. 0 -
Not for him but for myself.
This is the first key. Do this for yourself. Do some research, talk to a doctor if you have one available, and set a goal FOR YOU. Be careful not to couch your goal in terms of "others". It should be "I want to reach X goal because I want to".Every time I eat I feel sick and guilty.
Please don't. Remember: Food is a necessary and, when used properly, even a beautiful part of life. It is not the enemy. It is a nutrient. Your body needs food. We simply need to be careful about what we eat because, as is the case with many things, it is possible to both have too much and too little.And when I do eat, I immediately throw up. What should I do?
If this continues, please seek medical assistance.
I'm sorry this happened to you. But as Parmark22 said: this has hidden gift in that your life is being returned to you. This is an opportunity to find and, if YOU choose to, redefine yourself. As with all injuries, it will take time to heal, but you WILL HEAL.0 -
He failed to see the beauty that is inside of you-- my thinking is this-- one day, the blooms will fade, I Will have wrinkles, grey hair, etc. I have to be with someone who will love me for the beauty inside me...0
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