Need sex help? Low sex drive and I hate it!

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RavenBeauty87
RavenBeauty87 Posts: 83 Member
in Chit-Chat
I love my husband, I find him very attractive (cut his hair and now even more so:devil: ), and the sex is always great even when I wasn't in the mood at first. Since the day I got pregnant sex has been the last thing on my mind. My pregnancy was horrible and we barely had sex and I felt so bad for him but he made it through. After having the baby I hated my body plus I was so tired (even though she was a wonderful baby). Now that I have lost the weight I'm thinking “Okay, my sex drive will be back. I don't mind him seeing me naked so lets go.”

Um ya it's just not there. I think about having sex with him all day and then when I get home things just pile up and I'm in bed before him. Poor guy will come to bed about an hour or so later and try and I just say no because I'm so tired and I have to wake up hours before he does.

I can tell this lack of sex is really starting to mess up our relationship. Not to the point of divorcing but just fighting over stupid stuff. Since I've lost the weight he is thinking I don't find him attractive anymore and I want someone else. Honestly, I have no attraction to anyone else! I want him but how can I get that back? I'm 25 years old why should I have a problem? I enjoy watching porn (he doesn't surprisingly which is fine with me) and I try and watch that to get me going at least but then getting started I have no motivation.

Okay, I work 40 hours a week and I have a 10 month old but she is the best little girl so I can't blame lack of energy on her and she sleeps through the night. I have an office job and sure I'm still tired but physically I'm fine.

Has this happened to anyone else? What did you do to change it? I'm going to talk with my husband tonight but we have talked before about it and really all he has said is “You're tired and I understand don't worry about it.” That is very sweet of him but I am worrying and I can see what it is doing. :frown:

The nights that I go home and set up candles and a sexy outfit something always happens and he has to work or something else happens. Please bring on the ideas and lets spark this relationship up again. We have almost been together for 4 years I can't let this happen now!!!!:cry:

I would like more advice from women of course but would love to hear from the men that had a girlfriend/wife like this and found a solution.

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  • RavenBeauty87
    RavenBeauty87 Posts: 83 Member
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    ::bump::
  • iowachapman
    iowachapman Posts: 38 Member
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    No replies, wow, I would get your hormone balance checked for sure.. it could be out of wack, you could even have low testosterone, yes even women have it and yes it can be low, and why you are feeling tired..
  • bessertc
    bessertc Posts: 1 Member
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    Hey, sorry for the late reply to this. Unfortunately, my situation isn't the EXACT same as yours (plus, I'm a guy), but I see some parallels in what I've been dealing with for years in my own relationship.

    In my situation, my wife and I had a reasonably healthy sex life for years, but when we tried having a child several years back, we had lots of problems. While we eventually had our daughter (she's six now), it was a very emotionally-draining and long process involving lots of doctors, procedures, etc. During that process, sex was a very mechanical, necessary function. Once my daughter arrived, my wife struggled to lose the "baby weight". Between a very stressful job, some lingering medical issues, and our daughter who is a handful (diagnosed with ADHD just like her daddy!), sex basically dried up between us.

    As much as I tried to be understanding and approach the situation logically, I really felt rejected. I kept trying and trying every way I knew, thinking there's no way she would think I didn't find her attractive or that I wouldn't want to be intimate with her anymore. My wife told me at one point that sex wasn't something she ever felt she needed to have ever again, which was a devastating blow. She felt very unattractive and continued to struggle with the baby weight issues. Almost all intimacy ceased between us for several years. I tried to be supportive and do whatever I could, but I couldn't seem to figure out what she needed.

    Fast forward to the present and she and I have been on MFP since Labor Day 2012 and I've lost 40 lbs and she's down over 30. Great, right? Well, after years of little to no intimacy, it's become such a foreign concept for us that it's been a struggle to get back into it. We've tried occasionally over the past year or so, but it's still a problem. We've come to view each other differently and there's a lot of emotional baggage to work through. I wonder if that might be part of your problem, too? Just losing the weight or getting some "sexy clothes" won't really help much when a lot of the problem is in either one or both of your heads. I'm not a shallow guy that only views a woman as attractive if she weighs between 'x' and 'y' pounds or has a certain type of figure, but my wife has been beating herself up so much over the years that I fear it's going to take a long time to work through this... and it doesn't seem like it'll be very easy, either. I wish you luck in working through your situation! Keep trying, because I've definitely learned if you don't try, you're guaranteeing that it'll never get better.

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