Small adjustments all along

jbutterflye · February 2013

Hi everyone,

I was just thinking how tempting it is to go "balls to the wall" with weight loss, try everything at once, full gusto. But then it's easy to peter out and quit when doing that. It's also tempting to set all kinds of perfectionistic standards ( X calories per day, X hours at the gym every day) and become one's own weight loss nazi to the point that our inner rebel retalliates and sabotages our progress.

So I'm trying to do it differently this time. Out with the inner nazi and Ms. Perfectionist! I'm working on making gradual incremental changes that I can live with long term. For example, I notice there are days that I feel weaker than others, so I give myself permission to take it a little easier at the gym. Then other days I feel a little more hungry, so I give myself permission to go up in calories for that day. The key for me is self honesty and balance. Because I'm not overly strict with myself I don't create a rebellious reaction. (I notice this works well for parenting too!

) And by balance I mean that I look at my overall week and on some days I'll do a little more when the energy is there, and just make sure that the overall progress for that week is still on track.

Right now I'm focusing on just building the habit of regular exercise and staying within my calorie goal overall. Also looking at adding more water as a goal, but that's more flexible for now... will become a bigger focus and intent once the other goal is second nature.

Patience and perseverance is definitely a new thing for me! :laugh:

sbjmorgan · February 2013

Positive thinking yields positive results, so it sounds like your approach is going to work for you! I like it!

kmk_natasha · February 2013

I think that's a good way to approach it. I notice that just by tracking what I eat, I am making better choices. I'm also more motivated to work out, even if that's just taking a walk around my work building during my lunch break.

Energizer06 · February 2013

I see your saving the hardest for last....Water Drinking 8 - 10 cups a day is bloody hell. I like your philosophy....add one extra cup a day or week whatever feels right.....Great post....I love your attitude...... spread it to others and help them achieve a healthly lifestyle. Keep up the good work

rawclam · February 2013

I agree with what you say here. My wife and I started MFP and getting back into shape about 11 months ago. When we started I felt it was important to listen to what our body is telling us. The first month we just tracked calories, no exercise, none till we felt we were wanting to do it. I remember that walk, longest 25 minutes of my life but it felt good (after I caught my breath) since that time we have increased to Hiking the hills and epic treks. We do not nor have we worked out more than twice weekly, the reason for this is longevity. I'm 54 years my wife is 51, we can maintain walking or hiking like we are now for years to come. There is now way that i could workout 5 or 6 days, I would burn out. I have lost 137 pounds as of today my wife has lost 87. I have about 30 to go till I go to maintenance mode. I will never NOT count what I eat, this is important. I really do realize the importance of listening to your body.
Patience and perseverance, Good words!

fresh_start59 · February 2013

This is my philosophy, too!

In the past, I've always been an all or nothing dieter. I gave it my all and quickly burned out and gave it nothing.

As I posted in another thread, my 2013 motto is:
Baby Steps NOT Burn Out

I'm not eating 100% healthy, but I am eating healthier. My exercise is laughable by most people's standards, but it's more than I was doing and every few weeks I increase it just a tiny bit. I've cut WAY back on the fast food, but I've not cut it out. And trigger foods (ice-cream) are not allowed in the freezer, but I've given myself permission to go out and get a scoop of ice-cream if I feel the craving. And, since I've given myself permission, I've not had that craving. It's my way of psyching myself out. :-)

Jumping in and giving it their all works for some people. But for me, that kind of attitude is setting myself up for failure.

jbutterflye · February 2013

I agree with what you say here. My wife and I started MFP and getting back into shape about 11 months ago. When we started I felt it was important to listen to what our body is telling us. The first month we just tracked calories, no exercise, none till we felt we were wanting to do it. I remember that walk, longest 25 minutes of my life but it felt good (after I caught my breath) since that time we have increased to Hiking the hills and epic treks. We do not nor have we worked out more than twice weekly, the reason for this is longevity. I'm 54 years my wife is 51, we can maintain walking or hiking like we are now for years to come. There is now way that i could workout 5 or 6 days, I would burn out. I have lost 137 pounds as of today my wife has lost 87. I have about 30 to go till I go to maintenance mode. I will never NOT count what I eat, this is important. I really do realize the importance of listening to your body.
Patience and perseverance, Good words!

You guys did a super job! I'm very impressed! :happy:

jbutterflye · February 2013

Here's my latest small adjustment. I always have such trouble with water, it seems. I drink it, but often don't know how much I get in total in the course of a day, and I'm sure it's not enough anyway. I have a water cup I use at home, plus a water bottle I take to the gym. What I decided to do now is use one of those water jugs that indicates how many ounces it contains, filling it up and then transferring that water into water cup I'm drinking from. That way I can measure it, and then track it in MFP. (I love that they have a way of tracking water every day). So at least I have something measurable now. That's my "small adjustment" for this week. My goal is to train myself to drink more water daily... building a habit. Oh, and I got those flavor enhancers too... that'll probably help to drink more.

elisa123gal · February 2013

sounds like you're in tune with your body..and i bet you lose better this way. how many people in here work out like crazy and the scale won't move..or stay at 1200..workout and not eat the exercise calories back. they burn out..plateau..and make it all hard..who wants to live like that? we know that is why we gain back...

I like your approach..

jbutterflye · February 2013

sounds like you're in tune with your body..and i bet you lose better this way. how many people in here work out like crazy and the scale won't move..or stay at 1200..workout and not eat the exercise calories back. they burn out..plateau..and make it all hard..who wants to live like that? we know that is why we gain back...

I like your approach..

I just wrote on another thread how I vary from day to day, somewhat. I do try to listen to my body and on those days I'm not very hungry I don't force myself to eat more. Yesterday was like that... I actually worked out HARD and only ate just under 1300 cal for the day. I felt satisfied though. Other days I might be tired AND extra hungry (*cough* that time of month) so I don't struggle against it. I guess I see everything as a cycle, and there are natural rhythms to energy... practicing flowing with them rather than against them. I'm keeping an eye on a weekly and monthly balance to see how I'm progressing overall. My mindset is more on long-term approach really. This HAS to be a lifestyle change, because I'm FED UP with yo-yo'ing!!

jbutterflye · February 2013

This is my philosophy, too!

In the past, I've always been an all or nothing dieter. I gave it my all and quickly burned out and gave it nothing.

As I posted in another thread, my 2013 motto is:
Baby Steps NOT Burn Out

I'm not eating 100% healthy, but I am eating healthier. My exercise is laughable by most people's standards, but it's more than I was doing and every few weeks I increase it just a tiny bit. I've cut WAY back on the fast food, but I've not cut it out. And trigger foods (ice-cream) are not allowed in the freezer, but I've given myself permission to go out and get a scoop of ice-cream if I feel the craving. And, since I've given myself permission, I've not had that craving. It's my way of psyching myself out. :-)

Jumping in and giving it their all works for some people. But for me, that kind of attitude is setting myself up for failure.

I notice that there are certain things that I really love that I just don't want to give up (just yet.. who knows, maybe one day), so I'm keeping my favorites still... like sweet hot tea for instance. I just really love that. And I know it's "empty" calories, unnecessary sugar, etc., but for now it gives me great joy to have a cup in the evening. I notice that I don't need it on all evenings, and I'm trying to cut back on the sugar. It really chaps my hide that once upon a time I used to take much less sugar in my tea, and then after getting married my husband was used to putting a lot more sugar in his, and somehow I absorbed his bad habit and trained myself to put more sugar in my tea. :grumble: But I think really... if I can be trained in one direction, I can be retrained in another.. so I"m working on that.

Also sushi..... some days, I just really really love a good California Roll.

Moderation is the key, I feel. Deprivation will lead to rebellion and sabotage. Just knowing I *can* have something I really want, if I truly want it, leads me to question if I really want it. Often, the answer is a surprising No.

Whiskeygirl12 · February 2013

I love this attitude and i am going to try this myself. I always set unrealistic goals. Thanks for your words of wisdom

alpine1994 · February 2013

I love your approach and follow it as well (after many MANY failed attempts of "I'm only eating X calories and working out for X minutes daily").

Every day is not the same. I will get sick. I will feel amazing. I will be traveling. I will be bored/sad. We need to be flexible enough with ourselves to allow for normal life while still staying on track. I might eat 1300 calories one day and 2000 the next, but as long as I know my weekly average is where I need it to be, I'm doing fine.

XXXMinnieXXX · February 2013

It's good you seem to be seeing this as a lifestyle change, not just a diet. Life does happen, deal with it and move in. Every day is a new one. Sounds like you've got a good general approach and of it works for you stick with it! X

dawn_eichert · February 2013

Great philosophy. The idea of taking small steps into something that you can live with forever is what will make this successful and a lifetime committment.

misterbuddos · February 2013

Moderation is the key, I feel. Deprivation will lead to rebellion and sabotage.

Self sabotage is an interesting subject and one I've had to come to grips with in my own life quite suddenly. I won't get into all the ways it has affected me because I don't want to derail the thread.

But, when it comes to weight loss specifically, I see this pattern with myself over and over and over. Even so, I have managed to keep it under control for most of my adult life but for much of that time I have seen still as a failure. I know that sounds weird but it's true.

It was just never "good enough"...

Frustrated, I recently read a book called, "Succeed" by Heidi Grant Halvorson. There's a ton of good stuff in it but as it relates to the subject of self sabotage, this usually comes down to some form of perfectionism. She offers some great insight in where that comes from and how you can adapt your mindset to persist when things don't go your way, as they always won't.

Great topic! Thanks for bringing it up.

Jamcnair · February 2013

Excellent!

jbutterflye · February 2013

I love your approach and follow it as well (after many MANY failed attempts of "I'm only eating X calories and working out for X minutes daily").

Every day is not the same. I will get sick. I will feel amazing. I will be traveling. I will be bored/sad. We need to be flexible enough with ourselves to allow for normal life while still staying on track. I might eat 1300 calories one day and 2000 the next, but as long as I know my weekly average is where I need it to be, I'm doing fine.

Exactly. Like this past weekend, for instance. Weekends can be a bit hectic and unpredictable, with family & all. So I was working out and burned 500 calories instead of the 1000 I had planned on, because I was running out of time and had to be somewhere. At first I had that same old thought of failure, failing to meet my goal for the day, but then I remembered that I'm not doing that perfectionistic thing anymore. lol! I instead decided that 500 calories on a weekend day was pretty good. Plus I was able to eat fewer calories that day to compensate, so it balanced out. Used to I would set myself up with these really high goals that required near perfect accomplishment, and would inevitably fail after awhile.

jillbeanschoop · February 2013

I agree. Take gradual steps in the right direction. Sometimes I get frustrated that I haven't lost as much as I want. Then I realize that I have not gained weight over several decades. The baby steps that I've taken have at least kept me from the weight gain per decade thing. When I hang out with my extended family I see more success. They eat the way I used to eat and when I see what they are eating I realize how far I have actually come over the years.

It might be interesting to hear what other people's baby steps have been. There may be ideas that others would like to incorporate into their lifestyle.

My most recent babystep is to give up deep-fried foods (about 6 months ago). I still pan fry things but I don't do french fries, potato chips (fried), etc. I'm not a die-hard. Maybe once every 3-6 months I break down and have some fried cheese curds (my weakness). I also allow myself a few fries from my kid's plate once in a while if we go out. Overall, I feel so much better without the fried foods. When I eat deep fried foods I almost feel sick afterwards (but fried cheese curds are so worth it). What are your baby steps?

Aarjono · February 2013

I agree. I have to set small goals/habits as well.

Last month's goal was give up soda for water. It was hard for the first couple of weeks, but now, it is second nature, and my coworkers no longer have to be worried about being mugged for their diet soda. LOL

This month my goal is to add a few extra steps every day and make it to one fitness class at the gym each week. (I love group fitness classes, so this is really a goal to add some "me time" into my schedule.)

misifer · February 2013

Great post! I also would be all or nothing. If I didn't workout, I failed. It can be SO much easier then that.

Now if I'm tired and don't want to walk on the treadmill for an hour, I tell myself to only do a half hour. 30 minutes is better than ZERO. Guess what...I've stayed on the full hour every.single.time.

I'd eat a bad meal, which turned into a bad day/week and I failed. Now I learned it's ok to get back up the next day/week and keep going. A knee scrape does not equal a broken leg!

I also started by walking after lunch. Simple and something I can't fail at. Two days a week turned into five. A half hour turned into 90 minutes. Suddenly I am craving a harder work out. Magically I am naturally drinking more water and making better food choices. I am AMAZED at how that is all naturally falling into place.

krithsai · February 2013

Now if I'm tired and don't want to walk on the treadmill for an hour, I tell myself to only do a half hour. 30 minutes is better than ZERO. Guess what...I've stayed on the full hour every.single.time.

The story of my life. Once you get the adrenalin going, it is easy to keep going. All the best!

likitisplit · February 2013

This is exactly right! Great thinking and awesome job!

jbutterflye · February 2013

Moderation is the key, I feel. Deprivation will lead to rebellion and sabotage.

Self sabotage is an interesting subject and one I've had to come to grips with in my own life quite suddenly. I won't get into all the ways it has affected me because I don't want to derail the thread.

But, when it comes to weight loss specifically, I see this pattern with myself over and over and over. Even so, I have managed to keep it under control for most of my adult life but for much of that time I have seen still as a failure. I know that sounds weird but it's true.

It was just never "good enough"...

Frustrated, I recently read a book called, "Succeed" by Heidi Grant Halvorson. There's a ton of good stuff in it but as it relates to the subject of self sabotage, this usually comes down to some form of perfectionism. She offers some great insight in where that comes from and how you can adapt your mindset to persist when things don't go your way, as they always won't.

Great topic! Thanks for bringing it up.

Self sabotage is actually a good thread topic. That whole "not good enough" and perfectionism thing is something that followed me from childhood, resulting in emotional eating. I've grappled with it most of my life. Something that's helped me alot with this recently is Byron Katie's "The Work" (www.thework.com) and doing the 4 questions and turnaround. Here's a youtube clip of her doing a session with someone, called "I hate my body".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qb9bkbgxlpE

Thanks for the book reference btw.

jbutterflye · February 2013

I agree. Take gradual steps in the right direction. Sometimes I get frustrated that I haven't lost as much as I want. Then I realize that I have not gained weight over several decades. The baby steps that I've taken have at least kept me from the weight gain per decade thing. When I hang out with my extended family I see more success. They eat the way I used to eat and when I see what they are eating I realize how far I have actually come over the years.

It might be interesting to hear what other people's baby steps have been. There may be ideas that others would like to incorporate into their lifestyle.

My most recent babystep is to give up deep-fried foods (about 6 months ago). I still pan fry things but I don't do french fries, potato chips (fried), etc. I'm not a die-hard. Maybe once every 3-6 months I break down and have some fried cheese curds (my weakness). I also allow myself a few fries from my kid's plate once in a while if we go out. Overall, I feel so much better without the fried foods. When I eat deep fried foods I almost feel sick afterwards (but fried cheese curds are so worth it). What are your baby steps?

That's really great that you haven't gained weight in decades!! How many calories do you eat to maintain your current weight? I think it's very helpful to find that "magic" balance point where you know you can maintain, because then you can estimate so much better from that point what it takes to lose. Giving up the deep fried foods is a great step. I like stir-frying... in fact will have that tonight (veggies & tofu) with some rice.

Right now my baby step that I'm working on is water. It's been a long-time challenge of mine as I know I haven't been drinking enough. I've been looking at where the process fails between intention and accomplishment. heh. So what I'm doing now is making sure I measure the amount of water I'm drinking to at least know for sure. Then work on gradually adding more. This is a more controlled exercise with the water thing. Another, more casual, goal is to reduce the sugar and cream intake in my coffee & tea. I'm giving up the super loaded tasty coffees I used to drink to a more ummm "bitter" variety. I think I can get used to it.

jbutterflye · February 2013

Great post! I also would be all or nothing. If I didn't workout, I failed. It can be SO much easier then that.

Now if I'm tired and don't want to walk on the treadmill for an hour, I tell myself to only do a half hour. 30 minutes is better than ZERO. Guess what...I've stayed on the full hour every.single.time.

That's really great! I used to listen to a podcast by this woman trainer who talked about having days where she just didn't feel like working out (I just love hearing that from someone who makes her career out of fitness!) and how she always made sure she did *something* even if it was for 10 minutes, just to keep the routine going. I think it's a great idea, and like you said, often leads to doing more than we thought we could handle starting out.

I'd eat a bad meal, which turned into a bad day/week and I failed. Now I learned it's ok to get back up the next day/week and keep going. A knee scrape does not equal a broken leg!

I also started by walking after lunch. Simple and something I can't fail at. Two days a week turned into five. A half hour turned into 90 minutes. Suddenly I am craving a harder work out. Magically I am naturally drinking more water and making better food choices. I am AMAZED at how that is all naturally falling into place.

You're doing so great, that's really wonderful progress! Another podcast I used to listen to (I admit it.. I love podcasts

) talked about the gap between coming back into balance getting smaller. So if it used to take, say, a month before we "undereat" to make up for "overeating", now it may take a week, or a day. At some point if we overeat at one meal we can turn around and undereat the very next meal. Or better yet, learn to listen to our bodies enough that we can stop when satisfied and even leave food on the plate... *gasp*!

Small adjustments all along

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