I'm bored... Tell me a joke :D

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Replies

  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,078 Member
    "Vodka please"

    "Sorry ma'am, this is McDonalds"

    "Oh sorry!! McVodka and supersize it please"
  • Smackemdanno
    Smackemdanno Posts: 83 Member
    What kink of cereal can you eat while riding a bicycle and jumping ramps?


    Double nut crunch!
  • BSchoberg
    BSchoberg Posts: 712 Member
    <----
    What do Pink Floyd and Princess Dianna have in common?


    ....Their last big hit was the wall.

    LMFAO
  • BSchoberg
    BSchoberg Posts: 712 Member
    What is red and smells like blue paint?

    Red paint!

    HAHAHAHAHAAAAHHAHAHAAAA! Sorry...I'm not a good joke teller. :-(

    Ok, that made me laugh. Laugh and laugh!
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
    Why did the orange go to the doctor?

    He wasn't "peeling" well.
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
    "Vodka please"

    "Sorry ma'am, this is McDonalds"

    "Oh sorry!! McVodka and supersize it please"

    There was one recently where this fella said if McDonalds ever started selling hot dogs, he wondered if anyone would be brave enough to order a McWeiner, and supersize it.
  • SaraNiyah
    SaraNiyah Posts: 17
    A cheeky one:)

    What is irony?
    That after 25 years of marriage you find out that your wife is not so passionate in bed but has asthma :O
  • MomiTia
    MomiTia Posts: 94 Member
    What is red and smells like blue paint?

    Red paint!

    HAHAHAHAHAAAAHHAHAHAAAA! Sorry...I'm not a good joke teller. :-(

    Ok, that made me laugh. Laugh and laugh!

    Me too :)
  • spongeh
    spongeh Posts: 152 Member
    My mate just said, "What's your favourite mythical creature?"

    I said, "Those happy women in Tampax adverts."
  • BigTnew
    BigTnew Posts: 22 Member
    What do Pink Floyd and Princess Dianna have in common?


    ....Their last big hit was the wall.

    Too soon!
  • NotRailMeat
    NotRailMeat Posts: 509 Member
    A reporter is interviewing the Chief of a tribe of Indians:

    Reporter: I have noticed that all of the braves wear feathered head-dresses, but they all seem to have a different number of feathers. Is there some kind of meaning behind the number of feather they wear?
    Chief: Of course there is. You see Running Deer over there? He has 5 feathers, so he F'em 5 Squaws. And Lazy Raven over there only has 1 feather, so he F'em only 1 Squaw.
    Reporter: Well, OK, but what about you? Your head-dress must have HUNDREDS of feathers?
    Chief: Me big Chief, I get to F'em ALL the Squaws!
    Reporter: Oh dear! That's horrible!
    Chief: No, No DEER!.... *kitten* too high and they run too fast!
  • lizlkbg
    lizlkbg Posts: 566
    A chicken walks into a bar.
    Bartender says "sorry, we don't serve food here."
  • spongeh
    spongeh Posts: 152 Member
    A pub landlord is shutting up for the night when there is a knock at the door. When he answers, a Tramp asks him for a tooth-pick. He gives him the toothpick and the tramp goes off.

    A few minutes later there is a second knock. When he answers, there is a second Tramp who also asks for a toothpick. He gets his toothpick and off he goes.

    There is a third knock at the door, and a third Tramp. The landlord says, "Don't tell me, you want a toothpick too."

    "No, a straw," says the Tramp.

    The landlord gives him a straw but is curious as to why he wants it, so he asks the Tramp why he wants a straw and not a toothpick.

    To which the Tramp replies, "Some bloke just threw up outside but all the good stuff's gone already".
  • Wauwa01
    Wauwa01 Posts: 19
    OK the old ones are the best......

    What's the difference between a Buffalo and a byson?


    You can't wash your hands in a Buffalo!!!!

    Boom Boom, cracks me up every time!
  • Tiggerrick
    Tiggerrick Posts: 1,078 Member
    WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST :

    She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

    Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

    Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

    Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

    And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
  • SlickFootAnna
    SlickFootAnna Posts: 611 Member
    What do you call a black person who deals drugs?!!!


















































    A Pharmacist, you racist!
  • Deedles2012
    Deedles2012 Posts: 122 Member
    What do you call 53 millionairs sitting around watching the Super Bowl?


    The Dallas Cowboys!
  • joeydeon1234
    joeydeon1234 Posts: 4
    If your bored...Search NeonDeon's Channel on YouTube to watch a bunch of random videos. Thanks!
  • TK266
    TK266 Posts: 3,638 Member
    Two cows stand in a field.
    First cow: Are you worried about this Mad Cow Disease thats going round?
    Second cow: Not really, I'm a chicken.
  • stealthSLOTH
    stealthSLOTH Posts: 695 Member
    Rowlf: Why don't you wear shoes Fozzie?
    Fozzie: Why should I? I'd still have bear feet. Wocka Wocka Wocka!

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