Insecure

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2muchjunkintrunk
2muchjunkintrunk Posts: 8
in Motivation and Support
I struggle on a daily basis to accept a compliment my husband and I got married in sept he loves me the way I am but anytime we go anywhere I am constantly looking and comparing myself to other women and I get mad at myself which usually leads to crying episodes in my bedroom my sweet husband just doesn't see me like I see myself I have to lose the weight I hate this feeling and I just want to stop being so insecure
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  • darlin8
    darlin8 Posts: 14
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    OMG this is me exactly!!! My hubby constantly tells me he loves me the way I am, that I'm beautiful to him. But he doesnt understand its how I feel about MYSELF, and that I'm unhappy with the way I am.
  • kbodnaruk
    kbodnaruk Posts: 67
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    You aren't alone - my husband tells me how sexy I am all the time and all I can think is how can this (as a grab a handfull of fat on my belly) be 'sexy' - He always tells me how beautiful I am and is always positive ---- I think we are just harder on ourselves than we should be - In my mind I just won't feel sexy or happy until I lose the weight and I feel better about that reflection looking me back in the mirror -- but I am on my way!!!
  • tashaa1992
    tashaa1992 Posts: 658 Member
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    I'm not married or anything but I know how you feel, I compare myself to every woman I see, wish I looked like someone else:/
  • Atarahh
    Atarahh Posts: 485 Member
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    Honey, you are so blessed to have a man who loves and accepts you no matter what. Do you know how many women are mistreated or abused about their weight, how many women are cheated on, abandoned because of weight issues? Even if you don't see it YET, be grateful that you have someone who truly loves YOU.

    Don't be insecure, learn to love what makes you unique. There is no one else like you in the world.

    Everybody is different. Don't get in the habit of comparing yourself to other people. Be YOUR BEST! :flowerforyou:

    You are worth it. And, naturally with weight loss, our whole montage changes. You will naturally become more confident and comfortable as the pounds come off. Your self esteem will get a major boost. It's a choice!

    I'm sure your husband will notice the change in you. Stay strong! :happy:

    Psalms 139:14
    I praise you because I am FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

    Remember that ^^^^^
  • Skiing914
    Skiing914 Posts: 27
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    Like me, you guys have to decide what you want more for yourself. Do you want to eat unhealthy foods or do you want to be healthy and look and feel better? Do NOT be a prisoner of your own body! Get out there and do something about it. Get your head in the game and buy into it 100%. Before you know it, you will lose that first 5 lbs. and then you'll be hooked! I have lost 7.2 lbs. since starting on here January 7th. I eat healthy. I don't deprive. I make delicious low fat meals from recipes I find on Skinnytaste.com and I get at least 30 mins. of cardio each day. Everyone can do that! Come girls....a happier you is waiting just around the corner!!!:smile:
  • Jennvandemark
    Jennvandemark Posts: 179 Member
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    I am the same way and thought that feeling would go away once I started to lose weight but it didn't. I still struggle seeing the new thinner me. It has gotten better though, I don't harp on it as much and am able to get through the night with out comparing myself to others but there are days when I just feel like the biggest girl in the room. Its not just about losing the weight it's also about working on our self image. We will get there just keep plugging away.
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
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    My hubby tries his best to understand that his compliments don't always outweigh the voice of disatisfaction in my head. But, I know that HE wants to be my #1 fan and he wants that to be more important to me than the voice in my head. So, I do my best to thank him profusely for loving me with the sags, wrinkles, gray hair, and well, soft spots. And if you stop to think about it. . .it really is a blessing to have a man who loves you and doesn't think you need to improve to make him happy. Soooooo many posts on here talk about people who are put down by their spouses. So, give him a big hug when he tells you you are beautiful, dry your eyes, and know that your #1 fan loves you for who you are, not what the mirror reflects or what that reflection says to you!!
  • atb0821
    atb0821 Posts: 458 Member
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    I hear ya, loud and clear. :/
  • LuvtheCubs
    LuvtheCubs Posts: 161 Member
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    I am older than you all so I have a different perspective I've gained about men. I've worked in the military my whole career and have spent a lot of time with the guys.

    First and foremost, remember that Men Love Women! They really do. Men think that a woman's body is the best thing ever.

    Second thing to remember is Men Love Women, and they love Naked Women the best. Men think women are beautiful. They think all women are beautiful. We girls are so lucky that these guys really think our bodies are incredible. And the things we focus on like our boobs Re too small, or saggy; like our thighs are too fat or to thin. Men aren't looking at those specific things. They are looking at the entire package of a beautiful woman's body. They love us. Trust me! Trust them.

    Your guys loves you the way you are, he loved you the way you were last year, and he'll love you 5years from now no matter what you weigh.
  • jonswife0206
    jonswife0206 Posts: 125 Member
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    My husband is my biggest fan, supporter and best friend. I see how he looks at me and know that his heart matches his words. It makes me happy that I am loved that way. Because I believe in him as much as he believes in me, I don't concern myself about comparison. There will always be someone out there that will make me second guess myself if I let it get to me. We are lucky to have such a great person in our lives and have to look at ourselves as positively as they do. : )
  • 2muchjunkintrunk
    2muchjunkintrunk Posts: 8
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    All of you are are so kind and encouraging I hope I can learn to love myself like he loves me I mean I am terrible I beat myself up everyday for noticing all the beautiful women around me I don't know why I hate myself so much but I always feel like the fattest girl in the world
  • michellekicks
    michellekicks Posts: 3,624 Member
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    There are over 7 billion human beings on this planet. Aside from genetic anomalies like twins and multiples, every single one of them looks different from every other one despite having the very same features - two eyes, a nose, a mouth, chin, cheeks, ears, hair, arms, legs... Pretty amazing huh?!

    So, ask yourself: which of those 7 billion are you supposed to try and look like?

    Just do you. You're great.
  • Offical
    Offical Posts: 94
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    I also suffer from it and the fact that im a perfectionist makes it even more difficult.
  • angelaanhela
    angelaanhela Posts: 111 Member
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    Here are some things Ive learned from professional help that really stuck with me and made an impact. First off lets start by saying the below exercise will make you feel completely ridiculous so do it alone. Also I think this might have helped me even more because I also have this thing about physical contact.

    Write down a couple honest sentences about yourself. Example: I am worthy of other peoples love. My weight is not who I am. I am scared that other people will judge me. I do not need the approval of others. I own myself and I am me.

    Take you right hand and start tapping your left, just do that for a bit getting used to it. While you continue to do this repeat to yourself about 3 times out loud "I fully and completely accept myself."

    Move the tapping a higher on your arm. Then start telling yourself the truth. Those sentences you wrote down, say one sentence at a time and repeat "I fully and completely accept myself" after saying each one. Say them out loud while your tapping and change arms, tap your other arm.

    When you are done with your sentences, cross your arms and tap yourself almost like your hugging yourself and just keep repeating "I fully and completely accept myself." Think about the words.

    Sometimes I need to remind myself of this when I find that Im slipping back into unhealthy thoughts. I take a minute and mentally repeat that sentence. I find it very calming, humbling, relaxing, and sometimes empowering. When I first did this it was in front of someone and they were the ones telling me the truths to say to myself. You might want to do this with your husband so he can show you what he sees. I cried pretty hard during it but when I found myself with my arms crossing almost like I was protecting myself I felt and overwheming feeling of comfort. I was comforting myself, I was realizing things about myself, I was owning my emotions and letting myself feel them - express them - and go through them. I was learning to love myself through everything, the good the bad, the ugly. I needed to realize that I had to love myself even when I made mistakes, even my dark thoughts, even my problems. It has helped me leaps and bounds, maybe it will help someone else.
  • jerameylovinglife
    jerameylovinglife Posts: 13 Member
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    I spent most of my life comparing myself to everyone i saw.. I would get mad, hate them, hate myself, lock my family away.. and eventually destroyed a marriage to a great woman because i felt so miserable and took it out on her. I didn't even see most of it until it was to late. After the divorce i took a good long look in the mirror and before i even started loosing weight i had to come to terms with who i was and was not.. i am not Brad Pit, but i am also not the dead beat dad. i take care of my kid... i am not probably ever going to have a six pack, but i do work heard and support my family, ( at this point my son.lol..) .... I am not going to win a marathon at this time. but i can work toward that goal...

    It took me loosing everything and destroying something GREAT to figure out that i had to stand in the mirror and instead of looking at what i wanted to be, and what i was not , and getting mad about that, i had to find positive, uplifting things about myself that i love and know i do well. And now when i go out after my morning meditation in front of the mirror, i dont go out and compare most people now.. ( i do have my bad days where i still do) ... but when i see someone that i like , i make myself thing positive about not what they are and i am not but what i am .. all the good things i am.. all the wonderful things that i can do and most can not.. try to think of all the good you have done in this world and all the great things you can do.. and from hearing how your husband loves you you seem to have a great thing going there to be PROUD of. Just know and be-leave in yourself.. and like all of us get healthy. But not so that when you compare yourself with another you can feel better, but turn it around and do it so that every time you look at your husband you know you are adding years and years of great memory's onto your lives together.
  • Lulzaroonie
    Lulzaroonie Posts: 222 Member
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    I used to be like you, I would constantly look at other women and analyse (criticize) them in my head jealously. Then I stopped saying these things like "She's so pretty" about other people and started saying them about myself.
    It doesn't matter what you say it about, but you have to tell yourself, and tell others good things about yourself. "My hair looks great today! I really like the way my eyes look with this eye shadow colour..." etc.
    I would wear sweats or pyjamas, and get upset with how I looked. So I would put on some clothes, and make myself feel like I looked nice.
    Now I can go out and feel confident. Even if others don't think I look good, >I< think I look good, and I feel good and I don't even look at other women any more.
    Feeling like you feel good shows more in you than physical looks. This is how you can see some quite large women who look amazing, because they aren't ashamed of who they are and love how they look, and they embrace it.

    We are who we are, sometimes it's just not possible to be a size 6. The women we look at and envy are often made completely different to us, and if we had our bodies with their composition, often we'd look completely wrong. This is why we should accept who we are, and try to embrace it, love who we are, and try to be the best "us" that we can.

    The good thing is that weight is something we can change about ourselves. It doesn't happen overnight, but the benefits come pouring in much sooner than we see physical changes.

    Don't give up on changing yourself. Change because you want to, and don't be so hard on yourself. You can't judge yourself by other women, because you are not them. You are you :)
  • Roboartist
    Roboartist Posts: 99
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    It's hard to let go of negative self image and self doubt. You are beautiful, next time your husband tells you that just tell those inner voices they're full of it and try to ignore and just say a simple thanks, maybe a hug and kiss. You and every other person on the planet are unique-except maybe identical twins.

    Once you start owning all the things that are great about yourself, looking yourself in the mirror and thinking about all your good qualities you start to feel a lot better about yourself, you become open to compliments and you start believing them.
  • Pookylou
    Pookylou Posts: 988 Member
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    I used to be like you, I would constantly look at other women and analyse (criticize) them in my head jealously. Then I stopped saying these things like "She's so pretty" about other people and started saying them about myself.
    It doesn't matter what you say it about, but you have to tell yourself, and tell others good things about yourself. "My hair looks great today! I really like the way my eyes look with this eye shadow colour..." etc.
    I would wear sweats or pyjamas, and get upset with how I looked. So I would put on some clothes, and make myself feel like I looked nice.
    Now I can go out and feel confident. Even if others don't think I look good, >I< think I look good, and I feel good and I don't even look at other women any more.
    Feeling like you feel good shows more in you than physical looks. This is how you can see some quite large women who look amazing, because they aren't ashamed of who they are and love how they look, and they embrace it.

    We are who we are, sometimes it's just not possible to be a size 6. The women we look at and envy are often made completely different to us, and if we had our bodies with their composition, often we'd look completely wrong. This is why we should accept who we are, and try to embrace it, love who we are, and try to be the best "us" that we can.

    The good thing is that weight is something we can change about ourselves. It doesn't happen overnight, but the benefits come pouring in much sooner than we see physical changes.

    Don't give up on changing yourself. Change because you want to, and don't be so hard on yourself. You can't judge yourself by other women, because you are not them. You are you :)

    I love all this advice! I try and be positive, I've found making an effort (with my clothes/hair/make up) makes me feel much better, sitting about in my lounging pants makes me feel slobby!

    Still totally confused by the fact my boyfriend calls me sexy though.......
  • Roboartist
    Roboartist Posts: 99
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    I love all this advice! I try and be positive, I've found making an effort (with my clothes/hair/make up) makes me feel much better, sitting about in my lounging pants makes me feel slobby!

    Still totally confused by the fact my boyfriend calls me sexy though.......

    Um, your boyfriend must be telling the truth AND he wants to get freaky with you, duh! LOL
  • 2muchjunkintrunk
    2muchjunkintrunk Posts: 8
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    @jeremy that means a lot I feel like every time we actually fuss it's because we've been out to Walmart or somewhere and I see a beautiful women and I feel like my husband deserves better and I let my emotions get the best of me and he tries to comfort me but I get angry and try to tell him he should have chose a beautiful woman with a beautiful body instead of a fat insecure slob like me I simply cannot accept myself I'm so angry! Why do I do this to him I love him so much!

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