Am I being rude if I...

melbhall · May 2010

Am I being rude if I bring my own "dinner" to a cook out? When I am not at home controlling my ingredients and portions I usually end up blowing the day. We have friends that want us to hang out all the time, and my main problem with going is not being able to control the food. They usually prepare the food and we kick in money since we live so far away. Would it be rude for me to bring my own food so that I know my calorie content? When I mentioned before to them that I was counting calories I got a lot of snide comments about it so I'm just trying to prepare myself and stay on track.

Any thoughts?

Also, when I visit for a play date my friend always wants to eat lunch out, how do I get out of that? Besides it being costly, and usually not diet friendly I have stomach issues and get an upset stomach easily when I eat fast food. Could I pack my own lunch for that too?

I don't want to look like I'm cheap or too good to eat with her but I keep falling off the wagon and I need to get it right and stay on.

laurenk182004 · May 2010

I don't think it's rude at all...you have to put yourself first! Just explain to them that you are really trying to lose some weight and that u have to eat healthy. If they care about you and your well being they will understand

Lauren
P.S.- I also have a friend who is a fast food junkie..and she DOES get irritable when I order a salad or whatever. I think she's jealous...lol

SassyMissDasha · May 2010

For the cookout ...absolutely ..and ignore their snark comments .. you are getting healthy, they are not. You are doing the right thing. Not too sure about the bringing your food to a fast food place, most establishments don't allow outside food or drink. But most places have diet friendly stuff on their menu these days. Or you could have a sugar packet or two ..

laurenk182004 · May 2010

OH! I got another idea for the playdate thing... do a BYOF "bring your own food" picnic! lol

Could be fun....just sayin..lol

ttkg · May 2010

Here are some ideas:

- bring a veggie platter with hummus and then load your plate and fill yourself up with this
- make and bring a bean salad / broccoli salad etc. so you have some good choices too
- I think it is totally cool to bring chicken breast for a cookout, I see people do this all the time
- eat loads of fruits and veggies before meeting your friends and then just order something minimal and calorie wise from the menu
- good friends will support you in your goals, so bring what you need to and just mention that you're watching what you eat and you appreciate their support.

If they go on about it "it's just one meal, c'mon!!" just explain that you feel better about yourself when you watch what you eat. That should keep people quiet - no one would want you to feel bad about yourself, would they??

Goodluck!

chgraham · May 2010

You are not being rude. Just let people know that this is your choice. There are times I bring my own food. I also have an aunt who is celiac and she is constantly bringing her own food (even to a community dinner, she just explains that this is her dinner and she can't eat the items being served).

As for the fast food....I ran into this issue a couple of years ago and I brought my own food. If anyone asked me why, I told a little white lie and mentioned that I got sick eating the fast food. My stomach can't handle it.

I know most places now have healthier options, so that makes it easier, but who wants to eat a salad when everyone else is eating a hamburger. So I would bring my own pattie. I didn't have any problems.

ttkg · May 2010

Forgot to answer the question...NO, I do not think this is rude.

OpenHeaven · May 2010

I don't think you are being rude at all!! I think you are serious about getting healthy and being VERY smart about it! I can't even tell you the reasons why exactly but when I was 10 I just decided that I wasn't going to eat red meat, pork, or dark poultry anymore...and haven't since. I had a REALLY bad addiction to pop (Mountain Dew and Dr. Pepper were my fav's) and when I was 18 I just stopped completely. I now am almost completely organic and VERY VERY rarely will I eat chicken breasts (pretty much the only meat I have had in the last 20 years)....my point is that I have had a lot of cookouts and lunches and parties, and I have received a lot of questions and strange looks and so on, but I have to stay true to who I am and what I feel is right for my body. I do bring my own food sometimes, other times I eat before or after, and other times I find the "good for me" stuff and just have that. I have found that if you are real with your friends and explain to them why this is so important to you, they will be supportive (and if they are not...that is their issue, not yours!!!)

As far as the play dates go...why not decide to do picnic lunches? You could both bring your own, and this way not only are you going to stay on track, but your kids will eat healthier too (always a big bonus!!) If she wants fast food for her and her kids, she certainly can still go to a drive thru and then meet you somewhere for a picnic at a playground or whatever.

You are doing GREAT!!!!! Hang in there, don't get frustrated!! Be true to yourself, you family, and your fitness goals!!!

BLESS YOU!!!

goldsguy · May 2010

I get it all the time, how come your eating that? We're getting Whoppers and your eating Tuna and a salad? It's all about choices and your choosing to eat better. Your not being rude, just making a choice

sonjavon · May 2010

Nope - not rude at all... I do it all the time.

I have a friend who "thinks" that she knows how to eat healthy...but doesn't really get it. We play cards with them all the time and she's gotten used to me bringing food to her house. If we're having hamburgers, I bring some turkey burgers to throw on the grill. I bring hummus and veggies. I bring some bottled water. I've even brought my own fruit. She doesn't take offense - though she's asked me several times if what I'm eating is REALLY that much healthier than what she made... at which point I pull out food labels and show her the differences. And I explain to her that while one high calorie meal may not ruin everything - for me, I try to save those "less healthy choices" for times when it's a REALLY unusual special occasion or when I simply have no other choice.

I agree with the picnic lunch idea for the playdates. This is the time when you need to stand up for what's best for your kids... happy meals are not best for them. If you're making the stand for yourself... make the stand for them too!

PJilly · May 2010

Am I being rude if I bring my own "dinner" to a cook out? When I am not at home controlling my ingredients and portions I usually end up blowing the day. We have friends that want us to hang out all the time, and my main problem with going is not being able to control the food. They usually prepare the food and we kick in money since we live so far away. Would it be rude for me to bring my own food so that I know my calorie content? When I mentioned before to them that I was counting calories I got a lot of snide comments about it so I'm just trying to prepare myself and stay on track.

Any thoughts?

Also, when I visit for a play date my friend always wants to eat lunch out, how do I get out of that? Besides it being costly, and usually not diet friendly I have stomach issues and get an upset stomach easily when I eat fast food. Could I pack my own lunch for that too?

I don't want to look like I'm cheap or too good to eat with her but I keep falling off the wagon and I need to get it right and stay on.

I hope it's not considered rude, because I do it too. It's so easy to bring a chicken breast or turkey burger to toss on a grill, and I'll usually tuck a whole-wheat sandwich thin in my purse to put the meat in when it's done. That works for fast-food places too. I'll bring my own bread, order a plain grilled chicken sandwich, and then use my bread instead of the bun the sandwich came with. If you pay for your lunch, the restaurant isn't likely to be upset with you for substituting your bread for theirs.

monmcb · May 2010

I don't think its rude, if they are your true friends, then they will support you all the way. Sometimes if i know i'm going to a BBQ and know theres not going to be anything low calorie, i'll try and eat just before and then bring something healthy to the BBQ like a salad or something and snack on that.

As far as the lunch and playdates, i agree, a picnic is a wonderful idea. Perhaps you can invite them back to your house for lunch and the little ones can continue with their playdate. Good Luck and good for you!

katythemommy · May 2010

I don't think it's rude at all...you have to put yourself first! Just explain to them that you are really trying to lose some weight and that u have to eat healthy. If they care about you and your well being they will understand
Lauren
P.S.- I also have a friend who is a fast food junkie..and she DOES get irritable when I order a salad or whatever. I think she's jealous...lol

My friend does the exact same thing when we go out for lunch - I order a salad (mcdonalds are actually pretty good!) and she always gets a burger and fries and then complains, "You're making me look fat!". It's really annoying, she could do something about her weight if she really wanted to (which she always complains about), but that doesn't mean I have to go downhill with her!!

For cookouts, I always bring some kabobs full of veggies and bring extras if others want them and also a big fruit bowl. It works great!!

melbhall · May 2010

Thank you all SO MUCH for the ideas and support! That's why I love MFP. I can totally be myself here 100%. The people that we hang out with are our new friends (my husbands boss and his friends) so they don't know how I have struggled with my weight for a while. I did mention to one of the ladies once that I was on this site and we were talking about losing weight and stuff, I mentioned my daily calorie goal and she started telling me how that was wrong and too low. From that moment on I realized I should keep quiet about this weight loss stuff and go with the flow around them, but I've also noticed a considerable difference in how I feel after eating that bad food. I'm not sayint that are fast food junkies, but they do eat out alot or fix things I wouldn't make myself. This is my time to think about me and if they consider it selfish or weird I guess they will get over it.

Again, thanks for all the ideas. I would literally have anxiety about going to visit them before but now I feel like I can be in control. I'm going to stop by the grocery before we head over there so I can load up on good snacks to take and share!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

MissingMinnesota · May 2010

I don't think it's rude at all. I was always brought up to bring a hostess gift to something like this so I usually bring something that everyone can enjoy in the past it used to be sweets but now I would can change it to a fresh fruit salad or something else healthy and then bring a chicken breast or something to eat to grill if they allready aren't doing something like kaboobs or grilled chicken.

I find that I can always find something healthy to eat where ever I go. I don't limit myself to not eat fast food since it really is a hard option when we go to lunch every day. I usually end up getting a plain grilled chicken sandwhich and use a packet of yellow mustard on it. I know the sodium is bad but everything else can easily fit in my calories goal.

Richelle73 · May 2010

If packing your own meal is what you need to help you have self control; then you have to do what you know you have to do. You are not being rude at all. For me this is the first time in my life that I am taking care of me. You are more important than what they think, Love yourself and keep taking care of yourself. Research before you go. Do you have an IPhone and the MFP app? I love it, it is so helpful. I can enter what I am about to eat and it will tell me what is in it. Then its up to me to make the right choice. This is my first week, my husband thought I was being rude and going on FB or texting friends, but now he knows I am looking up calories. Salad is very safe its the dressing that is high in calories. Allot of Restaurants have the calories posted. I also have heard it is a good idea to ask for a to go box and put half your food away to take home. Just remember You are taking the first steps in loving yourself and you matter. I think the park is a great idea and sounds fun, the kids will love it.

funkyspunky871 · May 2010

No, I don't think it's rude. I think it'd be a great idea to contribute to the cookout like it's a potluck dinner too. Brings some things that you can eat; you don't have to explain yourself.

Since I'm a high school student, I can only really compare the cookout and your friend to the two time I've brought my own food to some chorus competition field trips. They went to a pizza buffet and the greasiest fast food place in the world (The Varsity) and I brought turkey sandwiches from home in my lunch box. I got a few weird looks, but whatever.

ltlhmom · May 2010

I think you should bring your owe food also to the cookout. Or get some exercise in before going or ask your friend to go for a walk once you get there. Or take a plate and put your food on it and only allow yourself to fill it once. No grazing.

As far as the playdate pack a picinic lunch and bring it along. Just tell her money is tight and you are trying to feed your family more healthy.

You can do this! You need to look out for you. If you don't who will?

katythemommy · May 2010

After I replied to this post, my husband's family invite us for a cookout last night!! I ended up bringing my Arnold's bread and a Morningstar spicy black bean burger for them to throw on the grill. I got asked if I was vegetarian and I just told them I was trying to eat healthier. They were totally cool with it - and it was delicious!!!

lessertess · May 2010

I don't think it's rude, exactly but you might want to reconsider. The thing is that you're going to be faced with these issues for the rest of your life. Dinner out with friends, family picnics, celebrations etc. You need to learn how to cope with them now and in a way that you can sustain for the rest of your life.

Do you really think that for the rest of your life you're going to take your own food whenever you're invited? Also, candidly, I think it makes people uncomfortable.

I would advise instead that you take a healthy dish as a contribution to the meal. Then eat mostly your healthy dish and have a small, controlled portion or one or two other things there. Practice control. Put together a plan and then you'll know that you can handle the situation in the future rather you've had time to plan for it or not.

As for eating out. Same thing.....put together a plan. At just about every restaurant you can make optimal choices. Stay away from the appetizers and bread. No cream, cheese, butter sauces. Make a choice for something grilled and a veggie salad. Drink water or diet drinks. etc. Again, come up witha strategy that you can use forever.

Just a thought. Have fun and good luck!

dmags · May 2010

It is so funny how the very same people who will comment on your weight loss and tell you look good, don't want to see what you are doing to get there. Do they think that you cheat all the time and the pounds just disappear? I had my son's first birhtday this weekend and I was NOT good. I felt ridiculous when someone asked me how I was losing the weight and I had a plate full of stuff in one hand and a pomegranet martini in the other! Oh well, back on the wagon and doing well today!

dmags · May 2010

oh, and not rude. My cousin is a vegetarian and I welcome it when she brings something. It makes my life easier and I feel better as the host.

rcatr · May 2010

I don't think it's rude but I also agree with some other commenters that this is a lifestyle change and this isn't the last bbq or lunch date you're going to be a part of. I would maybe prepare something healthy to bring to the party and just fill the majority of my plate with that. Or, just plan my calories for the day with the bulk of them being around the bbq. It's a one off occurance that isn't happening every day so I think it will be alright. And the playdate, i think the previously suggested picnic is a great idea or maybe a cheaper healthier salad/sandwich place in your neighborhood? So many restaurants have their nutrition content listed online, I think you'll be able to find something agreeable and affordable for both of you.
And as for the snide comments...well, I think that it either comes from a place of not understanding or, honestly, jealousy. It's a human response. I think it's easier for us here to all be supportive for one another cause we're more or less in the same boat with the same general goals in mind...so of course we're happy for each other. Just stay positive and strong about your choices

Johnnyswife · May 2010

Am I being rude if I bring my own "dinner" to a cook out? When I am not at home controlling my ingredients and portions I usually end up blowing the day. We have friends that want us to hang out all the time, and my main problem with going is not being able to control the food. They usually prepare the food and we kick in money since we live so far away. Would it be rude for me to bring my own food so that I know my calorie content? When I mentioned before to them that I was counting calories I got a lot of snide comments about it so I'm just trying to prepare myself and stay on track.

Any thoughts?

Also, when I visit for a play date my friend always wants to eat lunch out, how do I get out of that? Besides it being costly, and usually not diet friendly I have stomach issues and get an upset stomach easily when I eat fast food. Could I pack my own lunch for that too?

I don't want to look like I'm cheap or too good to eat with her but I keep falling off the wagon and I need to get it right and stay on.

No way is it rude to bring your own food. You can take what you need and just hand it over to the cook with a compliment to their cooking skills. If you have stomach issues, they will understand.
As far as eating out goes, maybe do it once a month, or suggest inviting her over to your home for a lunch. Again, with stomach issues, she should understand and probably wouldn't be offended. :flowerforyou:

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