I'm fat. I'm in denial. I'm stupid with no willpower.
beautifulregardless
Posts: 145
Losing weight. A simple equation. I got it down but the will power? I HAVE NONE. I can't control myself. I try. Apparently not hard enough but I do try. Food is my support, my comfort. But in the end? All the fattening foods? Well, they make me fat and unhappy. Especially because of my portion controls. Lately, I've gotten so many negative comments about my weight as I previously posted about. It honestly hurts but maybe this is the signs that help me make my steps and come to a realization of how huge I am. It's harder to lose it because I'm at home a lot and see all these skinny people and look in the mirror and I'm still fat. I guess I was in denial on how big I am because everyone's saying things.
Does food control your life?
Were you in denial about your weight?
Tell me it all.
Does food control your life?
Were you in denial about your weight?
Tell me it all.
0
Replies
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Maybe take baby steps and see how that goes? Maybe start tracking and figure out what you ARE eating and then set a modest goal for reduction for a month or so. You don't have to start drastic and I think drastic lifestyle changes cause more harm than good anyway, because that's so hard to maintain. Maybe add some basic exercise such as walking. You can stair step it down. Not everyone starts off like the people you see on "The Biggest Loser" and is suddenly jacked in 6 months.
I took 3 years before I started honestly tracking my calories. In the meantime, I went from short walks, to the elliptical, to weight training and, eventually, running. Only then did everything click and I just shed the pounds. Do some research, be healthy about it, but find what works for YOU.
EDIT: Oh, and as for denial, heck yea. I have no idea how much I weighed at my heaviest. Honestly no clue.0 -
Tell yourself that you're worth putting in the work to get what you want. You're worth looking and feeling great. Many people try to get skinny to be happy. I discovered that it's easier to reach your goals when happiness is the cause instead of the effect. Good luck!!0
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Maybe take baby steps and see how that goes? Maybe start tracking and figure out what you ARE eating and then set a modest goal for reduction for a month or so. You don't have to start drastic and I think drastic lifestyle changes cause more harm than good anyway, because that's so hard to maintain. Maybe add some basic exercise such as walking. You can stair step it down. Not everyone starts off like the people you see on "The Biggest Loser" and is suddenly jacked in 6 months.
I took 3 years before I started honestly tracking my calories. In the meantime, I went from short walks, to the elliptical, to weight training and, eventually, running. Only then did everything click and I just shed the pounds. Do some research, be healthy about it, but find what works for YOU.
EDIT: Oh, and as for denial, heck yea. I have no idea how much I weighed at my heaviest. Honestly no clue.
Thank you. Honestly, I've tried the baby steps thing. It's not the working-out that bothers me at all. I enjoy it a lot. But it's the eating. I can't resist sweets. I have found alternatives and they were working great but not so much anymore /:
I guess I just have to find the strength or deal with it. I'll try. I'll definitely try. If I shed 15.5 pounds I'll be the size I was before I had a baby which is 160. Which is way better than 175.50 -
I ignored my weight until I hit a magic number that I'd always called my "just shoot me" weight. I always told myself I would have to finally do something about my weight if it ever got that high.
The first thing I got a handle on was exercise, and I didn't track anyting I ate. That eventually stopped working and I realized I was going to have to watch my food intake. What I wish I had done was just take stock for the first week, tracking everything but not trying to reduce, just to see what I was really taking in on a regular basis. Then I could have made smaller, less drastic changes just by seeing where I could eliminate a few things here and there. Instead I went to the extreme 1200 calorie thing and made myself miserable for a few weeks, and then stalled again, quickly. After some trial and error what works for me, and I'm slowly working my way towards my goal.0 -
Maybe take baby steps and see how that goes? Maybe start tracking and figure out what you ARE eating and then set a modest goal for reduction for a month or so. You don't have to start drastic and I think drastic lifestyle changes cause more harm than good anyway, because that's so hard to maintain. Maybe add some basic exercise such as walking. You can stair step it down. Not everyone starts off like the people you see on "The Biggest Loser" and is suddenly jacked in 6 months.
I took 3 years before I started honestly tracking my calories. In the meantime, I went from short walks, to the elliptical, to weight training and, eventually, running. Only then did everything click and I just shed the pounds. Do some research, be healthy about it, but find what works for YOU.
EDIT: Oh, and as for denial, heck yea. I have no idea how much I weighed at my heaviest. Honestly no clue.
Thank you. Honestly, I've tried the baby steps thing. It's not the working-out that bothers me at all. I enjoy it a lot. But it's the eating. I can't resist sweets. I have found alternatives and they were working great but not so much anymore /:
I guess I just have to find the strength or deal with it. I'll try. I'll definitely try. If I shed 15.5 pounds I'll be the size I was before I had a baby which is 160. Which is way better than 175.5
Keep the sweets out of your house so they won't tempt you.0 -
well, I've been there. Really you are stronger than you think. your just going to have to dig deep and get though it. Your going to falter and its going to suck.
I was in denial and some days I think I still am.
For food, it really is about portion control. measure, measure, track everything. That does get easier over time at least.
In the beginning small changes in your lifestyle can have major impacts.
I switched to diet soda, I stopped eating butter. Just little things like that can really make a difference.0 -
One thing that I am doing to help motivate myself is getting involved with a local gym that is offering a "Biggest Loser" contest. Just working with a team of people and a coach makes a lot of difference in tracking food intake and exercising.0
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Are you sure you don't have post-partum depression? Being overweight is a real bummer but it sounds like it might be something more than that.
One thing that really helped me after I had my daughter (as far as the weight thing goes) was going to weight watchers with a friend. If you don't have a friend to help you out and to go with, going to the meetings can help you meet one. If you go to a meeting and it seems like it's all older folks, switch meeting times until you find someone you can be 'weight loss friends' with. Alcoholics go to meetings and get a sponsor and I think there is nothing wrong with having someone you can lean on and who can lean on you in real life. Someone you can call when you are having difficulties or when you feel really ****ty about yourself. You can also go on walks with them (stroller with the baby), stuff like that. It really helped me get on track to start.
As far as the denial thing. Yeah, I had lost weight to just above where I am now and got complacent. I maintained for about 4 years and then had a whole bunch of stuff happen and gained around 20+? lbs my scale wasn't working so I'm not sure how high it got for sure but definitely about 10 lbs higher than I thought at the time. I have always thought of myself as a fit person (because I really used to be) and it was a shock to me that no one else thought I was. It's because all they saw was how fat I was and all I saw was how fit I used to be. I'm still around 20lbs higher than I want to be but now I know that my goal is more to get my outside to match my inside. I want to look like the active person that I am.0 -
Maybe take baby steps and see how that goes? Maybe start tracking and figure out what you ARE eating and then set a modest goal for reduction for a month or so. You don't have to start drastic and I think drastic lifestyle changes cause more harm than good anyway, because that's so hard to maintain. Maybe add some basic exercise such as walking. You can stair step it down. Not everyone starts off like the people you see on "The Biggest Loser" and is suddenly jacked in 6 months.
I took 3 years before I started honestly tracking my calories. In the meantime, I went from short walks, to the elliptical, to weight training and, eventually, running. Only then did everything click and I just shed the pounds. Do some research, be healthy about it, but find what works for YOU.
EDIT: Oh, and as for denial, heck yea. I have no idea how much I weighed at my heaviest. Honestly no clue.
Thank you. Honestly, I've tried the baby steps thing. It's not the working-out that bothers me at all. I enjoy it a lot. But it's the eating. I can't resist sweets. I have found alternatives and they were working great but not so much anymore /:
I guess I just have to find the strength or deal with it. I'll try. I'll definitely try. If I shed 15.5 pounds I'll be the size I was before I had a baby which is 160. Which is way better than 175.5
Then take baby steps with the sweets. You aren't going to cut out sweets overnight. Setting that as your goal is just going to make you feel bad. Cut back, and cut back slowly if necessary. Just be honest with yourself about it.0 -
Since you are wanting to loose right at 15 pounds, make that first goal 5 pounds. Once that's off set the goal to keep it off for a week or two then set another 5 pound goal and repeat till you are where you want to be.
OK, the food portion and snacking issues....I promise you we have almost all had the same problems. I was hungry when I ate what I was supposed to at first. Then I realized that if I ate proper portions I could actually have snacks in between meals. I LOVE snacks! I discovered 100 calorie snack packs, chocolate chip chewy granola bars, and how sweet yet not bad for me preserves are. Snacks can be fruit, baked chips, or a couple of dove dark chocolate hearts too. Like the soda? Try Coke Zero or any soda you like in the diet version. You are bound to find one you like. Yes, you do need to give some things up, not to loose weight per say, but to eat and be healthier.
Self control is just what it sounds like though, it's only self done. So YOU have to decide to do this FOR YOU or it won't work. Don't do it cause someone else says you should. Don't do it cause you think it will make those around you happier or less likely to tease, taunt, or berate you. Do it because YOU want to be healthy for YOU (for your baby is a good reason too, but not for anyone else!)0 -
You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Big or little you need to love yourself. Those people who say mean things to you just have issues and you are an easy target. Those people feel bad about themselves and find someone to cut to make themselves feel better. Just try and lose one pound at a time and remember it might take awhile but it is worth it. Each pound you lose it is one more than before.0
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I could have written this post myself. I look at myself in the mirror and I am disgusted. I say I'm going to do something about it THIS TIME, but that never lasts more than a few days. This time is this first time in a long time that I really feel like I can do it.
You aren't stupid - if you were you wouldn't be here trying to find a solution. You have willpower. You just have to find it- I know I had a hard time finding mine, but it's there.0 -
I recently got my act together after listening to podcasts by Leigh Peele - "Ask Leigh". She addresses the things you are saying about yourself, especially the "no willpower statement". There are 22 free podcasts. I would start with the binge eating series and go from there. You will begin to realize that your body is going to fight you every step of the way, how to recognize this, and strategies. I have been faithfully tracking for two weeks and I'm down 8lbs which although a small amount I can already feel improvements. I DO NOT have amazing willpower, I have just begun to arm myself with information that helps me make sense of it all. I will continue to listen to her podcasts repeatedly, increase my exercise, and set weekly goals. I use a fitbit and fitbit aria scale to track my activity and weight but do not eat back my exercise calories like mfp encourages. She teaches you to monitor yourself - how many days can you eat at a deficit before you loose it? If it is on day three then you know you need to eat two days at a deficit and then one day at maintenance. It's your journey and your schedule - so what if you cannot eat at a deficit for days or weeks on end - you'll still get there. Anyway, enough preaching - I truly hope it helps you as much as it has me - nothing else seemed to motivate me. For the record, you are not stupid and I don't think in denial - you just need clear, practical information to help you navigate this process.0
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Thank you. Honestly, I've tried the baby steps thing. It's not the working-out that bothers me at all. I enjoy it a lot. But it's the eating. I can't resist sweets. I have found alternatives and they were working great but not so much anymore /:
I guess I just have to find the strength or deal with it. I'll try. I'll definitely try. If I shed 15.5 pounds I'll be the size I was before I had a baby which is 160. Which is way better than 175.5
Girl... You are around the WRONG people if they are insulting you at 175lbs. Honestly! Now, I'm not knockin your desire to lose weight to feel better about yourself, but you are no where NEAR being obese, let alone morbid obesity.
You need better friends because obviously the ones you have are NOT good for you! You are beautiful, you have a beautiful little girl and I think some counseling might be very helpful because you have let others influence how you feel about yourself.
Now as for the eating. I got a terrible sweet tooth myself so I know how that is. What you need to do is get the sweets out of the house. If you cant control it, get rid of it. If it is in the house, you'll find it and eat it when you need the comfort that you've so long found in food.
Weight watchers or some other group like that might help some, but you need to work on your self esteem. I think that is the root fo your problems - it is for many of us here. But you gotta find that strength within you. You need it for yourself and you need it for that precious baby too! You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. You are more beautiful than you give yourself credit for.
As for the losers that put you down. Drop them like DEAD WEIGHT! :happy:0 -
When I hit my high weight I had no idea how bad I looked until I decided to take a 'before' picture (I knew I needed to lose weight). It shocked me into action. I had gained weight because of a couple of years of binge eating problems (which I mostly have under control now). What worked for me at first was intermittent fasting. I was able to lose 16lbs this way. If you haven't before, I suggest you look into it and see if it will work for you.0
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I agree with the last poster, you may want to work on some self esteem before even starting your journey. For example, what do you like about yourself? If you find that question difficult to answer then perhaps there is a little more to work out besides weight loss and diet. I dont know how old the pics you posted are, but you appear young and not incredibly over weight...but I know you cant really ever tell from a picture. Your young, that is in your favor, and I think that maybe you need to learn how to eat correctly...most of the younger folks now a days dont really know what that is...and even some older folks (like me) choose to ignore it from time to time. You say that you cant stay away from the fatty stuff, and that is a lot different than saying you cant stay away from the sugary stuff or the bread and pastas....or maybe not. A nutritionist would help you learn the difference between wholesome filling foods that will leave you feeling satisfied and unwholesome calorie laden foods that leave you reaching for more...many by design by the way. I would recommend a paleo/primal variety because it really does leave you feeling full, but I dont think you are at the point where you can just read it, believe it, and follow it...therefore a nutritionist would definitely be a first step. Once you have that knowledge then I would also recommend baby steps. Maybe you cut out that bagel in the morning, or a bowl of ice cream in the evening. Maybe you start walking a couple days a week. Once that becomes habit (research shows that it takes five weeks to build a solid habit) then you can start adding some more exercise or altering another part of your diet. But the very first step is to love yourself and to be happy with you...0
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I was in denial....about my weight and my diabetes. I knew I looked like hell but I told myself I didnt look THAT bad. Well, I did. And chocolate was my friend...made me feel good.
Then I hit bottom. And I came here. And I started doing what I had to do. I have been overweight most of my life so, no, it wasn't easy. But I knew this was my last shot and I was determined to succeed.
Everyone hits bumps. But one bump..or even more...does NOT a failure make. You are young and you will have an even easier time than I have. But DONT put yourself down....that has to STOP. When you eat healthy, you can pass that on to your child. Its a heck of a legacy! Good luck!0 -
Support groups are hugely important in my opinion. It gets you out of the house and with people on the same journey. Something like OA (Overeaters Anon) or CR (Celebrate Recovery) are options. When your head says, "I'm stupid" they are friends that can listen but not agree.0
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Be kind to yourself.. your worth it.. What works best for me is to have a friend to walk with or meet at the gym.. When I know shes waiting for me I am much less likely to blow her off.. then once im there and we are talking it takes my mind off the fact we are excercising... find another mom, put the baby in a stroller and walk around the block.. a little bit really does make such a difference.. expecially for your mood...:) add me as a friend if you want.. I will be happy to support you...:)0
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I'm still this way, look into FOOD ADDICTION!
Just learning more can help so much! 0 -
Maybe take baby steps and see how that goes? Maybe start tracking and figure out what you ARE eating and then set a modest goal for reduction for a month or so. You don't have to start drastic and I think drastic lifestyle changes cause more harm than good anyway, because that's so hard to maintain. Maybe add some basic exercise such as walking. You can stair step it down. Not everyone starts off like the people you see on "The Biggest Loser" and is suddenly jacked in 6 months.
I took 3 years before I started honestly tracking my calories. In the meantime, I went from short walks, to the elliptical, to weight training and, eventually, running. Only then did everything click and I just shed the pounds. Do some research, be healthy about it, but find what works for YOU.
EDIT: Oh, and as for denial, heck yea. I have no idea how much I weighed at my heaviest. Honestly no clue.
Thank you. Honestly, I've tried the baby steps thing. It's not the working-out that bothers me at all. I enjoy it a lot. But it's the eating. I can't resist sweets. I have found alternatives and they were working great but not so much anymore /:
I guess I just have to find the strength or deal with it. I'll try. I'll definitely try. If I shed 15.5 pounds I'll be the size I was before I had a baby which is 160. Which is way better than 175.5
^^^THIS is a GREAT and achievable first goal. As what everyone else said, take baby steps and focus on the now. Before you know it you will great there.0 -
Since you are wanting to loose right at 15 pounds, make that first goal 5 pounds. Once that's off set the goal to keep it off for a week or two then set another 5 pound goal and repeat till you are where you want to be.
OK, the food portion and snacking issues....I promise you we have almost all had the same problems. I was hungry when I ate what I was supposed to at first. Then I realized that if I ate proper portions I could actually have snacks in between meals. I LOVE snacks! I discovered 100 calorie snack packs, chocolate chip chewy granola bars, and how sweet yet not bad for me preserves are. Snacks can be fruit, baked chips, or a couple of dove dark chocolate hearts too. Like the soda? Try Coke Zero or any soda you like in the diet version. You are bound to find one you like. Yes, you do need to give some things up, not to loose weight per say, but to eat and be healthier.
Self control is just what it sounds like though, it's only self done. So YOU have to decide to do this FOR YOU or it won't work. Don't do it cause someone else says you should. Don't do it cause you think it will make those around you happier or less likely to tease, taunt, or berate you. Do it because YOU want to be healthy for YOU (for your baby is a good reason too, but not for anyone else!)
^^^ THIS TOO 0 -
now that you know what you're working against, start thinking of ways around them.
my advice is to set up some fitness goals and hold yourself accountable. for instance vow to walk or run a 5K by a certain date. immediately look for one in your community on that date and register for it.
you can do this, just take 1 day at a time :flowerforyou:0 -
Hi
I have been a member here for over a year and the first thing I want to tell you is congratulations - you made it.......to the best place to get help advice and support in the world.
Ok plug over It has taken me 12months for things to fall into place, where I am now making small steps to getting me to where my body needs to be.
The how is the hardest part of this - I read yesterday that it takes 3500 calories to burn off 1lb of fat - wow thats some effort - however if we are reducing our intake as well as exercising this is achievable
I guess its like that new car, holiday or home makeover - if you really want it you will make it happen, and arriving on this site means you want it!
Now it takes 21 days to change a habit so don't beat yourself up if you are not perfect none of us are, no matter what they say, or else why would we need to be here.
I would urge you to keep going - record it all in your diary and then each week/month review the results food intake, eventually your habit will be to challenge the reason you are reaching for a sweet,cake, biscuit, choclate chips etc. It will come, just spend some time to get familiar with what it means to eat something.
Drink more fluids - I live in Australia and we always have a 2l jug of cordial mixed in the fridge, some days this gets refilled 3 times as we all drink if we feel hungry just in case the brain interprets the thirst signal as hunger.
I don't tell anyone I'm dieting at all now as this seems to set off a whole string of conversation that seems to get more and more negative and I start to doubt myself. Instead when they ask me what am i doing i tell them - I'm in the gym and I have taken to eating well.
In my fridge I always have a bowl of fresh fruit salad - mine is usually fresh mango, plums, peaches, grapes and honey melon, When I get the nibbles I have a cup of this with approx 50g of creamy yoghurt. (all goes in my diary) so what if the yoghurt is not diet or low fat its still an improvement on ice-cream or cream (which was what i used to have with cake or biscuits) Take small steps as the previous posters have advised
Sweets are an addiction just like smoking and drinking its just no one wants to recognise this
What dawned on me yesterday is that it will take me another year to make my target weight based on losing 2lbs per week. 1lb from food calorie control and 1lb from excercise, so that makes me realise that its not a quick fix. .
My excercise trainer tells me to allow myself the odd treat and not get to stressed about it so long as I keep my eye on the prize
My prize is to be around 85kg by Christmas 2013, not exact and not going to get to stressed if Im above that target, I weighed in this morning at the gym and Im 104.4 - last tuesday 1 was 103.9kg so not all things are to my plan.
I will just keep going - Please add me as a friend if you feel you need some moral support
Above all don't feel it controls you - you are the boss so make sure it knows you are in control - good luck and have fun.0 -
Big changes happen with little commitments and over time. When I started 4 years ago, I decided I would only tackle 2 things at a time and if I mastered one thing for 2 months, then I'd keep it as a habit and add on a new goal. My first two goals were to drink 8 cups of water (not soda, not coffee, etc. but water) per day and to do 30 minutes of ANY physical activity 4 x per week. I didn't change anything in my diet at that time. It was just the water & the exercise.
I wrote motivational sayings in dry erase marker on my bathroom mirror so I could start each day with focus. For example, "You DO have the power to change. What are you going to do today?" or "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step," or "My body won't change if I don't love ME. Today I will figure out one thing that I love about ME." I think the key thing is to not compare yourself to others. Some people have never known what it is like to loathe your own body, your lack of willpower, and being in your own skin. The journey to a healthy body & weight begins with loving yourself, not punishing yourself. Great changes happen when you quit hating "what I've become" and start "loving myself enough in this moment to choose something a little better."
Someday, after a few little changes, you just might set your sights on a "ridiculous" goal -- like running a 5k or 10k or 1/2 marathon. Someday you will go beyond discovering why you should love yourself & your body and leap forward to the challenges of "let's see what this body can REALLY do."
Wishing you well on your journey. You've already started out great by voicing the negatives in your head & by coming here. MFP is a great group. Keep sticking with it & make some good friends to guide/support you on your way. Feel free to friend request me.0 -
I agree with Sherri. Drop the so called friends and you'll be on your way to success.
Yes I was in denial. I still don't really look at myself in the mirror much. I get a shock! Is that really what I look like? In my head I'm slimmer... So I had my DD take front side and back photo of me in workout gear an I will take another set every time I lose 5kg. To show progress and so I know what I actually look like.
Don't buy tempting foods. If they aren't in the house, you can't eat them. Keep lists of fresh fruit and veggies. Protein, fibre and water will keep you full.
Good luck and make sure your next post is called... "I'm a smart and confident woman and improving my life".0 -
when u are ready, we are here!0
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Ahh okay...so it is the sweets that get ya...I have a sweet tooth myself. First know that sugar is addicting...like a drug, and your body and mind are not happy when you start telling it no. I played around with a lot of artificial sweetners before I decided I was not putting that crap into my body any more...because all it did was make me crave more sweets...so in my opinion the sugar free stuff is not the answer either. For me, the answer was fresh fruits...berries, apples, oranges....and from there I started cutting down on them as well. You will notice that the more sweets you eat...the more sweet you can tolerate...after not eating sweets for a while that stuff you were eating before....well it simply taste like a ball of sugar.0
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Hi, lots of good advice here. I read the post without much look at the title. Second time it caught my eye. Your not stupid, nor should you feel stupid. If anything, I would start with that. Hard to make a positive change without feeling positive.
There's many ways to achieve your goals. Sounds like a support system would help. Use this site. As much as this has to be by you, for you, help is needed along the way. I know for me, being here, seeing what others do or go through, is sometimes enough to be a kick in the *kitten* a person needs.
Use the tools you have. Be realistic. And enjoy the wins, even the little ones. Please don't ever think your stupid. Your smart enough to be here and seek advice. You can do the rest too.0 -
Maybe take baby steps and see how that goes? Maybe start tracking and figure out what you ARE eating and then set a modest goal for reduction for a month or so. You don't have to start drastic and I think drastic lifestyle changes cause more harm than good anyway, because that's so hard to maintain. Maybe add some basic exercise such as walking. You can stair step it down. Not everyone starts off like the people you see on "The Biggest Loser" and is suddenly jacked in 6 months.
I took 3 years before I started honestly tracking my calories. In the meantime, I went from short walks, to the elliptical, to weight training and, eventually, running. Only then did everything click and I just shed the pounds. Do some research, be healthy about it, but find what works for YOU.
EDIT: Oh, and as for denial, heck yea. I have no idea how much I weighed at my heaviest. Honestly no clue.
Good advice. Maybe start by tracking everything (and I mean everything) you eat for 30 days. At that point you can start trying to make some small changes to your diet and walk a half mile a day. Each month take some small steps. That Biggest Loser crap is not real life and it's not realistic. Think long term. I've never met you and I know for a fact you can do it.0
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