Afraid to lose weight?

callmeLyss
callmeLyss Posts: 27 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've been overweight pretty much since middle school and I have tried and failed a million times at losing weight. I haven't always felt unattractive, because lots of people have told me how pretty I am (not trying to sound conceited, just stating facts, lol), but I do think I would look so much better if I get skinny.

Sometimes I am afraid of losing weight because I feel that when I do, and people say "oh you lost so much weight, you look great" , it will just be confirming how overweight I used to be, and in my mind they are saying "you looked horrible before, now you look good". I know I am overweight, but people don't tell me anymore. I used to get picked on in school for it, but now that I am out of school, I don't have all those kids telling me. I know that when I do lose weight I will be happy, and it really shouldn't matter how I used to be, but I just feel like it would make me feel bad. I don't know if that makes any sense at all, lol.

Replies

  • mygrl4meee
    mygrl4meee Posts: 943 Member
    Sometimes, it can be hard to just take compliemnts and not think about what they might have been thinking. Just yesterday, my husband said I really like those pants. I do too. They are purple and cute (I didn't say that) well anyways he said they don't make that swoosh noise when you walk. Its hard not to think when he heard the swoosh noise was he sitting there saing damn my wife is big and her pants make noise lol. I just got to remember that he says thing to compiment me and also has we make observations about how our bodies are changing that other people see and notice things too. Don't let this fear hold you back.
  • sofielein
    sofielein Posts: 539 Member
    the problem is after a certain time being overweight makes you even unhappier...
  • Ashiieepuff
    Ashiieepuff Posts: 90
    Lose weight for yourself, not for anyone else. Those compliments are bound to come, and take them any way you want. Yea I got a lot of, "wow you look so good!" Which, yea, you can assume that they think that you look better now that you're fitter. But I never thought I looked BAD overweight,and you shouldn't either, and now that i lost weight I just feel like a better version of myself. So they're right in some ways, a lot of times it could be however you carry yourself. losing weight just shows youre being proactive with your image and your health. But it's however you feel with yourself.
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
    Lose weight for yourself, not for anyone else. Those compliments are bound to come, and take them any way you want. Yea I got a lot of, "wow you look so good!" Which, yea, you can assume that they think that you look better now that you're fitter. But I never thought I looked BAD overweight, and now that i lost weight I just feel like a better version of myself. So they're right. But it's however you feel with yourself.

    THIS /\ /\ /\
  • callmeLyss
    callmeLyss Posts: 27 Member
    Oh, I am definitely losing weight for myself. I want to feel better for myself, not anyone else, it's just those thoughts are always in the back of my mind. Thanks guys!!
  • tasson
    tasson Posts: 37
    I'm sure weight management can be difficult when one has a pretty face. I see that a lot on the biggest loser. I do not have a pretty face, so I often think that I need to lose weight because I can’t have an ugly body and face. However, with age, I have found that I yo-yo when I think in these terms. I am no longer of that mind-set. I want to be healthy and physical. I want to be able to compete in summer games. I want to be able to snow ski with shorter skis (easier to control). I want my heart to be healthy. Don’t get me wrong, I want a pair of skinny jeans, too, but I want it for me. One of the great things about losing weight is the compliments and attention, but one has to find other rewards to supplement so one can stay motivated when the compliments and attention stops.
  • Fredrigo
    Fredrigo Posts: 134 Member
    I can totally sympathize. I've been heavy my entire life odds are if someone wanted to point me out in a crowd they'd have said "the big one" sometimes it was hurtful other times just a simple fact but regardless I've tied alot of my self identity to being the big guy. As I lose weight somedays I'm seized with terror that if the weight is gone I may be healthier but I might not be "me" anymore. I can only hope the new me is a better person and not the kind of person who made me feel so horribly self conscious as a child.
  • dangerousdumpling
    dangerousdumpling Posts: 1,109 Member
    It can be weird to hear those comments. Especially if you choose to take them in a way they were not intended. Everyone knows how hard it is to lose weight. When people comment on it they want to cheer you on. Choose to take it that way. Your OP reminded me of how for the past few years I've avoided taking family pictures because I'm fat. Honestly, do I really think that because I won't take pictures no one will know that I'm fat? I'm not fooling anyone! The good news is that once we get to where we want to be and learn to maintain it, these feelings will be a thing of the past.
  • tasson
    tasson Posts: 37
    I can totally sympathize. I've been heavy my entire life odds are if someone wanted to point me out in a crowd they'd have said "the big one" sometimes it was hurtful other times just a simple fact but regardless I've tied alot of my self identity to being the big guy. As I lose weight somedays I'm seized with terror that if the weight is gone I may be healthier but I might not be "me" anymore. I can only hope the new me is a better person and not the kind of person who made me feel so horribly self conscious as a child.

    You will be a great person who can motivate others.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    Whats more important your comfort or your health?

    Oh and yes it makes total sense, but you have to try to figure out what is ultimately important to you.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    I get it too. I remember even telling my best friends that I was worried about it because I'd been obese for so long (since senior year of high school and I was 36 when I started losing - so nearly half my life) that I wondered if people would treat me differently and I was already getting a lot of comments from co-workers and it was freaking me out a little.

    One thing you can do is think about how you will react and how you will feel when folks make comments. I made a few slip ups because I wasn't fully prepared - and still do now and then when I'm caught off guard. When someone compliments you, just know that whatever they say, or however they say it, they mean well. Don't brush it off or scoff at them because you're feeling frumpy that day, just smile and say Thank You - and you'll likely feel better after that too! :)

    My best friend and my husband both told me how sexy I was, even at my heaviest and I brushed it off but looking back, I get what they saw. It's not just about your outward appearance (although that's obviously part of it) but about who you are, how you act, etc. A very pretty woman won't be seen as fully attractive if she dresses like a slob or acts b!tchy. People who know you best also see what's on the inside. I know that sounds like something your teacher or Mom tells you when your'e growing up but I really think it's true.

    Not sure if that addresses your concern correctly but its what came to mind when I read your post. :)
  • HisHuskerGirl
    HisHuskerGirl Posts: 7 Member
    My biggest fear when it comes to losing weight is that I will go back to the person that I was before I became overweight.

    I have a long history of making really bad decisions when it comes to men. I think I let myself get to the weight that I am because it meant that men no longer had an active interest in me, so I didn't have to worry about getting myself in trouble.

    If I lose the weight, will I start acting the way I was? I really hope not. I'm a mom now, and I need to figure out how to interact with men in a healthy way.
  • LokiOfAsgard
    LokiOfAsgard Posts: 378 Member
    I think you're rather pretty, judging by your profile pic. You can be bigger and pretty :)
    And losing weight won't just be for your appearance, it'll be for your health. So many illnesses related to being overweight, and many more related to how overweight people tend to eat!
    You just have to remember those things, because of course you're gonna look even prettier at the end of this journey than how you started. You'll be much healthier and have so much more energy! But that doesn't mean you aren't pretty now. :flowerforyou:
  • tinacrane
    tinacrane Posts: 134 Member
    I know what you are feeling. When the compliments started, I thought-Geez, was I really that big? :noway: Then I heard "'you are thin enough"," if you lose any more weight you will look 'gaunt "', and "are you OK, you look so thin?" For a while it bothered me, but now I realize that most of these people mean well and I tell them thank you, or OK, or just ignore there comments. I am loosing weight for me-and none of those people have ever seen my jiggly parts when I am naked like I have. :blushing: To be healthy, the weight needs to come off, and eventually people quit commenting, because they can only remember the new, thin you :happy: :happy:
  • krystaljarv
    krystaljarv Posts: 12
    I know its hard but Try not to worry about what other people think of you, and do what you want to do because it makes you happier and healthier.
    And if someone does say you look great if you lose some weight take it as a compliment for your hard work! You deserve it! :)
  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
    You'll get to a point where you've lost enough weight that you feel like a different person. When that happens, you won't even care about the old you and whether people thought you were fat or not.
  • tinacrane
    tinacrane Posts: 134 Member
    .
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
    That's one of those "fear of the unknown" things. You know how people treat you now, and are afraid of how people might treat you when you lose the weight. You can't let that affect if/how/when you decide to lose weight. My dad has a favorite saying: Best to keep mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it and remove all doubt. Don't worry about what the fools might say.

    There's some comfort in being overweight because you're used to it now. You will decide to do something about your weight when you become "uncomfortable enough" to do something about it.

    My moment came when I tried to go to an event with my daughter at her school. I could hardly walk to the door, had to stop a few times on the way to catch my breath, and once inside the door, I had to sit down and catch my breath. I was so humiliated sitting there on the floor in the hallway with people having to make their way around me and my daughter standing by me. I still remember sitting there thinking "Something has got to change." That was in April 2011.

    Yes people I see regularly always told me I was so pretty before. BUT NOW, yes, the tell me how great I look. I'm not crazy about the attention necessarily - especially when I go out to eat with my co-workers, and I'll ask what they're having - they say, "Whatever you're having....I want to lose weight like you." I'm like, "AHHH....don't look at me!!! Figure this out on your own!!" LOL

    It isn't about whether you're pretty or not. It's not even about "being there for your family". It's about doing something for you. Investing in yourself. Doing something so you can say you did it, and because you had other things you wanted to do and couldn't.

    That's my 2 cents.....for what it's worth - and good luck!!
  • Micahroni84
    Micahroni84 Posts: 452 Member
    I've been overweight pretty much since middle school and I have tried and failed a million times at losing weight. I haven't always felt unattractive, because lots of people have told me how pretty I am (not trying to sound conceited, just stating facts, lol), but I do think I would look so much better if I get skinny.

    Sometimes I am afraid of losing weight because I feel that when I do, and people say "oh you lost so much weight, you look great" , it will just be confirming how overweight I used to be, and in my mind they are saying "you looked horrible before, now you look good". I know I am overweight, but people don't tell me anymore. I used to get picked on in school for it, but now that I am out of school, I don't have all those kids telling me. I know that when I do lose weight I will be happy, and it really shouldn't matter how I used to be, but I just feel like it would make me feel bad. I don't know if that makes any sense at all, lol.

    I understand. A lot of my binge eating and weight gain was to keep away the aggressive and scary male attention i got from age 12 and on. I developed early, had huge boobs and i didn't have the maturity to handle it so I built walls of fat to protect myself. Even though I'm 29 now when i start losing weight and getting more attention the young girl in me gets scared and sabotages my eating and exercise. Its been hard to ignore her but i think I'm finally at a place that i can.
  • tinacrane
    tinacrane Posts: 134 Member
    My biggest fear when it comes to losing weight is that I will go back to the person that I was before I became overweight.

    I have a long history of making really bad decisions when it comes to men. I think I let myself get to the weight that I am because it meant that men no longer had an active interest in me, so I didn't have to worry about getting myself in trouble.

    If I lose the weight, will I start acting the way I was? I really hope not. I'm a mom now, and I need to figure out how to interact with men in a healthy way.

    Sometimes loosing the weight is a good way to begin to control behaviors in our life. You can control what goes in your mouth, and you can take pride in that..:bigsmile: ...you are also in control now of your choices and behaviors when it comes to men! You and your daughter deserve the best :flowerforyou:
  • lightdiva1
    lightdiva1 Posts: 935 Member
    I take the comments, "Wow your looking good!" as compliments. Here's why: I have great friends and family who have loved and supported me my entire life. I have no reason to suspect them to have ever thought I had a disgusting body. Self confidence can be a tricky fickle person, but in the end most decent people who compliment you on weight loss are not ever saying they thought you were once unattractive.

    I got married when I was a size 22. I got pregnant with my first child at size 26, my second child size 28. My husband has found me attractive at every size. (We were high school sweethearts) January 6th my husband and I began this journey to a healthier us. I started at 305.8. Now one month later I am 285. My husband makes comments about how much more energy I have, how my skin is glowing, and how much smaller I am when he hugs me. I never once thought to myself, "He must have thought I was a huge white whale before."

    Take the compliments as fuel. Eat them up, cherish that someone noticed you have changed and has taken the time to say something. Compliments should be a self confidence boost. Someone noticed how amazing you are!

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