Overwhelmed with Infertility.
Nelly194
Posts: 2
Hello,
Long time reader of infertility posts on here, and I thought maybe sharing my story might help to motivate me to get back in the game...
There is nothing in this world that I want more then to have a child. I have PCOS, I have the classic symptoms, I've been diagnosed. I've had the fertility tests, blood tests. They say I ovulate, my tubes are opened, and my hubby is top notch. We've been ttc for about 4 years now, and I feel like a failure. I lost 30 pounds so I could get my tubes checked and after I found out they're opened I got depressed. Supposedly I should be able to conceive, but I guess my weight is the problem. I already gained 15 of the 30 pounds back that I lost. I have been feeling defeated, and just overwhelmed with life. I don't have anyone to talk to about any of this stuff in my life. I don't even think my husband understands half the time. I know I need to lose weight to have children, I'm just having a hard time getting back to it. Why does it seem like everything falls onto the women's shoulders? I have to work, take care of my household, and yes, my husband is partially handicapped until he can get knee replacement surgery, on both knees. (He can still walk, but has to constantly wear knee braces, and can't bend his knees at all, he's been on the waiting list for 2-3 years now, I've lost track of the time because it seems never ending.) And I didnt want to have children until he could walk normally again, but its taking too much time, and I want to have a kid now. And not only those things, but I also have to lose weight to have a kid. I feel like through this whole process I've been doing all of this alone. I've been trying very hard to cope, and in the past when I lost 30 pounds I thought I had a good routine, and was doing fine, but somewhere along the way, I fell off the wagon, and cant seem to catch up with it to get back on. If anyone has words of encouragement, or would care to share their story, or advice for staying strong in hard times, please share. Everyone could use a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to talk to or listen with! Thank you for reading.
Long time reader of infertility posts on here, and I thought maybe sharing my story might help to motivate me to get back in the game...
There is nothing in this world that I want more then to have a child. I have PCOS, I have the classic symptoms, I've been diagnosed. I've had the fertility tests, blood tests. They say I ovulate, my tubes are opened, and my hubby is top notch. We've been ttc for about 4 years now, and I feel like a failure. I lost 30 pounds so I could get my tubes checked and after I found out they're opened I got depressed. Supposedly I should be able to conceive, but I guess my weight is the problem. I already gained 15 of the 30 pounds back that I lost. I have been feeling defeated, and just overwhelmed with life. I don't have anyone to talk to about any of this stuff in my life. I don't even think my husband understands half the time. I know I need to lose weight to have children, I'm just having a hard time getting back to it. Why does it seem like everything falls onto the women's shoulders? I have to work, take care of my household, and yes, my husband is partially handicapped until he can get knee replacement surgery, on both knees. (He can still walk, but has to constantly wear knee braces, and can't bend his knees at all, he's been on the waiting list for 2-3 years now, I've lost track of the time because it seems never ending.) And I didnt want to have children until he could walk normally again, but its taking too much time, and I want to have a kid now. And not only those things, but I also have to lose weight to have a kid. I feel like through this whole process I've been doing all of this alone. I've been trying very hard to cope, and in the past when I lost 30 pounds I thought I had a good routine, and was doing fine, but somewhere along the way, I fell off the wagon, and cant seem to catch up with it to get back on. If anyone has words of encouragement, or would care to share their story, or advice for staying strong in hard times, please share. Everyone could use a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to talk to or listen with! Thank you for reading.
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Replies
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Keep working toward your goal! Don't stop because it isn't happening, it won't make you any closer! When you start to fall off the wagon, don't beat yourself up over it, get up, dust off, and start fresh again. I know that it is a struggle, and I do know a little about the disappointment and failure you are experiencing. My advice would be to focus on you--getting healthy, losing weight if needed, and getting right for your goal! I had to learn to use the power of positivity. Do you have a vision board to try to keep you on track? Someone once advised me to put all my dreams and goals on a vision board--health, family, new house--whatever. And when you start to feel discouraged, take a good look at what you're working toward. I have one hanging in my closet so I can see it every morning and night. It has lots of things on it, easy goals, tough goals, long-term, short-term. And then star the ones you complete, or use stickers. It may sound silly, but it gives you a focal point. Good luck and best of wishes to you! Don't ever give up on yourself! xx0
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I know how you feel. I also have PCOS, and although I'm not married yet, fertility is constantly on my mind. That's one reason why I've started trying to lose weight. Don't lose hope. I know it takes a lot to lose weight, but you can do it, and you'll find that things will get much easier with the more weight you lose. I've already noticed changes in the way my body is functioning. You might also want to try fertility treatments if you haven't already. This worked great for some members of my family. Stay strong!0
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You are clearly a really strong person to be holding all this together for so long, but it sounds like it's your turn for some support.
Infertility can be incredibly painful and it's also very hard to talk about it without looking like you're jealous of people who conceive easily or have a family. So most people don't talk about it and people don't realise how bad it hurts. I have heard people say some unbelievably insensitive things :-(
It's extra hard losing weight with PCOS and you've done an amazing job to lose so much! Just proves how strong your willpower is and that it can make a difference. You can do it.0 -
Hi there, I think a lot of blame is put on being over weight for infertility issues. Best of luck to you, try your best but don't be hard on yourself.
My husband and I have been unable to have kids of our own after over 3 years of trying. I am a perfect weight (and always have been), I have never smoked, I don't drink and I am one of the healthiest people I know, but having my own babies is not happening.
We are in the process of adopting. When I see who can get pregnant (smokers, drug addicts, anorexics and severley obese etc) I realise there is not much i can do about it. If the body wants to do it it will. Mine does not. Its tough but I have to believe for my own sanity its for a reason and that my kids are out there, but I will not give birth to them myself.
best of luck to you:flowerforyou:
Keep smiling and keep your relationship strong, that is vital
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His sweety! I also have pcos. I am here on mfp for the same reason. We tried for 15 months to get pg.. and it finaly happend.. ok seems fast? thats great right?.. wrong... I carried till I was 9 weeks and the baby died
nothing hurt worse then that.. its like bashing of my dreams. Reason I am replying is maybe I can help you with the pcos.. I never got pg until* I took rasberry pills for 2 months and it made me ovulate. Do they know if u are ovulating? I was not. also make sure u are having regular periods.. of the lining of the uterus is not just so.. it wont attach and if it does it wont go well.. like what happend to me.. I think thats what happend to me anyway. The Drs are going to have me take progesterone anytime I do not have a period and am a few weeks late to keep it going. I also lost weight before I concieved. Keep your head up. You can do this! as a person that is disabled I know how hard it is.. just keep logging the food.. nothing is more important then that. hang in there. 0 -
First of all, I'm sorry that you have all of these different things to deal with. Second of all don't give up! While I have not struggled with infertility, I do struggle with maintaining a pregnancy once I am pregnant (miscarried 3 times) so I know a little bit about how you feel. I know that losing weight is hard, but it will help you get pregnant. My MIL had PCOS, and lost 50 pounds, and got pregnant at the age of 38, so I know from her experience that it will help you. If you are looking for other women to talk to about infertility I would recommend checking out www.thebump.com. The community boards are mainly focused on women who are pregnant, but they also have several boards for women struggling through infertility, miscarriage, etc... They have been my saving grace more than once. You sound like you have already made a great start on losing the weight, and I hope you get your baby soon!0
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You have my best wishes. I do not have PCOS, but I was off bc for 7 years before I became pregnant at the age of 42. You are so right, people who have no trouble conceiving have no clue of the pain infertility causes. I KNOW how strong the desire is to be pregnant, but one thing I have realized since the birth of my daughter; I could totally adopt and love that child just as much. So keep trying what you're trying, but maybe start thinking of alternative ways to become a mother.
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I wish you and your husband well. It sounds like you have a lot of responsibility. If you can find the time to work out, it will help your stress levels and weight loss.
Sorry about your husband's long wait for the knee replacements. My Canadian (winter) neighbors mentioned there's a 6-month waiting list just to get a shingles vaccine. In the U.S., we've been spoiled with quick access to medical care. Soon, we'll give up that freedom here, too. For those in the U.S. who need medial procedures, take heed and get them now, before the new medical reform laws kick in fully in 2014. We'll be seeing waiting lists, too. I've already heard first-hand reports of people who were recently denied treatment because of their age. Things are changing.
While you wait for you husband's situation to improve, don't give up on your weight loss goals. Do try to include fun activities along the way. I'll say a prayer for you and your husband. God bless you!0 -
first of all, JuliusKitty, be very careful about reccomending things that worked for u... Just because they work for one, does not mean they work for other, and they raise hopes, which are then dashed, making whole process even harder...
OP - I am so sorry to hear what you are going through... I too have PCOS, as well as a range of other issues. I know what it means to want a baby badly, I know what it means to have a husband that kinda understands, but doesn't really, and worst of all I know what it means to desperately lose weight, and although I know it could lead to a child, I just cant get myself to stay on track...
I have been on every diet under the sun, and whilst I am not huge (5 7, and started at 172) I do feel losing weight would help me conceive (19 months TTC)
When I originally came off BC, i was like, yea I gona do this, lose 30 lbs etc. I tried, I really did, but it was an external source making me do. As in, it was for a child, for a husband, for a family wedd etc. and none of that motivated me enough....
On 26 December I had a party. I tried on a dress, it didnt fit and I was like, that's it, this time for real... I wasn't doing it for anyone else but myself. Yes, I have the encouragement of everyone around me, and ppl prob think it is for conception reasons, but truthfully, the only thing keeping me going is..... ME!!!! I am sick of doing things for others, or for the child I may have in the future... So I have now lost 8 lbs, not a lot, but for a PCOS sufferer, it is huge... I have about 30 left to go, and I really hope to see the end
I think that the only way you can be truthful to yourself and ur diet, is if you REALLY want to lose weight for yourself and no one else...
Add me if you want to chat/encouragement etc. but also, go to the website www.soulcysters.net there are a lot of understanding ppl there..
GOod luck with your journey hun
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Don't give up. None of it is easy, failure to become pregnant is one of the hardest things to endure. Eating healthily and losing weight slowly and steadily will help in many ways. Try to find something positive in each day, and find things to enjoy now, not just constantly looking ahead at what you haven't yet got. I've been there myself, and now I have 2 children finally. But I do regret the 5 years I spent worrying about not being pregnant yet. Sending you best wishes x0
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Hi. First of all, you are not alone! The posts here show that there are plenty of us out there battling infertility. Please continue to post your feelings on here or other threads. Had I not had the support of friends going through the same thing I was, I probably would have self-imploded (or never gotten out of bed).
You rock for losing 30 pounds! That's a great accomplishment. And you know what? You can do it again. You did it before. You've proven it's not impossible.
I think we can all agree that there is no stopping a mother's love. Channel these feelings now to get to where you want to be. Set reasonable goals, short term and long term. I think losing that 15 pounds you gained would make a good short term goal. This site is fantastic for that.
Like katemateg, after years (four for me) of trying, we are now pursuing adoption. Failed fertility treatments for four years SUCKED. We've closed that door and moved on. Am I a failure? Not in the least. I did everything in my power to conceive. When that didn't happen, I moved on.
Best wishes in your fertility journey!0 -
wow!! seeing I have my own struggles after JUST loosing my baby Jan 22nd, still raw** I surely shouldnt have posted and gave hope.. I am now known as a dasher of hope.. well thanks alot!! surely brightened my day!!! I guess I should have given up on hope when the Drs asked me to take my 26 week old daughter off life support too due to her brain bleeds.. ya know.. there is always a chance things work out! they said she would never walk or talk but because of MY hope..she does walk and talk and go to school, stop being so negative!! I am going to keep praying it works out for me and others! Im a postive person and dont need to be told otherwise! I am not taking back my advice. It worked for thousands of women with pcos.. so do your studies before you get on here telling me to be careful.. if it doesnt work at least she can say she tried! I never guaranteed it to work..just indicated I too have pcos and this helped me to concieve. good grief...0
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its really great to be called out and then to see sympathy for OP when you just lost your baby.. nice way to single me out JUST because I was doing what I had hoped others did for me.. tell me what they did to help there pcos.. Im sorry IF I offended anyone I honestly have never been one to upset people but clearly this has hit me straight in the heart now.0
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Oh that's so tough and as is quite evident, you are not alone. I'm also a PCOS sufferer along with severe endometriosis; but as you can see from the triplets in my profile pic, it all clicked eventually! I would say the biggest thing is to set out on this journey simply for yourself; because if the babies never come you need to be able to keep going because *YOU* are worth it! And for some unsolicited adivde, I would also say to be sure to nurture your marriage because as you know, infertility can rock a marriage and make things so difficult. Hang in there 0
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Hi there,
May I ask how old you are? What have you and your doc tried? The reason why I ask is because I had gastric sleeve done to help me lose weight quicker. You cannot conceive for at least a year after the surgery, but you lose the weight...I know a lot of women who have gotten pregnant after getting it done. Usually it is the ones who relax and think they cant or wont get pregnant and then they do...once weight starts coming off
I really think you are putting SO much pressure on yourself right now, and as women, we do that sometimes....and unfairly so. You are so strong and will find a way to achieve your goals of having a baby I am sure, it may not end up being conventional but where there is a will, there is a way, right?
For now, why not start a gratitude journal? When we focus out attention on the doubt, negatives and things we have done wrong, they can easily consume our thoughts and well being. I am no expert on doing one of these things but I am an action-sort of girl and not so great at the "there, there" you will be okay. I just sort of throw out advice, if you haven't noticed lol
However, I think a little positivity in your life would help right now as you got a lot going on, girl! I wish you all the best.0 -
wow!! seeing I have my own struggles after JUST loosing my baby Jan 22nd, still raw** I surely shouldnt have posted and gave hope.. I am now known as a dasher of hope.. well thanks alot!! surely brightened my day!!! I guess I should have given up on hope when the Drs asked me to take my 26 week old daughter off life support too due to her brain bleeds.. ya know.. there is always a chance things work out! they said she would never walk or talk but because of MY hope..she does walk and talk and go to school, stop being so negative!! I am going to keep praying it works out for me and others! Im a postive person and dont need to be told otherwise! I am not taking back my advice. It worked for thousands of women with pcos.. so do your studies before you get on here telling me to be careful.. if it doesnt work at least she can say she tried! I never guaranteed it to work..just indicated I too have pcos and this helped me to concieve. good grief...
I am so so sorry... I wrote u a whole PM but then thought I should write it in public, seeing as I singled you out in public...
In no way did I mean anything like that, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, nor embarrass you. I had no idea about your loss, and I actually have tears coming down my face reading what you wrote. You are amazing for having that positive outlook, and for pushing your daughter like you did.... I am not a negative person at all, but had reason to say what I did...I don't really share this, but...
Having tried lots and lots of natural things, the dr, and some ppl on another forum all said, based on my symptoms, that all I would need is Chlomid, it would regulate my cycle and all would be fine. People kept telling what an amazing success rate, and how I shouldnt worry, no side effects, and for someone like me, it would definitely work.
I took ONE PILL, I will write that again in case you didn't see correctly, ONE PILL...
I woke up the next day with half my body paralysed!!!! It's a long story, but TG i am back to normal now, but the stress, worry, and pain is inexplicable. I have no words to describe what I went through at that time. I was so wary about taking it to begin with, yet people were so positive and sure all would be good.... I was poked, prodded, scanned, etc. It was just absolutely awful
The reason I said careful is I didn't want her to be hurt, nothing else... I didn't want to see people telling her how awesome and amazing it is, only for it to fail, although obviously, it is natural, and therefore is unlikely to be as harmful...
I'm sorry again if i offended you, I didn't mean to at all... I didn't know about your pain or your trauma..
Many hugs xx0 -
I too had PCOS and struggled with infertility. I know how painful it is. My husband and I decided to give up on TTC and pursue adoption. I have two beautiful adopted children that are every bit a part of my family. After our second adoption, I suffered from some health issues related to my weight. I worked really hard, stuck with it and lost 84 pounds and became pregnant at 40. We really weren't even trying at that point because we believed our family was complete. I suffered a miscarriage and then got pregnant again less than 6 weeks later. I firmly believe the weight loss was the reason. So now I have 3 beautiful children. Do not loose hope. You are young. Anything is possible.0
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Thank you LernRach I had no idea why the post I wrote would upset you, but clearly you had something very scary happen, so I understand now. I guess it was a total mis-understanding. I'm just glad we can all be there for each other. I'm actualy glad you shared your experience. Thank you. The red raspberry pills happened because the Drs told me the same thing they told you about clomid, I have never taken clomid was scared because I like natural things, and I already take meds for the pcos and thyroid as well as the fibro. listen I appreciate you apology I feel better. I did not mean to make you cry at all. just felt really bad after all my trials and just wanting to share and help others the best way I can. You are right about one thing though.. there are no guarantees. I wish the best for all of us trying I really do.. we all should be able to have a fullterm uncomplicated pregnancy with a healthy baby. That is my wish.0
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Nelly, I was told I would never have kids and I now have three childern two biological and one adopted daughter. I believe with faith all things are possible. I would welcome cheering you on! Maybe we can support each other through this weight loss journey. I am just getting started i have 40 pounds to lose.
You can do it! every day is a new day. 0 -
Hiya! Add me if you want I too am dealing with infertility (extremely low AMH & Hub has oligospermia). We just found out in September after 2 years of trying and have already done one fresh IVF cycle and one frozen. Next frosty is being transferred in March. I've actually regained a lot of weight throughout this process, about 40 pounds However my RE has never once regarded my weight as an obstacle to my fertility. I'm trying my best to manage the stress and depression so I can remain on track and lose before getting pregnant! 0
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Hello! It looks like there is some great support on here for PCOS and fertility issues, but I noticed you mentioned that things sometimes seem like they are all on the womens' shoulders. I'd imagine this is doubly evident due to your husband's need for surgery and limited mobility. Although I can't speak to some of the challenges you are experiencing, I am very familiar with the feeling that the woman in a relationship is always the one bearing the burden of making things better.
I was struck by one of the first replies to your question in which the poster mentioned having a vision board to continue feeling inspired. I agree that this might help a lot, but I think it may help to involve your husband in this board ( Recently my husband and I were having some issues and feeling like we weren't on the same page with future plans (children among them) and it was suggested that we create a collage, mood board, or scrapbook with images of what we wanted in our future. We ended up just using Pinterest because it was easy, but we both post thing on there to share with each other, and to stay inspired and focused on the goal. It's helped us a ton, and keeps my husband's involvement more apparent to me, which helps me feel less like I am doing everything alone. Good luck!0 -
Hello!! I'm 33 years old and I too have PCOS. We have done one round of IVF and 3 FET with no luck. Dr's told me my weight isn't an issue with me, but i'm trying to drop some weight before we try another round of IVF in the Fall/Winter time frame. He is deploying so i figured why not try to loose some more wight. Sick of feeling "broken". My hair has thinned, from lack of hormones. Weight goes up and down, up and down. My sister has PCOS too, but got pregnant with no issues. This will be the last round of treatments I am willing to undergo. If this doesn't take we will be looking into adption.
Don't give up!! I have to think that this is happening to all of us for a reason, if not i would go crazy;) I'm so sick of feeling sorry for myself, got to be positive now! You are not alone in what you are going though! My mother was told that she wouldn't have kids and she had 3.0 -
Thank you everyone for your great posts, advice and encouragement! I'm sorry to hear about everyones struggles but it makes me feel better to know I'm not alone. It feels great to be supported in a community where people understand. I don't know if turning 28 y/o recently has made me feel more pressure is being put on me or what. Or that my sister in-law just gave birth to her second child 3 days ago, but I felt alot of feelings building up and had to get them out. Now maybe they're out, I can channeling them into exercise instead. I need to stop worrying about everything else and concentrate on myself more. Easier said then done though. But here's to trying!0
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Nelly my heart goes out to you because I also have classic PCOS and struggled with infertility for several years. I went through the same tests you mentioned. It was hard not to feel consumed with thinking about it every waking moment, I felt so angry at my body and frustrated that what came so easily to others-getting pregnant-was starting to feel near impossible for me. I ended up conceiving naturally and now have a healthy 2 year old boy. My advice is to be gentle on yourself and your body. Try to eat foods that make your body feel good and strong and work in some kind of exercise you like. The temptation might be to crash the weight off but that may increase the stress on yourself. Feel free to add me0
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Hey there!!! Count me in as another "Cyster". I completely and totally understand where you are coming from. I am curious to know if you are seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist at all. My hubby and I tried on our own, the good old fashioned way to get pregnant. After two years, my gyn put us on clomid. High doses of clomid. Didn't work for me. Women with PCOS don't tend to ovulate at all. Spent the next 4 years doing injections. It wasn't until I started losing weight that I finally started ovulating the right way (still with the injections) and finally got pregnant. 6 years of struggling. Here is the other thing they don't tell you.... If you do get pregnant DEMAND that they check your progesterone. I had 3 miscarriages in those 6 years of trying... And the doc finally figured out that my progesterone was too low to support the pregnancy once it did happen. You are in the right place. Be super aggressive with your expectations from your doctor, and if you don't have one,, I recommend getting one. Just by you writing, you can see the huge amounts of support you have!!!! We are here for you! Take care of yourself!!!!0
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Hi there, I think a lot of blame is put on being over weight for infertility issues. Best of luck to you, try your best but don't be hard on yourself.
My husband and I have been unable to have kids of our own after over 3 years of trying. I am a perfect weight (and always have been), I have never smoked, I don't drink and I am one of the healthiest people I know, but having my own babies is not happening.
We are in the process of adopting. When I see who can get pregnant (smokers, drug addicts, anorexics and severley obese etc) I realise there is not much i can do about it. If the body wants to do it it will. Mine does not. Its tough but I have to believe for my own sanity its for a reason and that my kids are out there, but I will not give birth to them myself.
best of luck to you:flowerforyou:
Keep smiling and keep your relationship strong, that is vital
Adoption is simply anther way of having babies. I have 2 beautiful grown children... daughter & son... and an 11 yr old grandson from my dtr. and a 2yr old grandaughter from my son. It was/ is/ has been the BEST life...
not flesh of my flesh nor bone of my bone, but still miraculously my own/ never forget for a single minute... you weren't born under my heart but in it.
I know you are actually missing your babies to be...they will come!0 -
Should have added... those kids of mine were adopted and MUST add, I did not miss out on one single thing!0
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pattypurehear
Joined Feb 2013
Posts: 4
Tue 02/12/13 05:54 AM
QUOTE:
Hi there, I think a lot of blame is put on being over weight for infertility issues. Best of luck to you, try your best but don't be hard on yourself.
My husband and I have been unable to have kids of our own after over 3 years of trying. I am a perfect weight (and always have been), I have never smoked, I don't drink and I am one of the healthiest people I know, but having my own babies is not happening.
We are in the process of adopting. When I see who can get pregnant (smokers, drug addicts, anorexics and severley obese etc) I realise there is not much i can do about it. If the body wants to do it it will. Mine does not. Its tough but I have to believe for my own sanity its for a reason and that my kids are out there, but I will not give birth to them myself.
best of luck to you
Keep smiling and keep your relationship strong, that is vital
Adoption is simply anther way of having babies. I have 2 beautiful grown children... daughter & son... and an 11 yr old grandson from my dtr. and a 2yr old grandaughter from my son. It was/ is/ has been the BEST life...
not flesh of my flesh nor bone of my bone, but still miraculously my own/ never forget for a single minute... you weren't born under my heart but in it.
I know you are actually missing your babies to be...they will come!
Edited by pattypureheart on Tue 02/12/13 06:06
Thank you! The poem is lovely- I have copied it out and put it in my diary where I write everything good that happens in my day. We go to panel in May, so hopefully my children will be with us later this year. Thank you :flowerforyou:0 -
Thanks for the poem! I love it too, and I will keep it always!0
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