How do you find the patience with yourself?

agerman27
agerman27 Posts: 17 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
The bottom line is this. I have been trying to lose weight and failing for years. Why? I'll be honest. I didn't want to do the work. I wanted it to magically go away like I seem to be able to make entire bags of chips disappear.

it's a journey, I have accepted that. I know what to do (I've read and researched it all).

But how do you find the patience with yourself?
How do you forgive yourself for getting here in the first place?
How do you get past the mess ups that happen along the way?
How do you not let the scale make or break you? I've asked my fiancé to hid mine. Literally, I told him I get to weigh the 1st day of every month. My pictures and pants will tell me what I need to know.

I need to have patience with the process. I need to have patience it will work.

I have signed up for a 5K in 6 weeks. I'm on week 3 of a C25K. Tonight I was excited that I ran 2.5 min straight and it wasn't hard. I used to be an athlete but never distance so it was a big moment for me. Is that what you do? Savor the moments?

Sorry, just having one of those days and could use a little support.

Replies

  • CristinaL1983
    CristinaL1983 Posts: 1,119 Member
    When I mess up, I just make sure to make tomorrow a better day. I can't change what I've done in the past but I can try my hardest to learn more and do better everyday.

    I definitely allow myself to be human. Everyone makes mistakes and being overly critical is not going to help me make better choices. Perfectionism inevitably leads to failure (in one way or another). [BTW, I spent a lot of time learning that lesson]

    I cannot make my body lose fat any faster than it will I can just make sure that I do the best I can to set myself up for success by eating right and exercising.

    And I take each day as it comes. You know the saying, " A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" to me every step that I have taken is one step closer to my goal and one step further from where I began. If you take 20 steps forward and one step back, you are still 19 steps farther than you were when you started.
  • CristinaL1983
    CristinaL1983 Posts: 1,119 Member
    Oh, as far as the scale thing, I weigh myself everyday (once). I am where I am. (Also I really need the numbers because I don't trust my view of myself. I only "weigh in" online on days that I lose. If I start feeling like I'm going up and down or stuck in one place, I just log in and look at how much weight I've lost and when the last time I lost weight was. If it really has been a while, I evaluate what I'm doing and make sure that my measurements are right and that I am actually doing everything I can. Then I relax, I can't make things happen faster than they will.
  • agerman27
    agerman27 Posts: 17 Member
    Cristina,

    Thanks for you response. By nature I am not a patient person and also by nature I tend to strive for perfection. You are right that striving for perfection is not a good thing when it comes to weight loss. I will remind myself that every step forward counts so when I do have that one step back it isn't a big deal.

    I appreciate the comments and support.

    M
  • symonspatrick
    symonspatrick Posts: 213 Member
    I don't find myself always being patient. I am just happy that I sometimes am. I try to forgive myself by realizing that I need to treat myself at least as well as I would treat others. It helps me to accept messing up by thinking in terms of averages. I average my calories by the week and the month and the same with my exercise so a mess up here or there doesn't seem to matter so much in the long view. I keep trying to focus my attention on the day to day details of eating right and exercising more than the results. But I do still get happy when I see good results like the scale weight go down. Sometimes I just need to be happy with that although I am not where I want to be, at least I am not where I used to be.
  • hiyomi
    hiyomi Posts: 906 Member
    I would always see my weight loss as "Oh boy, 1 pound lost, 2 pounds lost, barely 10 pounds lost" Now I try to see it this way, I started at 280 and my goal is to get to 200 pounds. I currently weigh 266 so I say to myself "Only 66 pounds to go instead of 80!" Looking it at that way realllllly makes me feel like I've accomplished more.
  • CristinaL1983
    CristinaL1983 Posts: 1,119 Member
    Cristina,

    Thanks for you response. By nature I am not a patient person and also by nature I tend to strive for perfection. You are right that striving for perfection is not a good thing when it comes to weight loss. I will remind myself that every step forward counts so when I do have that one step back it isn't a big deal.

    I appreciate the comments and support.

    M

    Lol.. Yeah, it's definitely sometimes a struggle for me too. I'm one of the world's most impatient people. No one will be able to convince me that something is better because you waited for it but at the same time, some things really do just take time.

    Setting mini goals can help too. I tend to want to lose all my weight right now but if I can convince myself to have a weekly goal (or bi-weekly goal) it can help moderate that. Or making my goals more exercise oriented can help keep me from getting too weight goal oriented. (Not sure if that makes any sense).
  • agerman27
    agerman27 Posts: 17 Member
    It does make sense to look at the positive. It also makes sense to focus on exercise goals too. Every time I do a workout, I write it on these colorful notecards I bought and tape them to my wall. So when I think I'm not getting anywhere I can see all the times I've worked out since I started doing it 1/28/13 and think, well look at that.

    I also have a sticky note on my mirror in the bathroom that says "Have you worked out today?" It sounds so silly but I love answering in my head, "yes, I did."

    I think my challenge is to focus on foods that are healthy and working out. The calorie counting kind of stresses me out but I don't trust that I won't eat more than I need of healthy foods. Plus I have a heart rate monitor so that helps me make sure I'm not over estimating my calories burned.

    It's the patience part I need to work on. Understanding that one or two days won't make a big change but the sum of those days will. I like this saying that says it takes 4 weeks for you to notice a difference, 8 weeks for friends and family and 12 weeks for the rest of the world.

    I'm also getting married in September. I am currently 175. My goal is 135 but not for the wedding. 145 or so for the wedding is my goal. I'm going wedding dress shopping in two weeks and it is kind of stressing me out but I realize that seamstresses are amazing. I'll just do what I need to do and someone else can figure it out. ;)

    Really the wedding dress stress is making me crazy since I am about 50lbs heavier than I was the last time some of these people that will come to the wedding have seen me.

    My weight gain was a result of stopping exercise and in general, defiance that I had to watch what I ate, which didn't happen until I was 25. So... 7 years later I'm still trying to lose the weight that seemed to creep up on me...

    Patience and like you said focusing on the positive and little things is the key. I feel like a lot of us that have ended up here are negative talkers. I'm learning to talk positive to myself. It's just a challenge.
  • shadowess3
    shadowess3 Posts: 22 Member
    I find one of the hardest things is when the scale doesn't reflect the work (both in diet and excerise) I've been putting in. It's very easy to get frustrated and just say to forget about it.

    I weight in once a week, as well as take my measurements. I've been keeping a log book. As well as now using MFP. This book is what actually helped me finally decide enough was enough. I looked at my book and saw an entry from last year when I did my mini triathlon and I had gained 10lbs in a year! I was shocked and honestly, disgusted with myself. Each year I would forgive myself, oh an extra 2 pounds that's not a big deal...

    So I had a serious talk with myself. I asked myself what were my TRUE reasons to loose weight? Not just so I could fit back into my sexy jeans either. But something really deep to my core. Some of the things I came up with is that I want to have a baby in the next 5 years and if I let my weight continue to get out of control that will just make things more difficult. Also last year a backpacking camping trip kicked my *kitten*. I seriously thought I was going to pass out. Being outdoors is something I have always loved and I have been allowing myself to get out of shape and I am effectively preventing myself from doing the things I love.

    You have to learn to accept that you have made poor decisions in the past, but realize that you are now making an amazing decision to get healthy. It took you time to put on the weight and loose your fitness, so it's only reasonable that it should take you that time to reverse it.

    Also celebrate your victories, even if they are small. Also as another person pointed out, words have power, so don't say "I ONLY lost a pound." say "I've lost a pound" As well having someone (partner, friends, family, MFP folk) that you tell gives you that sense of accomplishment.

    One more thing, if you are taking your measurements/weight and you don't see a change, give it 2-3 weeks. At that point if you are still not loosing anything, then it might be time to re-evaluate what you are doing. I hit a plateau for 3 weeks, then I changed things (went from the standard MFP calorie count, to using my TDEE - 20%) and I've started to loose again.

    Try not to get negative on yourself if you don't see any changes right away, or you plateau, it happens to almost everyone. So set some mini goals so you can feel that you have accomplished a goal. Then pick a new one. Repeat ;)
  • CristinaL1983
    CristinaL1983 Posts: 1,119 Member
    Haha! Story of my life. (I've had a couple ankle surgeries that have definitely changed how I can exercise) I kept thinking the weight would just go away on its own but it didn't. I absolutely did not want to be one of those people who worried about every calorie but eventually I faced the music. I lost weight for a couple months before I found MFP (counting calories on another app) and things have been easier and more rewarding than I thought they would be.

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