spouse is depressed over weight loss?

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grdaze
grdaze Posts: 195 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I have lost 21 lbs. My H hasn't said anything to me about it (I don't think he's really noticed, or if he has, he doesn't want to "say the wrong thing.")

But since losing so much, being on a health kick, lifestyle change, exercising more, etc ... my mood has gotten better and better. And I notice that my H is sort of sad and down and has no patience these days.

So I was wondering if it was a "thing" ... like, if you are losing, could your spouse be (even unconsciously) depressed about it?

I've tried to get him to do the weight loss with me but he's not ready yet. And since I am not his mother and he is an adult, I can't force him to be healthy (he could stand to lose 40 lbs himself).

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  • cunnart
    cunnart Posts: 11
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    He might be worried that if you loose a bunch of weight that you will leave him as he won't be good enough for you anymore, self image issues. I know this sounds like a leap of faith but it happens.

    Also you might want to suggest he goes and sees a doc. I had similar symptoms to what you described for your husband. I found out I had a hyp-thyroid and low testosterone. Got those addressed and now I feel tons better.
  • Koldnomore
    Koldnomore Posts: 1,613 Member
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    He might be worried that if you loose a bunch of weight that you will leave him as he won't be good enough for you anymore, self image issues. I know this sounds like a leap of faith but it happens.

    Totally common for your partner to start feeling a little inadequate / depressed etc... As you get hotter it will get worse UNLESS you do something about it. I find that my partner needs a lot of love and reassurance that I still think he is the most awesome sexy guy out there and that there is no way that I would even want someone else. I talk all the time about how awesome it's going to be when he has an (even more) "super sexy" girlfriend. This is all about "ME", could he improve things? I'm sure he could if he wanted to but I love him just the way he is so if he never decides to then that is fine with me too.

    If you feel he already needs to lose weight and have told him so - or hinted - then it's very likely he is feeling like you are going to drop him at the first chance you get. If you really love him I would suggest showing him, leave notes, tell him how much you love him etc.. Women are not the only ones who like to be 'romanced' When is the last time you did something to show him you still think he is desirable?
  • celebrity328
    celebrity328 Posts: 377 Member
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    I think my husband has exp this :(

    Over the last year I have gone down 70+ pounds and sometimes I think he is just frustrated its not happening fast enough for him. Like a week ago he said he ONLY lost 2lbs and wasnt happy with that, makes comments like that etc. I know he is supportive/happy with my weight loss but I think he might have some hidden fears hes not telling me.
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,473 Member
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    yep,,, they want the old you, you start to look hot, it scares the crap outa them.
  • kholla17
    kholla17 Posts: 2 Member
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    You know I am going through the same thing with my husband. I have lost 67 lbs in abt a 1 1/2 yr and my husband is proud of me for doing it. But he is getting a little insecure. I told him that I will workout with him, but he hasn't disciplined himself yet and I can't force him. His co workers keep putting it in his head that I am going to leave him.. but I have to keep reminding him that he wasn't paper thin when I married him. Don't stress it.. This is something that your husband has to workout within himself.. Don't let this hinder you from reaching your goals and looking FAB!!
  • issyfit
    issyfit Posts: 1,077 Member
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    After I had lost about 30 lbs I think mine felt guilty that he hadn't made the effort to lose with me. Last July he had a pre-cataract surgery physical and weighed in at 295. That woke him up. I asked him if he would like me to log his food for him and he agreed. Now he is down 90 lbs, some through his effort, some from loss of appetite due to chemo treatments and some due to loss of excessive fluid build up (turned out about 20lbs of that 295 was fluid), from his lymphoma which was diagnosed in Oct. He has lost more than twice as much as me in half the time, now I'm the jealous one. :)
  • grdaze
    grdaze Posts: 195 Member
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    thanks everyone!

    I got him to go for a walk with me today so that is progress. I told him about this site, but I can tell he just isn't ready for hardcore working out/exercising/getting fit himself.

    I appreciate your feedback!
  • Stacyplus5
    Stacyplus5 Posts: 493
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    my hubby went bananas for a while when I started losing weight he was convinced that I had someone else. Nonsense!
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,114 Member
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    1. He either will or won't do it - on his time (weight loss) Maybe he's fine with his weight. 40 lbs isn't a huge amount of weight to be over, depending on his height.

    2. Sometimes, people who undergo big physical changes for the better do so because they have someone else on the side. Sad, but it is reality. Keep telling him how much you love him and how you aren't going anywhere, etc. He might be worried.
  • DiamondLil
    DiamondLil Posts: 8 Member
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    Wow - I just read a post the other day, a guy that had lost a lot of weight whose wife wasn't losing (but that she wasn't trying too hard), she was depressed and making sarcastic/snarky comments to him. He felt it was getting worse and worse - her attitude I mean - the more he lost.

    I'm always curious as to why people don't sit down and have a non-judgmental, heart to heart about it. Explain, "hey sweetie, this is what I want & need to do for me. If you want to get on board with the nutrition & exercise, great! If not - it's your choice as to what you want to do - for YOU. But I need you to not to make hurtful, damaging remarks. If you love me - you'll support me and be proud of my efforts", or something along those lines, no?
  • kc932
    kc932 Posts: 6 Member
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    When I started losing weight my husband wouldn't acknowledge it. It really hurt my feelings. I talked to him over and over and he never got any better. Finally one day I aggressively told him that I NEED his support. I reassured him that he is the love of my life and that I am doing this for our family. He just doesn't see the weight that I have gained, he still sees me as the 20 year old girl that he fell in love with. After the sit down talk, he really full out supported me.
  • DiamondLil
    DiamondLil Posts: 8 Member
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    That's awesome! It's hard enough trying to change our own behaviour, when we WANT to, lol! It certainly doesn't help when the ones we're closest to don't support us.

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