dealing with negative people

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SThayer
SThayer Posts: 35 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
have a very sensitive situation on my hands. An individual whom i dearly love has started making negative comments about every thing. If I say i like he says just the opposite. Now don't misunderstand me, I enjoy a good spar every now and then and welcome anyones opinion. However, this person is deliberate (lately) in always being negative and having an opposite view of mine. Even when i know for a fact that his views were different just the day or two before.

I've tried to explain that his negativity is causing me heartburn but he ignores my pleas. What I'm now finding myself doing is avoiding him and trying to find ways to NOT be around him.

Anyone out there dealing with or have dealt with this type situation? And if so, how did you handle it.

Sheila

PS - I don't want to start binge eating again because of stress in my life.

Replies

  • SThayer
    SThayer Posts: 35 Member
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    have a very sensitive situation on my hands. An individual whom i dearly love has started making negative comments about every thing. If I say i like he says just the opposite. Now don't misunderstand me, I enjoy a good spar every now and then and welcome anyones opinion. However, this person is deliberate (lately) in always being negative and having an opposite view of mine. Even when i know for a fact that his views were different just the day or two before.

    I've tried to explain that his negativity is causing me heartburn but he ignores my pleas. What I'm now finding myself doing is avoiding him and trying to find ways to NOT be around him.

    Anyone out there dealing with or have dealt with this type situation? And if so, how did you handle it.

    Sheila

    PS - I don't want to start binge eating again because of stress in my life.
  • Shannon023
    Shannon023 Posts: 14,529 Member
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    Is this a family member or someone you can avoid for awhile?
  • SThayer
    SThayer Posts: 35 Member
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    Unfortunately it's family.
  • Shannon023
    Shannon023 Posts: 14,529 Member
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    Unfortunately it's family.

    Maybe he's got something going on in his life that's bringing him down. But, you need to let him know that even though you love him, you're not gonna spend time with a soul-sucking-black-hole. :indifferent:

    He's probably being a toad to a lot of people & doesn't even realize it.
  • SThayer
    SThayer Posts: 35 Member
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    you're more right than you know. Thanks girl
  • teetsel4
    teetsel4 Posts: 288 Member
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    This is the best book to read: The 7 Habbits, by Steven Covey.

    It talks about how we choose to feel. One of my favorite quotes from the book is:

    "Between stimulas and response there is a space, and in that space is choice. "

    Our choice is our freedom. No one makes us feel a certain way, we choose our own feelings and responses. I think that is one of the most powerful things I've learned in my life.

    It also talks about peoples emotional bank accounts. Very interesting stuff. Obviously I recomend the book.

    :flowerforyou:
  • KrisKabob
    KrisKabob Posts: 1,250 Member
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    Yeah, I agree with Shannon... maybe he's got something internally going on. He probably doesn't realize what he's doing.

    OR it could be good ol' fashioned jealousy... he may have been use to the old SThayer and is now put off by the SThayer with a new outlook on life... happy and healthy.

    I know you said you've tried to talk to him... but maybe try again and be sure to use specific examples of his negativity.

    Good luck! Sorry this is happening to you! :flowerforyou:
  • SThayer
    SThayer Posts: 35 Member
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    I will check out the book and thank you. One of my biggest problems is . . . I try to fix everyone. If they are sad, I try to make them happy etc . . . I can't seem to "fix" what's bothering him and I have to accept that and if need be; distance myself.

    I will have another chat with him - with the receipt of his " I'm sorry for being a bear lately" e-mail he may be more open to what I have to say.

    thanks guys
  • Shannon023
    Shannon023 Posts: 14,529 Member
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    One of my biggest problems is . . . I try to fix everyone. If they are sad, I try to make them happy etc . . .

    Really???? Cuz I'm broke......whistling.gif


    j/k - hope it works out okay for you! :flowerforyou:
  • ali106
    ali106 Posts: 3,754 Member
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    have a very sensitive situation on my hands. An individual whom i dearly love has started making negative comments about every thing. If I say i like he says just the opposite. Now don't misunderstand me, I enjoy a good spar every now and then and welcome anyones opinion. However, this person is deliberate (lately) in always being negative and having an opposite view of mine. Even when i know for a fact that his views were different just the day or two before.

    I've tried to explain that his negativity is causing me heartburn but he ignores my pleas. What I'm now finding myself doing is avoiding him and trying to find ways to NOT be around him.

    Anyone out there dealing with or have dealt with this type situation? And if so, how did you handle it.

    Sheila

    PS - I don't want to start binge eating again because of stress in my life.

    is this person my husband?:huh: because if not I feel your pain! lol...

    hugs!
    Ali
  • BigCityKittyz
    BigCityKittyz Posts: 378
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    Sounds like my Father in law....I use to appease him and then it just got friggin' OLD!

    I finally told him this wasn't the type of relationship I wanted or had expected with him and that things have to change because being around him was definitely a challenge....one I could easily give up on!
  • bigdane321
    bigdane321 Posts: 233 Member
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    I gotta tell you I have become that personality a few times in my life. It has always come about because some outside factor is inhibiting me from being myself. Stress is the easy answer but once it was a girl. She had me so twisted that I was a complete D#ck to all my loved ones. Thank god I have a strong enough family to have knocked some sense into me. Talk to the man. He obviously wasn't always a d#ck so he's in there somewhere. Good luck be easy on him. He won't snap out of it immediately. Give him something to think about. My family sat me down and said, "We don't know who you are but we want Dane back." Three months later I was me again.
  • stschulz
    stschulz Posts: 340
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    You said you tried to explain how you feel with no success. So obviously there is no basis on which you can even attempt to communicate. I know no better solution than plain and simple avoidance. If you can manage to not have contact, use that time to get better emotionally. If all that causes you as much stress as you said it does, then your first obligation is to yourself.
    Since you said it is family it may come to a reaction sooner or later you can usually not avoid them forever) and that gives you an other opportunity to make your point crystal clear. By then you also have already demonstrated that you are serious.
    I like what Teetse14 said, that freedom is a choice and that no one makes you feel a certain way. You certainly have to make a choice.

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