Wedding Invite Etiquette

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vick9180
vick9180 Posts: 144 Member
in Chit-Chat
So I've been searching around the internet to see if I can come up with wording to match my situation, and it's really tough! So I'm hoping that someone can give me some insight as to how I should word our wedding invites.

My fiance and I are taking on the majority of the expenses. His mom and stepdad are pitching in as well. His dad is deceased. My mom is deceased, but my dad isn't contributing and he's remarried (thought not attending the wedding). I'd love to include the deceased parents, but my fiance's mom doesn't like to refer to her first husband as "the late".

Any direction to websites that help specifically with a situation like this would be wonderful, as well as any insight from anyone who is familiar with etiquette. I'd like to respect my future MIL, but I think she would be OK if it ends up that listing her first husband as "the late" is how etiquette shows.

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  • lovelyMYlovely
    lovelyMYlovely Posts: 1,066 Member
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    you can say

    passed away
    watching us from heaven! = oh i like that one!!
    persons name- no longer with us

    ?? did i help lol..

    sorry for your loss and i hope the wedding goes well!!
  • perfectingpatti
    perfectingpatti Posts: 1,037 Member
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    I'd love to include the deceased parents, but my fiance's mom doesn't like to refer to her first husband as "the late".

    Using "the late" is the proper etiquette. Try talking to his mom again.
  • vick9180
    vick9180 Posts: 144 Member
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    I just talked to her and she actually said that what bothers her is that her husband, my fiance's stepdad, seems to be getting more recognition than she'd like him to have, compared to his dad. His dad raised him and he was in his early 20s when he passed away.

    It was suggested to me that we list both of our parents and then place a little cross next to the names of our deceased loved ones. I don't know many who are our age that have lost their parents prior to marriage, so I've never seen this, but I do like it. Has anyone else seen this?

    The wording we were thinking of having that is in question is:
    With joyful hearts
    Mr and Mrs <insert stepdad's name>
    and the late <dad's name>
    request the pleasure of your company
    at the marriage of their son
    <Fiance's name>
    to
    <my name>
    daughter of <my dad and my late mom>
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
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    One very gentle way to do it, that I have seen, is:

    Together with their parents, (Bride) and (Groom) invite you to join them as they enter holy matrimony.

    This removes their names, and also erases the whole "who paid for it" type of thinking.

    Hope that helped, or gave you an idea that could work for you.
  • perfectingpatti
    perfectingpatti Posts: 1,037 Member
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    I like that wording, but it still uses "the late". I also like the idea of a tiny cross by their names. I didn't suggest that because I didn't know if you were Christian.
  • melinda200208
    melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
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    I think this is Perfect!!!!

    The wording we were thinking of having that is in question is:
    With joyful hearts
    Mr and Mrs <insert stepdad's name>
    and the late <dad's name>
    request the pleasure of your company
    at the marriage of their son
    <Fiance's name>
    to
    <my name>
    daughter of <my dad and my late mom>
    [/quote]
  • orapronobis
    orapronobis Posts: 460 Member
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    Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, and bless you for wanting to honor your deceased parents on your special day.

    It's a lot of names, but here's one way it might work.

    With joyful hearts,
    Mr. Frank Jones and Mrs. Sarah Smith Jones
    invite you to share
    in a celebration of love uniting
    Jeremy Smith,
    son of Sarah and the late Daniel Smith,
    to
    Mary Brown,
    daughter of Mrs. Janice Brown and the late Mr. Samuel Brown,
  • Moxie42
    Moxie42 Posts: 1,400 Member
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    One very gentle way to do it, that I have seen, is:

    Together with their parents, (Bride) and (Groom) invite you to join them as they enter holy matrimony.

    This removes their names, and also erases the whole "who paid for it" type of thinking.

    Hope that helped, or gave you an idea that could work for you.

    My dad died about 7.5 years ago, and I'm getting married next year. Personally, I like this wording for the same reasons the poster mentioned. It sounds very natural, and doesn't exclude anyone without making any one parent stand out either. Plus if I put my dad's name on the invite or mention him as "the late" or whatever, I'm sure SOMEONE in my family would take offense and think i should have acknowledged him in some other way. It's definitely a personal choice but this seems the "safest" to me while still being respectful.
  • vick9180
    vick9180 Posts: 144 Member
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    One very gentle way to do it, that I have seen, is:

    Together with their parents, (Bride) and (Groom) invite you to join them as they enter holy matrimony.

    This removes their names, and also erases the whole "who paid for it" type of thinking.

    Hope that helped, or gave you an idea that could work for you.

    My dad died about 7.5 years ago, and I'm getting married next year. Personally, I like this wording for the same reasons the poster mentioned. It sounds very natural, and doesn't exclude anyone without making any one parent stand out either. Plus if I put my dad's name on the invite or mention him as "the late" or whatever, I'm sure SOMEONE in my family would take offense and think i should have acknowledged him in some other way. It's definitely a personal choice but this seems the "safest" to me while still being respectful.

    I agree that this wording is very safe to use and doesn't step on any toes. My fiance's mom asked if we could honor her husband on the invitation, and I am all for it. Even though she's remarried, she misses him terribly and has struggled with the fact that he can't physically be a part of our day. On another hand, too, my own dad isn't attending the wedding...and using the words "together with their parents" indicates that he is somehow involved in the planning process, and he's not. It isn't that I'm trying to be petty, but if he doesn't plan on attending, I just don't feel it's appropriate to name him as a host. :smile:
  • rachaelsue
    rachaelsue Posts: 16 Member
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    As a wedding stationery designer, I would suggest in your situation to omit the parent's names altogether, or simply state "together with their parents". I can understand wanting to acknowledge all of your parents, but truth is, your wedding is to be a day of joy.

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