Calories Burned During Sex

So a new report has come out disproving the theory that sex is a high calorie burning cardio workout. Apparently the average encounter is 6 minutes with an average burn of 21 calories (apparently the test subjects were not doing it right afaic...)

You can read about the report here:
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/sex-only-burns-21-calories-according-university-study-224521651.html

Now I have to disagree with this report as I have compiled the following based off my HRM readings:

PS - The below is humor. If you lack it please stop reading now and go back to the "what do you think of the poster above you" threads

PRE-EVENT FESTIVITIES:
Talking on couch.................................12 Calories
Romantic walk..................................... 114 Calories
Chasing her after she says she wants "Spontaneity and humor" so you
show up at her house at 11:30 PM peering in the windows dressed as a clown...........................2,187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands.................................. 8 Calories
With one hand....................................12 Calories
With your teeth.................................485 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection..................................6 Calories
Without an erection...........................3,315 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary...................................12 Calories
69 lying down...............................78 Calories
69 standing up..............................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow................................216 Calories
Doggy Style..................................326 Calories
Italian chandelier..........................2,912 Calories

ORGASMS:
Real........................................112 Calories
Fake..........................................1,315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging.............................18 Calories
Getting up immediately.........................36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately...816 Calories
Running for your life when get out of bed immediately and ask her when she is
going to go make your sammich as the game comes on in 3 minutes.... 1,971 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
20-29 years......................................36 Calories
30-39 years......................................80 Calories
40-49 years.....................................124 Calories
50-59 years...................................1,972 Calories
60-69 years...................................7,916 Calories
70 and over........................Results are still pending

DRESSING AFTERWARDS
Calmly..........................................32 Calories
In a hurry.......................................98 Calories
With her mother knocking at the door.......... 1,642 Calories
With her father knocking at the door..........5,218 Calories
With her husband knocking at the door......8,775 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door..........13,521 Calories