"... but it makes me look like i'm 200 lbs! haha"

skyisthelimit25 · May 2010

i have finally been filled to the brim with negativity in my life as a cause of being overweight... what happened yesterday will stay with me forever. . .

so, i was volunteering with a class of autistic students yesterday. we were spending some time at the local library. a parent thoughtfully complimented a teacher on a thick, knitted sweater she was wearing (the teacher wearing it was an older, petite woman who i'd come to really respect). her response to this compliment was "oh thanks.. but it makes me look like i'm 200 lbs! haha".

well. currently, i weigh 240 lbs, so you can imagine how sad and upset i was to hear the teacher respond that way to a nice compliment. i didn't say anything at the time, because i'm really shy about my weight, but i wondered why she would have said something like that. does she have no concept of how much other people might weigh? did she not know i weighed 200+ lbs? i mulled over what she had said for a long time, and still am thinking about it today, obviously.

i wanted to shout out, "i WISH i weighed 200 lbs right now!!!", but i know that one day, i'm going to step on the scale and see "220", and a little while later, i'll step on and see "200", and then "175", all the way down to my target goal of 150 lbs. then i'm going to think back to what that teacher said about "looking like i'm 200 lbs". and i'll know to NEVER EVER say things like that because of the way it could potentially make a person feel.

LoveMy4Kids · May 2010

Its funny how when someone doesn't have a weight problem they have NO IDEA what it looks like or how much people really weigh! I do have to admit though, way back when I was MUCH lighter and obviously younger, I'd laugh along with friends when we'd see someone MY SIZE eating at mcdonalds and one of my friends would say "man they don't need to be eating HERE!" Now it just makes me cry!

abutterflyemerges · May 2010

Don't stress over this anymore. The teacher has no idea what is considered "big" and she just threw a number out there. It was a bad remark on her behalf of course but forget those who say stupid things. The fact that you are trying to lose weight and make a conscience effort to doing something about it is praise enough. I was 240 lbs not too long ago. So I know what you feel. I am 9 lbs shy of 200 lbs. But I loved my self no matter how fat I was. You will be 200 or less soon enough. Stay positive, stay focused and love yourself for one day it will happen. We both have long journeys ahead of us as my goal is 150 too. Seems so far away but heck I was 279 when I started and i will be damn if anyone is going to bring me down.

Take care

Sherri

IbettR · May 2010

I'm glad you're using this in a positive way. Someone with no support, or maybe without the opportunity to vent on MFP with others, could use yesterday as an excuse to slack and become depressed. I know how you feel, I weigh 223 lbs. Keep that spirit! And you will be looking that scale lower day by day! And I'm glad you vented. Good lesson.

skyisthelimit25 · May 2010

thanks for all of your encouraging words! haha. that was one huge vent on my behalf.

spob · May 2010

People say such unfortunate things. She just was not thinking. It is more of a self awareness thing not anything meant to hurt you. It must of been an awful feeling. However I can think of twenty times I have said something similiar. Almost everyone references their own body or image when they say anything about weight or how they feel about themselves. Even you must have clothing items that make you feel thinner or heavier. I am so sure that this person would be crushed to know she hurt you. Because if you like and respect her as you say you do, she probably feels exactly the same for you!

Whatever people say especially about weight do not let it derail your great goals. You have such clear ones. I have not even really set mine yet. So I admire you. I will also, (as a result of reading your letter } think before I speak.

The rediculous truth is that we all say things out of turn because each of us have our "stuff" that get to us and it is impossible for every one to know what buttons should not be touched. With determination you will feel what 200 feels like and I hope you see 150, you go girl!!. Do it for you, not for someone in a thick sweater and all along the way find a way to love yourself and love your body then nothing can touch you!

FabiolaEnvy♥ · May 2010

glad to know that you will remember this. cause, you are right. they dont know how people will feel. but you, know how it will feel. and when you get to your target weight

never will you ever say such a thing cause you know what it is like.

so you know how to react to it.

but glad you using this as a motivating thing and a spunk to keep

mandi9041 · May 2010

If it were me, I'd have said "I'd love to look like I weigh 200 pounds. Can I borrow that sweater?" :laugh:

SassyMissDasha · May 2010

Awwwwwwwwwww *HUGS* Don't you love how people can make compliments sound like the meanest thing??? I am glad you took it with a grain of salt and came and told us about it!!

stringsNlinks · May 2010

If it were me, I'd have said "I'd love to look like I weigh 200 pounds. Can I borrow that sweater?" :laugh:

Very funny! I love quick witt

bowbee · May 2010

I have a few friends that would say things like "God I look like a cow in these jeans!". At that point, I was way smaller...probably about 150lbs and they were around 110. It used to irritate me 'cause I know they were just fishing for compliments.

My reply was usually "No complainin' to me until I can fit into your jeans." It really used to hurt my feelings because they knew I was bigger than them. I would think to myself,"what do they think of me if they think they are huge cows?!"

beutiful5678 · May 2010

This story brings two lessons to mind (both of which I need to work on, as well - sometimes I lack that mouth-filter):

Be thoughtful before you speak. Sometimes you can hurt someone's feelings without even realizing it.

Learn how to take a compliment. Don't respond to a compliment with self-deprecation when a "thank you" will suffice. People sometimes think reacting this way makes them look humble but it really makes them look like they have low self-esteem.

Thanks for the reminder and I admire you for emerging from this with renewed vigor and determination!

selbyhutch · May 2010

This story brings two lessons to mind (both of which I need to work on, as well - sometimes I lack that mouth-filter):

Be thoughtful before you speak. Sometimes you can hurt someone's feelings without even realizing it.

Learn how to take a compliment. Don't respond to a compliment with self-deprecation when a "thank you" will suffice. People sometimes think reacting this way makes them look humble but it really makes them look like they have low self-esteem.

Thanks for the reminder and I admire you for emerging from this with renewed vigor and determination!

Good post!

SayRah · May 2010

While I am 160 I have those kinds of moments too....I love my friends to death but they say some things that REALLY HURT! They are REALLY skinny, absolute sticks, no curves at all....and in FRONT of me, they'll raise up their shirt, look at their flat, fat free stomach and complain they are sooooooo fat. Meanwhile, I've got a muffin top and I'm embarrased to even THINK about raising my shirt.

The thing is, they don't understand that it hurts my feeling. The fact is, a lot of skinny people DO NOT know what it's like to be fat. They were never teased for being the chubby kid, they never worried about clothes not fitting them, they never had to work to lose that 5 lbs...so don't take it personally.

Just ignore what people say unless it's positive and work hard

tattereds · May 2010

This reminds me of "friends" I used to have who I would go shopping with who would laugh and mock the XL and XXL sized clothing in stores, and expect me to laugh along...
I always wondered, could they honestly not have been aware that those clothes would have been too small for me???

I'm glad you are taking this the right way, I think people are just too self-absorbed sometimes to be aware that life is not black and white and for some people (me included!!) the concept of being at, say, 75kg (by many considered 'overweight') would be a dream come true!

We are in a unique position though... Personal experience means we won't ever be guilty of making another person feel like they are any better or worse as person simply because of their size!

ntsmomma1 · May 2010

Its funny how when someone doesn't have a weight problem they have NO IDEA what it looks like or how much people really weigh! I do have to admit though, way back when I was MUCH lighter and obviously younger, I'd laugh along with friends when we'd see someone MY SIZE eating at mcdonalds and one of my friends would say "man they don't need to be eating HERE!" Now it just makes me cry!

i know me and my friends did it too and now i get the looks like that....i still slip up sometimes and start to think it but then i remember how i feel when i get "the looks"

sonjavon · May 2010

I think the answer is... no, she probably has no idea how much you weigh. I've learned that MOST people really ARE clueless as to what "weight" looks like. It's no wonder... most people lie about their weights, we're told what "healthy" should look like by numbers on a chart at the doctor's office... no one knows what a "healthy" number looks like.

When I started this journey I weighed 286 lbs. When I lost 20 lbs I told my sister about my loss and was so excited... bless her heart she was excited for me too and with enthusiasm in her voice said, "So does that put you under 200?" She had no idea. She weighed 160 at the time and has always been MUCH, MUCH thinner than me... but she honestly had no idea what an extra 40 lbs would have looked like on her... and she had no idea how much I weighed,

I guess my point is... your coworker wasn't being thoughtless - she just probably doesn't have a point of reference and in her mind "200" was a safe number to say because she can't "imagine" what 200 lbs would look like.

"... but it makes me look like i'm 200 lbs! haha"

Replies

Categories