Regret

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I dont know if this sounds familiar to anyone else, but I have an incredible sense of loss about the damage and time I have wasted in my life by not being as healthy and focused as I am currently. I know you should never look backwards and that what you do in the future is what matters. I dont seem to be able to shift this feeling though and I am fearful the damage will catch up with me at somepoint.

Anyway a bit of self pity and self indulgence - if anyone has any suggestions, advice or just kick up the back side that may help, I would be grateful.

Tom

Replies

  • Xiaolongbao
    Xiaolongbao Posts: 854 Member
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    Consider your backside kicked!

    Think of what a great thing your doing by making healthy changes. Plenty of people never even get that far.
  • Lupercalia
    Lupercalia Posts: 1,857 Member
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    You can't dwell on that stuff, Tom. Let it motivate you to be as healthy and fit as you can be NOW! You must know that by improving one's eating habits and fitness, a lot of the past indiscretions can be reversed. Meditate on that and keep going forward! Go on! xx
  • sho3girl
    sho3girl Posts: 10,799 Member
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    No time to look back ... look forward ... think positive and go for IT
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
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    You can't change what you did in the past, so why bother fixating on it. You are making the right choices NOW. That's what counts.
  • irishblonde2011
    irishblonde2011 Posts: 618 Member
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    I am very positive but think about this too. I wasted a lot of my 20's worrying about my weight.
    No point in looking back. Just pick yourself up and don't waste another day. Good luck. :smile:
  • TB6197
    TB6197 Posts: 23
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    Thanks everyone, *kitten* well and truely kicked! Its the good thing about MFP, the support and motivation you get from other people really helps. Keep up the great work. You all having amazing results by the looks of it - very inspiring!:smile:

    Tom
  • NHoughton13
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    I too am sad about wasted years, not living as fun and carefree as I felt on the inside. But I agree with other posters, we can't let that stop us from enjoying the years to come.

    As the song says, "...it’s not about what you’ve done, it’s about what you're doing. It’s all about where you're going, no matter where you’ve been."
  • Gettinyoung
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    I know what you're feeling...can't help but wonder what it could have been like. But let me tell you...I'm 53 and have struggled with my weight all my life - seems like it was just a part of me. I've been successful...say... 3 or 4 times, but always seemed to fall back into my old ways. This time it's different. My approach, my reasons, my outlook. Yea, I'm 53 but I feel like I'm 20 again. So now I'm just enjoying being 20, actually able to relive those years (kinda!) - hey, pretty soon my daughter will be older than me !!! - hey, maybe she can hand me down some of her clothes!!!!!
  • kathyhull
    kathyhull Posts: 327 Member
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    Yes, same feelings. But, you have to learn to forgive yourself - we're all human, we do the best we can with what we have and most of us don't do things with evil intentions - sometimes lack of concern for the future or for other people but not consciously evil. So, write yourself a letter forgiving yourself for the past, and outlining what you want your future to be like. Pour your heart into it - get rid of all the frustration. Then have a ceremonial bon fire - burn the letter. Watch your regrets float away as the ashes blow up to the sky. And then look forward. Today is the first day of the rest of your life - what are you going to do with it?
  • Trilby16
    Trilby16 Posts: 707 Member
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    Forgive yourself as you would forgive someone you love.
  • autumnsnow786
    autumnsnow786 Posts: 279 Member
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    you've changed your life completely by being healthy now. you've changed it for the better and now you're going to be healthier. its far better then letting yourself continue to damage yourself. be proud of yourself for making this change. =)
  • mfpcopine
    mfpcopine Posts: 3,093 Member
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    I dont know if this sounds familiar to anyone else, but I have an incredible sense of loss about the damage and time I have wasted in my life by not being as healthy and focused as I am currently. I know you should never look backwards and that what you do in the future is what matters. I dont seem to be able to shift this feeling though and I am fearful the damage will catch up with me at somepoint.

    Anyway a bit of self pity and self indulgence - if anyone has any suggestions, advice or just kick up the back side that may help, I would be grateful.

    Tom

    Acknowledge the feeling, and then gently try to move your focus to the present. You may have numerous such moments. Practices such as Insight (Vipassana) Meditation train people to do this. But as with weight loss and fitness, it's not an overnight process. It can take years.

    Audiodharma.org offers many free resources. Once or twice a year they teach free classes with teacher support. There may be groups where you live. Finally, there are online groups, and there's an excellent smart phone app with timers that shows who else all over the world is meditating.

    If it's a deep-seated feeling, you're probably not going to wake up with a method to magically out-think it.
  • JeffreysMomma
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    I know how you feel. I smoked for many years and out of boredom, I started smoking again. It is very hard to smoke while training for a mini-marathon so I'm not smoking much at all.
    It would be easier for me to train had I never smoked AND had actually run before.
    Thing is, you have to let go of the past to truly enjoy your future.
    So, let go of the mistakes and start enjoying your future.
  • lutzsher
    lutzsher Posts: 1,153 Member
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    So everyone is likely telling you to only look forward, you can't change the past . . . . well the past is part of you and sometimes it IS just hard to forget, especially when you are lugging it around in the form of excess weight!

    Use the feelings of regret you have to fire you up to get pissed off at your former self. You have to experience the emotions of the loss of those years (as you put it) to move on. No one can tell you how to feel, you have to just work through that in your own good time.

    I completely understand because I feel the same. On the surface Im a happy person, but underneath I am very hard on myself and quite disappointed in how I treated my body. The last year has been a very difficult and stressful one and sadly I fell back into some of my bad habits and backslid to the effect of adding 10 lbs instead of the other way around. I never quite made it to my goal, and now am a bit further from it . . . but every day is a new one . . . every morning you can get up and choose to be the person you want to be . . . every small choice you make each day is creating the person that you know you are in your heart.

    Use your past as a learning tool of how NOT to treat your body. You already know what not to do from experience so everytime you have a choice to make in regard to your health use your life experience to make the choice to be who you want to be.
  • TB6197
    TB6197 Posts: 23
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    Thanks everyone, it's why this (mfp) is so good! I really appreciate the support and advice you get from everyone all over the world!. Some great advice - don't look back!

    Tom