Frustrated/not sure what I'm doing right or wrong

Hi everyone,

I've been on this site for what seems like FOREVER and I still have no idea what I'm doing.

I'm 5'6", 145 lbs, size 8 - 10, 24 years old, Type 1 Diabetic.

About 4 years ago I starved myself down to 100 lbs/size zero and did a bunch of stupid things like not taking my insulin regularly, which is really really not an option now. I'm lucky that I didn't do excessive damage to myself during that time and realize now how much better I feel when my sugars are in the right range.

I'm in a much better place emotionally/mentally now and never want to go back to where I was. I worry about being triggered by weight loss and/or following a restrictive diet, but am also intrigued by Paleo/low carb because I've heard that both can be beneficial for Diabetics.

However, I'm getting frustrated. I started college in January and have been trying to work out regularly (probably an average of 4 45 min cardio work outs with some light weights per week) since then... I feel like I'm not improving at all. At the worst part of my eating disorder I was registering approximately a lb lost per day (due to high sugars/no insulin) and the apparent lack of results now is discouraging.

I'm having a hard time restricting what I'm eating. Today I started off well with oatmeal, peanut butter, rice cakes, and a banana, but after a dinner of mashed potatoes (no butter), chicken legs (left 1/2 the skin), roasted cauliflower, and a small cob of corn, I've reached 2000 calories, and if this was a normal day, I'd have eaten lunch as well, which would probably put me somewhere around 2300 - 2500. I understand it's important to be aware of what I'm eating but at the same time, don't want to count calories for the rest of my life.

I feel like I have fairly decent muscle mass, but my muscles are hidden under fat. A lot of the time I feel like I wish I could unzip my skin and go back to feeling like "me" again.

Maybe this is something I should talk to a therapist about instead of a bunch of strangers on a website, but I'm hoping there are some people out there who have been here/understand what I'm going through.